Chapter 18: Willa

I woke up to the tingling sensation I was slowly beginning to crave. I opened my eyes to see Ferrin sitting over me. He had a worried expression. I sat up in the bed.

“What’s wrong?” I managed to croak, my voice still waking up.

“Shh,” Ferrin soothed. “I didn’t mean to startle you. I’m sorry.”

I relaxed a little, but the look on his face still had me on edge. He sighed and grabbed my hand, rubbing his thumb along the back.

“I have to go out of town today. I may be gone until tomorrow,” he said.

“Oh,” I replied, grappling with the relief and disappointment that I suddenly felt simultaneously. “Can I ask where you’re going?”

He gave me a soft smile. “I invested in a business venture with a company out in Paslow. Right now, it’s a private endeavor, but if it works out, I can take it to the council. It could be beneficial for the whole kingdom. But they seem to have run into some problems. I need to go and straighten some things out.”

“Okay,” I said with a soft smile. I didn’t really know what else to say anyway. I wasn’t about to complain and sound like some needy child. But I also kind of thought the time apart could be a good thing. Some distance might make it easier to get my head straight again.

“I’m sorry I have to go right now. If I could avoid leaving, I would.”

“Ferrin, it’s fine,” I assured him, resting my hand on his. “You have more important responsibilities than worrying about me. I mean, what could happen to me up here?”

He lifted a cell phone. “This is yours,” he said as he put it in my hand. “I’ll check in with you, so keep it close by. Feel free to call your dad and whoever else you want. Just remember to be careful what you tell them.”

“Thank you,” I said with a genuine smile but it faded quickly.

Ferrin brushed my hair back. “What’s wrong, sweetheart?”

I shook my head. “I’m just not used to relying on someone else for everything.” I could tell Ferrin wasn’t happy about the situation with him leaving. I didn’t want to make him feel worse, so I tried to joke about it. “I guess I just don’t know whether to feel useless or pampered.”

“Babe, you should absolutely feel pampered,” he said with a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “And if it helps, I’ll have Miranda spend the next two days giving you every spa treatment there is.”

“Don’t you dare,” I exclaimed. “Goddess knows I wouldn’t know what to do with myself. I’d feel so awkward it would be anything but relaxing. If anyone should be pampered, it’s Miranda.”

Ferrin laughed. “Now that is something I can agree with. Once we get all this straightened out, I think I’ll do just that.”

“I’ll hold you to that.”

Ferrin pulled me to him. I threw my arms around his neck as he kissed me. I was glad that I was able to improve his mood before he left.

“You’re not making this easy, sweetheart.” He groaned.

“I could pretend to be mad at you,” I said as his lips moved to my neck.

He chuckled. “If only you weren’t hot as hell when you’re mad at me.”

“Excuse me?” I said, pulling away from him.

His mouth was on mine as he pushed me back against the pillows, pressing his body to mine. My fingers went into his hair, holding him to me as I felt electricity shooting to my core. I snapped myself out of it and pushed him away roughly.

“You have to go,” I insisted.

Ferrin looked over at the clock. “I’ve got ten minutes.”

He moved to kiss me again but braced my hands against his chest. “Nuh-uh,” I said with a laugh. “Go.”

He huffed dramatically but dragged himself off me.

“Alright,” he said. “I’ll be back as soon as I can. I should have some news on your mother’s case and hopefully a lead on the seer who foretold the prophecy by then. Then we can figure out our next move together, okay?”

I nodded, anticipation already starting to grow. I really had been feeling useless. I should have been grateful for the time to focus on things I never seemed to have time for, like my artwork and reading. Especially since there wasn’t the lack of material I was used to. But it just didn’t seem enough.

Ferrin kissed me one more time and left. I immediately picked up the phone and dialed my dad’s number. It went to voicemail.

“Hey, Dad,” I said after the beep. “Sorry for the strange number again. But you can save this one. This should be the number I call you on for now. I’ll have the phone on me. So give me a call when you get this. Love you.”

I hung up and stared at the phone for a few minutes. Sure enough, my father’s number flashed across the screen.

“Dad?”

“Hey, Will,” he replied, relief in his voice. “Where are you? Are you coming home?”

“Not just yet, but soon. I’m still trying to wrap some things up here.”

“Where is ‘here,’ Will?” Dad asked. “I don’t understand what is going on. I’m worried. Last time we spoke, you said you were in trouble.”

