A blur turned into a man with long hair, hunched forward, his back to me. His shoulders moved up and down as he sat on the other end of the mattress. Sunlight poured into the room and it was warm.“What do you want Malcolm?”“Alpha,” he said dully. I groaned.“Please don’t call me that.”“Thank you, I wasn’t enjoying it.” He simply said.We were alone in the room, Edna and Audrey must’ve left for breakfast or something. A little tingle in my stomach made me desperately want to see his face.“Hey look at me,” I told him and he adjusted his weight.His hair was wet, dripping still and parted in the middle. He looked clean, it suited him to be clean.“Why do you keep long hair, you look like a songwriter,” I said.A small smile etched upon his face and I had no idea why it felt good. I hated it.On the other hand, my arms felt like they had been squeezed into immobility and my body was heavy. My nose was runny and I sniffled. I had been lying on one side the whole night, crying in my sle
When we were out of sight he loosened his grip on me. My hand quickly found its way to his and I held it tight. I couldn’t let go of the warmth, even for a second. I still allowed my mind to play tricks on me. If I did not look at him and imagine his voice as Khai’s he would be Khai.“You can’t do that type of stuff. It’s traumatising,” he said.I knew it was wrong. I did not doubt it but I didn’t care.His other free hand ran down his face. He looked tired and sleepless. The bags under his eyes were swollen, and red cracked through the whites of his eyes. Had he not slept? I looked away from him, to the trees and anything else that would allow me to swap him out with who I wanted him to be.“That’s why we have to look at him before they shut the casket. It prevents such things.”Leaves crunched under his boots and my heels. My ankles and toes hurt.It was insane how it hadn’t been a complete year since I met Khai. I met him in winter and lost him before winter. I let go of his hand. H
Malcolm decided to return to the funeral with a busted nose and lips. I waited on the porch for the guard dogs to appear. They said that as soon as Khai was buried we would get to go.Nothing else mattered but my vengeance, nothing at all. There was no after. I couldn’t imagine it and if I died killing all the Azraels I would be satisfied, I would’ve achieved my life’s purpose.A couple of wolves… Ten? No fifteen. Twenty-seven? Thirty! Thirty, to be exact broke out of the forest, ravenous and ready to fight. Traga guard dogs. Slightly bigger than other wolves and their legs showed that they spent their time fighting and running. These were strong wolves. I almost felt pride when I saw them coming in, if no one knew – they would’ve thought they were wild wolves.I got to my feet as family members and other Tragas came back to the house in their human forms. Hannah ran to my side.“You don’t have to do this. You’re the alpha, send them out instead. You stay.”Vomit bubbled in the back o
The world was red as I backed away, trying to shake the blood off my face. Intiyago walked slowly toward me. Prowling, Ravenous and angry but his eyes – his eyes were sympathetic.Roman, this is not what I want. His voice was soft in my head. He stopped in his tracks, his head lowered down and he licked drops of my blood which had fallen on a rock.No.But it was too late, his pink tongue wiped the rock clean and his eyes surged with a golden glow. A menacing growl ripped out of him.This is what I want!His voice was heavy again, dark and sharp. The sun healed the scratch and I could see properly again. I charged toward him and clawed at his face. Claw after claw I saw blood and more blood until his face was disfigured. He howled and jumped to the side where he rammed me into a tree. The impact almost broke my ribs but I got back up and gave him everything I had. I rammed him into the other tree and bit into his arm so hard I hit his bone.The painful howl he screamed satisfied me i
The guard dogs ran ahead of me, howling in celebration. I turned my head away from the corpses and tried to convince myself I was walking back from somewhere else. But I couldn’t forget what I did, not while I had his skull in my mouth.The howls filled the air all the way back to Traga land. Outside the house many wolves in their human forms had gathered, ready to receive us. They were so excited to see us, cheering and joyful that the reign of Azraels was finally over. I placed Intiyago’s head in the middle of the garden and everyone erupted in joy.Where was my joy, I wondered. I couldn’t feel a thing.Intiyago haunted me for so long, made my life a living hell and now that I had ended him I felt no joy nor sense of completion. I entered the house and phased into a human in the kitchen.My behavior offset them but they continued to cheer and celebrate outside, hoisting Intiyago’s head and parading around with it. The house was e
Ginos was a place out of town, randomly in the middle of the dessert like area. It was made of shipping containers huddled into a circle where people could sit and have drinks. They only served barbeque meats and alcohol. The air was heavy with spices, smoke and charred meat which made my mouth salivate.I couldn’t believe the Tragas had finally managed to get me off raw meat. I couldn’t imagine eating it.We joined two tables and sat together, the loudest group in the whole place. Hannah, Falcon, Jacob, Yolanda, Audrey, Malcolm, Linda and apparently Greg was coming. The idea didn’t excite me and I felt that it was disrespectful seeing as Khai was barely gone for a week and she was already going over his head.Khai never wanted Greg around them. He could do nothing about Linda’s love for him but he made it clear he didn’t want him around other wolves.I didn’t have the energy to argue and fight a losing battle. No matter what I said, Linda would justify his presence in her head. And on
