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2024-10-29 19:42:56I stand in the shower for an unbelievably long time, the hot water pouring down me, refreshingly, helps to push the nausea down. I’m aching at everything so familiar about being here, so many memories and thoughts of Jake beside me. I feel like I’ve woken inside a dream, some strange alternate reality where I never left, and this feels like where I should be. It’s disconcerting and doesn’t help my emotionally confused state of mind at all.
Fully cleansed of my shameful drunken night and drying myself I can hear noise in the apartment. The sound of music drifting though the walls and I know Jake must be back. I pause for a moment listening to the faint drifting of one of his favorite songs and the sound of a juicer going in the kitchen, emotion swirling in apprehension in my stomach. I’m nervous being here with him, being alone and having to face him.
I pull on an oversized white bath robe and wander cautiously out through to the large open
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The Carrero Effect 197
“You look beautiful, neonata,” he says, almost as though he can read my mind. I swallow hard as the lump of emotion threatens to rise through my throat at the fact that he always knows.Is there another human being alive so effortlessly in tune with me? Who always says just what I need to hear?“I look tired and awful,” I reply quietly. “I haven’t been sleeping a whole lot lately.” I bring my hands to the hem of the cozy long jumper dress, fiddling with the soft wool, and chew my lip. Now I’m here beside him and ready to get this out I don’t know what to say or how to say it; I don’t even know what I want.“Makes two of us.” His voice is lighter and without looking up I can tell he’s staring at me with his beautifully gorgeous green eyes.God, I miss him so much.Even his smell and closeness are aiding wounds that have opened over the last few d
The Carrero Effect 198
“I still love you, Jake, but I’m so confused right now and so hurt. I was always yours. I don’t know how else I could’ve made you believe it. What else I could have said or done?” I’ve no idea what else to say after that. So many things are running through my head, trying to process that Jake could be as insecure as me in our relationship has completely thrown me, I never imagined someone like him would doubt anything; let alone how I felt about him.“You didn’t need to, baby. I should’ve realized it before acting like the world’s biggest asshole. I love you more than anything in the world, you have to believe that.” He catches my other wrist and pulls both hands up, so I’m drawn toward him, his forehead touching mine, giving me no option but to obey.His alluring green eyes meet mine, but they are dark and foreboding with the intensity of
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“Can we go to bed?” I whisper. I’m still so exhausted, I want to stop thinking, just for one moment and forget any of this, forget everything but what he feels like. I’m not ready to be free of his arms around me giving me much-needed serenity. I sniff back the last of my tears and lift my chin to him.“Together? Same bed?” He’s wary and being gentle. He doesn’t want to presume anything, so I nod and bring my eyes to his in the dim light.“Don’t do anything more than hold me … I can’t … I just can’t do anything more than that, I don’t even know if we can even do this.”Even though I know I need this.I close my eyes and rest against him, trying to calm all the inner protests and voices telling me how pathetic and weak I am.“We’ll take it every hour at a time, adjust to what you need. Just being with you is
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“Where do you want to drive to?” His voice is softer, with being so close and his gaze is intent on my mouth. I can tell how much he wants to kiss me, and it only makes the fear inside me lift higher. That kiss invites her into my head, all the pain of what he did and I’m not ready to deal with that right now.I turn away, so I’m not tempted and push my empty plate aside. I look out across the open-plan room and sigh knowing that he’s reading every signal I’m giving off with apprehension, probably overanalyzing every one. Being so near him has my head in chaos about what I want from him, blurring the lines of how much touching I can bear to allow.“I don’t know … just anywhere, somewhere pretty. Somewhere that’s not here.” I shrug. I don’t know why I want him to drive me anywhere, maybe the motion of the car, and Jake being the one in control somehow makes it feel better. It means I can take a time
The Carrero Effect 201
“We’re here, miele.” Jake lifts me from the car when I blink my eyes open. I’m sure it’s only been seconds since I closed them. I’m in his arms being lifted out of the car and the garage around us looks exactly like underground parking at his apartment, and I’m completely thrown.“We’re home already?” I blink a few times snuggling closer into his strength still trying to get a grip on reality, confusion all over my face, severely disorientated.“You fell asleep pretty quickly, bambino, you don’t look so white anymore, so I think it did you some good.” Jake brushes his mouth against my forehead with a soft smile.What the hell is with the sleeping lately?I close my eyes and let Jake carry me into the elevator and home. He’s right, I do feel better for having taken a nap. The nausea has subsided almost completely and now I just feel hungry. I know
