"Don't ever come back,” he spat at her.I looked between the two and the whole pack around us. No one found this crazy at all. He was about to hit a woman."So she can go out and give it up again?" I asked him."Let's be logical,” I said to the whole pack.They were all angry. I felt a sense of the importance of the treaty. A peace was broken between them and things would never be the same. But I wanted to be rational."Grace can't be out of our sight, she is out of control," I spoke loud for everyone to hear.For some reason, I felt okay to be speaking out of turn. And I knew Khai would be pissed. He had told me earlier to know my place. But if I spoke only to him, I knew he would dismiss me. I needed the peer pressure.Call it disrespect but everyone has a right to an opinion."She should stay here."I pointed at the ground of the garden."Here in the house,” I said, catching eyes like Grace's in the crowd. Whitney and she didn't look pleased. She wasn't going to take
Sometimes I could feel it, the way my mind shifted like a kaleidoscope of images. One hour or minute images of joy, happiness and calm filtered into my eyes and moulded my mental state. The next the world burned and all I could do was watch then the next it would all go dark and heavy and I couldn’t stand it at all.She could see it, just like everyone else. It would only be a matter of time before she started fearing me or avoiding me. A matter of moments before the whole pack came crashing against me, telling me what to do – concern scarring their eyes. I hated their pity, I also hated their indifference.I wasn’t always like this. I didn’t have to be like this. Traga was just not a place for outliers. We were a unique pack of wolves, a pack of wolves with powers - abilities rare and few in other packs. We had them in the many, every third wolf had something special about them, but when it came to behaviour we all had to be the same. Sane, perfect and clean as if that made us strong
She was coming back. She had to be.And she did after a while.Roman walked in with white duct tape. Her fingers taunt at one end of it, the stickiness taking dirt from her nails. She was smug as she strode in.It was her fault she didn't have a room, so she couldn't come in here and make demands."You think you can fix this relationship with duct tape?" I laughed."Maybe I might kiss you if you shut up."I laughed harder. Roman climbed the bed with her dirty feet."Wash your feet first," I complained."Are you commanding me?"She scrunched up her nose as she stood next to my head. I looked up at her and nodded with a serious face."As if," she laughed and the sound of the tape stabbed my ears when she pulled a long reel of it.I watched her both in mild frustration and amusement.Why was she like this?Why didn't obey me or at least listen to me? She was still below me yet she was also my significant other."What are you doing?" I asked.She started pasting the end of the reel to the
Inside my bathroom, Roman watched the water thrust itself out of the tap with curious bright eyes. The tap was ancient, possibly older than I was with plumbing twice older. She sat at the edge, her feet outside the tub. She was calm as a still breeze. Innocent little swirls formed in the water when she stirred it with her hand. She was exquisite."What are you thinking about?""For once, nothing," she said.We both watched the water fill the tub and dipped our grimy feet into the tub as we sat on the edges, turning the water a darker shade than transparency. She swung her feet mildly in a tender manner as she looked down at the water.I found myself reaching down to her feet, gripping one foot. She gasped lightly, that tender shock of a gasp. Our eyes met, she had a blank expression with parted lips and breathed through them.I listened carefully to her breath and heart beat which was moving at a hundred and eighty."May I?" I asked.She took her time to register, blinking rapidly whe
After her confession, I felt like a shell. I left for a glass of water but found the living room so deliciously empty I sat in there, watching the dark TV for hours.I hated pretending and putting up in front of perfection.When she first arrived, I hoped she would be the only person I wouldn’t need to pretend to. She was to be a blank slate, a chance for someone to know me from scratch without the history and prequel. I had an opportunity to make an impression and I blew it. She could see the cracks in my personality—the inconsistencies. I couldn’t help it. I took my pills after the battle. I too could feel I acted rash and incredibly inconsistent. I couldn’t imagine how it felt to encounter me, imagine being attached to me.How silly it was of me to convince myself I didn't need the pills anymore. I guess I didn't need them when I had no one too close to me, as close as she was getting. But I could see the effect I had on her. The way my words and behaviour would confuse her or drain
It was a ghastly place - that’s why I hated the city. Things always got out of hand, with trash everywhere and potholes. Though it was covered in snow you could tell the place was rundown and possibly older than two generations.The building stood alone at the edge of town, made of red bricks and grey cement paths. Khai and Walter got out of the car and started hauling the big packs of rice and flour out of the car and they told me to take as much of the smaller stuff as I could.Behind the walls I could hear small footsteps running around, screams of joy – a chorus of children. Walter set two knocks on the door and a tired old woman opened the door. Grey hair and a long black dress, sparing no skin. She appeared to be a nun.“Shekhaina, so good to see you boy.”She pulled him into a hug. Khai was all smiles when he set the pack of rice on the ground and embraced her.Shekhaina. What a beautiful name.“Walter,” she beamed and hugged him too.She placed several kisses all over his face.
