2.

I looked to the ground and was greeted by my scattered books.  Why didn't I notice this sooner?

"Sorry." I whispered, both to the boy and myself.

"Sorry is not going to make the books magically appear in my fucking arms again, for Christ's sake, pick 'em up!" He demanded and he was right. It was my fault. I got to the floor and started picking up the books. Being on all fours, my knees hard against the dirty school floor was demoralising. 

'Dumb and blind.'

I looked back up. There was something about the boy I liked. His jawline, it was captivating. A solid line from his ear, around his rounded cheeks down to his perfect chin. 

Stop Xavier. Be normal.

"Stop looking at me you freak pick up the books!" He yelled ringing my ears. Funnily enough his features didn’t seem so attractive anymore.

"Here." I say, giving the books to him. He snatched them off me.

"Don't ever cross my lane again. Or you will see hell." He spat. Walking off. That's exactly what I need on my first day. 

I kept walking. Trying to avoid the eyes which seared into me. I always had thought that if someone is staring at me, it would be for a negative reason. It's just the mindset I'm stuck in.

Then I found it. My only possible refuge amongst this hell. The bathroom.

"Thank goodness." I said to myself before opening the door and entering. Thankfully no one was in there. I saw a random red chair in the corner. It looked a little wonky and like it had just left abandoned. I couldn’t possible sit on it, so I used it to barricade myself inside the bathroom so no one could enter.

"Okay I got like 20 minutes before my first class." I grab out my book. Not a novel book. An exercise book. I write poems in. I turn to my most recent poem. Cliche but it’s about not fitting in. Sometimes I ponder though, if everyone feels like they do not fit in with the rest, doesn’t that make them fit in? Paradox. 

"Okay, Umm..."

I start to brainstorm and read my thoughts whilst writing them down.

'I want to run far, far away

To a place where I feel I can stay

Stay somewhere I feel welcome 

And not like an outcast

Because it seems everywhere I go

I feel like a victim eaten up fast

For once I plead

Someone to ask me 

Will you please...'

The last line is not quite there. I can’t seem to reach into my mind to pluck out the correct piece in this poetic puzzle.

"It's not the right time. I have to go home and do it." I couldn't think properly. The school bathroom is not a place to write poems.

I checked my watch.

"Five minutes."

I got up, took the chair away from the door and try to navigate my way to my first class, which was math. I don't like math. It doesn't help that I'm not good at it.

After ten minutes trying to find my class, I finally find it. I was late but I found it. Better later than never right? I opened the door, all of me was hoping everyone else was late and no one would stare at me, but all of me also knew that there was no chance of that happening.

I opened the door. I heard the teacher stop talking. All eyes on me. Just what I need.

"Who are you?" The teacher asked, bitterly.

"Xavier." I say, I'm not sure she heard me.

"Speak up please."

I grabbed the sleeve of my hoodie and pulled it down, a nervous thing.

"Uh... Xavier." I say, a bit louder.

"You are new. Aren't you?" She asked. I would hope she have a little compassion but no emotion broke her porcelain grey face. 

I nodded. I already hated this class and the teacher.

"Well, introduce yourself to the class then. Stop being so shy." I wanted to leave. She put so much pressure on me. But I bit my tongue. I can't get in trouble on the first day, my father will kill me.

"Um... I'm Xavier." What else was there to say? I didn't really know myself. I knew I was a sad person, I knew I liked music, but I don't want to tell these people things about me.

"What do you like?" The teacher prompted, seeming annoyed.

"Um...' Fuck. This was hard. I don't like this.

"...I like tacos." I say. I wasn't lying, tacos were my favourite.

"Bet you like razors too!" One kid yelled. Everyone snickered. That hurt. Why was everyone laughing? I immediately walked to the back of the class. The comment looped and lingered in my head. It made me nervous. I wanted to cry. It wasn't funny. I wish I had the courage to stand up for myself. But I don't.

"Okay so we are continuing with trigonometry..."

I didn't focus on her. I couldn't. Every school I go to. They always do that. Tease me. Why? How can they like seeing me hurt? It really isn't fun for me. I guess they just don't understand. I pulled down my sleeves and rested my head on the desk. I just wanted to be somewhere else. Someone else. I don't like me.

"Xavier?"

 I wake up. I actually got some sleep. Wow.

"The bell has rung. Get out." The teacher said sternly.

"Oh." I check my watch and see that I'm late... yet again, for my second class. This isn't going as well as I planned.