I have no power in life… but I do in death…

My father will kill me or other rogues will.

Tears continue to stream down my face. “My father will kill me if I return and I'd rather kill myself than be a rougue." I say with confidence to myself before stumbling into the bathroom.

I pull open the medicine cabnet to look for anything to help myself with… I grab whatever pills I can find. I pop the caps to the bottles open. Before I swollow the pills I go and find a pen and paper in the kitchen.

Dear Beta Paul,

Thanks for breakfast and for the truth. My father said that if he saw me again he'd kill me and I'd rather be dead than be a rougue.

Thanks for being kind, I’m sorry to leave you with this mess.

Cici.

I walk over to the sofa and dump the pills in my hand. Wolves heal fast but I don't have a wolf anymore, I’m essentially human. Taking a deep breath I pour the pills in my mouth and swallow.

I sit back and relax into the comfort of furniture, at least it’s a nicer place to die then my previous situation. The hope my mate would arrive and whisk me away was the only reason I hadn’t killed muskeg before. But I have zero power in this life, I probably have no mate, after all even my wolf abandoned me.

I have no power in life and of that I am sure, but at least death will be a release from all this, and I do have power over how death happens. Pills and sleep… yes… that’s what I want, here on Themis comfy couch. Maybe I could even watch something on tv and just fall asleep as if nothing has happened. A peaceful ending to my violent life.

I put the tv on, I scrolled through so many channels with so many things on that I couldn’t believe anyone could leave the comfort of the sofa and interesting shows to do anything else in life!

I picked out an interesting true crime documentary on human serial killers… seems like there is evil in both our worlds, why are we like this? About an hour passed and I was getting drowsy.

“What have you done” I hear a voice... I look around frantically, than I realize, its my wolf. I gasp and start to try to bring up the pills, I choke and splutter but it’s too late, ‘she wasn’t here fast enough’ I thought as I saw everything fading to black. Just then someone burst through the door, such an amazing powerful scent to him. "Still too late." I mumble.

I woke up in a field of white flowers that were illuminated by the glowing full moon above. I sigh and sit up. For some reason I am not scared just, relaxed.

As I start to stand up I’m immediately met by the silver eyes of an enormous white wolf. My breath catches in my throat. This wolf, its breathtaking. It doesn't look like a regular wolf because of its eyes and size. "What are you?" I say suprised at the confidence in my voice.

"I’m your inner wolf, Maya." The wolf respond. I jump back a bit not expecting it to respond.

"Where am I?" I choke out. Maya closes her eyes and breaths a deep breath.

"Your mate is carrying you to the pack doctor." She says. I gasp and look around pushing myself off the ground and managing to stay on my feet this time.

"What is happening to me?" I yelp.

"You’re transitioning into me, well Maya, we are becoming one now that you are old enough to bond properly." She says.

"What?" I yelp.

"Your mate will explain, that or you’ll feel everything for yourself when we are fully bonded." She sighs.

"H-how long will it take." I tremble.

"Not very long but you will be in extreme pain, to the point where you forget almost everything." She says sympathetically. I drop to the ground, having no control of my body I whimper and shake. Maya walks up to me and nudges me with her nose. “I am sorry child, I tried to come back sooner but you were too afraid and hurt all the time. When you finally had some peace where I could slip back through to you was now… but the only reason you felt peace was because of what you’d done.”

I still have a wolf, my father had just beaten me so much she couldn’t come back to me, my fear kept her away. How ironic that she could have saved me but I kept her away with my pain and fear. Why is this what my life has become? I try to take power back and end all my suffering and I almost kill my wolf too?!

“Why is this what the goddess wants for me? Why make me suffer all this?”

“I understand you’re frustrated, but she has gifted you me and that is honestly such high praise, unfortunately your father strayed from the path she had for him and that’s not under her control but his.”

“So my father was meant to be a good man?”

“He’s an Alpha, he was supposed to put you and the pack above himself but he went to opposite way unfortunately, as much as the goddess gives you a destiny, you make a million choices that could change that path.” She sighs, “you need to go now, I’ll be back with you soon, just hold on through the pain. Once it’s over we will be together and you will never have to feel that terror or pain ever again, I will forever protect you… I’ll forever do my best to see that you live the life you deserve. No matter what I have to do, that’s my promise to you.”

With that I drifted back into the black.