Walter and I went indoors. The nun lady offered us some hot chocolate and we drank it in the kitchen. Her name was Emelda and she was so sweet my teeth hurt.I could see Khai from here, reading a story to 10 to 15 children seated on the mat before him in the living room. He was so animated, doing the voices and everything. I tried not to stare.“Can I be honest with you?” I asked Walter.Walter faced me and nodded. I was afraid he’d tell Khai everything. Khai could force it out of him but I needed someone to talk to.I hesitated. His eyes were true and curious. He was the best option. I hardly saw him around so I hoped that would be advantageous. Hopefully, he wouldn't be around enough for Khai to pry.“This whole mate thing, it’s confusing. I hardly know him but I feel like I can trust him. I want him but I’m also afraid of him. Do you get that?”“That’s how it is at first. Humans call it love at first sight. You see someone and instantly know you love them then you get to know them
And there it was—that look defined by pity. I slid my hand out of hers as she scowled at me.The snow had a better look. Indifference. Never pity. She'd soon become like the rest of them, watching me, waiting for a break. Concerned. Worried. Saddened."I'll kill him," she muttered.Her hand was in a fist, her jaw clenched."Where did he even get the gall?" her voice grew louder as she became infuriated."That's vile. It's disgusting Khai. Is he still alive?"I nodded slowly. I was surprised. No one had ever reacted like that. I expected a sorry. An apology but none of that. Rage. Just as I had felt. All-consuming rage."Let's find him.""Roman," I whispered.That's insane, I wanted to say. Crazy. It's old news, it doesn't even bother me anymore. I don't care about him. He's probably in jail by now. I can't be living in the past. All these things I wanted to say but I said none of them. I said nothing.We couldn't kill a human. They are so helpless. A sickness would get him. Such vile
The world was red as I backed away, trying to shake the blood off my face. Intiyago walked slowly toward me. Prowling, Ravenous and angry but his eyes – his eyes were sympathetic.Roman, this is not what I want. His voice was soft in my head. He stopped in his tracks, his head lowered down and he licked drops of my blood which had fallen on a rock.No.But it was too late, his pink tongue wiped the rock clean and his eyes surged with a golden glow. A menacing growl ripped out of him.This is what I want!His voice was heavy again, dark and sharp. The sun healed the scratch and I could see properly again. I charged toward him and clawed at his face. Claw after claw I saw blood and more blood until his face was disfigured. He howled and jumped to the side where he rammed me into a tree. The impact almost broke my ribs but I got back up and gave him everything I had. I rammed him into the other tree and bit into his arm so hard I hit his bone.The painful howl he screamed satisfied me i
Malcolm decided to return to the funeral with a busted nose and lips. I waited on the porch for the guard dogs to appear. They said that as soon as Khai was buried we would get to go.Nothing else mattered but my vengeance, nothing at all. There was no after. I couldn’t imagine it and if I died killing all the Azraels I would be satisfied, I would’ve achieved my life’s purpose.A couple of wolves… Ten? No fifteen. Twenty-seven? Thirty! Thirty, to be exact broke out of the forest, ravenous and ready to fight. Traga guard dogs. Slightly bigger than other wolves and their legs showed that they spent their time fighting and running. These were strong wolves. I almost felt pride when I saw them coming in, if no one knew – they would’ve thought they were wild wolves.I got to my feet as family members and other Tragas came back to the house in their human forms. Hannah ran to my side.“You don’t have to do this. You’re the alpha, send them out instead. You stay.”Vomit bubbled in the back o
When we were out of sight he loosened his grip on me. My hand quickly found its way to his and I held it tight. I couldn’t let go of the warmth, even for a second. I still allowed my mind to play tricks on me. If I did not look at him and imagine his voice as Khai’s he would be Khai.“You can’t do that type of stuff. It’s traumatising,” he said.I knew it was wrong. I did not doubt it but I didn’t care.His other free hand ran down his face. He looked tired and sleepless. The bags under his eyes were swollen, and red cracked through the whites of his eyes. Had he not slept? I looked away from him, to the trees and anything else that would allow me to swap him out with who I wanted him to be.“That’s why we have to look at him before they shut the casket. It prevents such things.”Leaves crunched under his boots and my heels. My ankles and toes hurt.It was insane how it hadn’t been a complete year since I met Khai. I met him in winter and lost him before winter. I let go of his hand. H
