Chapter 3

Amara

Tumigil ang mundo ko sa sinabi niya. His eyes blazed with anger and betrayal, each word slicing through me like a knife.

Walang tigil sa pag unos ang luha ko nang marinig iyon sakanya. Naalala ko ang mga sinabi ni mama kanina. Is this what she wanted to do? Break me completely?

I walked towards Javier, my heart aching with every step. I wanted to reach for him, to feel some kind of connection, but the pain and fear in my chest were overwhelming. My hands trembled as I extended them, the distance between us felt impossibly wide.

Each step felt like a desperate plea for comfort that I was terrified I might not receive. Ngunit parang binagsakan ako ng langit nang makita ko siyang umatras.

“Don’t come near me, Amara,” he said, his voice cold and distant. The coldness in his voice sent a chill through my entire body, leaving me feeling frozen and utterly alone.

Nanginginig ang mga tuhod kong huminto sa harap niya. Nakayuko habang walang tigil sa pag patak ang mga luha ko sa aking pisngi.

"You really believe her?" I asked, each word tearing me apart. My voice was almost a whisper, choked with pain.

"You know damn well, Amara, that I don't believe her. I trusted you so much," he said, his voice firm and cold, yet I could hear the pain hidden in his words. "I know she's just trying to ruin us. Pero tangina naman, hindi nagsisinungaling ang proweba, Amara." His eyes held a mix of anger and heartbreak, making my own heart feel like it was breaking all over again.

Napaangat ako ng tingin sa sinabi niya. "What do you mean?" I asked, my voice trembling. The question felt like a desperate plea, each word weighed down with fear and confusion.

"I saw the conversation and pictures of you and the guy, Amara," he said furiously. It was the first time he had ever spoken to me like that. His anger felt suffocating, like I couldn't breathe. I hated it.

Umiling ako, nagsusumamo. "I thought you knew me, Javier," I pleaded, my voice breaking. The pain in my chest was unbearable, and I felt like my world was crumbling around me.

My mind spinning with confusion and pain. My thoughts were tangled, and it was hard to focus. It felt like I was trapped in a nightmare, unable to find a way out. Paano nangyari ang lahat ng ito sa isang iglap lang? Gusto kong magmakaawa sa Diyos, na sana panaginip lang ang lahat ng ito, ngunit hindi.

He chuckled without humor. "That's what I thought. I thought I knew you, hindi pala." His words were laced with sarcasm, cutting me to my core. "Because the Amara I thought I knew would never do those kinds of things."

I looked into his eyes as he spoke. The eyes that once held so much love for me were now cold and distant. The way he looked at me now, it was like he was a completely different person. Like he had never loved me at all.

Nanlumo ako nang makita ang ganoon na paraan ng pagtingin niya sa akin. My eyes burned from crying, and my heart felt like it was bleeding and stuck in my chest. Every sob tearing through me, leaving me feeling empty.

"I would never do that to you..." I said softly, my voice cracking with every word. "I love you so much. I would never do anything to risk losing you." I tried to explain, my heart breaking with each breath. Every word was a struggle, ngunit nagpatuloy ako. Kahit na hindi ako lubos na maintindihan dahil sa walang tigil na paghikbi.

I saw him turn his eyes away from me, as if he couldn’t bear to look any longer.

“You really did believe her, didn’t you?” I chuckled bitterly. “You can’t even look at me now. Can’t you stand me anymore, love?” I asked, each word feeling like a blade slicing through my chest.

“How can I not, Amara? I saw everything,” he replied, his voice heavy with pain.

"You didn’t even bother to ask if it was real," I said, my voice breaking as tears streamed down my face. "Naniwala ako na sa huli Javier, ikaw ang unang makakakilala sa akin."

"That’s why I never bothered to ask. I knew you’d deny it, just like my ex did," he said. His words shattered me completely. Did he really just compare me to the woman who betrayed him? It felt like he saw me as nothing more than a disappointment.

I was left speechless, unable to find any words to respond. As he continued to pack his things, I stood there, frozen by the sting of his comparison. The weight of his judgment was crushing.

I swallowed hard, each movement of my throat feeling like a painful struggle. Kahit lubos akong nasaktan sa pag atras niya kanina, sinubukan ko pa rin siyang lapitan. Tinahak ko ang distansya sa pagitan namin.

“Don’t leave me, please…” I said, almost begging, as I reached out to grab his hand. But he pulled away, brushing my fingers off his arm. The rejection felt unbearably heavy, making it hard to breathe.

In that moment, I lost all my morals, dignity, and respect for myself. Amara Verity Fernandez, once known for her firm boundaries and self-respect, now knelt before him. I was willing to go this far, even if it meant breaking myself apart, just to stop him.