The night went on and I left the crowd to sit alone with my fourth drink. I wanted to cry but my body felt too tired of all the sadness and pain. Also, I was tired of forcing smiles.I walked a mile off and sat on the dirt, gazing up at the moon.I’d never given the moon much thought till I came to Traga. All I cared about before was the sun and now I was of both the sun and the moon.As I stared the moon it began to glow. I kept my gaze fixed on it and I felt my blood rushing through my veins. I stood up to my feet as my heart pounded in my chest.What was happening?It went on for a while until my chest felt warm. Tears brimmed at my eyes as I felt it again. His love. His warmth, his presence glowing from inside of me.It was Khai. How?Roman. Khai?Yes. How? I laughed, a mix of joy and tears.How was this happening. I’d never felt so whole in my life. My
It became apparent why I was here. Why it was the doorstep of the Tragas I fell upon. It was for this moment right here. Khai and I were nothing but collateral, a means to an end.I was but a small cog in the machine, a pawn in a chess game played by the gods. Traga was willing to sacrifice himself to Yaga so his children would get stronger and live longer. My blood would certainly guarantee that.After Khai left my mind and body I felt lonely. Lonelier than I’d ever been or believed was possible. I sat in the desert crying for what felt like an hour as the black hole in my chest gaped wider.I saw them looking for me in the distance and I ran to hide so I could cry all the cowardice out of me.I couldn’t continue like this anymore. I needed to take the first step. Move out of the passive and into the active.For the first time in a long time, I got on my knees and said a prayer.Give me the strength to see these plans through. Please soften the hearts of Traga Wolves so they may rece
When the elders gathered in the living room, winter was coming to a visible end. Their eyes were still full of grief and heartache, but Raymond was as cold as stone.I told no one else about what Yaga and Khai told me to do after Audrey's reaction. I kept it to myself. Malcolm could read a difference in me but he couldn’t put a finger on it. Most of the time I avoided his advances and efforts to make something out of the proposed arrangement but I gave him no opening.My stomach turned; I could feel another war coming on.“Roman, the time has come. We understand that you may not want anything big but we will need it on paper,” Khai’s grandfather said to me.I sat alone on the single couch while everyone sat around me. This must’ve been how Khai felt when he led. All these eyes and weight on him. No wonder he was broken.My mouth remained sealed and I looked over at Malcolm who for once in one of these meetings was looking me directly in the eyes. Bold and immovable.“By the end of tom
I reached out for her and she moved her hand away. That's when I knew there was division between us."Do you know what you sound like?" she said as she glared at me.I shrugged helplessly."A colonizer.""Excuse me?" I breathed.I wasn't sure if I heard her right."I should've listened to Malcolm. You've made Malcolm a reliable source. Do you know how insane you need to be to make Malcolm sound reliable?" she shouted.The workers around us watched us and all the harvesting had stopped. Audrey saw the eyes and closed the space between us and lowered her voice."How dare you use Khai's name to justify your schemes," she said through clenched teeth."This is not my scheme Audrey. I don't want this either but Khai said-""How dare you?"Her eyes became glossy and she jabbed a finger in my chest."Doing that will eradicate everything that makes us Traga. You came in here and usurped our leader and now you
Winter covered the garden with its cold whiteness and a few months breezed past. The trees grew bare with leaves and frostbite crept up my fragile human toes.I never had to worry about these things when I spent every day and night as a wolf. My fur always kept me warm but as a human, which I spent most of my time as - I found sickness and shivering to be commonplace.They were generous with the mourning period but time was running out. I couldn't avoid the subject of marriage to Malcolm any longer. Eventually, the elders would end their kind silence and come to the house again.Intimidated and confused, I had said yes to marrying Malcolm under the condition that they would lend me the guard dogs in my fight against the Azraels. They had done that for me.This was against my moral code. Growing up, my father taught me to keep my word but then I felt Khai, heard him in my head and promised him I’d never marry Malcolm and see the plan through - my mor
