Chapter 2

“Saan tayo pupunta?” tanong ko sa kaniya habang naglalakad sa lobby ng hotel.

“Uuwi,” tipid niyang sagot

May problema ba 'to?

“Ayoko munang umuwi.” Napatigil siya at lumingon sa akin. Mas nauna siya sa akin ng mga dalawang hakbang kaya nang tumigil siya ay naunahan ko siya sa paglalakad.

“Gabi na, Celine.” Mahinahon niyang wika.

“It's still 9, Gab. Please 'wag muna tayong umuwi.” Pagmamakaawa ko at nilingon rin siya. Narinig ko ang kaniyang mahinang pagbuntong hininga. Magkasabay na kami ngayon. He was about to talk to me when his phone suddenly rang. Sinagot niya 'yon.

“What? No. I'm busy,” sabi niya sabay tingin sa akin.

Ay may lakad pala siya? I suddenly felt guilty. That's maybe the reason why he wanted to go home early. Sana pala dinala ko ang sasakyan ko, why didn't I think of that? My gosh, Lena!

Ibinaba niya ang phone at magsasalita na sana nang naunahan ko siya.

“May importante kang lakad? You can go, ihatid mo nalang ako sa bahay.” I did my best to sound guilty pero bakit parang nagtatampo ka, Lena?

He just look at me and slightly shook his head.

“Ano?” I used the tone that we usually used when we talked at each other.

“Wala akong lakad.”

“Sus, sabi mo busy ka. Ako lang naman kasama mo.” Pinagsingkitan ko siya ng mata.

Umiling lang siya sa inasal ko.

“Wala nga, let's just go,” sabi niya at kinuha ang kamay ko.

Everytime he held my hand, there is this strange electric sensation that always tickles my nerves.

Kahapon ko pa 'to nararamdaman, simula nung sinabi ko sa kaniyang buntis ako. My emotions are mixing, it's maybe part of the pregnancy too.

“Where do you wanna go?” he softly ask.

Nasa loob na kami ng sasakyan. I shrugged at his question.

A few seconds after, he started the engine and brought me to somewhere in the seaside. May mga bench naman so we sit there. Medyo madilim at tahimik ang lugar. Only the sound of the waves are making noises that it somehow calms my mind. It's a bit cold too.

“Should I get some foods?”

Umiling ako.

“Stay here.”

“I will.”

Parang may dalawang meaning iyon. Hinubad niya ang coat at isinuot iyon sa balikat ko. Nagulat ako sa ginawa niya dahil mahangin pa naman. Baka lamigin siya.

“Malamig ang simoy ng hangin, Gab. Kaya huwag mong isuot sa akin.” I was about to take it off when he slightly force me to let my arms in.

“Kaya nga isinuot ko sa'yo kasi malamig ang hangin,” he said while making sure that I have wore it properly.

“Don't take it off.” Pinal niyang dagdag.

Umirap nalang ako kahit di niya rin naman makita iyon dahil sa dilim. Wala na rin akong choice, aarte pa ba ako?

He's only wearing a white long sleeve polo now that has one open button in the chest. He's musculine and his broad shoulders are probably not that weak to feel cold for an instant right? Maybe...

He's still a human, Lena. Don't be ridiculous!

Isang nakakabinging katahimikan ang bumalot sa amin. Sumandal ako at tumingala sa itaas. The moon is not that bright, and the stars are hiding too. Mukhang uulan ata mamaya. Napabuntong hininga nalang ako.

“Are you okay?” tanong niya sa akin nang makalawang buntong hininga na ako.

I didn't answer so he called for me in a soft and almost whispered voice.

“Hey...” Tumingin ako sa kaniya.

I look at his face like I was examined every details of it. I gave him a small smile to tell him I'm fine. He then gave me a smile too.

Ngunit para akong nabuhusan ng malamig na tubig. Napatigil ako dahil sa pagngiti niya. Bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko.

It suddenly ache my head and heart...

Napahawak ako sa ulo nang may isang litratong pilit sumisilip. Sumakit iyon ngunit 'di ko pinapahalata. Mabilis ang paghinga ko dahil ang ngiting nakita ko ngayon ay kapareha ng ngiting sumilip sa aking isipan.

What's this?

Nasapo ko ang aking noo dahil hindi ko nakayanan ang sakit. Parang may tumutusok sa utak ko. Napatayo si Gabriel sa aking gilid at saka bahagyang lumuhod sa aking harapan.

“Celine, talk to me. Are you okay?” Malumanay iyon ngunit may pag-alalang tono.

Fuck what's this?

Mas lalong sumakit ang ulo ko kaya napadaing ako sa sakit. Nataranta si Gabriel nang hindi ko pa siya sinasagot.

“Celine!” I heard him cursed and was about to call an ambulance pero pinigilan ko siya. I reach for his hand to stop him.

“I-I'm fine...” nanghihina kong sabi. I am breathing heavily na parang sasabog ang puso ko. I saw how his eyes was filled with fear and worry. He hugged me and allowed me to feel his warm embrace.

“Fuck! Don't scare me like that again,” he softly muttered as he carresed me.

