Chapter 5

Chapter 5: I Do

"Nababaliw ka na!" Mabilis akong umiling sa lalaki habang nakakunot ang noo at halos hindi makapaniwalang nakatingin sa kaniya. "Hindi basta basta lamang ang pagpapakasal! Nagpapakasal lamang ang dalawang taong nagmamahalan, at hindi dahil upang mabayaran ang isang utang." 

A smirked escaped from his own lips as he stared at me darkly. I bit my lower lip unconsciously, at nakita kong bumaba ang tingin niya doon. He licked his lower lip before looking at me straight in the eyes.

"That's not really a problem. We can just marry first, and then fall in love while we're together. See? There's already a solution to your problem, so I know that you can't say no anymore—"

"Hindi." Mariin kong putol dito. "Hindi pa rin ako papayag sa gusto mong mangyari. Hindi pa rin sapat na dahilan iyan para magpakasal ako. I don't even know you."

Sagrado ang kasal para sa akin. And this is certainly not the kind of marriage proposal that I've dreamed of since I was a kid. I want to marry the man that I love. I still longed for that real and genuine love, just like what my father has for my mother.

Iniwan kami ni Mama nang hindi namn nalalaman ang totoong dahilan kung bakit. Father refused to tell us what really happened. At ang palagi niyang sinasabi? Ayaw niyang masaktan kaming pareho ni Hailey. Naiintindihan ko naman 'yon. It was our right to know, pero naiintindihan ko rin ang pinupunto ni Papa. He's just protecting us, pero hindi iyon lubos na naintindihan ni Hailey. She wants to know the real reason why Mama left. She forced Papa to talk, pero ayaw pa rin ni Papa, kaya naman nagalit si Hailey. At iyon ang dahilan kung bakit malayo ang loob ng kambal ko kay Papa. She's blaming him as to why Mama left us.

Mama and Papa's love story isn't that ideal, pero sa kabila non ay umaasa pa rin ako na mahahanap ko pa rin ang lalaking totoong magmamahal sa akin. A kind of love that is genuine and faithful.

"Magpapakasal ka sa akin sa ayaw at sa gusto mo." Nawala ang ngisi sa labi ni Eros. His face completely darkened like he didn't really like the words that was coming out of my mouth. At sa totoo lang, nakakatakot siya. Nakakatakot ang ganitong klase ng lalaki na marahas, mapilit, at maliit ang pasensya. Dahil sa kabilang banda ay maaari kang mapag-buhatan ng kamay dahil doon.

Bahagyang nanginginig ang labi ko, maging ang kamay kong kanina pa nakahawak ng mahigpit sa doorknob ay namamawis na dahil sa takot na baka kung ano pang magawa sa akin ng lalaki. 

I closed my eyes shut as I remembered how he gripped my wrist that night tightly, like he wanted it to break apart. I remembered how painful it was... and how I cowered with the way he stare and shout.

And there's no way that I'll agree into marrying him just so he would let my twin go from her debt. I know it would be a suicide. 

"Baby, you will agree, or I'll fucking shoot to kill your twin after I found out where she is hiding."

And it only took Eros that kind of threat for me to... agree with his offer.

Walang wala ako sa sarili nang makauwi sa bahay. Ni hindi nga ako makausap ng maayos ni Feby nang bumalik na ako sa room. She was asking me as to what really happened inside the Dean's Office that I came back almost out of myself. And just like how I always respond... I smiled and shook my head, and pretended that what happened inside the office didn't really bothered me. But the truth is, it did. More than anyone could ever imagine.

"Papa, may balita na ba tungkol sa... paghahanap kay Hailey?" Mahinang tanong ko nang mag-dinner kami ni Papa. I smiled at Ate Kitkat when she put a glass of water beside my plate.

"Thank you, Ate..." I whispered. "Kumain na rin po kayo,"

Ate smiled back and shook her head. "Naku, pagkatapos niyo nalang ng Papa mo dahil magsasabay kami ni Mang Kadyo." Tumango nalang ako at muling bumaling kay Papa. Nakita kong medyo maaliwalas na ang mukha niya ngayon kumpara noong nalaman naming nawawala si Hailey.