“Huwag ngayon, Javier…”

I felt completely lost. The pain from what was happening now mixed with the confusion from what my tita had said earlier. Though I didn’t want to believe her, the doubt ate me, making me wonder if there was some truth to her words. The weight of it all was crushing, leaving me in a state of deep despair.

I could see the shock on his face as he saw me in this state, but I didn’t care anymore. I was too desperate to stop him from leaving. Hindi na alintana ang kawalan ko ng respeto sa sarili.

“Stand up now, Amara. This time, I won’t be here to help you get up,” he said with a pained voice, then walked away, leaving me alone.

I was left on the cold floor, overwhelmed by a deep, hollow sadness. The weight of his words crushed me, and I was lost in a sea of grief. Alone, I sobbed, my heart aching for the comfort I no longer had.

Anong ba ang ipinakita sakanya ni mama? Bakit nauwi ang lahat sa ganito. The memories of him saying earlier that he wouldn’t believe her now felt like a cruel joke. What he once promised was now twisted into my worst nightmare. Bakit parang ang dali niya naman yatang paniwalaan na ginawa ko iyon sakanya?

I felt betrayed, as if every assurance he had given me was nothing but a lie.

Every part of me ached as I faced the crushing truth that my love wasn’t enough to keep him from doubting me. Nagkulang nga talaga yata ako sakanya. Kasalanan ko… Hindi ako naging sapat na asawa.

Mas lalo lamang ako kinakain ng sakit habang inaalala ang sinabi ni tita. I couldn't accept it. I denied it to myself, desperately clinging to the hope that it wasn’t true.

With my hands shaking, I grabbed my phone to call Tita. Thankfully, she answered.

"Tita, I’ll come," I said, my voice torn and uncertain. I wasn’t sure if I should go now, especially since Javier and I were still not okay.

"I’m glad to hear that, Ija," she replied, and her voice brought a small measure of comfort through the chaos.

"How's Dad?" I asked softly, trying to focus on something kaysa sa sakit na nararamdaman ko ngayon. I needed to stay calm, but the edge of losing my mind was so close.

"I went there earlier," Tita said, her voice heavy with sadness. "He still won't talk to anyone. He just stays in bed."

"Okay, Tita." I could only manage those words before I hung up. Hindi ko pa rin magawang maniwala sa sinabi niya. I tried calling my mom’s number, but she didn’t answer. Umabot pa talaga sila sa ganitong punto para lang mabiro ako? I shook my head as I lay down on bed.

Everything felt different lalo pa ngayon na galit si Javier sa akin. I chuckled bitterly, the memory of our happier times a painful contrast to the present. Ang bigat sa pakiramdam habang inaalala ang mga sinabi ni Javier kanina.

I felt furious with myself as tears threatened to spill from the corners of my eyes once more. The anger only deepened the ache in my chest, each tear feeling like a reminder of how helpless and broken I was. I hated that I couldn’t control the flood of emotions.

Bago pa ako magluksa nang lubusan, naisipan ko nalang na ayusin ang mga dadalhin ko papuntang states. Babalik ako, magkakaayos kami ni Javier. Sigurado ako roon, kaya hindi dapat ako magluksa.

Galit lang siya, pero mahal niya ako. Hindi niya ako iiwan, babalik din kami sa dati. Kaya dapat kong itigil itong mga luha ko.

Alam kong galit siya sa akin ngayon, and his mind was still clouded by anger, making him unable to listen to me. So, I decided to give him some time.

I put on a simple shirt and jeans, deciding to go see Javier first, bago ako umalis. As I went downstairs, I noticed the rain pouring down relentlessly, pinapantayan ang lungkot na nararamdaman ko. Kahit na hindi kami magkaayos ngayon, ay ipapaalam ko pa rin sakanya na mawawala muna ako. Ayokong mag alala siya pag nakita niyang wala ako rito.

Nagpahatid nalang ako sa aming driver upang pumunta sa bahay nina mama. Alam kong nandoon siya ngayon na ayaw niya sa bahay namin.

Nang makarating ako sa bahay nila, bumaba ako ng sasakyan kahit na ang lakas ng ulan. I pressed the doorbell, hoping for some sign of life, but no one came to answer. The silence was deafening, making the rain feel even colder and more isolating. Ang guard nila ang lumabas.

“Hello, Kuya," I said politely, expecting him to open the gate for me. But I was wrong.

"Ma'am, huwag daw kitang papasukin utos ni sir kanina bago siya umalis. Pasensya kana ma'am." Sagot nito nang nakatingin sa akin na parang naaawa.

"Sinong sir po, kuya?" I stayed there, slowly getting drenched as the rain pounded down. Despite the cold and the discomfort, I asked again, my voice barely audible over the storm.

“Sir Javier, Ma’am,” he said apologetically. His words stung, increasing my sense of despair as I stood there, drenched and shivering.