1- Soul Sister

Willow Rae Johnson

*****

I stare back at the enthusiastic pair of green eyes with overflowing emotions pumping into my veins. Hundreds of different feelings crowd my mind as I keep staring at her, gripping the DNA test result a little too tightly.

"Willow! It's so nice to finally see you in person." Amber chirps in, standing up from the chair and advancing towards me.

My tongue betrays me, refusing to cooperate with me and produce any sentence. I just nod my head at her, eyes beaming with freshly produced tears.

It feels like I'm looking into a mirror but the only difference is that I'm not. I observe my twin sister who is standing in front of me. I've lived 23 long years but until a few days ago, I didn't know I had a sister. We have the same skin tone, same facial structure but we can be easily differentiated. She looks sophisticated, polished and her attire makes her look like she came straight out of a fashion magazine while I can't even dream about looking like that. It sends a wave of consciousness my way. My worn out shoes and almost ripped dress give away the fact that I've had no connection with the beauty in front of me. The self pity wants me to hide myself from her eyes and the desire is too strong.

However, the intense desire dissolves as soon as she brings me into a hug, breaking me free from the torturous self-loathing. All hell breaks loose with that simple physical contact. I let my tears fall freely, my hands gripping her back desperately.

If someone told me that I would come in close proximity with another human being, I would laugh at their face. The only friend I've is my cat Milo and it's been this way since I lost my most treasured people. Humans scare me. The anxiety I get from meeting new people is uncanny. That is why it surprises me to the core how I'm feeling so comfortable in her hold. Although we are practically strangers, it feels like we have known each other for ages. Maybe it's the bond of blood that makes me feel this way.

"You don't want to ruin my dress, do you?" A tint of pink paints my cheek as she speaks. Nervousness strikes my heart when my eyes fall on the wet spot around her shoulder. I ruined her dress which probably costs more than my house.

She hands me a tissue paper after watching my desperate attempt to dry the tears from my eyes.

"I was kidding, Willow. Please take no offense." Amber reassures me, putting a hand on my shoulder.

Even though we are the same height, her long heels make me feel small in her presence. Who am I kidding? It's not the heels, certainly. It's the confidence that radiates from her, it's her aura that demands attention. If I'm someone who cowers under someone's gaze, she seems to be someone who doesn't hesitate to announce her presence through a microphone.

Embarrassment burns my cheek while I watch her pointing towards a chair in front of her. It takes me a few seconds to control my unruly emotion and tidy my expression. I run my hand through my unkempt hair, a futile attempt to make myself look confident. I can't help but compare myself with her. Her hair is pulled up into a messy bun yet somehow she looks like a supermodel. Despite my brain racing to find faults in myself and comparing them to her glorious self, I brace myself to accept the reality.

My heart has been hammering against my ribcage since I started walking towards the restaurant that Amber chose. With a shaky hand, I place the DNA test paper on the table.

"That result is negative, isn't it?" Amber inquires, pointing her perfectly manicured nails at the envelope.

I gulp down the bile rising up my throat before nodding my head, tears cascading down my cheeks which I try to wipe away furiously.

My whole life has been a lie, a big fat lie. The test results prove that my parents aren't my biological parents. Never in my life did they ever make me feel like I didn't belong there, their love for me wasn't limited to anything. It was limitless but then suddenly it stopped with their death one by one.

I try not to bring my past into the table right now as it makes me nothing but vulnerable. It goes without saying that Amber already has started to get annoyed by me. She is too polite to voice it out but I can see her conceal her annoyance with an amicable smile.

"I'm sorry but are you mute, Willow?" Amber asks as her curious eyes search mine for answers.

"No." I reply immediately in a low voice, it won't come as a surprise if she doesn't hear me.

"I'm sorry if I was rude, Willow. I was just curious because you haven't said anything." She clarifies herself.

She can't be blamed in this case. My quietness always manages to pop that question in anyone's head. My father used to tell me I was a cheerful child but one day I stopped smiling and I stopped talking to people. To tell the truth, I don't remember the last time I smiled or talked my heart out. I can't tell if my father was truthful about me being cheerful because as far as I remember, life has always been cruel to me. The demons that I hide inside me don't let me live a life that promises me peace and happiness.

"I'm sorry." I acknowledge my mistake, " It's just…..it's hard to process all of it." She nods her head in understanding.

I offer her a thankful smile when she pushes the box of tissues my way.

"Let's eat first and then we will catch up. I'm famished!" She announces,circling her palm over her stomach.

"Sure." I mumble, smiling at her.

She makes it easier. I feel a deep connection with her but I'm afraid to share this information with her in fear that she may not share the same compassion towards me.

I take my time to settle myself. I've never set foot into a five star hotel like this. Everything around here reeks of richness which once again successfully makes me feel self-conscious. As I've zero idea about the menu, I let Amber order for us all while hoping I have enough money on me to pay for my share at least– knowing my luck, the disaster is inevitable. As I let my eyes wander around the huge space, I see no people around us. I can't be sure whether Amber has booked the whole restaurant for the evening or people are just too broke like me to come here.

Amber goes through her bag and fishes out an envelope. I look in confusion as she hands me the document.

"Open it. " She urges, looking eager for me to see the content within.

