DEVAN Regrets, and making bad choices went hand in hand. The house hadn't been the same since Mum had realised what she had done. She had suddenly withdrawn into her shell, barely speaking out anymore. I could barely imagine the amount of disappointment she felt at that point, but I wasn't ready to ease her agony so quickly. School was were I buried myself in now, mostly to keep myself busy, and keep the crazy thoughts away. It wasn't going to be the same anymore. Mum sat by the window side, staring blankly through the window, with a steaming hot cup of coffee in her hand. Each time I looked at her, I knew I had to help her, but it was going to be difficult. She always had a hand in everything that went wrong at home. What was a little pain compared to the series of insults that I had been forced to go through in her hands. I held unto the sides of the wheelchair I was seated in, and slowly forced an exhale out. "I see you, Devan." She said, breaking t
ELLEN The ceiling fan whirred softly, barely producing enough air to reduce the heat that enveloped the room. I turned around, trying to find a better position that suited me. BJ's snores took a higher tempo, and I could tell that he was fast asleep now. I turned to my side on the bed, again, grunting and grumbling, as the heat refused to subside. Exhaustion took the better part of me, and I forced myself to a sitting position. What had I expected from a motel as this one. This was the cheapest one I had been able to find. In fact, this was the only place I had been able to afford. Suzy wasn't back to the room yet. She had stepped out to take a call about an hour ago, and hadn't returned since then. I wondered what was taking her time. I stretched out on the bed, and stood to my feet, yawning tiredly. I couldn't sleep, and no matter what I tried, the sleep refused to come. "Ellen?" Suzy called, pushing the door opened, as she stepped in. I stood fac
DEVAN The week Matt had died had been the toughest for me. I could barely go a day without thinking of him, I had lost him and I was at fault. With Matt gone, my whole life had taken a cruel twist, turning me inside out, until I could barely breathe. I wanted to live again, I wanted to breathe. However, it was very clear that I wasn't going to be able to live anymore. My academic work suffered greatly now, as I barely paid any attention to it. This was my final year in high school, but I was sure I wasn't going to be able to graduate due to my poor grades. After his death, I had spent weeks, and months attending therapy sessions with various therapists. I couldn't cope with living any longer. However, by the time I was declared fit enough to return to school, I was eighteen and already a year behind in my school work. That afternoon as I strode through the school halls with my headphones on my ears, and music blasting fully into my ears, I knew I had to do some
ELLEN I fiddled with the brooch on my neck with an infinite number of questions on my mind. Moving into the same apartment with the same boy I had tried to evade for several weeks hadn't been part of the plan. I took off my blouse, and stood beside the window. My skin was aching to be touched, my whole body needed to feel the burning fire of a man's finger caressing it, and igniting feelings and desire that weren't meant to be quenched. I stripped myself to my bare skin, and strolled over to the bathroom with nothing on, but the cold gnawing at my skin. I sunk myself in the bathtub, in an attempt to wash off the dirt of the day. I heard the door open, but I was unperturbed. I knew who it was without being told, it was Zach. He was the only person that had the key to the apartment with an exception to me. I could perceive the stench of alcohol from where I was seated in the bathtub. He had managed to find his way to the room, and instead of going over to the be
ELLEN The noise was deafening. I plugged earmuffs into my ears in an attempt to lessen the noise, but it was almost useless. Zach's snores weren't the kind that could be stopped by earmuffs. I arose from the bed lazily, and placed a pillow on his face. I could end it now. I could put an end to all the endless beatings, and brutality. I let the pillow slip carelessly to the ground, and walked out of the room. I couldn't do that to Zach. He was my husband, and he had been crazily in love with me once. I pulled out my laptop, and began to go through my mails. I had attempted publishing a book, but I hadn't found the right publishing firm. I had faced several rejections from many of the top firms. As I glanced through my mails, I couldn't hope, because I knew it wasn't needful. There was no message of importance, they were all just rejection and rejection again. I couldn't be more bothered. The last firm had said the book contained "excessive controversies, a
DEVAN It was my mind playing tricks on me for the umpteenth time that day. I couldn't explain what I was feeling at that moment. Was it the lacy, black, revealing gown that she had put on that suddenly ignited the embers in my chest? Or her shiny black eyes that never seemed to quench? "Shut the door, Devan." Mum screamed jolting me back to reality. I had gone off already, my thoughts and fictitious images had flown beyond the thinkable. All eyes were on me now, as I shut the door in embarrassment, and searched for a place to my head in shame. I could feel Ms. Ellen's eyes follow me around the room until I found a secure spot to bury my head. "Forgive his insolence, he has a very imaginative mind. Did I tell you he was an avid artist? Well, he is, a gifted one at that." "You never told me this before, Julia." Ms. Ellen responded calling Mum by her first name. None of us dared call her that, but here was Ms. Ellen doing exactly what Mum detested s