"Mukhang malapit na nating makita ang Ate mo, anak. Someone actually gave a copy of the CCTV footages of your sister in different places before she vanished. No one knows who gave the footages, but I'm thankful since the Police officers finally have a lead about where might she be. Bukas ay sasama ako sa pagpunta sa isang bar na pinuntahan din ni Hailey ng gabing 'yon. We'll try to ask the manager or the owner kung pwede ba tayong makahingi rin ng CCTV footages sa gabing iyon sa loob ng bar nang sa ganon ay makita natin kung sino ang pwedeng nakasama niya bago siya nawala." 

I sighed and nodded. "That's good..." 

Nagpatuloy ako sa pagkain. I wanted to tell Papa about... Eros. But I don't really want to spoil his mood right now. He looks slightly happy after knowing that we finally have some leads about Hailey's whereabouts, at ayaw ko namang mas dumagdag pa sa iisipin ni Papa ang Tumko kay Eros. Kaya mas mabuting sarilinin ko nalang ito.

Maaga akong nagising kinabukasan. Ni hindi ko nga alam kung ilang oras lang akong nakatulog... o kung nakatulog ba talaga, o kung idlip lang din. Iniisip ko pa rin ang lahat ng mga nangyayari, lalong lalo na si Eros. Honestly, I couldn't really process it all inside my head. I was having a hard time doing so. At hindi ko rin alam kung kakayanin ko pa ba ang mga mangyayari ngayon.

***

Isang malaking ngisi ang ibinigay sa akin ni Eros nang makita akong naghihintay sa kaniya sa labas ng gate ng university just like what he told me. He was wearing a white button down shirt. Nakabukas pa ang tatlong butones non kaya kitang-kitang ko ang dibdib niya. It was paired with a black pants, and honestly, he looked more... formal now than yesterday. Iyon nga lang nakabukas rin ang tatlong butones kaya... hindi ko rin masasabing buong pormal ang suot niya.

He parked his big bike at ipinatong sa upuan ang kaniyang itim na helmet bago naglakad palapit sa akin. Napalunok ako nang mabilis nito akong pinasadahan ng tingin nang tuluyang makarating sa harap ko.

"Damn, baby. You've been always gorgeous..." Parang nanuyo ang lalamunan ko dahil sa sinabi niya. Napakurap ako ng ilang beses bago nag-iwas ng tingin. I noticed that some students were glancing at our way. I know that they're curious as to why am I with Eros.

"Let's go," Inilahad niya ang kamay niya, pero mabilis akong umiling at napalingon sa loob ng university.

"M—may klase pa ako. At... ayaw ko ring makita ng ibang estudyante na sumama sayo. Baka akalain nila nagka-cut class ako." Bahagyang kumunot ang noo ko at tumingin sa kaniya. I saw him wandered his eyes to the students who are still outside the university. He sighed and looked at me.

"Baby, it's just this once. And besides, we're going to hurry up anyway, hmm? I'll just choose a ring for you. Something that would perfectly fit with your ring finger. It won't take that long. We won't take the whole day." Masuyo ang boses niyang saad na para bang nakikiusap sa isang paslit. Bahagyang kumunot ang noo ko sa inasta niya. 

Bakit... bigla nalang siyang naging ganito? Mas sanay akong... nagsasalita siya na para bang nauubusan na siya ng pasensiya. Hindi 'yong ganitong parang maamong tupa sa harap ko. 

"Ayaw ko—"

"I already told the Dean about this, so even if you come inside now, you won't be allowed, because I told the Dean that you'll be be absent for the whole day—"

Namilog ang mga mata ko. "Bakit mo sinabi 'yon?!"

He only smirked. 

Nakasimangot ako buong biyahe habang papunta kami sa lugar kung saan niya kukunin ang singsing na ipinagawa niya. Everything was too fast that I didn't realized na nasa harap na kami ngayon ng judge na siyang... magkakasal sa amin. 

Everything dawned to me.

Ikakasal ako... sa lalaking... hindi ko lubos na kilala at hindi ko mahal.

Isa-isang tumulo ang luha sa aking mga mata at doon na dinagsa ng kaba at takot ang dibdib ko. 

Mahigpit na hinawakan ni Eros ang dalawa kong kamay, and I noticed that the judge was looking at me. Mas lalo akong napalunok at natakot nang makita ang pamilya na luntian nitong mga mata. 

Eros has his two cousins here as a witness... at maging ang judge na nagkakasala sa amin ngayon ay kamag-anak niya, kaya kahit na subukan kong umalis sa lugar na ito ay paniguradong mahahabol nila ako.

With a closes eyes and a heavy heart. I answered the most shattering words out of my mouth.

"I... do," even if I don't want to...