66. Home but Feels Like Hell

Josh pushed his suitcase and Ashley's suitcase while she was already inside the house.

Ashley had been very cold to him since their last day in Paris.

Although every time he asked her what made her behave that way, she always replied with the same lines “I'm fine”, “I'm just tired”, “I'm not angry with you”, “I'm just the way I am”, “I'm not really angry, why would I be angry, I have no right to be angry”, “I'm just being normal”, “We agreed not to bother each other, so I'm more comfortable with us keeping our distance”.

All the girl's words boiled down to one conclusion: she was indeed angry with Josh, she just didn't want to admit it.

Whereas the previous few days they had enjoyed their days in Paris very much. There was even a moment when Josh felt that the two of them could be good friends.

As the plane landed back in their hometown, Ashley could barely stop herself from screaming. Every second on the plane, he thought of only one thing: when he got home, he wouldn't pretend to be strong anymore.

Josh walked casually in front of her, dragging a large suitcase, as if everything was fine. Just looking at the man's back made Ashley's blood boil.

As soon as they entered the house, before the suitcases could be opened, Ashley exploded.

Josh frowned, as if he didn't understand. "Why do you act like that all the time? I don't understand what your problem is."

Ashley snorted in disbelief. "You really don't realize? Three days I was alone in Paris! You'd rather spend time with... her!" Ashley emphasized the word “him” as if it was poison on her tongue.

Ashley knew full well what their relationship was like. This was just a business marriage. A deal without love, without sweet promises, without dreams of a future together.

From the beginning, she was told, and she accepted. She understood. There was no room to expect more. But unfortunately, the heart doesn't always obey logic. Ashley still loves him like always.

Secretly, subconsciously, she fell for him - the way he smiled when he heard a stupid joke, the way he frowned when he was thinking seriously, the way he pronounced her name with a heavy voice that somehow sounded very warm in her ears.

Ashley never intended to demand anything. She didn't ask Josh to reciprocate his feelings. She didn't demand that Josh pretend to love him.

But still... 

Watching Josh making out with another girl in front of his eyes, like what happened in Paris, was like cutting a knife into his heart.

It wasn't just jealousy. It was pain.

Bitter, piercing, devastating. Sharon's every giggle, every deliberately intimate touch, seemed to be telling Ashley, "You're not important. You're just a shadow."

And even worse, Josh did nothing to stop it. There was no attempt to protect her feelings. No consideration for her dignity. Ashley felt stupid.

How could she be so naive, letting her heart soften for a man who wasn't even trying to protect her? How could she allow herself to be hurt so many times, while Josh continued to make choices that were clearly not in her favor?

Maybe he was wrong from the start. Wrong for thinking that small kindnesses meant something. Wrong for thinking the warm conversations were sincere. Wrong for hoping, even a little, that there was a place for her in Josh's heart.

Ashley took a deep breath, trying to hold back the tears that welled up.

She had to remind herself: this was just a contract marriage. 

Not love. Not a real relationship.

But somehow, knowing that fact didn't make her pain less. Quite the opposite-the deeper, the more piercing, the harder it was to breathe.

Ashley looked at her reflection in the mirror. A tired face, puffy eyes from lack of sleep, and a forced bitter smile. She had to be strong. She had to stop hoping.

Because the only thing more painful than loving someone who doesn't love her... is sticking around while watching him love someone else right before your eyes.

And Ashley knew, sooner or later, she would have to choose—stay and continue to be hurt, or leave before he was completely destroyed.

Josh held up a hand, trying to calm her down. "Sharon just wants to spend time together. She came all the way to Paris-"

"This honeymoon is pretend, but at least I want to have a comfortable vacation without interruptions," Ashley exclaimed. Her voice broke, her eyes watering.

Josh stiffened. "Don't start insulting Sharon."

"Insults? I haven't even started yet!" Ashley leaned closer, defiant. "If you cared more about Sharon, why did you marry me? What was all this for? What's all the pretense for?"

Josh retorted in a loud voice. "I married you because of circumstances! It's not like I had to leave the person I've been with longer!"

Ashley stared at him, her heart feeling like it was being squeezed. "Well then, don't expect me to stay in this fake marriage."

Josh approached, his face flushed with anger. "You think I'm enjoying all this? I had to hold Sharon back, I had to hold myself back from just leaving with her! I'm trying to make this all work, Ashley!"

"Trying?" Ashley laughed bitterly. "By letting your girlfriend stay next door to us? By letting me hear the sounds of you making love every night?! That's how you try?"

Josh paled. "I... I didn't mean-"

“Didn't mean to?” Ashley interrupted, her tone sharp. “Or do you really not care?”

Josh was silent, his jaw hardened.

Ashley sighed heavily, her voice shaking with emotion. "I feel like a fool, Josh. The day before Sharon came... I thought we had a chance. I thought maybe... maybe you and I could be something. But now I know... I was just a shadow. A spare place for you."

Josh looked away, as if he couldn't bear to look at her. 

Ashley held back her tears with difficulty. “I don't deserve to be treated like this.”

Josh finally spoke, his voice cold. “If you can't stand it, you can leave.”

Ashley froze. Her breath caught. The words were like a hard slap to her face.

Josh saw her reaction and looked a little sorry, but his ego kept him from apologizing.

Ashley nodded slowly. "Okay. If that's what you want."

Without another word, Ashley walked towards her room, slamming the door loudly.

Josh stood in the living room, his chest rising and falling with anger. But as the silence began to take over the house, and as the harsh reality settled in his mind, something inside him felt empty.

Very empty. Yet his pride was too high to chase.

And Ashley, behind the door of her room, let herself crumble in silence.

That night, two hearts that hurt each other chose silence over healing. And the distance between them felt wider than the distance between Paris and their homes.

The next day, the atmosphere in the house was tense. Josh left early without breakfast. Ashley didn't come out of the room. There was no conversation, no staring. Only silence hung heavy, like a thick fog that wouldn't budge. Ashley sat on the edge of the bed, staring at the closed suitcase. The clothes from Paris were still neatly organized inside.

So many bitter memories were attached to those fabrics. She closed her eyes, trying to erase the pain. But in vain. The wound left by Josh was deeper than she thought.

And out there, Josh drove his car, trying to forget Ashley's hurt expression. Thinking, maybe time will fix everything.

Or at least... make them get used to the pain.