DEVAN The next day came with the unexpected. It was announced that my school had organised a two days trip to a self improvement facility, meant for the final year High school students, in order to groom us for life after school. It was a yearly routine held by the school in honour of its soon exiting students. There were talks about it being extremely boring, and not being fun in any way. Frankly speaking, this hadn't been one of the events I had looked forward to, considering all the rumours I had heard about it. However, when the list of teachers who were to go along with us was being read out, and Ms. Ellen's name was read, I felt my heart jump in excitement. The trip was finally worth the try. I didn't have to necessarily silence the noise with my earphones. I could just sit quietly, and gaze at her, inhaling each air she took in, and slowly getting lost in her own world. I could barely keep my excitement to myself, as I hurried home. All I needed to do
DEVAN The next day was filled with tears, and so many emotions. The results of our previously written tests had been released, and as expected I had failed my test again. However, this time something wasn't just right, it seemed like I was the only one who had failed it, which wasn't normal. I was very much aware that I didn't take my studies as seriously as I should, but of course there were still a few people here and there that I was very much better than. I crumbled the paper in anguish, and dumped it in my bag. It was Ms. Ellen's subject, and there was only one reason why she would decide to fail me, and give the others a pass. I plugged my head set in, and hurried over to the bathroom. I wasn't sure why she had given me an F, for a test I very well knew I was supposed to pass, even without excessive study. I wasn't a very good student, but I could be described as an average one. I opened the door to the bathroom, and there they were. The very humans that
ELLEN The ceiling fan whirred softly, barely producing enough air to reduce the heat that enveloped the room. I turned around, trying to find a better position that suited me. BJ's snores took a higher tempo, and I could tell that he was fast asleep now. I turned to my side on the bed, again, grunting and grumbling, as the heat refused to subside. Exhaustion took the better part of me, and I forced myself to a sitting position. What had I expected from a motel as this one. This was the cheapest one I had been able to find. In fact, this was the only place I had been able to afford. Suzy wasn't back to the room yet. She had stepped out to take a call about an hour ago, and hadn't returned since then. I wondered what was taking her time. I stretched out on the bed, and stood to my feet, yawning tiredly. I couldn't sleep, and no matter what I tried, the sleep refused to come. "Ellen?" Suzy called, pushing the door opened, as she stepped in. I stood fac
DEVAN Regrets, and making bad choices went hand in hand. The house hadn't been the same since Mum had realised what she had done. She had suddenly withdrawn into her shell, barely speaking out anymore. I could barely imagine the amount of disappointment she felt at that point, but I wasn't ready to ease her agony so quickly. School was were I buried myself in now, mostly to keep myself busy, and keep the crazy thoughts away. It wasn't going to be the same anymore. Mum sat by the window side, staring blankly through the window, with a steaming hot cup of coffee in her hand. Each time I looked at her, I knew I had to help her, but it was going to be difficult. She always had a hand in everything that went wrong at home. What was a little pain compared to the series of insults that I had been forced to go through in her hands. I held unto the sides of the wheelchair I was seated in, and slowly forced an exhale out. "I see you, Devan." She said, breaking t
ELLEN A loud, startling knock on the door, flung me off the bed in trepidation. I glanced quickly at my feet, and hissed lightly. My shoes were still on, I hadn't taken them off after getting into the room. I sat at the edge of the bed, and began to pull at them, when the knock came again. I took my shoes hastily, and stared blankly at the wall clock. The time read two A.M. However, the time hadn't served as enough deterrent to whoever was banging on my door. Maybe I shouldn't have rented a room at this motel, I should probably have gone for another one. A safer one, perhaps. A thousand and one thoughts ran through my head, as I held my shoe up in my left hand, just in case there was a need for it, and began to move towards the door. Was there a possibility that Devan and Robb had managed to find me so quickly? I couldn't tell, until I opened the damned door. "Who's at the door?" I quizzed, with shaky hands, and a shoe in it. The silence was enough