A blur turned into a man with long hair, hunched forward, his back to me. His shoulders moved up and down as he sat on the other end of the mattress. Sunlight poured into the room and it was warm.“What do you want Malcolm?”“Alpha,” he said dully. I groaned.“Please don’t call me that.”“Thank you, I wasn’t enjoying it.” He simply said.We were alone in the room, Edna and Audrey must’ve left for breakfast or something. A little tingle in my stomach made me desperately want to see his face.“Hey look at me,” I told him and he adjusted his weight.His hair was wet, dripping still and parted in the middle. He looked clean, it suited him to be clean.“Why do you keep long hair, you look like a songwriter,” I said.A small smile etched upon his face and I had no idea why it felt good. I hated it.On the other hand, my arms felt like they had been squeezed into immobility and my body was heavy. My nose was runny and I sniffled. I had been lying on one side the whole night, crying in my sle
The hours went by and people stopped coming. Most must’ve been sleeping but I could hear them outside, mourning and crying, their whispers like the wind whistling through leaves.Before I could notice, Edna had curled into a ball and fallen asleep. Yolanda said she was going to the bathroom, but she never returned for a very long time. Audrey and I sat in silence for 20 minutes, just staring off into the darkness and the shadows that danced along with the candle flames.“She’s with Jacob, you know?” Audrey mentioned matter-of-factly.I looked over at her and her face was deepened by shadows, the crevices of her smile were like dark corners. The statement didn’t surprise me – rather I was absorbed in the atmosphere of everything. How dark and gloomy everything had gotten, how everybody’s smiles had turned into tears and clenched teeth. It only took a single moment.“How has this affected you?” I asked her.The question scared me at first, I was afraid she would give me something intell
That night Khai’s bedroom was cleared and they only left the mattress. The room was as bare as carcasses my brothers and I left stripped of any flesh after a hunt. His smell went along with everything and all I could smell was the stench of cigarettes, old, from when Khai used to smoke as a teenager.The room was to be the main room of mourning. Whitney, Edna, Yolanda, Audrey and I sat in there with scarves covering our heads and the longest dresses and skirts we could find. Tradition was the reason for everything lately. We were supposed to sit there and mourn until the sun came up and the funeral began.I didn't want to do it, it sounded miserable. But then I realized I was nowhere above misery and I was the one who spent days with a corpse in bed, pretending and hoping he would wake up and call it all some foul joke. That never happened.Although I wasn’t officially a widow I was considered one. We never got down to tying the knot but his ring hun
Malcolm’s eyes fell on me, cold and stern.“This is not Malcolm’s idea, it is simply tradition,” Raymond said calmly.“Yes… but I am the alpha, I can rule that tradition out of the book,” I said.Raymond’s face hardened. He stood up and stormed toward me. His hand wrapped around the collar of my shirt as he pulled me up to his level.“Haven’t you caused enough trouble, bitch? You will do as we say and fix what you broke.”His voice was coarse, hot on my cheek.“Raymond, calm down! Leave the girl alone!” Edna protested.With all his strength he threw me back into the couch and I sat back down. I tried not to show it but my heart was racing and I was scared. Raymond was a large man, akin to a bear. If we wanted to, he could’ve thrown me into the wall and broken through it.“Roman, I hoped I didn’t have to make it explicitly clear but
Before I could get to know Audrey better Yolanda came to call us. Yolanda and Audrey’s relationship was characterized by brutal teasing, nothing was off the table. Yolanda only needed to say a sentence before Audrey criticised it.“Where did you pick up that atrocious accent?” Audrey asked as we walked down the hallway.At the first step, Yolanda tittered.“Must’ve been from those years when you tutored me. Heads up, read a book before you think you can lecture someone.”“I love to see you taking initiative, I didn’t know you could read.”The two giggled between each other. I didn’t know how to feel about the jokes though, since I couldn’t read.It never mattered if I could read or not back home, what advantage would such a skill afford a culture of people who hardly read? School didn’t exist either, at least in the formal sense. All older wolves saw it as their responsibility to educate those who were younger than them. One morning I’d find myself hunting with my father and the next,
I was told I was not needed for the meeting that was happening in the living room. What could I say for myself anyway? I could hear them shouting from downstairs, anger and confusion laced in their voices.Audrey and I sat in Khai’ and I’s room… my room. She dressed up in Yolanda’s sweater and jeans and she looked better in them. As I was dressing up in the bathroom Audrey had already made the bed and put everything away.“It still smells like him in here,” she said as she folded a blanket and put it away in the wardrobe.“You didn’t have to do that,” I said as kindly as I could.Inside I was fuming. How dare she change everything? The room was so neat and tidy it was like any other day. She smoothed the bed until it had no wrinkles before she sat on it.“I cannot sit in disorder,” she stated.Her face was placid and innocent, I couldn’t find it in myself to yell at her