Chapter 4

Amara

Ang malamig na tubig na dumadaloy sa akin ay tuluyan ko nang naramdaman nang marinig ko iyon.

Si Javier ang nag utos? Hindi niya magagawa sa akin iyon. Kahit galit 'yon... mahal pa rin ako. Kaya bakit? baka nagkamali lang si kuya.

"Kuya, baka nagkamali lang po kayo ng pagkarinig?" tanong ko habang iniinda ang ulan sa labas ng bahay ni mama.

Bago pa ito makapagsalita upang sagutin ako, lumabas si mama. May sarkastikong ngiti.

"He did say that," she smirked, the corners of her mouth curling up in a way that made her words sting even more.

Nang marinig ko iyon sakanya, at makita ang mukha nitong puno ng sarkasmo, imbes na magalit ako, mas lalo lamang ako nanlumo. He was really angry at me. A cold shiver ran down my spine at the thought that we might never fix this mess. The idea of losing him for good filled me with fear, making it hard to breathe.

"Saan po siya ngayon mama?" I asked in a weak voice, struggling to keep my composure. My words felt like they were barely holding together. I needed to know, even though the answer might break me even more.

Hindi ko na alintana ang malakas na buhos ng ulan sa akin. Basang basa ako, mabuti na lamang hinintay ako ng driver namin. Nandoon ang mga gamit kong dala-dala.

"He went out with Tiana," she replied, her voice flat and emotionless. The words hit me like a punch to the gut. My mind raced with questions and fears, each one cutting deeper than the last. Tiana. Of course, it had to be her. The weight of betrayal and confusion bore down on me, making it hard to breathe.

Para akong napako sa kinatatayuan ko at hindi agad nakasagot. Nasaktan ako roon. Alam kong hindi ko dapat pag selosan si Tiana, dahil hindi naman ito nagpakita sa akin ng kasamaan. Hindi rin siya nagpakita sa akin ng mga bagay na dapat kong pagselosan.

She had always been a good friend to Javier. Maybe he was with her now, venting all the things he couldn't say to me. The thought of him opening up to her, sharing his pain and frustrations, twisted something sharp in my heart. It hurt knowing he turned to someone else, even if it was just to talk. I tried to convince myself that it was just friendship, that he needed someone to lean on.

I lifted my eyes to meet Mama's and nodded weakly. "Aalis na lang po ako, kung ganoon, mama," I said. My voice was barely a whisper. The walls around me felt like they were closing in, and I needed to breathe, to think. Leaving seemed like the only option left, kahit na parang tinatakasan ko ang lahat ng importante sa akin.

"No, pumasok ka. Javier left something for you," she said, her voice steady. I was stunned. I hadn't expected her to let me inside their house without Javier being there. Alam ko ang galit nito sa akin. Gayon pa man, ay nagpapasalamat ako.

Susubukan ko rin itanong ang sinabi nito kay Javier. I was trembling with fear, my heart racing at the thought of asking. I desperately wanted to know. Kanina lang ay galit ako nang malaman ang galit ni Javier sa akin dahil sa sinabi ni mama. Pero ngayon na nandito na siya sa harapan ko, hindi ko magawang magalit.

Gusto niya ang nakakabuti para kay Javier. At hindi ko man lang iyon maibigay sa anak niya. Walang mali sa katawan ko, ngunit isang taon na ang nakalipas pero hindi pa rin ako nabubuntis.

Nakakapagod ang lahat...

Tiningnan ko ang kabuuan ni mama habang nakasunod ako sakanya. Hindi pa halata sa mukha nito ang katandaan, ngunit kung titigan mo nang mabuti ang kanyang galaw ay mahina na ito.

Pumasok ito sa loob, ngunit natigil ako nang huminto siya sa pintuan.

"Just stay outside. I don't want you bringing any mess into the house," she said coldly, her voice sharp and unwelcoming. Her words were like a cold wind, pushing me back, kaya napatungo naman ako.

Feeling the weight of her disapproval, I stood there, drenched. Knowing I wasn’t welcome to step further. It stung, but I understood. Tiningnan ko ang sarili. Basang basa ang kasuotan. Hindi na ako maayos kung tingnan. Naaawa ako sa sarili ko, pero hindi ko na iyon pinansin.

I stood outside by the door, soaked. The cold rain dripped down my body, and the chilly wind made me shiver uncontrollably. I felt numb and alone, the harsh weather only adding to my pain.

Hindi nagtagal, lumabas na rin si mama. May dala itong papel. Hindi ko alam pero bigla akong kinabahan.

She handed me the envelope, but I didn’t take it right away. My heart pounded so hard it felt like it might break free from my chest.

"Take it," she said, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "Javier left this with me before he went out with Tiana."

With trembling hands, I accepted the envelope. When I opened it, my world shattered. Inside were divorce papers.

