Monday July 23 Pt. 4

“I really didn’t want to talk about all this.” 

“I know it’s hard but the more we know the easier it will be to help you.” 

He encourages gently. I sigh hard before I start explaining. 

“Growing up everyone in class talked about the link and how it worked. It was quite embarrassing to admit that I had no idea what they were talking about.” 

“I’m certain that was especially difficult considering you’re the alpha’s son.” 

“Yes sir, it was. On top of what he was already doing to me, the bullying that came from not knowing my wolf at six years old was quite devastating. Chloe discovered me crying, hiding on the floor at the back of the bus. She told me that the school had called dad and he linked with her asking her to find me. I paid dearly for running away from class but on top of my punishment that evening he grabbed the back of my neck and growled at me; ‘you want to know about the link?’ It felt like my head exploded. I could hear him, feel him in my head. It felt like it took forever for me to pass out. I woke up in the hospital wing three days later.”

“What a horrible way to introduce something as important as the link to a child.” Beta Michael gasps. 

I look up, quickly making eye contact with him as I had nearly forgotten where I was, before looking back down to the ground. 

“When I woke up I wasn’t able to open my eyes. I was still in a lot of pain but I knew better than to whine and alert them to that fact. I could hear the doctor in the background talking with them, chastising them really. I’m not certain why or how I remember this when there’s so many things that I’ve forgotten during those early years but I remember him asking why they never performed the ‘Welcoming Ceremony’ with me. They argued that I was premature and they didn’t know if I would make it. It was the first time I had heard them say it. The doctor shoved back with the comment that they certainly knew I would make it by the time I turned two. If they had entered me into the ceremony at any time before six years old, then I would have been able to establish a normal link with my family and pack mates. I passed back out shortly after.” 

“Cole, it’s important that you answer honestly. The manner that your father used to link with you causes a lot of problems with being able to link with others, including your family. Are you being honest with me on who you can connect with and what you feel when you do?” 

“Yes alpha, I didn’t lie.” 

The panic is starting to well up inside me. I start going over the conversation in my head trying to figure out if I misunderstood the questions he’s been asking. I shove myself out of my seat with a growl, pacing the space between the couch and the table. I yelp loudly when a pair of arms wrap around me. I’m surprised by their strength yet being completely lost in my thoughts has made it difficult to comprehend who’s grabbed me. I fight mildly, wanting to get away but not wanting to hurt them until an unexpected hand guides me to their shoulder. I yelp again just before his scent hits me. Instantly I wrap my arms tightly around Jamie bouncing between thanking him and apologizing to him in whispered circles. 

“I got him back on track, alpha.” 

“Thank you Jamie. I’m sorry to have upset you. I wasn’t accusing you of lying but you do have a history of trying to hide what you feel is wrong and I feel like this question may not have been specific enough. Can you explain to me what your linking ability is? Who you can connect with?” 

I take several deep breaths, allowing Jamie’s scent to comfort me before sitting back down on the couch. 

“I haven’t hidden anything this time. It took a while to do but I was able to establish links with everyone in my family without the welcoming ceremony ever being done. As my siblings got older they got tired of hearing me whine about my treatment and blocked me long enough that I lost my link with them. The only one who was ever willing to listen to what was happening to me, once the link was established, was Chloe but after my fifteenth birthday even she abandoned me. I have the ability to link with mom, at least I think I still have it, but I haven’t used it in years. She would answer my link and she would talk when I made the effort but she has never initiated it. My link with dad has always been painful as I’ve never been willing. Surprisingly, linking with the littles somehow came naturally.” 

“Who are the littles?” Alpha Andrew interrupts. 

“He has established a special relationship, a safe haven for the pups of his pack. They come to him when they have nowhere safe to go.” 

I’m surprised but relieved when alpha answers for me. 

“I’m sorry Cole, I didn’t mean to indicate that you had lied. I felt that since the welcoming ceremony had never been done that your only link was with your father as you’ve never spoken of linking with anyone else in your family. With the way your link was awakened it is very rare to be able to establish links with anyone outside of the one who broke into your mind.” 

“For a long time I was afraid to link with anyone outside of my family until I started dating Allison. We experimented more with the link than we did with any type of intimacy. She stopped using it when we broke up until the day she tried to run away.” 

“I remember that story. Now that I think about it, that was the only time you indicated someone using the link.” 

“Yes sir. She was the first one outside of my family that I had even tried with. While in school I was bullied quite viciously so I didn’t have anyone to experiment with, not that I wanted to. Rachel tried once while we were dating. Unlike Allison, she didn’t believe me when I told her I didn’t have a normal connection with the pack which resulted in her trying to force it. I refused to try again after the first attempt gave me a migraine for three days. I never tried with Rebecca.” 

“I guess not after what Jessa told me of your relationship with her. While telling me what you told her she commented that she was surprised you didn’t leave after the first time you got in trouble.” 

“I tried to get away after the first time she went to my dad but he did to me what he does to the ladies trying to get out of the relationship after he starts supporting it. I guess I wasn’t forceful enough to convince her that I was serious until we hit three month’s together. I don’t remember what I did or said but I do remember that it hurt me afterwards. The rumor she created, what happened to me until it was proven false, what happened to her when she was caught in a lie…..” 

I slowly trail off as I get lost in a memory that I don’t wish to have. 

“Jessa told me. You don’t need to detail it but I’m certain that it made dating that much harder for you. I know you want to end this conversation and move on to something not so direct but you said you have a current link with Mr. Jenkins?” 

“Yes sir. I don’t use it much as it’s very painful but I still have it. I think it has something to do with the warlock he brought in.” 

“A warlock?” Alpha Andrew asks after a long period of silence. 

“Yes sir. He tried to link the normal way twice but decided to ask me a lot of questions after the second time incapacitated me. It took a while but I finally admitted to him that I had never participated in the welcoming or new shifter’s ceremonies. A month later during the full moon he brought a warlock to the house. He wanted me to drink some unknown tea but I refused. The actual process of linking me with Jon I don’t remember but because I refused the tea it took a week for me to recover.” 

“Well that explains a lot.” Beta Michael mumbles. 

“It does indeed.” Alpha agrees. “I’ve written down what you’ve explained Cole. It’s obvious that your father has done a lot of damage to your ability to link, to connect at a deeper level to your pack. While it will make leaving your pack much easier as you will not feel the pain that most rogues feel when they renounce their pack, it will make joining mine equally as difficult.” 

“What does that mean? Is it going to hurt me to join your pack?” I can’t hold back my fear of this new information. 

“Try to relax, Cole.” He attempts to soothe me. “It means that before you can join I will have to fix what your father has broken. Now do you think you can handle continuing the meeting?”

“Yes sir. I’m holding together better than I thought.”