"Oh, crap, Ellie! You scared the shit out of me."
"Huy, don't say bad words uy baka marinig iyan ni Baby Jeremy. Ano ba." Muntik na akong masamid sa sinasabi ni Ellie as I held back my laughter, "Excuse me, nabigla lang ako at ikaw itong hindi makontrol ang bunganga pag kaharap yung bata no. Malapit na namin i-donate sa charity laman ng swear jar, thanks to dear aunt Ellie's contribution." Ellie pretended not to hear anything and continues to write some work-related stuff in her notebook. "Hmmm... Kailangan baguhin ang schedule sa Tuesday, magco-coincide sa meeting niya." she got a bit busy for awhile then began talking to me again. "Kamusta na ang cute little baby boy na si Jeremy?" Bahagya akong napailing sa sinabi niya. Naalala ko kasi ang reaction ng anak ko tuwing sinasabi niya iyan. "You know he hates it when you call him that. He’s growing up na talaga." "But I love it! Kahit sixteen na siya o kahit ako ay maging lola na, Jeremy will always be my first inaanak and therefore, baby forever." she defended and I couldn't disagree at all because I feel the same way too. Ellie was there almost every step of the way. I had a very challenging time when I was pregnant pero may mga tao namang hindi ako iniwan and Ellie is one of them. I can be hateful toward Jake or constantly wished he was a better person and stayed with me but I chose not to, at imbes ay nagpapasalamat na lang sa mga taong sinamahan ako. "Kamusta na nga kasi si Baby Jeremy? Ano iyong chat mo kagabi na maaga kang umuwi to check on him?" "Nagkasugat kasi... May nang-away." "What? Sino? Sino! Bakit nang-aaway ng hindi nang-aaway! Gusto ng mga magulang suntukan na lang kami o ano?" "My goodness, Ellie. Chill. Nakausap ko naman na iyong parents.No use to talking to them, I tell you. Too overprotective at talagang pinakitang hindi ako gusto.” “Ang kakapal ng mukha, ha! Panipisin ko nga gamit nito.” She clasped her hand together. Handang-handa makipag-away ang tapang sa mukha. Gosh. I could never take her seriously. “Tumigil ka nga diyan. Don’t worry. I warned them.” “Ay, hindi, Cass! Hindi sapat ang warning. Dapat talaga dun, may revenge.” Ellie threw punches in the air with her imaginary opponent. Ibang-klase talaga ang energy ng babaeng ito, "Siguraduhin lang nila. Hindi ba nila alam na abogado tatay ni Jeremy." I glared at her. "Alam mo, ikaw. Sinabihan na kita. Let's avoid making jokes like that." Agad naman niya iyong binawi at nag-behave nang umupo. "Sorry," and then threw a single punch in the air again. "Bwisit na bwisit lang ako kasi araw-araw ko nakikita pagmumukha niya. Lakas pa ng loob na magdala ng babae!” I looked at her and she covered her mouth as if she said something she wasn't supposed to. "Okay lang ako, Ellie. I'm not as fragile as I used to be... kahit pa nga magdala siya ng babae kahit saan, I wouldn’t care.” "Ang daldal ko kasi, no? Wala naman talaga tayong pakialam sa personal na buhay nila. Work na lang tayo. Work, work, work!" I did my work too habang nagsusulat si Ellie. I like it when we spend time like this together. Yung pareho kaming focus sa trabaho kahit magkaiba naman ginagawa namin. We continued our quiet busy time. Her phone rang. She looked at me for a long time before answering the call. Sa tingin ko ay alam ko na sino iyon before she could even say it. Ellie stood and walked out of the room while she answered the call. "Yes, Attorney Tan," I heard her say before leaving. The mention of his name was enough for me to lose my focus. I wanted to avoid him or even hear his name pero magsisinungaling ako kung sasabihin kong nakalimutan ko na siya. I tried to. God knows how hard I tried but I can't. In fact, the more I try, the more I think of him. Hindi ko lang kasi talaga maintindihan. It was so unfair. How can he easily leave me just like that? Bakit ako, ang tagal kong nakalimot? Memories of him still haunt me. Ngayon, hindi lang multo niya ang nagpaparamdam sa akin. He's just around the corner and my scars are begging not to see him, not now, not ever. "Ugh!" Ellie grunted when she returned. "Pwede ba mag-resign na lang? Baka naman pwedeng dito na lang ako magtrabaho, Cassy? Kaya ko, alam mo iyon!" "We both know you can, Ellie." I often keep my mouth shut for the sake of Ellie's privacy dahil alam kong ayaw na din niyang balikan ang nakaraan but I sometimes give her that gentle push, just enough to make her realize, "and we both know you wouldn't too." Ellie sighed and grunted and sighed again. I even hear the