I felt his soft kiss in my hair. Mas lalo lang yung nagpadagdag ng kaba sa puso ko. I want to end the hug but my heart and brain doesn't want to. Anong laban ko kung silang dalawa na ang nagkakaintindihan? He's giving me comfort. I felt like I am safe in his arms.

I hugged him back and tighter. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako naiiyak. I feel like I should cry, parang isang hindi pamilyar na nararamdaman ang pilit kumakawala. A feeling that's been waiting for years to come out and was given a chance to be freed tonight.

The familiar but unfamiliar feeling is attacking me again. What is this?

It's painful but it's comforting. It's giving me assurance and safety. This is so different as what I had felt towards Alec.

This is so different. This is so unfamiliar...

It's unknown to me but at the same time it's familiar. It's like I've been here before. It's like I have felt it before.

He maybe have felt my shoulder move because of my silent sob. He stopped for a moment and gently carresed me again.

“Shhh, you'll be fine. I'm here,” he whispered at me and my insides were calm.

I cried. I don't know why my whole body is longing for him. My heart even cried. My brain couldn't function properly. My eyes just shed tears and it's flowing like river. It's not stoping. My arms are so tight in hugging him, he didn't even react. He is just gently caressing my hair.

“I miss you...” That was almost a whisper and I'm not sure if he heard it or not.

I don't know why I said those words. It's not my intention to say it. Kusa iyong lumabas sa bibig ko.

I felt him suddenly stop for a moment. Kung malakas ang tibok ng puso ko, mas malakas yung sa kaniya ngayon. I can hear it, maybe because my head is so close in his chest after all. He carresed my hair again.

“I miss you too,” he whispered and everything felt heavy.

My heart ached in pain. A pain that's comforting and hoping.

What's happening to me?

He gave me a soft kiss in my temple. I thought he's crying when I felt a drop of water in my shoulder, but it's just rain.

Agad siyang kumawala sa akin at pinayungan ang ulo ko gamit ang malalaki niyang kamay. I look at him. I look deeply in his eyes. The fear I saw a while ago is now replace with hope and affection. A pure and gentle affection.

“Celine let's go in the car! Mababasa ka.” Hindi ako nakinig. Nakaupo lang ako at nakatingin pa rin sa kaniya.

Why is he caring towards me? Lahat nalang ako palagi ang inuuna niya. I'm wearing his coat right now and he's giving my head a little shelter. Siya na nga itong nilalamig at mababasa, ako pa rin ang iniisip niya.

“Celine!” I chuckled a little when I can hear the little annoyance in his voice. His brows furrowed, now he's angry. “Celine magkakasakit ka.” May banta iyon. Malayo-layo pa naman naka park ang sasakyan.

“I don't want to leave.” Nakatingin pa rin ako sa mata niya.

“It's raining!” he hissed.

“I know.” Diretso akong nakatingin sa mga mata niya.

He fought with me eye to eye. He played his tongue inside his cheeks and bit his lip after. Bumuntong hininga siya, tila sumusuko sa pagiging tigasin ng ulo ko.

“Fine. We won't leave.” He lick his lip and look at his car na nasa di kalayuan. “But we should stay in the car hanggang sa humupa ang ulan. Okay? How about that?” mahina niyang wika. He held my cheeks. Bigla akong nakaramdam ng kaba. Eto na naman tayo.

Tumango na lang ako dahil para akong nahipnotismo sa boses at sa ginawa niya. Tinulungan niya akong tumayo at magkahawak kamay kaming tumakbo patungo sa kotse niya. Sakto nang makapasok kami, ay saka lang din bumuhos ang napakalakas na ulan.

Napapikit pa ako nang biglang kumidlat. Handa na sana akong takpan ang dalawang tenga nang naunahan ako ni Gabriel. Narinig ko pa rin ang malakas na kulog pero mas narinig ko ang lakas na pagtibok ng puso ko.

Inayos niya ang hibla ng buhok ko at inilagay sa likod ng tenga. Sumandal ako sa upuan at napatingin sa labas. Never did I know that I will like rains with thunder, huh?

Napangiti ako at agad ko rin namang binawi iyon nang nahuli ko ang tingin ni Gabriel sa akin.

Pinagtaasan ko siya ng kilay. Bahagya naman siyang tumawa. I need to compose my usual self when I'm with him. Hindi pwede to, kinakabahan ako sa nararamdaman kong ito.

“What?” M*****a kong tanong. I need to be my usual self. Let's just put that he didn't saw me crying a while ago.

“Wala po boss,” sabi niya na lang. Umirap ako at tumingin sa labas. It's raining heavily. Malakas pa ang hangin dahil nasa seaside kami.

“Let's go Gab.” I saw yellow lightnings in the horizon.

“Akala ko ba ayaw mong umalis?” Nanunuya niyang sabi.

Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin. Napatawa siya at pinaandar nalang ang kotse. He knows very well that I am afraid of thunders and lightnings. I tried to hide a smile, when I realized what we're doing now.

Hindi na awkward, he's back with his old self and so am I. Ganyan nga, ganito dapat.

Ganito lang tayo dapat. Let's not let that unfamiliar feeling own our whole system again, Lena. Baka magwawala ka nang wala sa oras.

