Friday July 20th, Pt. 3

I whine briefly as Dr. Moore switches on the nebulizer at the same time that Jamie finishes his sentence. My eyes are closed as I lean forward in the chair. I can hear the wheels of another cart move in front of me. I tense slightly as the unexpected touch of Jamie’s hands holds me in place at my shoulders. 

“Just breathe as normally as you can without hurting yourself. I just need to listen.” 

I nod briefly as I link with Jamie again. 

“Dr. Moore, could he have a fleece blanket or flannel sheet to wrap around his shoulders? Taking his shirt off makes him feel really exposed and he tends to get cold easily.” 

I whisper a ‘Thank you’ through the link while waiting for Dr. Moore to respond. “Andrew, Beta Williams. I have a feeling that I may be working with the two of you a lot so when it’s just us, Andrew is fine. If you wish, I can give you the same courtesy. It already sounds like Cole would prefer that.” 

“Yes sir. If you don’t mind, it’s Jamie.” 

I feel the vibrations in the floor as he walks away, hopefully to get some sort of blanket as the chill in the room is starting to get to me in a bad way. The room is silent except for the buzz of the nebulizer and my high pitched wheeze. 

“Sit back for me Cole. I’m going to recline this seat so it’s easier for you to relax.” 

I startle and can’t keep my desire to fight in check as he attempts to pull me back against the seat. If it wasn’t for Jamie standing in front of me, I surely would have fled the room. 

“You’re in no shape to run and he’s trying to help you. He’s nothing like anyone you’ve encountered at Red General.” 

“I’ve heard that’s a right nasty place to be. Do you end up there often, Cole?” 

I lay my head against Jamie’s shoulder whispering an apology repeatedly in my head. 

“Step back, let’s get you back in the chair and on the nebulizer.” 

I nod my head and step backwards in response to his gentle pressure. It seems Alpha Black’s recognition of who he truly is to me has given him a level of confidence I’m not used to. I lean back in the chair once I’m seated again. It’s a struggle for me to remain still as the soft fabric of a fleece throw blanket is wrapped around my shoulders. 

“It appears that you have a lot more going on than just an asthma attack. Are you willing to confirm that you’re also having a panic attack?” 

I nod my head while linking with Jamie. 

“Yes sir, he is.” 

“Okay, so I’m not liking what I’m seeing or hearing with you Cole.” 

His voice is stern and steady alerting me to his seriousness as he places the pulse oximeter on my finger. 

“With consideration to how late it is at night I think it would be best if you stay the night with me.”

I gasp as I struggle to get out of the chair. Last thing I want is to stay the night in the hospital and I’m going to find a way to leave. 

“No Cole, you can’t leave. He didn’t say he was putting you in the hospital.” 

He speaks out loud as he tries to keep me in the chair. 

“What do you normally take to calm the panic attack?”

“Alpha Black used the sublingual Ativan while he was at Crimson Dawn.” Jamie answers. 

“Stay in the chair with the nebulizer, I’m going to get the Ativan.” 

I collapse back into the chair, my breathing is constricted enough that I really don’t have the energy to fight. He pulls the stool he’s sitting on closer to the chair, helping me adjust the way I’m reclined. 

“I’m not sure how we did it but it seems like our links have locked. I can hear everything that you’re thinking.” 

He answers quietly the question I can’t ask out loud. 

“I need you to talk to me as your reaction to being here isn’t normal and I believe something big is going on with you.” 

I shake my head vigorously as he takes the mask from my hand. My fight renews even more now that he wants to talk. Talking doesn’t help me. Oddly, all I can think about is the offer of sanctuary back at Crimson Dawn. I don’t fight for long before Jamie jumps in to help. I freeze completely as his hand snakes its way onto the back of my neck. 

“I’m sorry it’s the only thing I can think of right now.” 

He whispers as I feel the doctor’s gloved hand on my mouth. 

“This isn’t the best way to handle your level of fear but considering your home hospital has likely caused a lot of the anxiety that I’m seeing forcing you to take the medication you asked for is better than resorting to the shots.” 

I relax my jaw, allowing him to place the pill into my mouth at the mention of receiving shots. 

“You’ve been mistreated with the shots, haven’t you?” 

He responds quietly to my sudden allowance of the pill to enter my mouth. I close my eyes, concentrating solely upon my breathing. My fight has resulted in me lying on my side making it easier for the pill to fall underneath my tongue. 

“I’m going to give the two of you some quiet time so that medication has time to help calm you down. Your oxygen is lower than I like to see so I’m going to switch you over to that before I step into my office. I’m going to call Beta Michael to come and listen in on our conversation. He’s a member of the council that was assigned to be Alpha Whiteman’s beta. He’s brought a lot of good to the pack and I think he needs to know what’s going on as much as I do.” 

I don’t respond to his comment. If anything it’s made me even more nervous to interact with Beta Michael knowing that he’s a member of the council. I am truly lost as the only thing I can think about is how foolish I am. Dad changed the plans and I should have known that it was a trick. The grand finale of me legally leaving the territory by giving him an excuse to tear into me worse than any previous time that I’ve been away in the program. 

“Don’t think like that.” 

Jamie’s statement reminds me of the accidental lock that we’ve created with each other. I remain still as Dr. Andrew slips the oxygen cannula under my nose, the familiar tickling of the concentrated air causing me to sneeze briefly after he fits the tubing around my ears. I groan from the pain it causes my already burning lungs. I’m surprised to feel his hand, gentle but firm against my chest. 

“Just be still.” 

I try to follow his direction but the vibration that hits my lungs is too much for me to handle. I lean into his hand, wrapping my own around his as I go into a coughing fit that I can’t stop. I fight desperately to breathe despite the pain of my lungs refusing to open. I can feel Dr. Moore lean into me in an effort to keep me still without adding restrictions to my breathing. I whine quietly as the attack settles down. I’m exhausted and my chest hurts.