CHAPTER EIGHT

Caleb? Caleb?! Are you there?"

It's Ellie, on the phone.

She just told me that Tim proposed to her. And I can’t explain why my throat feels tight and closed up. Maybe it's the sudden effect this news has on me—like running into a wall.

Even though he told me he’d planned to, I never actually thought he would.

I never thought he'd betray me.

It's been months since I left Shiloh Creek. I haven't thought of Tim in weeks now. I thought I’d moved on.

Why does it feel like my body is turning against me?

My hands won’t stop shaking.

My heart won’t stop racing.

Why the fuck do I feel like this?

“Caleb?” She calls again

“Yeah? I’m here” I manage to choke out, my voice sounding weird and distant.

“Where’d you go?”

“Nowhere, Ellie you were saying?”

“You sound weird. Are you okay?” She asks again.

“I’m okay, just a bit shocked.”

“I know right?” She giggles “it was unexpected. But isn’t it great? I think he loves me.” She sounds dreamy and oddly breathless.

I think he loves me. Those words dance in the air, taunting me.

“I know you and Tim have your issues, but he’s a good man.” She says with conviction.

She starts gushing, filling the silence with details about the proposal—how Tim took her to the lake, how he got down on one knee, how she cried when he slid the ring onto her finger.

I’ve been to the lake before with Tim, but I was the one on my knees. For a different reason.

I want to say something like ‘congratulations, I’m happy for you’ or ‘this is good news’ but I can’t say anything past the lump in my throat.

“Caleb, are you at least happy for me?” She says quietly, but I can hear the hurt in her voice.

Fuck me. This is her moment and I’m ruining it.

I swallow painfully.

“Yeah…..of course, It’s just a lot to take in.”

She breathes out in relief, Like she was waiting for the reassurance. “I get it. It’s crazy for me too.”

I nod like she can see me, while I struggle to hold my phone with my shaky hands.

It’s crazy for you? I’m dying Ellie!

I try to steady my quickening breath, suddenly feeling choked.

“Caleb? What’s wrong?”

What’s wrong? I look around my tiny dorm room I share with my suffocating roommate, there’s nothing wrong and everything wrong at the same time.

My body shakes.

I thought I had escaped. I thought coming here meant starting over. But nothing changed. I still feel stuck. Lost. Alone and invisible.

“Caleb?” She repeats.

If I hear my name one more time, I’ll break.

“I hate it here.” I blurt “I left Shiloh Creek, thinking I could have a different life, that I would fit in better. But it’s exactly the same. I’m exactly the same.”

I inhale deeply, feeling out of breath after talking so fast.

She’s quiet for a second. “Caleb…..”

“I have no friends” I continue, the words rushing out. “My roommate is awful, I go to class, I go back to my room and that’s it. No one talks to me.” My voice breaks “I think I’m going to fail my classes.”

Ellie inhales, like she’s about to say something reassuring. But what is there to say? ‘It gets better? I have to put myself out there?.

Nothing will change the fact that I feel like I’m disappearing.

Or that I want to.

“Sorry.” I mutter “ I didn’t mean to dump all that on you.”

“Caleb I—“

“This is your moment, I didn’t mean to ruin it.”

“Hey, stop” her voice is firmer now. “Don’t do that, your feelings matter too.”

Oh Ellie, if only you knew the truth.

“Sorry”

“It’s gonna be okay, I promise.” She continues obliviously, “if you ever feel like this, you call me okay? I mean it Caleb, I’ll always be here for you.”

I shut my eyes. “Yeah….. thanks Ellie. “I should let you go.” I say quietly

She pauses “Caleb—“

“I need to get ready for class anyway.”

“Okay……”

“Congrats Ellie. I mean it”

I hang up before she can say anything else. I tumble into my bed, feeling more miserable and exhausted than ever.

I indulge in my melancholy for as long as I can. Because I know when Luke comes back from his morning run, he’s going to give me shit for ditching him. Who’s going to go for a run when their heart has just been broken?

He returns later with Tyler who’s staring down at me with contempt. I don’t know why he’s here.

“I waited for you, you said you were going to catch up.” Luke says.

“I was going to, but I got a call.”

He scoffs “ A call. You’re full of shit Caleb.” He pulls off his sweat soaked shirt and throws it at me.

“I’m not lying.”

“Not like it would have made a difference.” Tyler mutters “Doubt he could keep up anyway.”

The sound of Tyler’s voice make me hate him even more.

“Why is he here?” I ask Luke, making a point of ignoring Tyler. The elephant in the room.

Before Luke can answer, Tyler cuts in with a smirk. "We ran into each other on the way. I was already heading to class but decided to wait for him to get ready so we could go together." His voice is mocking.

“Oh my God! Can you not talk to me?” I snap

“I’ll talk to whoever I wanna talk to.” He says stepping closer to where I’m sitting on my desk, and ruffling my hair like I’m some kid.

“Don’t touch me.” I snap and shove his arm off.

He does it again. This time his hand lingers. “Or what?”

“Tyler, chill” Luke sighs

Tyler ignores him, his hand still tangled in my hair. I grab his wrist, trying to shove him off again, but he barely budges.

“Or what?" he repeats, voice low, taunting. "Gonna cry?"

My throat tightens and I feel my eyes prickle with tears.

“Fuck off." I push at his arm again, harder this time. He lets go, but only to press a palm to the back of my head, shoving me forward until my forehead smacks against the desk.

Heat rushes to my face. My arms shake as I try to push up, but his grip is firm.

His breath is hot against my ear. “I said, or what?”

my face burns—not just from the pressure, but from the utter humiliation.

He laughs. “Fucking deadweight,”

"What, you get off on this?" I bite out, voice muffled against the wood. "Is this how you make up for your tiny dick?"

He slams my head harder on the desk.

“Tyler, that’s enough!” Luke snaps!

Tyler finally lets go, laughing as he straightens up. "Relax, it’s just a joke. Didn’t mean to mess up your hair, princess."

I sit there with my head still on the desk, trying to catch my breath. My body won’t stop shaking.

“Oh shit is he crying?” Tyler sneers.

“Tyler maybe you should go” Luke says, his voice uneasy.

“What?”

“Go. Leave. We’ll meet up later.”

Tyler scoffs. “Whatever. I’m late anyway.” He grumbles something under his breath before slamming the door behind him.

“You okay?” Luke asks, placing his hand on my shoulder.

I don’t need his stupid sympathy.

“I’m sorry about that.”

I shake his hand off aggressively. “Fuck off!” My voice, hoarse.

He sighs heavily.

I keep my head down, refusing to let him see me like this. My shoulders shake with traitorous tears.

Eventually, I hear the door click shut.

Only then do I move. I drag myself to my bed, curl in on myself, my body shaking violently with sobs. I cry and cry, until it feels like my eyes will pop out. Till my eyes itch. Till my ears ring. Till I’m exhausted down to my bones. I’ll miss school today.

And next week.