DEVAN I could almost swear that she had noticed that our gazes were fixed on her, yet, she busied herself about the room, as if she didn't care. My heart ached to ask her all the crazy questions that burned at my heart. Why was she doing this? I heard Dad say something loudly, but we were all too preoccupied to even care at the moment. Mum began humming a song, as she went about her duties. I didn't know what to feel at that moment, anger, or resentment that she had only noticed me, after Matt's death. "Ms Barker, could I please get something to eat? It was a long walk from school." Sam pleaded, as Mum beamed a wide smile at him. "Of course, Sammy Boy. You're always welcome here. What would like me to get you?" She quizzed, scratching at her elbows agitatedly. Sam's fingers flew to his head, for a brief moment, as if trying to come up with something, and then thy dropped to his side again weakly. "Anything is fine, ma'am. I wouldn't want to be so much o
ELLEN My eyes opened as Robb brought the car to a halt. I exhaled deeply, excited all over again. I was finally home, and although I didn't know where my home was yet though,but I was excited. "You look happy." Robb commented, as the engine died down. I nodded, and beamed a smile at him. "Well, I should be. I was away for too long." He chuckled lightly, and stared at me with a confusing gaze. "You think so? Things aren't the same as you left them." "Oh, come on, Robb. Everything's just fine." "No, it isn't!" He snapped, slamming his hands against the steering wheel. I was taken aback by his reaction. I lifted my hand gently, and rested it on his arm, as he sighed. "What's going on, Robb? Tell me." "Ellen..." He began swallowing deeply. "There's something I should have told you before, but I couldn't bring myself to do it." "What are you talking about, Robb? Spill it already." "It's not good, I promise ." I faked a smile, and patted his a
DEVAN Time they say, had a way of doing things to you, changing you, breaking you, or making you. In all of these processes, you were considered as a chief factor, and I was in this one, somehow. Mornings were usually the busiest, school work, and having to endure the taunting and long stares from everyone at school. Not like I cared much though, but driving through the school halls always had a way of reminding me of a life I had once lived, in fear and in the shadows. That life was due for a change. Maybe, it was time I did something really meaningful with my life. I didn't know what it was then, but I was getting there. It was only going to take a short while now. I tapped my hands gently against the wheelchair, as I drove through the halls receiving the usual whispers, and hushed talks from the bunch of students around the hallway. Exhaustion got the better of me, as I shook my head slightly in pity. "You don't look so good, Devan." A voice said behind m
ELLEN Cups of coffee sat on the table between us, and the rising sun behind us. I was clearly exhausted, and how much I ached to free myself from Cullen's piercing eyes. He was quiet, and a little distant than I had known him to be. With eyes fixed on me, watching every move, and every gesture that I made. I didn't know what to do, or think. I mean, after all the time I had spent rehearsing, and coming up with words to say to him, when I finally got the chance to, yet here I was, as mute and silent as a lamb. "What's in your mind?" He quizzed, staring intently into my face. I shook my head slightly, regaining myself. "Nothing," I said hurriedly. "I mean, you're the one who's been withdrawn. You weren't like this the last time I saw you. What's happened to you?" He chuckled softly, and sipped at his coffee. "I'm the same person, Ellen. You just didn't know this part of me." I nodded in pretense. And of course, I didn't understand a word he had uttered.
DEVAN Somehow, all of this still seemed pretty new to me. I had my memory back, and honestly, I had never felt as alive, as I did right now. I rode my wheelchair around the house in impatience, I was alone at home. Robb hadn't returned since he left, and now Mum also was taking too much time at the hospital. It had been a long while since I had been at the house, it seemed different from the last time. Probably because I had my legs then? Sad. A car honk blared loudly, and I drove to the window hurriedly. And just as I expected, it was Mum helping Dad out of the car. Matt's death had tightened the cords that held us as a family. Maybe that was what we had ended? A little it of something macabre? I shook my head hastily to clear it of the thoughts that filled it. Mum was at the door now with Dad. I didn't know what to do, I just sat there waiting for the door to be pushed open. In a moment, Mum stepped into the house, and Dad began turning his head around hu
ELLEN I clearly didn't look forward to the break of day. I knew what Suzy was going to do, but still, I wasn't ready to succumb to her demand. It had been a long night, and as far as I could remember, I had barely blinked an eye. Suzy had barely slept also, as I had felt her toss from side to side on the bed next to me. She wanted to get her life back, and I wanted mine also. And there was no possible way I was going to sacrifice living the very life I had fantasized about living, just because she needed my help. That wasn't fair to me. That morning, I had gone about my regular business just like the previous night, and from what I could tell, Suzy wasn't interested in me, just as I wasn't also. I mean, we were both so different, but yet, there was this kind of connection that I felt like we both shared unknowingly. I was bent over a bag, as I arranged a few stuff I had left into it. Big Joe hadn't even been kind enough to let me come back to the house to