Chapter One

A WEEK BEFORE THE WEDDING…

My cheeks were numb from smiling. 

There were stressful cloudy days concerning the planning part but now, I can't help but feel the warm heat from the rays of the sun. Mainit nga dito pero napakalinaw naman ng langit. Just like how I feel now that finally, after three long years, I will be Mrs. Tan.

Alam kong hindi dito nagtatapos ang istorya namin but I want to enjoy the happy ending of the chapter. We encountered challenges but we made it through... together.

It wasn't that long ago when he secretly sent me those letters. It was too cheesy and I can still clearly recall Ellie's forceful smile whenever she'd see me wonder dreamily who was my secret admirer... but I'm such a romantic fool who believed in love and who deeply appreciates feelings conveyed through written words.

I opened my drawer and my eyes were immediately drawn to our wedding invitation. It was so simple. This was the least stressful part of the planning. Nagkasundo kami ni Jake to keep the invitation as simple as possible.

Nakalagay sa itaas ang petsa ng kasal, may white dried flowers sa gitna at sa baba naman ang pangalan namin kasama ng mga impormasyon tungkol sa kasal. Its simplicity was a beauty.

I was still smiling when I placed it back in my drawer only to see a folded paper right beside it. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang nakasulat doon but all I am capable of thinking are good and wonderful things.

WEDDING DAY. HOURS BEFORE THE WEDDING…

‘Cass, I am so sorry for doing this to you but this wedding is a mistake. Hindi ko alam kung paano ka haharapin ngayon at mas lalong hindi ko alam kung paano ka haharapin sa harap ng altar. Hindi ko pwedeng ituloy ang kasal. I’m sorry, Cass.’

I blinked once, twice, and a couple more times until my vision was all blurry because of tears flowing from my eyes.

I am very nervous pero paulit-ulit kong kinumbinsi ang sarili ko na ikakasal ako kay Jake, and that wedding will take place later.

"Cassy?" Napalingon ako sa make-up artist na nakatayo sa may pinto ng hotel room bitbit ang mga gamit niya, "Sorry, kanina pa kasi ako kumakatok. Medyo bukas din kasi ang pinto kaya tinulak ko na lang."

"Okay lang." Iniwas ko ang tingin ko sa kaniya habang patuloy na tumutulo ang luha sa mga mata ko. The weight is too heavy on my shoulders.

I didn't want to cry but I am slowly breaking as I try to believe that this wedding will happen.

"Ikaw, okay ka lang ba?"

Those simple words were enough to make me cry even harder. I am not okay. I tried to show that I am but I'm completely exhausted trying to get my shit together.

I have not seen nor heard Jake for almost a week.

"I... I don't think... I can still do this." I managed to say in between my sobs. She tried to comfort me as she patted my back.

"Gusto mo bang ikasal?"

I stared at her asking myself that same question too. Ironically, I don't feel any doubts about that. Gusto kong ikasal. Gusto kong ituloy ang kasal.

It could be that Jake wasn't the one who sent me the letter. My secretary told me it was just given to her by someone else. Maaring may nagloloko lang sa akin.

I want to be strong. I need to be strong. For our baby, for our family.

"Let's make this wedding happen," I find myself saying.

FIVE YEARS AFTER THE WEDDING…

Agad kong sinara ang drawer na pinalagyan ko ng sulat. I should be throwing it away. Naiinis ako tuwing nakikita ko iyon. Naawa ulit ako sa sarili ko tuwing nababasa ko ang sulat niya.

But reading it was a reminder that it wasn’t my fault. Wala akong ginawang kasalanan.

Alam ng Diyos kung ilang beses kong sinsisi ang sarili ko. Paulit-ulit hanggang sa nagising ako sa katotohanan, while reading that letter, na hindi porke’t ako ang naiwan ay ako na din ang may pagkukulang.

“Putang-inang trabaho ‘to.”

“Galit ka ulit?” Biro ko kay Ellie, kahit na mukhang galit nga. Just to lighten up the mood. Mukhang wala din kasi sa plano ni Ellie ang ngumiti dahil sa kunot nito sa noo.

“Huwag mong sinusubukan ang pasensya ko today, Cassidy dahil talagang-hay naku! Kainis!” Parang beer na nilagok niya ang tubig sa mesa. “Wala na talagang pinagbago! Bwisit na Troy! Mabulunan sana siya ngayon, ngayon agad at saktong lunch time na!”

"Ewan ko ba sa inyo. You keep on hating him behind his back kahit na bilib ka naman talaga doon. He's a good man. Plus, he's your boss so watch your mouth."

"Kaya nga ako dito sa opisina mo naglalabas ng sama ng loob. Alam kong boss ko siya pero ang gago niya talaga, eh."

Even I don't even know why Ellie hates Troy so much. Maybe because he's the best friend of my ex. Ellie usually avoids giving me updates but I think Jake is still keeping in touch with his friend. Iyon nga lang, masyadong workaholic which is why he's compatible with Ellie, at least work-wise.

"Fine. Sabi mo, eh. But what is it this time, Ms. Castro?"

Umayos ng upo si Ellie. I can even sense that she's nervous. Masyadong siyang tense. I cannot read her expression.

"May problema sa kompanya."

I nodded. "Well, that's normal." Kailan ba nauubusan ng problema ang negosyo? Parang nasa roller coaster but it's the job of everyone who is part of the company to keep it running.

"Alam ko. So, natural. Troy hired someone for help. Sinubukan ko siyang kausapin about it. And honestly, the whole idea is fine!"

"Eh, okay naman pala sa iyo. What's with the screaming and cursing in my office?"

"May masamang hangin sa kompanya. Masyadong mabaho. Nangangamoy basura..." I cannot get what she's saying kaya naman pinanlakihan ko siya ng mata. May paliku-liko pa kasi. "Troy hired Jacob. Ngayon, araw-araw kong nakikita ang letseng taong iyon. At balita ko pa, hindi na sila ni... basta, alam mo na."

I can feel my heart beating fast and yet it felt like everything is moving slower. Ngayon pa kasi nag-sink in sa utak ko ang pwedeng mangyari.

My son…