It doesn't surprise me but it makes happiness affordable for me. I smile ear to ear, looking at her and back to the document and back to her again.

When we first reached out to each other over I*******m, we wanted to make sure we were actually related. There was not even a shadow of doubt that she's my sister. I could feel that when she hugged me. But the DNA test result proves it. We are indeed sisters.

It's the first time in 3 years that I have someone that I can call my own. The thought of having someone to rely on is enough to send me into overdrive, it's adequate to make adrenaline rush into my veins. Usually I hate crying in front of people because it stimulates nothing but worthless sympathy that lasts only a few seconds. However, I'm willing to cry rivers today. It feels like I have found someone to dry me at least a river.

"Amber." I whisper out, lips trembling as I see her face, the urge to hug her rises in my heart.

"I'm so happy to know that I've a twin." I nod my head desperately to agree with her.

"But I don't understand why our parents threw you away like this. I mean I've never heard them talking about you or anything. If it wasn't for social media, we wouldn't have met." She chuckles before elegantly drinking a decent amount of water.

My happiness dies down as soon as it appears, the smile I had up until now, decides to abandon me again just like my biological parents did. Her words shot my heart like the gun was aimed for my heart only.

Why? I ask myself that as well. What was the reason that they decided I was better on the road than to be in their home? What was my fault?

An uneasy feeling nests in my stomach as my heart drops. It's not a pretty feeling to know you are unwanted by the same people who decided to bring you into the world, whatever the reason behind it might be. It hurts.

It can't be money. I reason with myself. Amber told me she grew up in the lap of luxury. Her– our parents are worth millions. Isn't it unfair that they have been leading a life of comfort while I have to look for comfort in things that can't possibly provide that feeling?

My eyes dart towards her oblivious face. She is still talking animatedly with a carefree smile gracing her lips, unknown to the bitter feelings swirling in my heart.

"Ah, finally the food is here!" Amber announces as soon as a waitress comes with our food.

It's hard to control myself breaking down at any point but I'm trying my best. Considering the fact Amber is still smiling brightly, I can assume I'm succeeding so far. She needs not to know how hurt I'm right now. She, my sister, seems happy and this subsides my pain to some extent.

"Shall we start?" She asks expectedly, I nod my head only, fully knowing my voice will break in the middle if I try to speak.

She digs into the food right away. She wasn't lying when she said she was famished. I fondly smile as I watch her eat her food. Whereas, no matter how much I try to enjoy the food, which I don't usually dream of eating, I can't bring myself to do so. Each bite feels like mud, even the creamy lobster which would make me drool given any other time, can't ignite my appetite. However, I force myself to eat as I don't want Amber to worry for me.

When we are halfway through the food, I clear my voice and finally she slows down and gives me a toothy grin, "Sorry. Was I eating too fast?" She asks.

I shake my head. That's not why I cleared my throat, " Do you….. " I start but find myself unable to finish it.

Amber patiently waits for me to finish which motivates me to go on. With a deep sigh leaving my throat, I ask her, " Do you think we should talk to your… our parents about it?"

Anticipation dominates my thoughts as I stare into her green eyes. I don't know how to process all this information and deal with the situation, it's too overwhelming for me. But I know one thing. I want to know why they didn't want me. But more than that, I want them to know about me, to know that I exist and I wish to be accepted and loved by them. I miss the embrace of a mother, I long for the reassurance of a father that everything will be ok. I want to be accepted by them.

"I don't think that's a good idea." Her words successfully break my fragile heart once again.

I nod my head without asking for a reason. I trust her judgment. It may be too early to trust her but she has spent her whole life with them. Naturally, she knows them better than I do. Of course. Because I don't know them at all.

"Because I think there are some hidden agenda behind it. We need to find it on our own and then confront them." She continues, making me nod my head mindlessly.

As if she could sense my disappointment, she grabs my hand and gives it a reassuring squish, "I know it's hard but we need to wait, Willow." She conveys.

We go back to eating without saying another word afterwards. It's only after finishing our food that Amber starts telling me things about herself, about fun stories she encountered while being on vacation with her– our parents.

The air shifts suddenly. I visibly get tensed when she stops smiling and pulls on a serious expression across her face.

"What is it?" I find myself asking, getting worried for her well-being.

"I need to tell you something, Willow. Do you promise to help me out, my sister?" She asks desperately, showing me her almost teary eyes.

I feel warmth in my heart hearing her call me sister but it turns into concern after seeing her eyes. I don't know what suddenly happened that made her so concerned and sad but I promise to myself I won't let sadness drown her like it did to me.

"I do." I promise confidently.

I have nothing to lose anyway. Life has snatched everything from me. So what's the harm in helping out my sister?

"So, I have a fiance." She starts, " Which is absurd because we don't even know each other at all. Forget it, we haven't even met each other!" I can feel her frustration as she speaks.

"Dad wants me to marry him. But I love someone else." My heart hurts when a lone tear falls from her eyes.

"Is he forcing you?" My frustration deepens as she nods her head in affirmation.

"But he has given me the liberty to date him first before we get engaged." She informs me.

I take a few seconds before asking, " How can I help you, Amber?"

"Date him for me, please." And her request doesn't fail to render me speechless.