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Kabanata 20
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2022-01-05 18:36:57We made a stop at our house before going home at our unit. Mommy's been bugging to see me, while Grey's Dad asked for him daw.
"You will wear this tomorrow morning for your date," Mommy said, showing me a pale beige satin dress. I violently turned at her noong makita na masyadong mababa ang cleavage nito.
"Wala nang iba, Mommy? Masyado naman 'tong nakakabastos. Ayoko nito!"
"Nakakabastos?" Mommy reacted, almost screaming. "Ganito ka naman manamit? Mas nakakabastos pa nga ang iba mong damit kumpara dito!"
"Hindi ko yan susuotin! Ikaw na lang kaya ang pumunta sa dinner na 'yon?!"
Galit na tumingin sa akin ang nanay ko, pagkatapos ay inihampas sa akin ang hawak na damit. Napalayo naman ako kaagad, dinadama ang braso dahil doon tumama 'yung dress.
"Subukan mong hindi pumunta! Kakaladkarin kita papasok sa Manila Pen!" she spat angrily. Umiling na lang ako at
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The Moment I Knew Kabanata 21
Agad akong lumayo kay Kyle at tumatakbong iniwan na siya doon sa labas ng Restaurant. Hindi ko na inabala ang sarili na magpaalam sa kanya, basta ang alam ko lang ay kailangan ko ng umuwi.I went home crying, wala ng pake kung panay ang tingin sa akin ng taxi driver noong ihatid niya ako. Paulit ulit ang singhot, nag-uunahan sa pagbagsak ang mga luha. Timing din talaga ang dinner date ko sa lampungan nila, ha.Nanlalabo ang mga mata, pagod akong dumapa sa kama.Hindi ko alam kung dapat ba na paghinalaan ko si Grey dahil lang nakita ko sila na magkasama ni Steffi... o mabuti na tanungin ko na lang siya? Pero ano naman ang sasabihin ko kung bakit ako nandon? May kasama din naman akong ibang lalaki.May karapatan ba akong magalit? Eh, nakikipag-date din naman ako! But I know, deep in my heart, that that date was nothing! 'Yung sa kanila ni Steffi ang paniguradong meron!Amidst all my worries,
Last Updated : 2022-01-06The Moment I Knew Kabanata 22
"Bakit ka pumasok? Okay ka na ba?" agad na tanong sa akin ni Ms. Tanya noong maabutan ako sa loob na naga-arrange na ng gamit ko."Okay na ako, Ma'am. Masama lang talaga ang pakiramdam ko kahapon, hindi naman flu," I said before I politely sat on my chair. Wala na naman siyang ibang sinabi at pumunta na sa table niya.Hindi kami masyadong busy kaya naman nagkaroon ako ng oras para kumain sa Cafeteria noong tanghali, kasama rin ang dalawa kong kaibigan."Magaling ka na talaga?" hindi naniniwalang tanong ni Carl sa akin. Umirap lang ako at nagpatuloy sa pagkain, pagod na sumagot dahil kanina pa ako sa Office tinatanong ng ganoon. "Mukhang magaling na ang bruha. Nang-iirap na!" dagdag niya na patawa-tawa na."Kailan tayo magse-set ng lakad? Kasama si Calum," tanong na lang ni Kara, tinatapos na ang usapan tungkol sa lagay ko. I sighed in relief. Nakakapagod din ka
Last Updated : 2022-01-07The Moment I Knew Kabanata 23
"Aba! Mukhang ayos na ulit kayong dalawa ha!" puna sa amin ni Carl noong sabay kami na bumaba sa Cafeteria ni Grey para sa lunch."Pinansin mo na naman, Carlo. Mamaya mag-away na naman 'yan," awtomarikong saway ni Kara. Parang naka-program na sa kaniya ka na kapag may sasabihin si Carl ay babarahin niya."Edi hindi! Kayo ba ni Calum? Okay na kayo? Sana hindi pa," naka-ismid na ganti sa kaniya ni Carl, mukhang simula na naman ng bangayan.Hinila ko na lang si Grey para maka-upo na kami. Tahimik kami na kumakain at hindi pinapansin ang singhalan ng dalawa sa harapan namin. Mukhang sanay na sanay na rin naman si Grey dahil kahit anong marinig niya ay tuloy lang ang pagkain niya."Malapit na birthday mo, Peyn," nagulat ako nang sabihin iyon ni Kara out of nowhere. I'm turning 21, a few days from now."Anong ganap?" tanong ni Carl. Hindi ko alam ang isasagot ko sa kaniya
Last Updated : 2022-01-08The Moment I Knew Kabanata 24
