Dinner came and here I am helping my mother prepare for our dinner.
"Hija, please call your papa, " Sabi ni mama, tumango ako at agad na nilabas ang cellphone ko sa bulsa ng coat ko.
Nakarinig kami ng bosena ng sasakyan at pagbukas ng gate, naglakad ako papunta pinto and from where I standband I saw my father with someone. Agad na napakunot ang noo ko.
Namilog ang mata ko, nakita ko itong nakasunod kay Papa at ngumiti sa mga kasambahay na nakahilera papuntang pinto. Tumikhim ako at pinawala ang pagkagulat, sinalubong ni Mama si Papa at hinalikan ito sa pisngi, agad naman akong lumapit kay Papa at humalik narin sa pisngi niya.
Napataas ang kilay ko at tinignan siya, nakita ko namang umangat ang gilid ng labi niya may ngiti na pilit na tinatago. I smirked as I look at him and he grinned. Dahan dahan akong naglakad at sumunod na kina Mama at Papa while he were beside me following my lead to our table.
Nakaupo na kami sa harap ng mesa at kumakain, Papa and Mr. Get me pregnant is talking about business and experiences. I glanced at him and saw him glance at me too, agad akong nagbaba ng tingin at nagpatuloy na sa pagkain.
"So, Hijo my husband told me that you wanted to be a photographer too?" Mama asked, I only listened to them talking. I glanced at him, he was now smiling to my parents.
"Yes po Ma'am, " He said but mommy cut him off saying it's tita and not Ma'am. "Tita actually nakahiligan ko talaga since highschool ako but then I am the eldest so responsibility comes first" he said. Agad akong napatingin kay mama.
"Kung sa bagay nga naman, my daughter here Dale is pursuing her hobby, " my mom proudly said, I smiled at that. They never really make it a big deal since Kuya Xavier is now handling the company and now busy with his family, I suddenly missed kuya.
"Naging client niya ako Tita and I can say that she's good even her staffs are well trained and efficient, " Sagot naman niya, agad akong nagangat ng tingin. He winked at me I feel my cheeks burned at his simple gesture, agad akong nagbaba ng tingin.
"Thank you, " pasasalamat ko. He only nodded and smiled, they discuss more while I quietly listened to them and answered questions that my parents would ask.
"Naku! Dale is twenty seven and she has no plans on getting married! Kahit nga boyfriend wala naipakilala samin, simula nung, " tuloy tuloy na sabi ni Mama, agad akong tumikhim at nagbaba ng tingin. Tumahimik naman si Mama.
"Mama, " I almost whispered, agad akong napapikit. Memories rushed back na parang kahapon lang ang lahat, the feeling, pain, the hatred, and sacrifices.
"Excuse me Mama, Papa," dahan dahan akong tumayo at tinignan si Adair na kaharap kong nakaupo sa lamesa. "Mr. Adams," agad akong naglakad paakyat sa kwarto ko, the tears I've been holding suddenly bursted out noong makapasok na ako sa kwarto ko. Impit akong napaiyak at napaupo sa sofa.
All these years. I've been fighting my fears, the demons. It's was not easy, akala ko okay na ako. But I was wrong I can feel my hands getting numb as my cry is getting louder each second.
I suddenly remembered all of it. That hell I've been through, the devil that dragged me there, the way I fought all of them. The way I screamed for help. The day he turned me into the monster I am now, a part of me also died that day and I can't forgive myself.
It was never easy, the day he said I was the one who made him do it. The day I lost my best friend, the day I almost ended my life.
The day I shut everyone out.
The day I feel like no one is better, the day I buried my heart with her. The day I promised that no one will ever be worth it.
I pleaded for Solace baby's and her life. I pleaded for time. I pleaded for forgiveness.
I hated myself to the point that even killing myself is not enough.
I cried harder. I am still mourning and feeling empty inside, despite my parent's help who patiently guided me through the times I hated myself.
Narinig kong may kumatok sa pintuan. Agad kong pinunasan ang luha ko at, narinig ko ang marahang lakad. I glanced at my mother, she looks apologetic and I instantly knew why.
"I'm sorry Hija, " paumanhin nito tsaka ako niyakap ng mahigpit, I cried more letting all out my pain.
"Ang sakit sakit parin Ma, " bulong ko at yumakap kay Mama, I don't know if broken is the right word to described my pain. I felt so lost to the extent that I don't even know how to go back, there's no trace.
