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195
“I’m sorry.” I fumble the words out, embarrassed, my eyes hit my fingers in my lap, and I twist at the hem of my very short dress.
Great way to show the man who hurt you that you’re so in control and worth every inch of fight to get you back. Especially when you drunk dial him, need his rescue, and then throw up at his feet.
Classy, Emma … just classy.
“Don’t be, I’m glad I was the one there to take care of you. It was a drunk Emma I’ve never met before.” His eyes linger this time and I can feel them boring into me a little too closely, his scrutiny making me feel more awkward. I wish the ground would just open below my feet and swallow me whole.
Sarah wanders over toward us and turns green at the sight of food. Jake waves a mug at her to offer coffee, his eyes finally giving me
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The Carrero Effect 196
I stand in the shower for an unbelievably long time, the hot water pouring down me, refreshingly, helps to push the nausea down. I’m aching at everything so familiar about being here, so many memories and thoughts of Jake beside me. I feel like I’ve woken inside a dream, some strange alternate reality where I never left, and this feels like where I should be. It’s disconcerting and doesn’t help my emotionally confused state of mind at all.Fully cleansed of my shameful drunken night and drying myself I can hear noise in the apartment. The sound of music drifting though the walls and I know Jake must be back. I pause for a moment listening to the faint drifting of one of his favorite songs and the sound of a juicer going in the kitchen, emotion swirling in apprehension in my stomach. I’m nervous being here with him, being alone and having to face him.I pull on an oversized white bath robe and wander cautiously out through to the large open
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“You look beautiful, neonata,” he says, almost as though he can read my mind. I swallow hard as the lump of emotion threatens to rise through my throat at the fact that he always knows.Is there another human being alive so effortlessly in tune with me? Who always says just what I need to hear?“I look tired and awful,” I reply quietly. “I haven’t been sleeping a whole lot lately.” I bring my hands to the hem of the cozy long jumper dress, fiddling with the soft wool, and chew my lip. Now I’m here beside him and ready to get this out I don’t know what to say or how to say it; I don’t even know what I want.“Makes two of us.” His voice is lighter and without looking up I can tell he’s staring at me with his beautifully gorgeous green eyes.God, I miss him so much.Even his smell and closeness are aiding wounds that have opened over the last few d
The Carrero Effect 198
“I still love you, Jake, but I’m so confused right now and so hurt. I was always yours. I don’t know how else I could’ve made you believe it. What else I could have said or done?” I’ve no idea what else to say after that. So many things are running through my head, trying to process that Jake could be as insecure as me in our relationship has completely thrown me, I never imagined someone like him would doubt anything; let alone how I felt about him.“You didn’t need to, baby. I should’ve realized it before acting like the world’s biggest asshole. I love you more than anything in the world, you have to believe that.” He catches my other wrist and pulls both hands up, so I’m drawn toward him, his forehead touching mine, giving me no option but to obey.His alluring green eyes meet mine, but they are dark and foreboding with the intensity of
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“Can we go to bed?” I whisper. I’m still so exhausted, I want to stop thinking, just for one moment and forget any of this, forget everything but what he feels like. I’m not ready to be free of his arms around me giving me much-needed serenity. I sniff back the last of my tears and lift my chin to him.“Together? Same bed?” He’s wary and being gentle. He doesn’t want to presume anything, so I nod and bring my eyes to his in the dim light.“Don’t do anything more than hold me … I can’t … I just can’t do anything more than that, I don’t even know if we can even do this.”Even though I know I need this.I close my eyes and rest against him, trying to calm all the inner protests and voices telling me how pathetic and weak I am.“We’ll take it every hour at a time, adjust to what you need. Just being with you is
The Carrero Effect 200
“Where do you want to drive to?” His voice is softer, with being so close and his gaze is intent on my mouth. I can tell how much he wants to kiss me, and it only makes the fear inside me lift higher. That kiss invites her into my head, all the pain of what he did and I’m not ready to deal with that right now.I turn away, so I’m not tempted and push my empty plate aside. I look out across the open-plan room and sigh knowing that he’s reading every signal I’m giving off with apprehension, probably overanalyzing every one. Being so near him has my head in chaos about what I want from him, blurring the lines of how much touching I can bear to allow.“I don’t know … just anywhere, somewhere pretty. Somewhere that’s not here.” I shrug. I don’t know why I want him to drive me anywhere, maybe the motion of the car, and Jake being the one in control somehow makes it feel better. It means I can take a time
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“We’re here, miele.” Jake lifts me from the car when I blink my eyes open. I’m sure it’s only been seconds since I closed them. I’m in his arms being lifted out of the car and the garage around us looks exactly like underground parking at his apartment, and I’m completely thrown.“We’re home already?” I blink a few times snuggling closer into his strength still trying to get a grip on reality, confusion all over my face, severely disorientated.“You fell asleep pretty quickly, bambino, you don’t look so white anymore, so I think it did you some good.” Jake brushes his mouth against my forehead with a soft smile.What the hell is with the sleeping lately?I close my eyes and let Jake carry me into the elevator and home. He’s right, I do feel better for having taken a nap. The nausea has subsided almost completely and now I just feel hungry. I know
The Carrero Effect 202
Jake is right, less than half an hour later the lovely Doctor Rachael Brown is shown into the room to examine me. I tell her there’s no point evicting Jake as he’ll only linger, asking questions, at the closed door every two minutes distracting her from her job. He has an air of command oozing from him and he’s in a no-nonsense mood. He’s already hanging at the side of bed with a grim expression on his face, as though he wants to beat someone.“Doctor.” He nods her way and watches her like a hawk.She smiles, indulgently, and gives me a sympathetic look. I guess she’s met a few overprotective men in her career and looks like she can handle the Carreros of this world.“So, now, how can I help here?” She smiles sweetly, her voice as smooth as honey, with one perfectly manicured hand she runs a stray copper hair back into her neat French roll. She looks more like one of Jake’s top executives than a d
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“You’re going to be a father.” She smiles at him and pats his arm gently before getting up. “I should leave you two to it, let it sink in. Congratulations to you both.” She pulls her bag up onto her shoulder. “You have my number, call when you want to discuss details about having her transferred to a specialist, Mr. Carrero. I can recommend a few. Emma, good luck.” She gets up to go and the panic surges over me in a terrifying wave of ice, loosening my tongue at last.“Wait. I can’t be, I mean I really can’t. I’m on the pill and we, I mean, I … haven’t missed one. It’s not possible, this isn’t what was supposed to happen. I mean I should know, I would have known, wouldn’t I? Oh, my God. I can’t … I can’t be pregnant; how can you be sure? You can make a mistake, right?” I’m rambling, voice bubbling out in sheer
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