She's implying there is something going on between them. But do I have to believe her? I swear, I wanted to believe Grey. I'm trying. But Steffi's words keeps on bothering me.Mariin ako na pumikit at napagdesisyunan na bigyan si Grey ng isa pang chance. I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt because I love him so much and I want this to work. Na sa akin na, eh. He just confirmed it. Eto na yung happy ending na pilit kong inaabot dati. Sisirain ko pa ba?I have to trust him to keep this relationship going. I have to believe in him. I keep replaying these words inside my head, making it my mantra before I dozed off to sleep."Good morning!" Grey greeted me while preparing our breakfast. Wala kaming pasok ngayon kaya may oras siya para magluto."Good morning," I boredly answered, wala pa sa mood na magsalita dahil kakagising pa lang.Grey made a simple breakfast. Fried r
Last Updated : 2022-01-09The Moment I Knew Kabanata 25
"Why would I wear these gowns on my 21st birthday, Mommy?! Hindi ko naman debut!" reklamo ko noong papuntahin ako ng nanay ko sa bahay para sa gown fitting."I want it grand, anak! Akala ko ba ay iyon din ang gusto mo? I'll send you the list of programs after your gown fitting."Inis ko na sinuklay ang buhok ko, nagmamaktol sa harap ng make-up artist na kamag-anak namin. Pinandilatan ako ni Mommy ng mata, hindi natutuwa sa asal ko sa harap ng ibang tao."I never said I want it grand," bulong-bulong ko habang pinagkakasya sa akin ang gown na kulay pula at hanggang tuhod.Sa garden sa bahay gaganapin ang birthday ko. Hindi ko tinignan ang guest list pero alam ko na marami iyon, karamihan ay mga kakilala ng parents ko. Hindi naman ako interesado sa mga dadalo, ang mahalaga lang sa 'kin ay ang mga kaibigan ko. Lalo na si Grey. I'm planning to tell my parents later about our relationship. Of
Last Updated : 2022-01-10The Moment I Knew Kabanata 26
Pilit akong pinakalma ng parents ko. Kailangan ko pang humarap sa mga bisita para sa after party. Iniwan nila ako sa mga kaibigan ko para pansamantalang humarap sa labas."He said he'll try to go, kahit last minute. Don't lose hope," alu ni Brent."Manahimik ka nga, Brent!" saway ni Kara habang sinusubukang ayusin ang nasira kong make-up.Carl is busy removing my strappy heels, hawak naman ni Calum ang pamalit. Brent is of course, blabbing nonsense beside me, hawak hawak ang make-up para i-abot kapag kailangan ni Kara.My friends are helping me because the party already started at wala pa ako doon. I didn't know kung ilang minuto akong umiyak, tahimik lang silang naghintay hanggang makalma ako.I appreciate everything that they are doing. Iyon ang nagpapagaan saglit sa nararamdaman ko."We can't do anything about your eyes, masyadong mugto. Go
Last Updated : 2022-01-11The Moment I Knew Kabanata 27
The next few weeks became hectic. Nag-asikaso kami ng requirements nang halos dalawang linggo. Next week naman ay graduation na."Talaga bang hindi ka babalik sa condo mo? Paano yung mga gamit?" Kara asked, isang araw noong nasa School kami."I don't really know. My parents told me hayaan ko na lang ang ibang gamit 'don. I only brought my clothes. I don't know what's their plan.""Pero ikaw? Hindi ka na talaga babalik doon?" Carl asked, repeating Kara's question."Baka hindi na. I seriously don't know. There's no reason for me to go back. Si Grey naman ang dahilan kung bakit nagpakuha ako ng unit 'don."Natahimik na 'non ang dalawa kong kasama at hindi na din nagtanong ng kahit ano tungkol kay Grey. We became so busy na school-bahay-school na lang ang routine namin.I sometimes see Brent on Campus, pero hindi si Grey. I don't really have an idea wha
Last Updated : 2022-01-12The Moment I Knew Kabanata 28
I spent my first few weeks in New York, hard. I am in an unfamiliar city with no friends at all. Pero kalaunan naman ay may ilang OFWs akong nakilala. I usually watch broadway shows with them or go to the pubs at night. Kapag naman umaga ay mag-isa akong namamasyal sa Central Park o sa kahit anong museum na malapit. I got used to the city a bit and made some changes to myself. I dyed my hair blonde. I am also sporting a shoulder length hair now. Hindi na katulad dati na mahaba ang buhok. Making a change feels so good and empowering. It makes me feel so free and motivated. Kahit kaunting pagbabago. I am walking around the alleys in New York to buy some pastries noong may tumawag sa pangalan ko. I never heard my name for a long time, kaya naman ay duda pa ako at hindi siguro kung ako talaga iyon. "Peyn!" Kabado akong lumingon sa tumawag, natatakot sa kung sino iyon. Iilan lang kasi ang tumatawag sa akin ng ganoon. On