"Shh, " Alu ni Mama sakin, I hugged her tight. "Hija, please I can't bare to see you like this, " bulong ni Mama at pilit akong kinakalma. Her warmth somehow helped me calm a bit.
"Anak, " I heard my Dad said, agad naman siyang lumapit sakin at niyakap ako. I looked at him, tears still pooling my eyes.
"Forgive yourself Hija, " mahinang sabi ni Papa, agad akong umiling at pinunasan ang mga luha sa mukha.
"How can I forgive myself, Papa? When I can't ever forgive him, " I said and close my eyes. "We will be here for you but only you can help yourself, Hija" sabi naman ni Mama. Umiling ako, how can I help myself when I already lost it years ago?
"How?" I asked them, hoping for a better answer pero umiling lang sila at niyakap akong muli. "I am lost Papa, how can I find myself again when I already lost it years ago, " bulong ko. Trying to doubt me on how will I be able to help myself from this hell hole that I'm now in.
It hurts but they are right, I need to find myself to forgive him and myself.
"No amount of money can make me forgive myself, I lost my best friend Papa. I'm busy crying and begging for him and sacrificed myself to the point that I lost her a mistake I shouldn't have done in the first place, sana umiwas nalang ako," sabi ko at tumingin sa kanila, I can see my Mama crying pero walang boses iyon. Niyakap siya ni Papa at tinignan ako.
"We know anak but you and only you can do it, we will be your guidance but we can never be the light," sabi ni Papa at hinalikan ako sa noo. Inalalayan naman ako ni Papa patayo at niyakap, ganoon din si Mama. I sighed.
"Rest anak, masakit makitang ganito ka," sabi ni mama at inalalayan akong mahiga sa kama ko. She removed my shoes and kiss me on my forehead. She stayed there while papa was excused to go out para kausapin ang bisita niya.
I closed my eyes and dreamed about what happened. And heaven knows if I can turn back time I would gladly do it without any hesitation and warned the young me, stupid and naive I believed that love would save it all but I was not.
"Dale, " Tinignan ko ang tumawag sakin, he is familiar of course the famous Lorence Cristobal is here infront of me. Agad na napakunot ang noo ko at inayos ang aking salamin. Why is he talking to me? Why is he infront of me? Am I in trouble? "Yes?" sagot ko rito. He smiled at me and I blushed. He looks charming yet he has this bad boy look that girls my age would die to date. He is famous in our school and every girls would kill just to be his date or even his girlfriend. "Uhm, Can I ask if you're free this Saturday?" he asked, shyly. Confused I nodded and look away obviously too shocked in his question. "Why?" I whispered. Fighting myself to gave in and just say yes to him. I gulped, not having eye contact with him, afraid that might read what I am thinking. "Ah, " sagot niya naman while he massaged his neck and nervously smiled. "Invite s
Weekend came and I was still thinking if pupunta ako sa party ni Lorence. Bored, I sat on my bed busy scrolling to ideas of photography I am very much interested on things that concerns photography. "Hija, " I heard my Mom called me,"Yes Mama?" I answered and I heard the door creaked open. "Your Papa wants to talk to you," she said and give me a small smile, agad akong tumango at sinabing susunod na ako. Sinarado ko muna ang laptop ko at sumunod na sa study room. Kumatok muna ako para respeto at dahan dahang hinuksan ang pinto. "Papa?" I asked. Agad itong tumango at sinabing umupo ako. "Sit Hija," sabi nito at sumandal sa upuan niya. Agad akong umayos ng upo at naghihintay sa sasabihin ni Papa. He sighed. "Do you want to take a business-related course?" he asked. I look at him and trying to process his question. "Maybe Papa, but why sudden questio
Days passed like a blur and everything seems fine, like the usual routine I always do after school if not hanging out with friends is going home early and talking with my family and I always admired the way we usually do if all of us are not busy. I sighed as I looked at my phone, I was sitting alone reading some books for the test next week when I heard some footsteps approaching my table. "Hi!" Lorence beamed at me as he sat down on the chair in front of me. I looked at him and saw him carrying books too. He placed the books on the table and stared at me, I awkwardly smiled at him. "Hello?" I said, sounding awkward. I want to slap my face, why did it sound like a question? Ugh!"How are you?" He asked with a smile on his face as he place his hands on his chin and leaned on the table staring at me, it made me flushed. Tumikhim ako at umayos ng upo. "I'm fine, you
