Chapter 1

Kung may bagay akong pinagsisihan sa aking buong buhay. Perhaps that's why I pursued Gavon back then. Whom I'm not even sure if I genuinely love. O dala lang iyon ng bugso ng damdamin dahil bata at inosente pa ako noon. 

I was raised with everything I desired. Sunod sa luho, lumaki akong nakukuha ang lahat ng nais ko, nang hindi nagtatanong, o kahit na nag-papakapagod.

Lalo na pag-usapan ang mga lalaki, gusto ko man o hindi. Madali ko silang makuha, lalo na ang lahat ng lalaking gusto ko. 

When I encounter Gavon, I instantly feel drawn to him, unsure if it's love or just probably attraction. Naisip ko noon na makukuha ko siya pero nagkamali ako.

Masyado siyang tapat at nakatalaga sa kanyang kasintahan kaya kahit ang isang sulyap ko ay hindi niya magawa, na tila ba isang napakalaking kasalanan iyon para sa kanya.

I was devastated and desperate at that time to possess him, to prove that I could achieve everything I desired. However, he is quite distinct. Pinatunayan niya sa akin na hindi lahat ng nais ko ay kaya ko makuha.

He's too high to reach. That he somehow made me feel like I'm a low-class type of woman. 

And that hit really hard.

And that caused me to regret pursuing him. Ngunit kahit anong pagsisisi ko, walang pagbabago ang mangyayari; nangyari na iyon. Ngunit kahit ganoon, ako'y somehow nagpapasalamat sa kanya.

Since he changed me for being who I am. He helped me understand many things, and without him, hindi ako magiging ako sa kung sino ako ngayon.

He helps me understand my worth and value as a woman. 

He helped me understand that a woman is not here to serve man or to pursue man. 

That woman wasn't born to serve men. 

And thanks to him, the pampered brat and dramatic Jace were no longer around. But substitute with the unfazed, high-value, and demanding girl. I become picky when it derives from a man.

Will, kung meron man atang hindi nag-bago sakin, yun na ata siguro ang pagiging high maintenance ko. Maybe because it runs in my blood? Or maybe because I was born being that.

I was born with a golden spoon.

I have a twin sister, and we’re identical twins but with totally different vibes. 

May ilang mga tao rin ang talagang nalilito at nahihirapan na kilalanin kaming dalawa dahil sobrang identical namin. Sa sobrang pagiging identical kasi namin. Parang nanalamin na lang kami kapag magkaharap!

Pero kahit identical man kami, iba-iba parin ang personalities at passions namin. Glaiza is a journalist, while I’m a businesswoman who's currently running our family company. 

As the firstborn, dapat siya ang nagha-handle ng negosyo. Pero she’s not into it at all; she wants to pursue journalism instead. 

Maybe if I didn’t take her place, maybe I’d be an international model now, living my dream.

Pero ayaw kong maging selfish.

But I still couldn't help but remember those days. 

“Daddy, I want to be a journalist.” 

The dining area automatically fell into an awkward silence the moment Glaiza said those words. My twin sister.

We are having dinner now. 

Dad looked at her like she just committed a crime. Well, it kinda is, kasi ayaw ni Dad na maging journalist siya, gusto niyang mag-manage ng business. After all, she’s older than me by about 5 minutes.

“You know that you can’t!” 

I glanced at my twin, and I could see her shoulders drop, as if she lost all her appetite. 

She’s tried to open up to Dad about this so many times, but his answer is always the same. She’s really hoping that one day, he’ll finally agree.

“Punta lang po ako sa kwarto, Dad. Busog na po ako.” 

I looked at her plate; wala pang gaanong bawas ‘yon. She stood up quickly and walked away.

I turned to Dad, who was now looking at Mom, shaking his head in disappointment. 

I knew he wanted to say something, but he couldn’t, especially since we were at the dinner table. He knew it would end up in an argument. 

Hindi ko tuloy maiwasang hindi makaramdam ng awa kay Glaiza. Siya kasi ang mas nahihirapan sa aming dalawa. Hindi mahigpit ang mga magulang namin sa akin, kaya lahat ng gusto ko, nagagawa ko. I’m so free!

