My tears were uncontrollable as I stared at my grandmother's lifeless body being turned to ash through cremation. The woman earlier warned me not to watch, but I was stubborn and insisted. Now I am watching her body slowly turn to ash.I knew this would be the last time I would see her, so I wanted to make the most of it. I never thought that this would be something I would regret. If I had known how painful it would be to watch someone you love turn to ash, I would have listened to her warning.It feels like torture, not physical but mental. My eyesight is blurry from crying, and my chest feels tight, indicating that I might have an asthma attack if I don't stop.But instead of being afraid, I cry even harder. I don't feel any fear. In fact, I would prefer to have an asthma attack at this moment, so that my chest will tighten until I lose consciousness, or even worse, my life.Honestly, right now, I want to kill myself. I want to bury myself alive. I want to kill every part of me, in
I ran quickly to the bathroom, not wasting any opportunity as soon as I entered. I immediately threw up the food I had wanted to throw up earlier.Frequent vomiting and dizziness were some of the changes that happened in the past few days. I always feel nauseous and dizzy, and I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because of my lack of sleep.But if it's because of lack of sleep, I should only feel dizzy. So why am I throwing up? Specifically, throwing up saliva. Saliva because I have nothing else to throw up since I rarely eat since that tragedy.Even though I am extremely thin, the slight increase in my hips is noticeable, which is really strange.I felt a hand on my back, and I didn't need to turn around to know who it was. Besides, she's been the only one with me these past few days, so what's new?!"Iha, maybe you should go see a doctor? I always see you throwing up," Aling Bebang said while still caressing my back.I felt a little better because of her touch, so I stood up from my seat a
A lot has happened in the past few weeks. As a result, I forgot about my school and the upcoming ball. The ball never crossed my mind, so I was really surprised to hear what Aling Bebang said. She already bought a gown for the ball this night - wait, this night?! What date is it?Because of that thought, I immediately looked at the calendar hanging near the door. I did not expect my eyes to widen when I saw the date.For Pete's sake, really?! February 14th?! Valentine's Day? Has my mind been so occupied these past few days that I even forgot what date it is?But, wait. How did Aling Bebang know about the ball? I never mentioned it to her. In fact, I forgot about it, so how? Did her love for gossiping start again?When I approached her, I asked her how she found out about the ball. She replied that Bebot told her about it when she went to your school, and it was talked about there.I was shocked when I heard that. That man really had a loose tongue. If I didn't know him, I would have t
I snapped back to reality when she squeezed my hand. I looked at her eyes absentmindedly and said, "That occasion only happens once a year, so it's only right that you go there."She squeezed my hand again. "And besides, you need this, iha. You need this in order for you to breathe."I looked at her with confusion. "W-hat do you mean?" I asked. I didn't understand what she was referring to. If she was talking about breathing, I don't need that ball. I can breathe even in this house. So what is she talking about? Is she going crazy? Like heck, don't...The expression on her face puzzled me, "What do you mean?" I asked, confused. I didn't quite understand what she was referring to. If she was talking about breathing, I didn't need that ball for it since I could breathe even in this house. So, what was she talking about? Was she going crazy? Like heck, don't tell me she's not breathing there on her seat right now?"I mean, what you've been through, dear. You also need a place to breathe.
How did you find out about Dashiel?)Earlier, I was frozen in surprise, but now she was the one frozen in her tracks. She stopped brushing my hair too. From the mirror in front of me, I could clearly see how she turned pale before swallowing hard and asked, "D-ashiel? Who's that?" She tried to make it sound true, but in fact, she's obviously lying.My eyes narrowed as I faced her. Is she trying to fool me? Well, if she is, I'm not that crazy and deaf to be easily fooled."But you don't know him? Well, in fact, you even mentioned his name," I said, watching her reaction closely.She probably realized that I'm scrutinizing her facial expression, so she quickly changed it. "Huh? Really? Did I say that?" she asked in a cheerful tone. Then, she resumed brushing my hair.My eyes narrowed even more when I saw how quickly she changed her facial expression. "Are you trying to fool me, Aling Bebang?" I couldn't help but say what I've been holding back earlier.She stopped brushing my hair again
Their eyes were fixed on me as I walked down the red carpet that was laid out in the middle of everyone. I slightly thickened my face and increased my confidence because I thought they were looking at me because I was so beautiful. Even the parents here couldn't take their eyes off me.But what I was wondering was why I saw disgust in their faces – as if they were repulsed by me eating poop in front of them. Why was I seeing disgust in their eyes instead of admiration?So instead of thickening my face, I suddenly felt embarrassed and awkward. I felt even more embarrassed when I saw the reactions of some men as they looked at me. They looked at me as if they wanted to pounce on me like tigers. Some men were giving me disgusted looks while all the women were giving me disgusted looks.Although I wondered why, I just ignored it. Instead, I lowered my head and walked up to the stage.When I reached the stage, I never imagined that the whispers would get louder. Instead of the sweet music
I don't care about anything anymore. I can hear people laughing happily until here. I don't care anymore, because my only concern at this moment is the pain and bitterness I feel. Under the moon and stars, I'm crying. I'm completely broken, as if the world has denied me happiness.And my thoughts about what Aling Bebang said, I've just proven it to be true. She really didn't care about me, contrary to what Aling Bebang said.To be honest, I'm tired of crying and hurting. I want to follow my grandmother to her grave. I want to die because I can't bear the pain I feel anymore. But then, how can I kill myself, when there's a child relying on me inside my womb? Hoping I'll bring it to life and let it open its eyes in this world? A world full of violence and greed.They say that in every pain, there's a cure. It could be medicine or something else. So, could someone tell me what the cure is for this unbearable pain I'm feeling? Could someone tell me what kind of medicine it is? Because hon
Before, I used to laugh at suicidal people and now I feel exactly what they feel, making me ashamed of my past behavior. It's so painful to hear those words from someone you love, the father of the child you're carrying, saying that he's ready to be a father to the woman he truly loves. I don't know what those words mean, but I strongly suspect that Mrs. Buenaventura is pregnant and he's not the father. That's why he said he's ready to be a father to the child she's carrying. It hurts me to think that he's willing to be the father of someone else's child, what about mine? What about me, who he himself is the father of?I wanted to ask him about those words, but I kept quiet because I know it won't lead anywhere, especially when his lover is the enemy. But honestly, part of me still hopes that when I tell him about my pregnancy, he'll take responsibility for me and not that woman.Tears welled up in my eyes as I walked back to the complex. I felt like a robot walking back there, I was