I don't know for how long have I been laying here by John's bed. It might been around 8 pm because it was already dark outside. I haven't looked at my phone, maybe someone called me, maybe not. I haven't felt nor pain, hunger, nothing. I was numb. I don't care. All I can care now is that John will be ok. He has to wake up.Don't get me wrong, I have feelings for Mike. We are still together, I think. I don't know to be honest. Maybe it was stupid of me or cliché to expect maybe a nice and warm welcome from my boyfriend after all those years we haven't seen each other. Maybe I was stupid to expect he will be waiting for me at an airport or in my apartment. Maybe I was stupid to think he misses me, he wants to be with me. Maybe."Fucked up." I said angrily wipping my tears off my face. I don't know how long I've been crying. Maybe my expectations were too high.Maybe Hannah was right. I can't expect people's feeling won't get changed after I leave. It wasn't months. It was years. But wha
"Will you come visit him with me tomorrow?" I asked Mike still laying my head on his shoulder. He's been comforting me for about an hour now and I was still confused about it. I was just waiting for old Mike to appear, leaving me helpless with his mood changes like he always do."Jessica..." He started, not continuing. I backed off from his hug slowly, looking for his reaction. His face expression was almost like he's angry but he doesn't want to show me.Please, not yet. I need this Mike, I thought trying to read his mind. I would do anything to be able to read his mind, just once. To find out what in the hell is happening in there."So, that's no?" I asked suspiciously. He just lowered his look so I figured it out on my own. "I tried." I said mostly to myself as I smiled sarcasticaly. I reached my limit of good Mike today, I thought. It was weird he was hugging me after crying over John, but to agree to come to visit him? How could I even be so silly?Lower that sarcasm.My inner v
"Where have you been?" I asked Delia when she came into my apartment.Delia left John when he was little. I never understood how can a mother leave her own child. Abandon your own blood. What reason should be justified by doing such a horrible thing?"Jessica, it was hard..." Delia said after a few moments of silence. Hard? She looks like a model now, remembering her face when I was little, she doesn't look like someone who had a rough life! She is well dressed, her body is in perfect shape, she looks great!"Hard for who? Your husband died! You didn't even came to his funeral!" I raised my voice remembering that horrible funeral and I instantly got a quick flashback to what happened in Detroit that day. I shook those images off. I really can't go back now..."I coudn't come. Believe me, I wanted to but..." She started but her voice trailed off. I rolled my eyes in disapproval. What can be more important then your own family?"Spare me Delia." I said smirking sarcasticaly. Truth is, I
As I was standing there in John's room waiting for him to finally wake up, my whole situation with him went through my head. Pictures of us growing up together, fighting, our first kiss, our special place, our teenage years, our first time making love, everything. I thought hours passed as I was thinking about him, yet only clock went just a few minutes up. I looked at his mom who was crying by his bed, sobbing over a child she left when he needed her the most. I couldn't help it but to close my eyes so I won't cry again. I just can't believe I spend a few days now crying over him in this hospital room when I could be with my so-called boyfriend. If we are still counting as being in a relationship. One thing popped into my head again. Would I be in this condition if Mike was laying here? Whould I cry so much like I'm crying now? Or would I visit just because he's my boyfriend and I have to? Honestly, I don't feel like we are in any kind of relationship besides in the one in which w
My heart almost stopped when I heard John saying my name. Doctor said he might won't remember anything yet he is here, waking up from this hell, saying my name. I'm not sure whether I would cry or smile! Not knowing how to react otherwise, I just pressed his hand tightly repeating "I'm here."I couldn't talk or say anything beside that. I just held his hand in mine like I never want to lose it again."I'm here John. I'm here..." I repeated myself again, barely audible, as I closed my eyes. Those words were just continuously repeating in my head, sounding like one of those boring ads on a TV, or those catchy songs you can't move out of your head, eventhough they are stupid. His face nor body didn't move again so I couldn't stop caressing his hand both lightly yet strongly enough for him to feel that I'm here. My hand went numb but I didn't want to let him go. Not now. I felt like this is the last time I'm holding him like this. New words was repleaced with older ones, new catchy song a
I know Mike has to do something about John's car accident. I just know that. My guts, inner me, and my brain sounded the alarm. Verbatim. Or I'm just drunk and overthinking this.I know I sound weird and maybe mentally unstable, but every peice of me knows that he has to do something with John. I mean, that guy was crazy enough to invite him here, I think he is crazy enough to move him away too!"You really think Mike is involved in this?" Hannah asked me anxiously, while sipping those last drops of her non-alcoholic Virgin Mary."He better not be!" I said loudly enough for the waiter to hear me. I couldn't care less, really. I was pissed because I knew I was right. "What if he's innocent now?" Hannah asked. I looked at her, rolled my eyes and finished my, whichever glass of Bloody Mary."Hannah. He isn't. That's Mike. If I learned something in our relationship, I learned that he is most definitely, in no way innocent." I said raising my hand to signal waiter to bring us some more. H
"My head..." I said barely audible after I woke up at the sound of my alarm with the most horrible headache ever. Worst hangover. My head was big as my room and my stomach was swirling inside me and burned like there's a huge bonfire in there. Even my hands and legs were numb like I ran at least 3 circles around the entire Seattle! Terrible feeling guys, terrible. I guess this is what it feels like when you're drinking at this age. "Are you dying?" Hannah entered my room, leaning on my door, smiling almost victoriously, crossing her arms on her chest. How can she look so good?! I probably look like I just been runned over for like at least four trucks!"I'm already dead." I moaned painfully. "I won't drink anymore. Ever." I said as I turned my body slowly to the left side, feeling disoriented."Jess, it's 6. We have to go." She said smiling. Right now, all I could think of is how much time do I have for throwing up and self pity."I'm going, I'm going..." I said more to myself than t
I was standing still like a rock with Peter's files under my hand. Should I look? I started pacing up and down, trying to calm my rapid thoughts. I am sure nothing is seriously wrong with him because Mike would already call me. Or would he? "Ok. Calm down." I said to myself barely audible as I was still walking up and down. As I was putting his files down, door opened. It was that little student."Dr.Miller, I really tried-" "Oh seriously?" I raised my voice not letting her finnish her sentence. She instantly shook her head and embarrassingly look down. "Worhtless." I sighed deeply, visibly annoyed. I can't say I wasn't mad at her for not be able to draw blood from a patient, but I was pretty much shaken myself and I couldn't breath properly, I can't show that!"Come." I simply pointed my fingers towards door as I took his files and started walking out of the room. She strongly jerked and backed off a bit when I walked passed her. I heard her little and rapid walk as she tried to ke