Chapter 23

My tears were uncontrollable as I stared at my grandmother's lifeless body being turned to ash through cremation. The woman earlier warned me not to watch, but I was stubborn and insisted. Now I am watching her body slowly turn to ash.

I knew this would be the last time I would see her, so I wanted to make the most of it. I never thought that this would be something I would regret. If I had known how painful it would be to watch someone you love turn to ash, I would have listened to her warning.

It feels like torture, not physical but mental. My eyesight is blurry from crying, and my chest feels tight, indicating that I might have an asthma attack if I don't stop.

But instead of being afraid, I cry even harder. I don't feel any fear. In fact, I would prefer to have an asthma attack at this moment, so that my chest will tighten until I lose consciousness, or even worse, my life.

Honestly, right now, I want to kill myself. I want to bury myself alive. I want to kill every part of me, in