Days passed like a blur. Today is Saturday and Lorence texted me that he will fetch me here later. Tinignan ko ang orasan at napabuntong hininga, agad na akong kumilos para matapos agad sa paghahanda. Madami mang tanong sa aking isipan ay pinagpaliban ko muna iyon at hinayaan muna. Agad akong naligo at pumili ng susuotin ko para sa lakad namin ni Lorence, he said it's a date so I tried to look simple yet chic. Agad kong sinuot ang isang itim leggings at isang croptop na puti at sapatos na puti pagkatapos ang isang sapatos na itim. Naglagay lang ako ng kaunting foundation, sunscreen at liptint para hindi magmukhang maputlang tignan. Napangiti ako ng tignan ang aking repleksyon sa salamin, ng kuntento na ako ay agad akong bumaba sa sala namin. Yaya approach me and told me that Lorence is already outside talking to my mother. Agad kong
Naging abala ako sa sumunod na mga araw. Malapit na ang aking kaarawan at abala rin sina Mama para sa aking kaarawan, they said that their unica ija shoud have a wonderful twentieth birthday celebration, though I want it ti be simple but the best, and she said it's okay still I'll be wearing a dress, that is a must."Dale," Tawag sa akin ng isa kong classmate, napatingin ako sa kanya at bumalik ulit ang aking mata sa aking ginagawa. "Ano yun?" Tanong ko s akanya at tinigil ang pagtipa sa aking laptop."Tawag ka ni Lorence," Sabi nito sabay irap. Tumango lang ako at ngumiti. Agad kong inayos ang aking gamit at lumabas na ng classroom, nakita ko si Lorence na nakahilog lang sa gilid ng pinto habang nagtatype sa kanyang telepono at nung napansin niya na nasa gilid niya na ako ay umayos siya ng tayo at ngumiti sa akin, agad niyang kinuha ang bitbit ko na bag at sinukbit iyon sa balikat niya."Kamusta araw mo? Gutom ka ba?" Tanong
I got worried because of two reasons. One is Mama never fan of text messages, she would always call lalo na kapag importante and two is what is the problem? I finished doing my project. It's past twelve am when I heard a car engine. Agad kong sinira ang librong binabasa ko at naglakad papuntang bintana, hinawi ko ang kurtina ko at nakita ko sina Mama at Papa na papasok na ng bahay. Agad kong naglakad pababa para salubungin sila. "Ma, Pa," Tawag ko sa kanila ng nasa ibaba na ako. Napaangat ang tingin sa akin ni Mama at Papa. "Hija," Mama said, she smiled at me but it didn't reach her eyes. Agad akong lumapit sa kanya at humalik sa pisngi niya at pagkatapos kay Papa. I noticed how the looks of his face, it's problematic and maybe tired.
I'm still thinking of what happened between Kuya and Ate, it's unbelievable and I know that some people would do crazy things for love.I sigh, it's been days since I talked to Kuya and he won't bother Ate because he doesn't want to stress her more but he's still investigating what happened. I am on my way to Ate's hotel room, nagdala na rin ako ng iba ilang damit at pagkain. Agad akong pumunta sa elevator at pinindot ang floor nila at, tumingala ako at hinintay na bumaba ito narinig kung tumunog ito at bumukas kaya pumasok na ako kaagad.Pumasok na ako sa elevator at hinitay na dumating sa floor ni Ate, agad akong lumabas nung bumukas ito at bumukas. tumingala ako para tignan ang mga hotel room number at nung nakita ko na ay agad akong nagdoorbell, narinig kong tumu
Agad akong bumaba ng sasakyan pagkatapos kong isukbit sa balikat ko ang bag. It's been a rough weekend and Ate Sofia has to be in a total bed rest dahil sensitibo ang kanyang pagbubuntis.Napabuntong hininga ako at naglakad na papuntang classroom, Medyo inaantok ako dahil hindi ako makatulog kakabantay kay Levi, ayaw nitong sumama sa iba at palaging umiiyak kaya naman ako ang nagbantay dito, naghikab ako habang naglalakad papuntang classroom ko.Nakita ko na papunta sa direksyon ko si Solace na papunta sa direksyon ko, masama ang tingin nito nung malapit na ako sa kanya ay hinawakan niya ang aking kamay at dinala ako papuntang ladies restroom."Aray! Ano ba Solace! Bitawan mo nga ako!" Sabi ko dito, dumidiin ang kanyang kuko sa aking pulsuhan kaya masakit ito, agad niya naman akong binitawan ng makapasok na kami sa loob ng comfort room ng mga babae. Tumalikod ito sa akin at pagdaan ng ilan