Kabaligtaran naman kay Glaiza, dahil halos lahat ng galaw niya, dapat alam ng mga magulang namin. Na para bang nakakulong siya sa hawla. But she never complains. 

That’s what makes us different. Because if I were in her situation, I’d definitely rebel and run away! 

After eating, I decided to go up to Glaiza’s room to talk to her. I couldn’t stand knowing she was upset.

“You know I can’t, Gab.” 

Her room was soundproof, pero dahil naka-bukas ng konti ang pinto, narinig ko agad ang boses niya mula sa labas, parang may kausap siya. 

Natigilan tuloy ako ng bahagya.

“Hindi ko pwedeng ipasa kay Jace ito. Ayaw ko na mahirapan siya. Kaya kung hindi ko na talaga mababago ang isip ni Daddy, wala akong magagawa kundi ipagpatuloy na lang ang gusto niya… Kesa si Jace ang mahirapan… Ayaw ko na nakikitang nahihirapan ang kapatid ko, Gab… you know how much I love her… I know. Kahit ako na lang ang magdusa, huwag na siya… basta malaya siyang nagagawa ang gusto niya… okay na ako… I don’t mind giving up my dream for her… just to make her happy, Gab. Kasi kung ang kapalit ng pagsuko ko ay ang kalayaan niya… ayos lang sakin.”

Mas lalo akong naintriga sa sinabi niya. Pero sino ang kausap niya sa telepono?

“I have a deal with Dad.”.

Nangunot ang noo ko. At anong deal nila ni Daddy?

“Kapag sinuway ko si Daddy, hindi lang ako ang mahihirapan kundi pati na rin si Jace… Usapan namin ni Daddy na ako ang magha-handle ng company… kapalit ng kalayaan ni Jace… kalayaan sa pagpili ng kung ano ang gusto niya.” 

Natoud ako sa aking kinatatayuan. At parang nanlambot bigla ang aking tuhod sa narinig. All this time? Akala ko ay dahil yon sa ayaw nila na ako mag handle ng kompanya dahil sa nakikita nilang parang wala akong interes dito. 

Am I being selfish?

Yung kalayaan na meron ako ay dahil sa kapatid ko? For all those years, I've been free to do everything I want because of her. While she's been locked up to this, she obviously doesn't want it. 

Bakit hindi ko ito alam?

My heart raced as I processed everything. I felt like I was living a lie, enjoying my freedom while my sister was sacrificing her dreams for mine. 

What if I could change everything? What if I could finally stand up for her?

I took a deep breath, determined to confront this situation head on.

But what would it cost me?

Ugh, bahala na nga!

Pakiramdam ko, ay wala akong kwentang kapatid ng mga sandaling ito. Nag-e-enjoy ako habang ang kapatid ko ay nagdurusa ng mag-isa para lang sa kalayaan ko sa loob ng maraming taon. 

Tumalikod ako mula sa kanyang silid at agad nang naglakad papunta sa opisina ni Daddy ng maingat at walang ingay na ginagawa.

Hindi na ako kumatok, at agad na pumasok sa opisina niya. And there he was, holding a paper while leaning back on his chair. Nang makita niya ako, ay binaba niya ang kanyang hawak na papeles.

“I want to handle the company.” 

Walang paligoy-ligoy na sabi ko.

He looked at me, tinitimbang kung seryoso ba ako sa sinasabi ko. Hindi man lang siya nagulat, as if he was already expecting this.

“Are you sure about that?” 

Hindi ako agad nakasagot. “Once you handle the company, there’s no way of backing down.”

Marahan akong tumango at buong tapang na sinalubong ang tingin ni Daddy. Ngayon, ay may mapaglarong ngiti sa labi at kakaibang emosyon sa mata niya.

He seemed happy.

“I thought you wanted to pursue your dream of being an international model?”

Sa naging tanong na ‘yon, ay bahagya akong natigilan.