The Carrero Effect 202
Jake is right, less than half an hour later the lovely Doctor Rachael Brown is shown into the room to examine me. I tell her there’s no point evicting Jake as he’ll only linger, asking questions, at the closed door every two minutes distracting her from her job. He has an air of command oozing from him and he’s in a no-nonsense mood. He’s already hanging at the side of bed with a grim expression on his face, as though he wants to beat someone.“Doctor.” He nods her way and watches her like a hawk.She smiles, indulgently, and gives me a sympathetic look. I guess she’s met a few overprotective men in her career and looks like she can handle the Carreros of this world.“So, now, how can I help here?” She smiles sweetly, her voice as smooth as honey, with one perfectly manicured hand she runs a stray copper hair back into her neat French roll. She looks more like one of Jake’s top executives than a d
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“You’re going to be a father.” She smiles at him and pats his arm gently before getting up. “I should leave you two to it, let it sink in. Congratulations to you both.” She pulls her bag up onto her shoulder. “You have my number, call when you want to discuss details about having her transferred to a specialist, Mr. Carrero. I can recommend a few. Emma, good luck.” She gets up to go and the panic surges over me in a terrifying wave of ice, loosening my tongue at last.“Wait. I can’t be, I mean I really can’t. I’m on the pill and we, I mean, I … haven’t missed one. It’s not possible, this isn’t what was supposed to happen. I mean I should know, I would have known, wouldn’t I? Oh, my God. I can’t … I can’t be pregnant; how can you be sure? You can make a mistake, right?” I’m rambling, voice bubbling out in sheer
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I don’t know how to feel. Fear and panic are consuming me, and I can’t process anything beyond the next thirty seconds. I can barely breathe … again. Jake catches my hands and brings them to his chest, pulling me to look at him, slowing my erratic breathing as it matches his. I’ve never had a full-blown panic attack before, but I know instinctively that’s what this is. I let him bring me back from the verge again.“We are in this together, I won’t sit back and let you deal with all of this alone, bambino. I’ll take care of you every step of the way. I’ll be the guy who gets up and feeds the baby while you sleep, and I’ll change the nappies and take care of mom the best I can. Trust me with this. Trust that I would never leave you to do this alone even if you decide you don’t want me back.” He kisses me on the nose and my heart melts at the way he always gr
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The Carrero Effect 271
The Carrero Influence ~ The Dance ~ Jake shifted in his seat for the millionth time and tried once more to get his brain to focus on the laptop on the highly polished walnut surface. He just couldn’t keep himself on track lately. The sound of a female clearing her throat startled him to look up and the impatient stance of Margo waving a piece of paper with a raised eyebrow suggested she had been talking to him while he was zoned out. “Sorry. What?” He frowned and sighed heavily, pushing himself back into his molded leather chair and rolled up his shirt sleeves in agitation. “For God’s sake, Jacob. I’ve been here for three minutes talking at you. You need to just bloody well call her.” Margo’s stern tone did nothing to help his current mood, and he just shifted forward again to try to ignore that intent, chastising glare. He went to his laptop, ducking his head in an attempt to dodge her blue eyes and typed something aimlessly. “Don’t k
The Carrero Effect 270
The Carrero Influence~ The Elevator Scene ~Jake walked out of the boardroom meeting without any clue as to what he had just sat and endured for the last hour. Margo had been glaring his way and nudging him with her foot under the table every few minutes and making him all the more aware of how ‘out of it’ he was. He had been this way ever since his father’s email had come in, informing him that Emma was back in his building; Back within reach and he had no idea how to handle it. He didn’t know if he should be happy or panicked that he could just see her around his building again, he wasn’t sure how the hell to feel about it but couldn’t deny the slight feeling of hope in his chest that he could bump into her.If he was being honest, he hadn’t had his head in the game for weeks, not since he had sent her away and today was just another prime example of how ‘not well’ he was doing without her in his life.