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The Moment I Knew Kabanata 50
Mar. 7, 202xPeyn,How are you? I hope you’re doing good. I’m sorry. I bet you’re crying reading this. I’m sorry, I made you cry again. How many days has it been since I left? Or is it weeks now? Don’t cry, please. Just imagine that I went on a vacation and we’ll see each other soon. Dang. I don’t know if I’m still making sense. I really don’t know how to ease your pain. I wanted to hug you. I didn’t know if I still need to blab now knowing that this is all making you cry. I love you, Peyn. Please continue living your life. Please do it for me. Please.Grey————————————————————————————Mar 18, 202xPeyn,How’s life? I hope it’s not giving you a hard time, this time. I hope everyone’s doing good. Can you do me a favor? Please greet my mom a happy birthday for me. I prepared a gift for her under my bed. I made Nurse Jade prepare this little surprise. (I know, I just couldn’t do anything but be a bother to her.) There’s a lit
The Moment I Knew Kabanata 49
"Bakit ba para kang mawawala? Can you stop it? We'll surpass this. Magpalakas ka kaagad so we can proceed with your therapy. You'd see my face all over again hanggang sa magsawa ka na," panenermon ko pa sa kaniya."Why can't you say you love me back?" reklamo niya na dahil kanina ko pa iyon hindi sinasagot."Why can't you stop sounding like you'd leave me?""Are we fighting now?" litong tanong niya na. Tumawa naman ako kaagad at nawala na ang kaba."You sound like you really want to fight me," I said suppressing another laugh."No. You just sounded mad.""I am not. You just assume I'm mad.""I love you. Please, say it back," bulong niya na naman, hindi na ako tinigilan doon.Yumuko ako para magkalapit kami, pagkatapos ay idinampi ang labi sa kaniya."I love you too, Grey," I wh
The Moment I Knew Kabanata 48
I wish I could go back in time... "What do you mean cancel? Cancelled again?" iritadong tanong na ni Tita Sam sa kausap na doktor. "How many times have you cancelled on this procedure? Twice?" "I'm sorry, Mrs. Lopez. Right now, it is very risky to proceed with the therapy. Hindi pa rin kaya ng katawan ng patient. If we continue, we might risk his life. I don't want to do it if I know there is a little chance of survival. I hope you understand." "Understand? Naka-ilang intindi na ba ako? Dalawang beses niyo nang hindi itinuloy? And what will happen now? Wait for another week? Another month? Kailan pa? My son is almost dying!" Tita Sam argued, totally losing it now. Nahuli ko naman ang paghawak ni Tito Geoff sa siko ni Tita, pinipigilan ito. "Calm down, honey," alu niya pa sa asawa. "Kaya mo pa bang kumalma? Tign
The Moment I Knew Kabanata 47
"I'm sorry, anak. Mahal na mahal ka ni mommy," I can hear Tita Sam's shaky voice from here.Nandito ako sa labas ng private room ni Grey, hinihintay lang na makatulog siya para makapasok na ako."It hurts everywhere, Mom.""I'm so sorry, anak," Tita Sam's voice broke. "I'm so sorry. Mommy can't do anything. I'm so sorry.""It hurts.""A-anak, palakas ka na. I promise I won't bother you anymore about our company," Tito Geoff finally spoke. "I promise to be a better father. Basta magpalakas ka, anak ko."I can hear Grey's mumbles but I couldn't understand it clearly. His voice is very weak. Dahan-dahan kong isinara ang siwang ng pintuan, pagkatapos ay pinili na lumayo muna.I'll just wait for Tita Sam's text before going back. I went straight ahead the Hospital's cafeteria, only to find my friends there, silently
The Moment I Knew Kabanata 46
