Chapter Six

“Hey, Jack, you alright?” Jaxsen glanced to his right where that lady stood before quickly averting his eyes back to Sebastian. He nodded and looked down at his fidgeting fingers. “Jaxsen.” His voice was spoken low in volume, quiet enough only the two of them were privy of the content of this private exchange. Jaxsen looked up as Sebastian’s larger hands covered his smaller ones, warm and soft and comforting.

“Do you trust me at all? Even a little bit?” Jaxsen nodded, not breaking eye contact. “Then could you do me a favor while I’m gone?” He nodded again, unsure. “Enjoy yourself, Jack. I wouldn’t leave you with someone who I thought might hurt you anymore than I would hurt you myself. And I hope you’re at least learning that I would never hurt you. Understand?”

Sebastian Green climbed slowly from his 2013 charcoal grey Chevy Silverado and walked down the many rows, careful to leave them undisturbed. He walked almost blind, watching his feet, not wanting to glimpse the mounting emotion of all those left behind. He turned right onto the correct row and stopped at the last tombstone on the left.

DANIEL PARKER GREEN

JULY 2000-JULY 2008

LOVING SON MISSED AND LOVED BY

ALL AROUND HIM

“Hey, Danny.” His eyes watered and overflowed. Sitting, he traced his fingertips over his son’s name, the granite cold and unfeeling, unsympathetic to his obvious distress. “Listen, I’m sorry that I haven’t been coming to see you like I should. I think about you every day. I miss you more with every beat of my heart. I got you something.” From his pocket he produced a small plastic bag held together by green cardboard. He spoke as he ripped the package.

“I got these for you. Remember how we used to play Army men in the back yard? I thought we could play for a while like old times.”

He set each man as if they were facing some huge coming battle only they could see. 

“I had to come here today, Danny, for a couple reasons. I wanted to tell you happy birthday and that I…I love you, Danny. And I miss you…so very much. I also wanted to tell you about someone. His name is Jaxsen. He’s eight. I’ve had him for just over a month now. I have to tell ya, Danny, I don’t know how well you and he would have gotten along together.” Sebastian chuckled as he moved around the men like they were coming in to invade something. “He’s a really great kid, though. He’s small for his age. Very smart. But, most of all, Danny, is that he makes me laugh. He makes me laugh in a way I haven’t laughed since I lost you…and that…that’s something, Danny. 

“For the longest time I thought there wasn’t anything to laugh about. But, he helped me find it again. And…he doesn’t even know...but…he’s…making my life worth it again. He’s lifting this darkness that’s consumed me. I love him, Danny. He could never replace you. I’d never want him to. I just…I wanted to tell you. You’re my son, Daniel. You will always remain my first child. My little boy. No one can take that from you. I love you, son.”

Suddenly he whipped around to his left and slightly behind him, his fists balled and ready to attack. He relaxed instantly when he saw who it was.

“I didn’t mean to scare you. I…didn’t want to interrupt you.”

“Do you want some privacy?” She shook her head. His ex-wife, always the picture of natural beauty, looked almost shy.

“No, I was actually going to ask if I could sit with you.”

Sebastian patted the grass next to him in invitation. She sat mimicking his cross-legged position, their knees not quite touching; but the close proximity was comforting to them both. They each sat quiet for several moments, each lost in their own thoughts. When she spoke it was just above a whisper. Her hands were folded neatly in her lap and her yellow summer dress glowed in the bright sun. The breeze was light but felt good on sun-reddened skin.

“I’m sorry, Sebastian, for my behavior the last time we spoke. I-shouldn’t have come over and waylaid you like that. You didn’t deserve that. I, uh, honestly don’t know what came over me. I’m not trying to make excuses…I don’t want us to hate each other.”

Sebastian set his hand atop hers and held it there. “I could never hate you, Ellie.”

She smiled a little sadly. “I think it’s a good thing you’ve taken this boy in. I can tell the difference in you just from the last time I saw you.”

Sebastian grinned, almost bashfully, down casting his eyes. “Thanks. He’s a really great kid.”

“He was just a baby the last time we saw him. Little for his age. I’ve no doubt that Glen and Sara are happy you finally have him.”

They spent the better part of the next hour conversing and catching up. They talked mostly of their son. They laughed and spoke of good times. They shared tears over the grave of their only child. They spoke of the future. Each as individuals and the future of a possible friendship. After all, they reasoned, they’d once been married over ten years. And friends long before that. They parted on good terms with a long hug and a light kiss. He smiled as he drove the winding roads back to his house, his soul lighter.

“Lucy, I’m home!” Sebastian called with a laugh that came naturally. 

“Bastian!” Jaxsen jumped up, the picture of excitement, the biggest smile plastered to his tiny face, and ran full force toward him. Glad he didn’t have anything in his hands, Sebastian found himself with two arms full of an eight-year-old boy. Sebastian hugged the child with as much enthusiasm as he was being hugged. In that moment he felt his broken heart mend, if only a small fraction.

