Novels by Benny D dreamer

TONY’S POVWe make our way to the men’s hockey house off campus in silence. The silence isn’t suffocating. It’s wide and big enough to hold the two of us. Enough for my mind to drift. The closer we get to the hockey house, the deeper Caleb’s head sinks into his skinny shoulders. It’s obvious he doesn’t want to be here. I don’t want to be here, but I have to see Lukas. I couldn’t go to Lukas’ game because his dad was there. He’s never in a good headspace after being around his father. Even his mom couldn’t handle it. So she chose to leave—by swallowing a whole lot of sleeping pills.The man has hated me ever since he noticed the way Lukas and I were together, the way it was different from how he was with his other friends back at Ashwick. It wasn’t like Lukas had stopped hanging out with his old friends. He still did—at least, he tried. But it was always different.One day, Lukas and I were together in his room, and his dad barged in, his eyes bright with cruelty, He threw accu

Maybe missing lectures for one whole week was a bad and self destructive decision on my part—what started as one week gradually turned into two whole weeks. My academics weren’t impressive before then, but now? It’s completely and utterly hopeless.Since the humiliating ordeal with Tyler, I haven’t said a single word to my roommate.It could be from a place of malice and anger—twice, he stood by and let his friends humiliate me. I suppose, the anger should be directed at myself for being weak and skinny. Or maybe it’s just inferiority. I can’t tell. It’s been a long and draining day of pretending that I was still a student who gave a damn. I sat at the back of each lecture hall, taking notes, but nothing stuck, the more I tried to focus the more the words had no meaning. It felt like I was watching the whole exchange of information between the professor and students, from afar. I felt like a ghost, being present and absent at the same time. Back at the dorm, sitting at my d

Caleb? Caleb?! Are you there?" It's Ellie, on the phone. She just told me that Tim proposed to her. And I can’t explain why my throat feels tight and closed up. Maybe it's the sudden effect this news has on me—like running into a wall. Even though he told me he’d planned to, I never actually thought he would. I never thought he'd betray me.It's been months since I left Shiloh Creek. I haven't thought of Tim in weeks now. I thought I’d moved on.Why does it feel like my body is turning against me? My hands won’t stop shaking.My heart won’t stop racing.Why the fuck do I feel like this?“Caleb?” She calls again“Yeah? I’m here” I manage to choke out, my voice sounding weird and distant. “Where’d you go?” “Nowhere, Ellie you were saying?”“You sound weird. Are you okay?” She asks again.“I’m okay, just a bit shocked.” “I know right?” She giggles “it was unexpected. But isn’t it great? I think he loves me.” She sounds dreamy and oddly breathless. I think he lov

TONY’S POVI knock at the dull off white colored door of Luke’s dorm room. There’s no answer. I shift the paper bag in my hand and knock again. Harder. The half-peeled university decal shamelessly clinging to the door, vibrates from the force of my knock. The dorm hallway is quiet except for the low hum of a distant TV—and the sound of my heartbeat, racing faster than the seconds ticking by. What if he’s not happy to see me. He’s never invited me over before.I pound my fist harder on the door. Still nothing. Pressing my ear against the cold door, I listen for any movement on the other side of it. But all I hear is silence. Then a groan and then slow dragging of feet. When the door finally cracks open, I see him—Butt naked, his usually perfect hair is a mess, he’s honey brown eyes dulled from exhaustion. He squints as if the golden rays of the setting sun are too bright for his eyes. “Hi baby.” I say with a smile. “Tony?” He blinks sluggishly, voice rough from exhaustion.“I

I hate surprises. After what I witnessed last night, it’s decided that I hate surprises. I’m in PSYC 101, the monotonous voice of the professor droning on about cognitive biases, I try to take notes but my fingers float uselessly over my laptop keys as my eyes drift across the room. I notice short dark hair and I know whose it is. I know it’s Tony. Which is weird seeing as he’s not the only person in this class with short dark hair. It’s strange that I’ve never noticed him in this class before. I definitely did not notice him last night as well. He must be really good at fading into backgrounds. Another disturbing thought pops into my head. Luke is queer. What’s more disturbing, he’s a queer person that hangs around homophobic people. He really must not like himself. What happened last night wasn’t just something that drunk people do. Luke was drunk, of course, but this was something he’d done multiple times. There was an affinity in the ordinary way he’d leaned into Tony. He

The bar is packed tightly. I can’t tell if it’s due to its size or due to too many people. But it’s warm enough, almost hot. There’s the smell of liquor and cigarettes and different people in the air. And spicy food. Luke moves through the crowd, pushing people left and right without a second thought. My ears find Luke’s friends before my eyes lock onto them. The laughter coming from the back corner is loud as hell. They’re crowded around a table littered with empty glasses and used napkins and half-eaten food. “There he is! There’s my fucking guy!!!” One of them says. “Dude you were a fucking beast today” There is a slight resemblance between all of them. I can’t tell their jockey, athletic, overly—masculine faces apart. “Tell that to my fucking face man.” Luke says with a smug smile on his face, rubbing his bruised face. I stand silently, waiting for Luke to introduce me. But he doesn’t, douchebag that he is. “Who the fuck is that?” another one on the left asks and