"So, how it went?" Hannah asked me as we were driving to hospital. It was my first day of work here and I am both excited and scared I will mess something up. Knowing me, I will. I was quiet. I wasn't going to answer Hannah's question because her question is refering to last night. My meeting with John. After the most awkward coffee I ever had, I came home so confused, looking exhausted as hell just like I always look like when meeting John. Why? After meeting him, my past and my present, even my future depends on what is he going to say. I never thought I will be so weak in front of someone who hurted me so much!"You know, eventually, you will have to speak you know?" Hannah said sarcastically. I let the biggest sigh out, letting all air out of my lungs and closed my eyes."I don't want to..." I almost started crying as I felt tears in my eyes. "I am at the very start like I was when I left Seattle. I though everything will be so... Different you know?" I said sadly. "Mike was lyin
"Dr.Miller?" I heard my name as I came out of my official office. It was nice in change of a small tent back in Africa."Yes?" I said, turning around myself until I find out who's calling me. I will have to get used to the fact that people here will call me dr.Miller. It sounded funny in my head, and not at all real! "Here, dr.Miller." Older girl's voice spoke to me again. I turned around one more time to see an old lady in her nurse uniform sitting by the desk. I assumed she is the main nurse here, judging by her wrinkles and the way she was standing by that desk, like she's been here a very long time."Yes?" I repeated my question as I tried to look less like it was my first day. She smiled politely, realising I am new here."Someone asked for you." She said as she started going throughout some files."Me?" I asked confusingly. Did she remember doctors name right?I couldn't figure it out who would already look for me. I'm working like 3 hours maybe. Until now, I have one patient
"UGH!" I yelled to myself out loud. I was watching little Ada's files and I've been researched every site and every book in hope to find something that could save that little angel's life. There has to be something! "Hannah!" I said out loud again as I started searching my phone to call her. She was at work too but she is at the opposite side of this hospital so it would be easier to just call her. And I was lazy to get up and go find her so... Call it is."Hey Hannas I..." I started talking as soon I heard she picked up her phone but I heard sobbing so I stopped. First thing that popped in my head was that her day isn't going great either and she is having a meltdown."Jess?" Hannah said lightly and barely audible."Look, Hannah, whatever happend you-" I tried to give her my best prep talk but she interrupted me."You heard?" She asked weakly, still sobbing. I shook my head not realizing what is she talking about."Heard what?" I asked as my heart started beating hard and my breath
"Miss, you need to move." I heard someone's voice beside me but I couldn't move my body. I was too weak to lift myself up. I was still crying over John's body and I never lose myself that hard.I know I am basically on work now so I was not supposed to be here but I didn't cared. It was John who layed here so I couldn't think of work now. Who could?"Jess please. Stand up." Then I heard a familiar voice and as I lifted my face, I saw Hannah standing in front of me. She was still having red eyes from crying but the older doctor who was standing beside her had looked at both of us confusingly."There." He said quietly as I finally took enough strength to stand up. "Wife?" He asked weakly, trying to understand why am I acting like that.I slowly shook my head, looking at a floor. "I... Work here..." I somehow managed to say."I assumed, based on your uniform Dr.-" He paused as his eyes looked for my name tag. "Miller." He finally said. "Is he-" I started but I couldn't force myself to
I don't know for how long have I been laying here by John's bed. It might been around 8 pm because it was already dark outside. I haven't looked at my phone, maybe someone called me, maybe not. I haven't felt nor pain, hunger, nothing. I was numb. I don't care. All I can care now is that John will be ok. He has to wake up.Don't get me wrong, I have feelings for Mike. We are still together, I think. I don't know to be honest. Maybe it was stupid of me or cliché to expect maybe a nice and warm welcome from my boyfriend after all those years we haven't seen each other. Maybe I was stupid to expect he will be waiting for me at an airport or in my apartment. Maybe I was stupid to think he misses me, he wants to be with me. Maybe."Fucked up." I said angrily wipping my tears off my face. I don't know how long I've been crying. Maybe my expectations were too high.Maybe Hannah was right. I can't expect people's feeling won't get changed after I leave. It wasn't months. It was years. But wha
"Will you come visit him with me tomorrow?" I asked Mike still laying my head on his shoulder. He's been comforting me for about an hour now and I was still confused about it. I was just waiting for old Mike to appear, leaving me helpless with his mood changes like he always do."Jessica..." He started, not continuing. I backed off from his hug slowly, looking for his reaction. His face expression was almost like he's angry but he doesn't want to show me.Please, not yet. I need this Mike, I thought trying to read his mind. I would do anything to be able to read his mind, just once. To find out what in the hell is happening in there."So, that's no?" I asked suspiciously. He just lowered his look so I figured it out on my own. "I tried." I said mostly to myself as I smiled sarcasticaly. I reached my limit of good Mike today, I thought. It was weird he was hugging me after crying over John, but to agree to come to visit him? How could I even be so silly?Lower that sarcasm.My inner v
"Where have you been?" I asked Delia when she came into my apartment.Delia left John when he was little. I never understood how can a mother leave her own child. Abandon your own blood. What reason should be justified by doing such a horrible thing?"Jessica, it was hard..." Delia said after a few moments of silence. Hard? She looks like a model now, remembering her face when I was little, she doesn't look like someone who had a rough life! She is well dressed, her body is in perfect shape, she looks great!"Hard for who? Your husband died! You didn't even came to his funeral!" I raised my voice remembering that horrible funeral and I instantly got a quick flashback to what happened in Detroit that day. I shook those images off. I really can't go back now..."I coudn't come. Believe me, I wanted to but..." She started but her voice trailed off. I rolled my eyes in disapproval. What can be more important then your own family?"Spare me Delia." I said smirking sarcasticaly. Truth is, I
As I was standing there in John's room waiting for him to finally wake up, my whole situation with him went through my head. Pictures of us growing up together, fighting, our first kiss, our special place, our teenage years, our first time making love, everything. I thought hours passed as I was thinking about him, yet only clock went just a few minutes up. I looked at his mom who was crying by his bed, sobbing over a child she left when he needed her the most. I couldn't help it but to close my eyes so I won't cry again. I just can't believe I spend a few days now crying over him in this hospital room when I could be with my so-called boyfriend. If we are still counting as being in a relationship. One thing popped into my head again. Would I be in this condition if Mike was laying here? Whould I cry so much like I'm crying now? Or would I visit just because he's my boyfriend and I have to? Honestly, I don't feel like we are in any kind of relationship besides in the one in which w