"Peyn!"I heard a loud bang on my door. Someone's knocking. Ipinikit ko ang mga mata ko, walang balak na tumayo para pagbuksan sila ng pinto.My friends are outside my room, and I know why. Halos dalawang araw na akong hindi lumalabas. I skipped work and I don't even visit the hospital since that night.Grey.I closed my eyes firmly, tears threatening to fall."Peyn! Buksan mo 'to!" Kara's voice echoed."Your parents are worried. Open up, please," Calum added.Ayoko. I just wanted to lay here. My body felt numb. I just feel so tired. My whole life is tiring."Hoy, Peyn! Huwag ka nga mag-aksaya ng panahon sa pagmumukmok! Bumangon ka diyan at ayusin mo ang sarili mo!" Carl shouted. "Ganito ka na lang ba? Itatapon mo na rin ba ang buhay mo at wala kang
The Moment I Knew Kabanata 45
It was dark when I went inside Grey’s room. I covered for his parents every night. Tuwing gabi lang dahil ito lang ang oras na hindi niya ako sisinghalan o papaalisin. It’s funny how I’m sneaking in just to be with him. Just to see him this close.Mahimbing ang tulog ni Grey noong makalaput ako. Kapansin-pansin ang mahahabang pilik-mata niya at matangos na ilong. I had been mesmerized by his features since I was a child. Hanggang ngayon. Kahit pa maputla na siya at namayat, I am still in awe of how handsome he is.I carefully watch him, afraid that I’ll wake him up. I’m just glad that he looks so peaceful and in deep sleep tonight. Malaya akong makakatingin.Inayos ko ang kumot niya at pinatakan siya ng malambot na h*lik sa labi. Ipinadausos ko rin ang kamay ko sa malambot niyang buhok at sinuklay ito gamit ang kamay ko. I heard him grunt and that scared the sh*t out of me. Agad kong itinigi
The Moment I Knew Kabanata 44
"Get out," Grey dismissively said.As soon as I was done working, I went straight here to check on him. Wala sina Tita at nagprisinta naman ako na magcover muna sa kanila. This has been my daily routine anyway.Hindi pa nga lang ako nakakapaglapag ng pagkain ay pinapaalis niya na kaagad ako. Pero kahit ganoon, nagtuloy-tuloy pa rin ako na parang walang naririnig.Pagod na kaming lahat, pero alam ko na mas doble ang pagod ni Grey."Get out, Peyn. Don't make me repeat myself again.""After you eat, aalis ulit ako kaagad. I promise," wala sa loob na sagot ko na lang, malapit nang masanay sa paulit-ulit na pagtataboy niya.Kaya lang, hindi katulad noong nakaraan na kumakain siya para makaalis na ako, ngayon ay matigas talaga ang ulo niya at mukhang walang balak na kumain.Nangangawit na ang kamay ko pero hindi niya ito
The Moment I Knew Kabanata 43
Grey's condition worsened after that day. We had to admit him to a hospital because he keeps on getting a fever and chills. I stood by his side, never leaving him.Hindi na rin ako pumapasok sa trabaho dahil ayoko na mawala sa paningin niya. Nakakapanlumo. Seeing him in a hospital bed makes me wanna go mad, at everything... at everyone.I can't fully accept that of all the people, why him? As selfish as it may sound, why him? Bakit iyong tao pa na mahal ko? Bakit si Grey pa?Is my life not entertaining enough that it had to do some twist on it? Just to make me feel like "living" the world? Dahil ba love life lang ang problema ko sa buhay, kailangan mangyari ito?I wanna laugh at myself right now. This is all about Grey now. Why would I think about myself? About how this all made me feel? This is not about my f*cking self anymore!"I can't
The Moment I Knew Kabanata 42
I cried hard that night to a point where I had to leave my unit. I can't face Grey. I can't let him watch me cry because I know that's the least thing he could handle, he got a lot on his plate right now.I wanted to show him we could handle everything and that we could surpass this... pero paano? Gayong ako mismo ay hindi alam kung kaya ba namin... kung kaya ko ba? I don't think I can handle seeing him in so much pain. I don't think I have the strength to face him and tell him that this is all gonna be okay.This is far from okay.Of all the people... why Grey?Mugto ang mga mata ko noong bumalik sa loob, dis oras na ng gabi. I stayed in our Condo Tower's study room. Para akong tanga doon na tahimik na umiiyak sa isang sulok.Kahit noong makabalik ay hindi ko siya kayang harapin. But I took up all the courage I have and then entered my room, only to find him
