Chapter 4

"Delancy you're not serious are you?"

"Dad I-"

"Has everyone lost their mind today?" He said walking over to the table and sitting back in his chair until he was staring at the ceiling. "Delancy, how could you even think I would consider something like that?"

I hadn't thought of it before, but I saw now that my father's pride was at stake. He worked tirelessly to provide everything he could for us and accepting help now wasn't something he was going to do.

"It was already so strange and insulting that Charles came and said that to me in my own house but now what you're saying just isn't right."

Hurt filled his voice and he seemed so stressed and frustrated. He even looked like he had aged a little over the few days.

"Dad, he can help us if I-"

"Delancy, I know we have problems, but I told you I would take care of this. There's no need to say meaningless things."

"Dad-"

"I don't want to hear any more about this!" He snapped and got up from the table before slamming the door behind him and leaving the room.

***

Everything. Everything we worked hard for was going up in flames. We were going to lose everything.

I know I said that I would be willing to marry, but I was terrified of the idea. I didn't want to marry and I didn't want to leave my father but what was more terrifying? Leaving my father or losing him?

I contemplated the situation in the silence of my room, the dark shadows around me adding to the atmosphere of emotions building inside when I turned to the curtain-drawn windows.

I couldn't lose him.

The store didn't matter, I couldn't lose my father.

Asking him to accept this help would be like an insult to all his hard work. It was like I was disregarding all his hard work and telling him he could never accomplish anything by himself.

But we needed help.

My father was never a man to beg and ask for anything, or any favors.

I'd watch him work persistently night after night, doing back-breaking work, even when the store was closed. Sleeplessly working so he could fix the smallest of things just so the store could run smoothly.

I understood the hurt in his voice and the insult he must have felt when I told him I wanted to marry his friend's son and that he had let me down to a point where I wanted to resort to that.

He was upset and hurt that he had forced his daughter to even consider that alternative.

The helplessness he must have been feeling to watch everything he worked hard for slip away.

Ruining my future, being unable to provide for me.

The regret that there was nothing he could offer me beyond the store.

The feeling that he had failed me as a father and that there was nothing he could give me in life.

I understood it all but we still needed help and I was willing to sacrifice everything.

"Delancy."

I sat up and turned to the doorway. My father stood there sheepishly before trotting over to where I was.

"I'm sorry about earlier. I didn't mean anything," He said rubbing the nape of his neck.

"It's okay, I understand."

An awkward silence dragged on in the room for what felt like a minute until he approached me again.

"I shouldn't have been upset with you. You didn't mean anything so I'm sorry."

"Dad," I said pushing myself to the edge of the bed.

"What is it?"

"Please allow me to do this."

My father stared at me incredulously, unable to believe that I was still considering the offer.

"Delancy, have you gone mad?"

"Please dad, I want to make everything better," I said leaning forward until I was touching the ground. "I already understand what you are feeling, but please listen to what I have to say."

"Delancy! Enough of this nonsense!" He said heatedly through gritted teeth. "Didn't I tell you to stop thinking like this? Nothing is going to happen, so there's no reason to talk like this."

"Dad, don't you know?"

My father's expression pulled into one of confusion. My question hung in the air around us like a blanket.

"I can't allow this."

"It seems that you don't know me very well, but I'm a very selfish person."

"What?"

"I can't live in this place knowing that something can happen at any minute. I won't be able to live with myself if I know you're in trouble and I don't do anything to help you when I know I can. How can I face my friends and everyone if they knew we were in ruin? Do you see Dad, I'm very selfish and I only want this for myself."

My father looked appalled as I spoke, my words seeming to stir something inside him.

"Dad, understand. I have to save you for me. I can't live without you."

My own words hurt and shocked me but in all sense they were true. I didn't want to marry, I didn't want any of this, and I wanted to bury my face into my pillow and cry. I wanted to run to someone and tell them how afraid I was and beg for help. I wasn't strong enough to stop my legs from shaking and hiding how much I wish we weren't in this situation. But I needed to be strong for us.

From the moment my father told me about his friend's offer, I felt burdened by the decision. I knew I had to make a choice.

I was trapped and forced between two painful decisions I didn't want to take. Burdened by the fact that I could help my father or let him suffer.

Leaving my home or losing it.

Moving on to a new life or staying in this one forever.

It was all my choice, and I was suffering between the decisions.

"Delancy," he said, his tone strong and harsh, jolting me. "You have so many opportunities waiting for you. You are young, beautiful, and smart. I know there's an amazing person inside you waiting to take on the world but for now let me fix this. I'm supposed to take care of you, you're supposed to rely on me. If anything comes our way or if anything happens to me, I will take care of it, you don't need to worry. Struggling, difficulties, and problems, that's what a father is for. You're my daughter and I'm your father. This is my problem so let me take the fall."

Tears welled in my eyes and my hands clung to my father's shirt as I buried my face into it and sobbed.

It was unfair. My father didn't deserve this. He was a good person who worked too hard all his life. There was no way we were going to survive this. I was going to lose him.

"Please," I said desperately, hating the way my voice sounded weak and the helplessness I felt. "Don't do this alone."

"Delancy-"

"Please," I said stronger this time. "Don't tell me you can fix this and you don't need my help."

"Delancy-"

"Please," my voice was trembling. "I don't want to lose you. I already lost my mother. I can't lose you too." I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat and pulled my face away from his shirt.

I stared into his eyes with blazing determination and strength. "Let me save you this time, I can take the fall."

I couldn't say exactly what transpired at that moment but my father took the back of my head and pushed it forward until it was resting against his shoulder.

"You've already given up your dreams for me. I can't allow you to give up your life."

"Dad, you're my life. You've taken more falls for me than I can even account for. Let me do this."

"To give you away to a stranger... For what is the price of a store? Delancy, I don't care about anyone but you. Not the store, not Charles, You."

"I won't always be with you."

"I know but-"

"I'm old enough to take this step and I won't allow you to prevent me from doing so. It's my turn to pay the price, I can take the fall."

Silence filled the air as he stared at me quietly, his expression masked by the dimness of the room.

"There's nothing I can say to stop you is there?" Silence filled the air yet again as he spoke. "Delancy," the emotion in his voice was unable to be masked. "You are a very stubborn girl. Your mother would've been proud of you."

"I know."

"I can't say I'm happy with this or that I think it's right but-"

I dived forward and hugged my father, not holding back any of the tears or emotions brewing inside me.

"I know," I whispered through his tear-riddled shirt. "I know."