The Carrero Effect 269
The Carrero Effect~ The Holiday: Part 2 ~Jake was searching under the water, too dark to see anything and scrambling with his hands at anything that felt like it could be Daniel. Panic gripping his stomach as he frantically surfaced for air and dove again. He had hit the water without a thought the second he knew Danny was in here. No cares that he was maybe too drunk for this and just endlessly searching despite his muscles aching and being so heavy he could barely move anymore. It felt like it had been hours instead of minutes and he still hadn’t found him. He wouldn’t give up on him, he wouldn’t lose his best friend this way.Surfacing for air quicker this time he took a moment to drag more into his burning lungs and wipe the water from his eyes. He could hear yelling from the deck, crying from Leila and other voices but he was fully zoned-in on the surface of the water looking for any signs of him.“He’s here, Mr. Carre
The Carrero Effect 268
The Carrero Effect~ The Holiday: Part 1 ~Jake strolled into his apartment and threw his bag down on the couch. It had been a long trip and an even longer week, but he suddenly felt restless at being back. Normally, getting home brought him all kinds of joy, but this time it felt slightly empty, and he actually wished they’d stayed at that damn dance just so he could still be with her right now. Pacing to the window and looking out across the New York skyline he ran his hand through his hair and cracked his neck in a bid to release some of the tension building up his spine. Flexing his arms over his head and straining the jacket holding him tight. He needed to get out of this monkey suit they called a tux and get comfy, maybe he just needed to feel less business-like and properly relax. Maybe he needed a drink.He needed to stop fixating on Emma; it wasn’t healthy, and the constant stream of thoughts he had about her was getting harder to control. S
The Carrero Effect 267 - Bonus Chapters
The Carrero Effect~ The First Meeting ~Jacob Carrero stood in his room in front of the large mirror over the vanity and warmed hair wax between his fingers, smirking at the familiar black and gold branded product on the wooden surface. His father was still lording over the decision to start a male grooming line with Jake’s face all over the advertising campaign; not that he cared. He was used to being publicly owned, always on show, and every woman’s idea of a fantasy male.Which guy wouldn’t? Women falling at your feet every day. Hell yeah.He rubbed it through his hair expertly and spiked it up toward the center and forward in its trademark style. He was never really one for much fussing over his hair, this kept it sorted and then he never had to care for the rest of the day or mess with it unless he ran his hands through and mussed it up. If he had his way, he would shave it all off, but he had done that in his teens and he
The Carrero Effect 266
I catch sight of some of my favorite women on the right-hand side of the aisle. Margo is wiping a tear from her eye and nudging Wilma in her side as both woman wave to me. They’re blowing their noses and crying as Donna throws tissues their way. My crazy trio of motherly hens. Donna’s mascara is pouring down her normally flawless face and I spot Rosalie wave from behind a very handsome man, grinning wildly and looping arms with him, a look of radiant happiness on her pretty face. I beam back at them with a tiny wave before moving on in time to the music, slow steps, with Giovanni leading the way.I catch sight of the Huntsbergers, my new extended family sitting close by and smile warmly at them. The row of adopted children and Huntsberger father looking so proud of his family. Ben and his baby son are near the end of the row. He’s is cuddling him proudly and looking every bit the doting dad. He is now the soul parent o
The Carrero Effect 265
“My son was in pain and hiding from what he wanted most,” he says so factually, looking down at me, “I put you back in his path, so he would stop being a coward.” Giovanni grins and all words leave my brain in an open-mouthed silent gawp; realization dawning on me so suddenly that I am literally rendered speechless.He sent me back to Carrero House? Making me believe that he was going to fire me if I didn’t … an ultimatum that led us to where we are now.Giovanni is admitting to maneuvering me back into Jake’s building, so we would end up back in each other’s arms, crafty jerk that he is. He giggles like a schoolboy at my obviously shocked expression and pats my hand tenderly over his inner elbow. That self-confident effortless look on a man who always sees all and knows everything.“No need to thank me, Emma.” He
The Carrero Effect 264
I smooth my hands down my ivory wedding dress. It’s classy elegance and understated top is lined with a simple sleeveless fitted bodice and tiny pearl detailing. It has a full wispy floating skirt, and layers and layers of chiffon puffing out to a full-length cloud of loveliness. It’s a fairy-tale princess dress and matches beautifully with the elegant engagement ring twinkling on my hand, sparkling in all its shining glory.I admire my flawless natural make-up in the mirror, touching up my nude lipstick. My tawny hair is wild and curled in its loose romantic style, tiny tendrils hang around my face and I appraise my reflection with pride.I look beautiful! I feel beautiful and serene. There is no fear whatsoever.I look like a woman hopelessly in love, about to marry the man of her dreams.I am that woman.I slide on my satin ivory stilettos that almost mirror the shoes I used to adore so much. It feels weird to be ba
The Carrero Effect 263
I am getting so frustrated at myself, my inner anger rears up. I’m surrounded by the song that gave me two of the happiest moments of my life, when he gave me his all, and yet here I am lying here, my sub-conscious holding me back from what I deserve. It’s like the beginning of our relationship all over again. I’m back to the defiant, closed-off Emma who never let him in, always holding back when he needed me most.No! I am not doing this to you, Jake. Not anymore, I won’t!The song is a reminder that he doesn’t always need to be my strength, but a prompt to show me that sometimes I need to be his too. I need to build my own force to find my way back. I need to hold him up and face whatever reality comes when my body wakes up. Maybe that’s why my mind doesn’t want me to wake up. It’s afraid that what Ray did to me will make me hide in the shadows again, that I won’t be able to love Jake and le