“Oh, yeah, that,” I tried to sound casual. “I went out patrolling. I know,” I stopped him from saying anything, “and I don’t want to hear it, Dad. But I ran into some kids out rogue hunting. Nothing I couldn’t handle, but this guy did step in and helped get rid of them.”

“Another rogue?”

“No, not exactly. He was looking for his sister, who ran away a few years ago. I told him I’d help him out. But how is everything going at home?” I hated lying to him, so I was trying to avoid more details.

“Tawny and some of the others have been coming by looking for you. They’re pretty stressed out about not knowing where you are.”

Guilt settled in my chest. “Yeah, I’m sorry about that. Things have been a little crazy. Does Tawny or Greg still have their cells working?”

“I don’t know about Greg, but Tawny’s doesn’t work anymore. That’s why she’s been at the house,” he replied.

“Okay, can you give her mine? It’s on the table in my room by the bed. Put this number in it and have her call me later.”

“Yeah, I can do that. You sure you’re okay?”

“Toast and jam, Dad,” I said with a smile. “This lead we’re following should keep us within cell service for now. So I’ll keep in touch. And don’t forget to have Tawny call me when she can.”

“I won’t,” he replied. “Miss you, Will.”

“I miss you, too. I’ll talk to you soon, okay? Love you.”

“Love you, too.”

I hung up the phone. For some reason, the call wasn’t as comforting as I thought it would be. I was relieved that my dad and my friends weren’t out searching for me and putting themselves at risk. But I hated lying to them. I knew why I had to, and I agreed with Ferrin that I couldn’t tell them what was going on yet. But that’s what made it worse. I couldn’t be there to watch out for them, but I also couldn’t confide in them why, either. Suddenly, I was dreading Tawny’s call.

The feeling of uselessness sunk deeper into my bones.

I pushed myself out of bed and headed to the shower, forcing myself to do something with my time. The situation was what it was, and I would find a way to make the best of it. I really had been complaining that I never had enough time for my art or reading or other projects. There was always something that needed to be done to keep everyone fed, housed, and safe. My family could handle themselves without me for a few more days. I might as well make the best of it.

I

 started off by selecting a book from Adam’s selection. I picked a long one that caught my interest and was able to get engrossed enough that time went by quickly. It was after dark when Tawny finally called.

The call went as well as I expected. While it was good to hear her voice and learn that everyone was doing okay, it was hard not being able to tell them where I was or when I would be back. I almost told her I had found my mate, but it felt wrong to tell her before I told my father. So, I stuck to the story I gave him and left the call with a promise to check in again.

I talked to Miranda for a little while when she brought me dinner, filling her in on the conversations with my friends and family. Ferrin’s gamma and head of security stopped in to introduce himself and check on me, and we spoke for a few minutes as well. And true to his word, Ferrin called to check in as I was heading to bed. He had also been texting me throughout the day to keep in touch.

The next day was much the same. I woke up, worked out, read a little more, worked on some sketches, even watched a few episodes of some show Miranda suggested. I heard from Ferrin less, to which he apologized when he called that evening. He also informed me that he would be gone another day. Things in Paslow were more complicated than he expected.

I assured him I was fine and not to worry about me. He needed to focus on work and get everything taken care of. I sensed this was an important investment, and the last thing I wanted was for him to make a mistake because I made him feel guilty.

By the end of the third day, I was feeling a bit emotionally drained. I couldn’t sleep the night before, spending the whole night tossing and turning. So I didn’t have the energy to talk to anyone back home, so I settled on texting them a few times. I tried talking with Shawn and Adam to help curb the homesickness, but it didn’t feel the same as it first did. I felt like they were worried about getting in trouble again for talking to me, and I didn’t want to put them in that position, either. So, I just shut myself in again.

I couldn’t sleep again.

I felt like a zombie pacing the room. I just felt so lonely and useless and pathetic and homesick. I had so much going on in my head it physically hurt. I just wanted to feel numb. For just a little while. To make it all stop. I didn’t even know how long I had been there anymore. I barely registered the room. I just paced. Focusing on the path in the carpet my feet were following.

I vaguely felt someone guiding me somewhere. Felt water running over my skin. I don’t know when I finally registered that Miranda was there with me. But her voice suddenly broke through, telling me she would be right back as she sat me in an armchair. My eyes drifted out the window, resting on the daunting sight of the mountains outside.