Yes, I want that. Pero kung ang kapalit ng pag-pursue ko sa mga pangarap ko ay ang pag-kabilanggo ng kapatid ko, hindi bale na lang. She did so much for me over the years. Now it’s time to pay her back by letting her be free.

Siguro, panahon na para siya naman ang maging malaya sa lahat ng gusto niya.

“I’m sure your sister will be happy with th—”

“I want to handle the company alone.” I cut him off.

When Glaiza found out, she got mad after knowing that I made a deal with Dad. She didn’t talk to me for months because she didn’t want me to be tied up in things I didn’t want. But when I finally told her my reason for accepting it, she immediately understood and thanked me. I even mentioned that I already knew about her deal.

Noong una, nagulat pa siya kung paano ko nalaman iyon. Hindi ko na sinabi sa kanya na dahil sa narinig ko siyang may kausap, sinabi ko na lang na sinabi sa akin ni Daddy. Hindi lingid sa kaalaman niya na alam kong may boyfriend siya.

Hindi ko rin alam kung alam ba iyon ni Daddy at Mommy. Pero kung alam man o hindi, I’m out of it. It’s none of my business, and I don’t have any right to butt in, especially in her life. Kahit sabihin na magkapatid kami, may kanya-kanya pa rin kaming privacy na dapat irespeto.

Nung mga unang araw ko sa kompanya, halos mabaliw ako sa dami ng mga papeles. Halos gusto ko na ngang bawiin ang sinabi ko kay Daddy. Pero sa isipin ang mga paghihirap at pagtitiis ni Glaiza para sa kalayaan ko, pinilit kong gawin lahat ng makakaya ko.

Para lang huwag pakialaman ni Daddy si Glaiza. Seeing her happy and enjoying her dreams made me realize how selfish, unfair, and cruel I had been.

Kaya wala akong karapatan na magreklamo, dahil kung nahihirapan ako, mas naghirap ang kapatid ko para makamit ang kalayaan ko.

“Ma'am Jace, gusto ko lang po sanang ipa-alala sa inyo na may meeting po kayo ng ala-una kay Mr. Luther Pantavileon.”

Saglit akong natigilan at napatingin sa aking serkertarya. She's been working for me for almost four years. Her name is Cecilia Vega. Kahit matagal na siyang nag-tatrabaho sa akin. I still don't trust her that much. My trust is the most precious thing. That you should earn. And that doesn't mean that I know you; I trust you. 

Remember that most of the people who betrayed/ruined our trust were also those people whom we had known for a long time. 

Madaling magpatawad, pero ang ibalik ang tiwala ay parang trying to fix a broken vase—kahit anong gawin mo, may mga piraso na hindi na maibabalik sa dati. 

I adjusted my cream blazer, smoothing the fabric over my pencil skirt, and slipped into my Louboutin sandals. My hair was neatly braided. 

“Cancel my meeting with him,” I said, my eyes fixed on the financial reports Cecelia had handed me.

The numbers blurred together, but my focus remained sharp.

“Ma'am, that’s the seventh cancellation—” 

I shot a glance at my assistant, my voice low but firm. “Who’s the boss here?”

Natigilan siya at bahagyang napatikom ng bibig sa naging tanong ko. Hindi na siya muling sumagot pa at nagpaalam na lang na lalabas, na paniguradong kakausapin niya ang taong yon upang sabihin na cancel ang magiging meeting.

I leaned back in my swivel chair, fatigue washing over me as I rubbed my temples. How many times had he set up a meeting? This was getting ridiculous—seven times and counting. Did he not get tired of this?

Luther is Aye’s older brother. Which I had only recently discovered. Noon pa man na nasa probinsya kami ng Masbate, their similarities were glaringly obvious.

But I'm still shocked. That insufferable bastard is Aye’s brother. And he is also my ex.

Aye is more than just a friend, she’s like a sister to me. And Luther? He’s not just my friend’s brother—he’s the ghost of my past that I ca’nt seem to shake off.

The ghost from a past that I've been trying to forget and buried in a grave.