It became apparent why I was here. Why it was the doorstep of the Tragas I fell upon. It was for this moment right here. Khai and I were nothing but collateral, a means to an end.I was but a small cog in the machine, a pawn in a chess game played by the gods. Traga was willing to sacrifice himself to Yaga so his children would get stronger and live longer. My blood would certainly guarantee that.After Khai left my mind and body I felt lonely. Lonelier than I’d ever been or believed was possible. I sat in the desert crying for what felt like an hour as the black hole in my chest gaped wider.I saw them looking for me in the distance and I ran to hide so I could cry all the cowardice out of me.I couldn’t continue like this anymore. I needed to take the first step. Move out of the passive and into the active.For the first time in a long time, I got on my knees and said a prayer.Give me the strength to see these plans through. Please soften the hearts of Traga Wolves so they may rece
The night went on and I left the crowd to sit alone with my fourth drink. I wanted to cry but my body felt too tired of all the sadness and pain. Also, I was tired of forcing smiles.I walked a mile off and sat on the dirt, gazing up at the moon.I’d never given the moon much thought till I came to Traga. All I cared about before was the sun and now I was of both the sun and the moon.As I stared the moon it began to glow. I kept my gaze fixed on it and I felt my blood rushing through my veins. I stood up to my feet as my heart pounded in my chest.What was happening?It went on for a while until my chest felt warm. Tears brimmed at my eyes as I felt it again. His love. His warmth, his presence glowing from inside of me.It was Khai. How?Roman. Khai?Yes. How? I laughed, a mix of joy and tears.How was this happening. I’d never felt so whole in my life. My
Ginos was a place out of town, randomly in the middle of the dessert like area. It was made of shipping containers huddled into a circle where people could sit and have drinks. They only served barbeque meats and alcohol. The air was heavy with spices, smoke and charred meat which made my mouth salivate.I couldn’t believe the Tragas had finally managed to get me off raw meat. I couldn’t imagine eating it.We joined two tables and sat together, the loudest group in the whole place. Hannah, Falcon, Jacob, Yolanda, Audrey, Malcolm, Linda and apparently Greg was coming. The idea didn’t excite me and I felt that it was disrespectful seeing as Khai was barely gone for a week and she was already going over his head.Khai never wanted Greg around them. He could do nothing about Linda’s love for him but he made it clear he didn’t want him around other wolves.I didn’t have the energy to argue and fight a losing battle. No matter what I said, Linda would justify his presence in her head. And on
The guard dogs ran ahead of me, howling in celebration. I turned my head away from the corpses and tried to convince myself I was walking back from somewhere else. But I couldn’t forget what I did, not while I had his skull in my mouth.The howls filled the air all the way back to Traga land. Outside the house many wolves in their human forms had gathered, ready to receive us. They were so excited to see us, cheering and joyful that the reign of Azraels was finally over. I placed Intiyago’s head in the middle of the garden and everyone erupted in joy.Where was my joy, I wondered. I couldn’t feel a thing.Intiyago haunted me for so long, made my life a living hell and now that I had ended him I felt no joy nor sense of completion. I entered the house and phased into a human in the kitchen.My behavior offset them but they continued to cheer and celebrate outside, hoisting Intiyago’s head and parading around with it. The house was e
The world was red as I backed away, trying to shake the blood off my face. Intiyago walked slowly toward me. Prowling, Ravenous and angry but his eyes – his eyes were sympathetic.Roman, this is not what I want. His voice was soft in my head. He stopped in his tracks, his head lowered down and he licked drops of my blood which had fallen on a rock.No.But it was too late, his pink tongue wiped the rock clean and his eyes surged with a golden glow. A menacing growl ripped out of him.This is what I want!His voice was heavy again, dark and sharp. The sun healed the scratch and I could see properly again. I charged toward him and clawed at his face. Claw after claw I saw blood and more blood until his face was disfigured. He howled and jumped to the side where he rammed me into a tree. The impact almost broke my ribs but I got back up and gave him everything I had. I rammed him into the other tree and bit into his arm so hard I hit his bone.The painful howl he screamed satisfied me i
Malcolm decided to return to the funeral with a busted nose and lips. I waited on the porch for the guard dogs to appear. They said that as soon as Khai was buried we would get to go.Nothing else mattered but my vengeance, nothing at all. There was no after. I couldn’t imagine it and if I died killing all the Azraels I would be satisfied, I would’ve achieved my life’s purpose.A couple of wolves… Ten? No fifteen. Twenty-seven? Thirty! Thirty, to be exact broke out of the forest, ravenous and ready to fight. Traga guard dogs. Slightly bigger than other wolves and their legs showed that they spent their time fighting and running. These were strong wolves. I almost felt pride when I saw them coming in, if no one knew – they would’ve thought they were wild wolves.I got to my feet as family members and other Tragas came back to the house in their human forms. Hannah ran to my side.“You don’t have to do this. You’re the alpha, send them out instead. You stay.”Vomit bubbled in the back o