sound of a coming swear, "Putangina talaga!" Ah, there it is. "Ayaw ko talaga sa kaniya. Ayaw ko talaga sa kanilang lahat!" "Talaga?" I challenged, "despite what happened in Italy?" I teased her even more. Sakto lang ang timpla ng inis niya ngayon, perfect for light teasing. "Ikaw talaga ha," she pointed her finger at me aggressively which made me laugh even more, " Sabi ko sa iyo 'wag mo mabanggit-banggit pangalan ng lugar na iyan. Akala ko ba ‘Let's avoid making jokes like that’," she quoted while mocking what I said earlier at may kasabay pang ikot ng mata. "Hindi siya nage-exist sa mundo ko! Tse!" "Mag-aminan na lang kasi kayo. Why is no one making the next move" It's been a while since my friend last dated. Minsan, nagbibiro ako sa kanya na isang tao lang ang kayang i-tulak ni Jeremy sa wheelchair. "Ellie... you can't just pretend it didn't happen you know." Ellie started to fix her things. "But he did it first, Cassy." Mapait na lang akong napatawa, "He did it second, Ellie. Remember? Magkaiban nga talaga sila.""Mimi!" Agad na sinalubong ako ng anak ko while planting little kisses on my face. I tickled him kaya naman lumayo ito habang tumatawa. Aw. His laugh is like music in my ear. Bagay na kahit kailan ay hinding hindi ko pagsasawaan. "Little man, why are you still awake?" I placed my hands on my waist. 10 pm na kasi at dapat, kaninang alas otso pa ito natulog. "Mimi, my bed is very big without you." he pouted his lips while talking. I just wanna pinch his cheeks and kiss him pero pinigilan ko ang sarili ko. I want him to know that staying late is not going to make a good habit. "Mimi." he hugged my legs while saying Mimi over and over again. "Alam mo ba anong oras na?" I said with a serious look on my face. Naka-pout pa rin siya and slowly shook his head. "Mimi... I don't know how to read time using the clock." Gusto kong tumawa but just bit my inner cheeks instead. "Well, I'll tell you then. It's so late and all kids your age are now asleep. Next time, if Mimi comes home late, you go
"Mimi, I thought it was your day off." napalingon ako sa anak kong naniningkit pa ang mata dahil kakabangon pa lang mula sa kama."Yes, baby but there's just something I have to finish today." I smiled at him. Hopefully, matatapos na nga lahat. The uncertainty, the question marks... sana mapalitan na iyon ng tuldok.I kissed my son before going to the restaurant address that Jake texted. I was familiar with the area but not with the place kaya napagdesisyonan kong umalis ng mas maaga. He left me at the altar and I couldn’t even make him wait.I felt so pathetic. Magsisinungaling ako kapag sinabi kong di ako kinakabahan. I've never seen him for years and the last time we did, I was a piece of a hopelessly hopeful fool. Pero pumapasok din sa isip ko. Ba't naman ako kakabahan? If in the first place, wala naman akong ginawang mali?God knows how much I tried. Kahit masyado nang magulo na ang utak at buhay ko, I still managed to keep my life going. At ngayon, I will prove to that man na hi
"Sure na ba ‘yan? Baka end of this chapter tapos, start of something new pala."I heaved a sigh. "No. It’s not that, Ellie. For me, tapos na talaga. I don’t want to think of it anymore. I gave myself what I thought I needed, a closure. Iyon lang iyon at iyon na ‘yun.” I glimpsed at Jeremy who was busy picking toys. Ang laki-laki ng ngiti niya habang tinitingnan ng malapitan ang laruang sasakyan.He beamed as he showed it to me. Nagpapa-cute pa para magpabili. I nodded kaya nilagay niya iyon sa basket.He deserves it."Matagal na naman talagang tapos. Parang sentence na kulang ng tuldok. I officially ended everything with a period. That's what I just did.""Teka... Asan na ba si Jeremy?" lumingon ako ulit sa kung saan ko nakita si Jeremy kanina. He was just there a while ago!Nilibot ng mata ko ang paligid to check if he's around pero nahirapan akong makita siya. I can feel the rapid beating of my heart "Ellie..." I'm aware of the tears forming in my eyes. Naglakad-lakad ako sa paligid