“I missed you, Bastian,” Jaxsen said secret-like, a big smile splitting him ear to ear.

“I missed you, too, sweet boy,” he said as he carried Jaxsen the few steps into the living room and deposited him on the couch with loudly exaggerated crashing sounds. Jaxsen giggled in pure delight as he sat properly and leaned happily into Sebastian. Sebastian wrapped his arm around him pulling him a bit closer. “Did you have fun while I was gone?” he asked, glancing at Nizhoni with a huge smile. She smiled back with a light chuckle.

“He was a perfect angel. I had a lot of fun, Mr. Michaels. I hope we can do it again one day.”

Jaxsen blushed deeply when she kissed his cheek and smiled. “I hope so, too.”

Dinner was eaten and the dishes were set in the sink for later cleaning. Jaxsen leaned into Sebastian, his head resting in the hollow of his arm and shoulder and doing his best not to fall asleep. Sebastian smiled at his dogmatism and nonchalantly began playing with his hair. The boy had a long day and soon fell right to sleep. Nizhoni had stayed for dinner upon Jaxsen’s shyly asked request. She had smiled widely, accenting her high cheekbones, as she happily accepted the invitation. Her eyes were the color of dark chocolate and her skin only a few shades lighter than her Navajo heritage.

Jaxsen was enthralled by her intelligence and captivated by her profession. Space, stars, galaxies and the like were as much a passion as linguistics and history. So much so that when Jaxsen was placing the glow-in-the-dark star stickers on his walls and ceiling, he placed as many constellations in the correct order as the wall space allotted him. Sebastian smiled at the talkative side of the normally shy boy. 

Nizhoni was a theoretical astrophysicist and just as enchanted with Jaxsen as he was with her. After dinner was eaten and conversation died down to a stopping point, Sebastian lifted Jaxsen into his arms. The boy cracked his eyes open and smiled. 

“Time for bed, Jack. Say good night, sweet boy.”

“Okay, Bastian.” Sebastian put him down and he walked up to Nizhoni. “It was a pleasure meeting you, Nizhoni. I hope you will come over again soon.”

Nizhoni smiled and scooped him up in an enveloping embrace that he returned with equal exuberance. “I will do just that, Yanaha.”

Jaxsen blushed deeply and when Nizhoni kissed his cheek, he became almost purple and all but ran from the living room upstairs.  

“Do you want me to help you with the dishes?” Nizhoni asked as she followed him into the kitchen once he came back from tucking Jaxsen in bed. She crossed her arms and smiled as she leaned against the counter. 

Sebastian smiled and shook his head. “I don’t know why you ask, Zhoni. You know damn well that even if I say no you’d help anyway.”

She smiled at his childhood nickname for her. “Quite right you are, but I appreciate you always letting me ask, bich’aah naasha,” she said, hugging him from behind. “I miss you, Sebastian.” She stood tall at five-foot-ten, though not as tall as his six-foot-four, she was still able to rest her chin on his shoulder. Her breath sent tingles from where it brushed his skin. He wrapped his arms around his center where her arms circled him. 

“I miss you, too, Nizhoni.” He turned around and kissed her gently on the lips. She deepened the kiss before pulling away from him and checking her watch. 

“I’ve got to go, ya’at’eeh bich’aah naasha. Sorry I can’t stay later tonight, but soon.” She kissed him again, whispered her love and alone left him standing.

Sebastian bolted up out of bed before he knew what was happening. He stood there to the side of his bed and listened. Then he heard it again. The screaming coming from the room down the hall made his blood freeze. He burst into the boy’s room, Jaxsen’s name on his lips. He flipped the switch and the room lit up. Suddenly he had a frantic eight-year-old climbing into his arms. 

“What, Jack, what’s wrong? Baby boy, what’s the matter?” Jaxsen just clung to him and cried, completely as terrified as he seemed and way too upset to formulate words in response to Sebastian’s inquiries; he simply tightened his grip.

“Come on,” he said softly and switched off the light. He carried Jaxsen into his room and set him on the bed. Jaxsen instantly gripped his arm, wrapping both of his tiny arms around his one. He squeezed his eyes shut tight and buried his face into Sebastian’s shoulder. His cries had grown quieter though the tears did not slow and the fear he felt did not lessen. Sebastian held onto him for several more minutes before prying his arm from Jaxsen’s grasp. Instantly the boy panicked.

“Easy, Jack, easy. Let’s just lie down, okay? You can sleep in here tonight. It’s alright, now, sweet boy. Let’s get under the covers and then I’ll hold you, okay?”

Eventually Jaxsen calmed and fell asleep cradled in Sebastian’s warmth, and basking in the safety he found within Sebastian himself. Sebastian lay awake for over an hour that night watching over his tiny charge before he lost the battle and fell asleep.