Habang nasa biyahe kami, malakas pa rin ang ulan.

“May bagyo ata,” sabi ko habang nakatingin sa labas.

“Yeah...”Napatingin ako sa kaniya. Para siyang kinakabahan.

“Can you still drive in this rain?”

“I think not.”

Ang honest ha?

He's really very careful when it's raining. Kapag umuulan at nasa biyahe kami, napaka maingat niyang mag drive. Our travel rate right now is even slow. Hindi naman madilim ang paligid dahil malapit na kami sa syudad.

“Huminto nalang muna tayo at hintaying humupa ang ulan.”

Narinig ko ang mahinang pag sang-ayon niya.

“Magpalipas tayo ng gabi sa bahay.”It's not a choice. It's more like a final decision.

Tumango nalang ako. I don't feel great when it's raining too kapag nasa biyahe kami. I don't know why.

Pumasok kami sa private property niya at huminto sa malaking bahay na halos kulay puti lahat ng nasa labas.

Pinagbuksan niya ako ng pinto at pumasok kami sa loob.

“You'll sleep in the masters bedroom.” Nagtungo siya sa kusina. Sinundan ko siya at nakita ko siyang nagsalin ng tubig at ibinigay sa akin. I immediately drink it.

“Why do you always let me sleep in the masters bedroom? Habang ikaw ay nasa guest room lang naman ang kwarto mo.” Palaisipan talaga sa akin.

May multo ba sa masters bedroom kaya isa sa mga guests room ang ginawa niyang kwarto?

“Pangalawang beses ka lang namang nakatulog doon.” Depensa niya at uminom din ng tubig.

“Bakit nga?”

“I-It's the only clean room I have in the house,” utal niyang sagot laya pinagsingkitan ko siya ng mata. He just shrugged.

Umirap nalang ako sa kaniya.

Kinuha niya ang kamay ko at nagsimula kaming humakbang patungo sa ikalawang palapag.

While on the staircase, I couldn't help but admire the whole interior. Bakit ba ang laki ng bahay niya gayong siya lang naman ang tao rito.

Mas namangha ako nang makita ko na naman ang malaking puting kurtina na nakasabit sa dingding.

Wala namang bintana roon. May nakatago lang daw na malaki at mamahaling painting sa likod ng naglalakihan at mahabang kurtina. Baka daw malagyan ng alikabok kaya nilagyan ng parang takip. Pinapalitan rin naman daw niya iyan once a week. Hindi na rin ako nagtanong pa kung anong klaseng painting. Hindi na rin ako naging kuryuso upang tignan 'yon baka magkasala pa ako.

He opened the masters bedroom. Malaki iyon, may sariling walk-in-closet pa nga, may sariling sofa at malaki rin ang banyo. Kaya nagtataka talaga ako kung bakit ayaw niyang matulog dito.

“Maligo ka dahil nabasa ka ng ulan. Kukuha lang ako ng maisusuot mong damit,” he said and close the door to give me a proper privacy.

Dumiretso ako sa banyo at nag shower. I let the warm water run through my whole body. I want to wash away whatever the doubts I have about my self. Gusto kong paglabas ko ng banyo ngayon, ay mawala lahat ng mga di pamilyar na pakiramdam na naramdaman ko kanina.

I heard a noise outside the bathroom. It's probably Gabriel. And I'm not mistaken, because as I got out, I saw a pair of clothes in the bed.

I was about to wear it when the door suddenly open.

“Pot—” gulat kong singhal.

Mabuti nalang naka tuwalya pa ako. Agad din naman siyang tumalikod.

“I'm sorry... Here's a new blanket.” His voice is normal like he's not uncomfortable at all. Don't tell me, he's used to seeing someone naked? Well, I'm not naked at all!

He stretch his arm so I immediately grabbed the blanket. Narinig ko pa ang mahinang pagbuntong hininga niya. He said something in the air but I couldn't hear it properly.

“Sanay naman ako...”

“What?” irita kong tanong.

Umiling siya. “Wala po boss. Matulog ka na. Kumatok ka lang sa kwarto ko kung may kailangan ka.” Pinihit niya ang doorknob at bago tuluyang makalabas ay may sinabi pa siya sa akin. “Good night.”

Nang makabihis ako ay agad kong tinawagan si Mama.

“Yes, my dear?” Malambing niyang bungad sa akin.

“Good mood tayo, Mommy ah?” Narinig ko ang tawa niya sa kabilang linya.

“Of course!”

Bumuntong hininga ako.

“Mom I can't go home tonight, I'm with Gab—”

“I know darling. Enjoy!”

Napakunot ang noo ko sa sinabi niya.

“Mom—!” Hindi ko na natapos dahil binabaan na niya ako ng tawag. Napailing nalang ako.

Humiga ako ng maayos. Makalipas ang ilang minuto ay agad akong nakatulog.

Ang weird lang ng panaginip ko. May yumakap sa akin at hinalikan ako sa batok.

“It's just thunders... Sleep now.”

Hindi ko alam kung bakit, pero sinang-ayunan naman iyon ng puso't isip ko.