A GLIMPSE OF ELLIE’S POINT OF VIEW"You’re not going to tell anyone about this. Lalong-lalo na si Jake."Agad na sabi ko nang makapasok na si Troy sa sasakyan. Tiningnan niya ako na para bang hindi makapaniwalang diretso akong nagsalita. Akala niya ba ay makikipag-kwentuhan pa ako sa kanya? O sasama for a drive?Wow ha. Bati na ba ulit kami?Besides, wala ako dito bilang sekretarya niya. Andito ako bilang bestfriend ni Cass.Napalingon ako sa direksyon niya na agad ko namang pinagsisihan dahil nakatingin din pala siya sa akin. His stare lingered on me for a few more seconds bago siya umiwas.Well, fuck, this is awkward lalo na at hindi maganda ang kalabasan ng huli naming pag-uusap.Hindi man lang siya nagsasalita kaya napasimangot na ako. Gusto ko na talagang lumabas! Naka-on naman ang aircon, ang lamig na nga pero bakit parang hindi ako makahinga sa sobrang sikip? Hindi nga ako naka-seatbelt pero nakakasakal."Troy, hindi mo naman sasabihin sa kanya diba?" Tanong ko ulit, this time,
CASSHindi ako makapag-isip ng maayos ngayong linggo. Thankfully, Mama volunteered na ipayal muna si Jeremy to let me have my rest. Sabi niya, I should go to a hotel or spend my day in a spa.Instead of doing that, I decided to spend my time in a small cafe malapit sa amin. I don’t want to travel far and I don’t want to do anything. Literal na gusto ko lang magkape.Some neighbors greet me with a smile. I returned my smile at them too. I feel proud that I’m able to do this. Because there was a time when I'm too affected by how people think. They didn't even hide their judging looks when they saw me. Hindi ko man naririnig pero alam ko anong binubulong nila.It was unfair for me, it was unfair for Jeremy...kasi, wala naman kaming ginawang mali. The only mistake I am guilty of was choosing Jake.I was so blinded by my own pain that I forgot about others' feelings. I was staring too much in the past that I totally forgot about the future. May panahon nga na halos itulak ko na ang mga nag
"Sweetie, can you please be a good boy and wake Tita Ellie up? Tell her that dinner's ready."Agad namang sumunod sa akin si Jeremy at lumapit kay Ellie na nakatulog sa sofa habang suot pa ang salamin nito pero nasa sahig na ang hawak na tablet. Hay, napaka-workaholic talaga. I love work too but I usually try not to bring it at home. For her case though, it's confusing. Work, life, love, she got it all mixed-up. I'll just be here and support her. Paminsan-minsan, nagpa-prangka na din.Dahil day-off ni Rina, kami lang ang nandito ngayon sa bahay. Okay lang naman dahil halos every weekend din naming nakakasama si Ellie. Buti na rin para hindi masyadong tahimik dito sa bahay. In fact, with Ellie around, it's always fun.We were seated at the table. Kanina pa nga naka-upo si Jeremy dahil takam na takam sa adobo. Nung naamoy niya kung anong niluluto ko, nag-tambay na dito sa kusina. Jeremy is always looking forward to Adobo Weekends. Such a cutie.“Adobo! Adobo! Adobo!” He cheered as I put
Hindi ako makahinga ng maayos dahil sa init. Halos maubos na ang order kong iced tea kahit hindi pa ako nangangalahati sa rice.“Alam mo tinanong ako ng lalake dun. Iyong may-ari ata ng resto.”I excitedly listened to her story and where it might be going. Hot issue for this hot day? I'm in. “Type ka niya? Oh. You should give him your socials.”“Ang bilis mag-conclude! Eh, buti sana, kung ganun.”“What did he ask you then?”“Kung mag-jowa ba daw tayo.”I couldn't help but choke on the ice tea I just drank. Pambihira. “Ano?”“Right? Kinilabutan din ako pero napagtanto kong bakit nga ba lagi tayong magkasama tuwing lunch? Wala ba tayong ibang kaibigan?”I couldn't help it. I laughed so hard that I started tearing up. “Wala nga naman kasi talaga tayong ibang kaibigan. Parang nung weekend lang, I was linked to this guy I don't know. Ngayon naman, sayo.”“On a scale of 1-Cass, how single are you?”I rolled my eyes. “What’s the problem with that? I love being single. You know that.”“Ikaw l
Sandaling hindi siya nakapagsalita. I had the exact same reaction when Jeremy told me about his gift.“Ha?” She asked. That was the first and only word that came out of her mouth after being dumbstrucked. I understand her completely. “I know. I asked him what does he want for his birthday party, ang sabi niya ‘I want Tito Troy to be present.’”“Teka lang, teka lang. Troy to be present or Troy to be the present?""For him to be present, but, what difference does it make? Parang gusto niya na din ata talagang si Troy ang regalo niya.” I sighed. When I first heard it, kahit na blangko na talaga ang isip ko, I pasted this huge smile on my face. “I told Troy to turn a blind eye, alangan naman hilahin ko siya ulit sa buhay namin. That would only mean being closer to… to him.”I didn’t want to say his name. Parang tuwing sinasabi ko ang pangalan niya ay mas lalong lumalaki ang tsansang magkita ulit kami. No. Not today.“Seryoso talaga? Hala, huwag naman. Gag-” she was about to say a bad wor