I shook my head, unable to believe what I was seeing. Why is this happening to me? Tears mixed with the rain on my cold face, streaming down uncontrollably.

But this is Javier's signature... Is this really happening? Ang dali niyang bitawan ako. Akala ko magpapahinga lang siya, babalik, at pakikinggan ako.

My head spun with dizziness, but I forced myself to stay upright. Tears kept streaming down my face, relentless. I tried to hold myself together.

Ang pagsama niya kay Tiana, ay matatanggap ko pa. Pero itong papel... ayokong tanggapin ito.

"I can't sign this, Mama. Please, give it back to him. Aalis nalang po ako." My voice was firm but trembling. I looked at her with pleading eyes, desperate to undo the pain. Tinalikuran ko siya para umalis na, hindi kinakaya ang nakita.

"He’ll be with Tiana for the next three months, Amara," she said with a cold, detached tone. "He left some of his work with Francis for now. They’ve gone to Capiz for a long vacation. Sounds nice, doesn’t it?" Nabitin sa ere ang mga paa ko. Hindi nakagalaw.

I felt overwhelmed and deeply hurt, my emotions getting out of control. The pain was so intense that I could barely contain it. In that moment, all I wanted was to lash out, to make her feel the suffering I was experiencing.

"Siguradong masaya ka ngayon mama. Nag aaway kami ngayon, dahil sa ginawa mo hindi ba? But I still won’t sign it," I said firmly, turning to face her.

I saw the anger flare in her eyes, but I held my ground. She responded with a sarcastic chuckle. Ang pagtawa nito ay parang inaasar niya ako, pinapamukha kung gaano ako ka tanga dahil sa sinasabi ko ngayon.

"Javier already signed the documents. Matagal kana niyang hindi mahal, Amara. I'm his mother, so I know everything about him. He’s just been with you out of pity," she said with a false smile, her eyes glinting with a mix of satisfaction and malice.

Pakiramdam ko ay paulit niyang tinapak-tapakan ang pagkatao ko nang sinabi niya iyon. Umiling ako, hindi naniniwala sa kanya. Walang tigil sa pag buhos ang mga luha kasabay nang malakas na ulan.

"If you still don't believe me, then you should see it for yourself," she said, handing me a photograph.

I stared at the picture, my body going cold. It showed Tiana and Javier locked in a kiss. Tiana's hand cradled Javier’s face, while his hand rested on her waist. Their eyes were closed, lost in the moment, their expressions a painful reminder of what I had feared all along.

Napigtas ang maliit na pag asang kinakapitan ko. Nanginginig habang nakatayo. Ano mang oras ay bibigay na ang katawan ko.

The image of them together, kissing so passionately, was a cruel reminder of the trust that had been shattered. It left me feeling utterly abandoned, as if every promise and moment we shared had been a lie. The betrayal making me feel as though I was losing a part of myself. Kailan pa? Kailan sila nagsimulang lokohin ako? Talaga bang kinakaawaan niya nalang ako kaya hindi niya ako iniwan?

I trusted both of them completely. I ignored what Mama said before because I believed they were just friends, and they had always been kind to me.

He treated me so well that I didn't notice something was wrong.

But now, looking back, I realize Mama wouldn’t have pushed Tiana towards Javier if there was nothing off. She must have known something I didn’t, which is why she kept insisting on Tiana being with him. It feels like a direct insult to me as his wife, a betrayal of the trust I had in both of them.

Mas kilala niya nga ang anak niya.

"I suggest you sign this, Amara," she said coldly, her gaze piercing through me. "For the next three months or even longer, I doubt Javier will feel anything for you. Even pity might not be enough to make him stay."

She handed me the divorce papers along with a pen. My hands trembled as I took them, the weight of what I was about to do sinking in. Signing these papers felt like signing away everything that once mattered. The thought of making it official, knowing it would change everything, was unbearable.

Kaya siguro ang bilis niya rin pinaniwalaan si mama. He doesn’t love me anymore. He’s just staying with me out of pity. As I stared at Javier’s signature on the papers, a tear fell and blurred the ink. Each drop seemed to underline my pain, showing the cold reality that he’s only here because he feels sorry for me, not because he truly wants to be.

Ang daya mo Javier...

"I feel sorry for you, Amara," she said coldly. "But if I had seen that Javier really loved you, I wouldn’t be doing this."

I had no response. Words escaped me. I felt trapped and overwhelmed, like I was gasping for air. With trembling hands, I slowly moved to sign the papers, each stroke of the pen feeling like it sealed my pain and despair.

I'm sorry for holding on to you, Javier. I was so focused on loving you that I failed to see the little things that mattered to you. I didn’t notice the cracks forming in what we had.

I’m letting you go now. It’s tearing me apart to do this, but I realize it’s the only way for you to find what you truly need. I hope you find the happiness I couldn't give you.