Chapter 1: Subtle Fidelity

My heart won't stop racing. Kanina ko pa pinagsasabihan na kumalma pero kahit anong gawin kong pagpakalma dito ay tila wala naman itong epekto.

What is this?

What's happening? Why am I feeling weird stuffs like this?

Ah. This may be one of the side effects of being pregnant. Yes, I shouldn't overthink. This is just normal.

Huminga ako ng napakalalim.

“Are you okay?”Malumanay niyang tanong kaya napabaling ako sa kaniya. Napansin niya sigurong kinakabahan ako. Tumango na lang ako para makaiwas muna ng pagsasalita. “I'm sorry a while ago, I was just shock.” Dagdag niya pa.

“It's okay. I understand.” Huminto ang sasakyan sa labas ng malaking black na gate. He look at me for a moment after licking his lip.

“I-I should go,” sabi ko at kinalas ang seat belt. Marahan lang siyang tumango habang nakatingin pa rin sa akin.

“I should go too.”Pagpapaalam niya. Hinintay ko muna siyang makaalis bago pumasok sa loob.

Pagkapasok ko ng bahay, si Papa agad ang bumungad sa akin.

“Celine where were you? Kanina lang nasabi ng Mommy mo na nag hotel ka lang. For pete's sake! The both of you really knows how to make me worry!” He complained in a scolding manner.

Nagmano ako at sumimangot.

“I'm sorry po.”Paglalambing ko at yinakap siya. My father is tall and handsome. Very handsome. Syempre, anak nga nila maganda eh.

My parents always talked about their past. Papa always boasting how he happened so have many admirers back in their days, because of his smarty ass, handsomeness and social status. Lagi rin naman siyang binabara ni Mommy na, “Shut up Leonardo, almost all the bachelors in Asia were into me. Lalong-lalo kana, so stop boasting.” mapapatawa ka nalang. My Mom is pretty too...and classy.

Mga ilang minuto pa akong nakayakap kay Papa.

I'm in a deep thoughts kung sasabihin ko na ba ito ngayon.

I want him to comfort me... I was so dependent at them in these past few years. They always spoil me with things, kasi ako lang rin naman ang anak nila.

“Okay ka lang ba, anak ko?” Pag-alala niya. I didn't answer. Instead, I hugged him tighter. Dahil mas mataas sa akin si Papa, I burried my head to his chest.

My parents are doing everything that's best for me. They supported me on my passion and studies. Sa buhay, lahat ng mga bagay, hindi sila nagkulang sa akin.

But, here I am.

I was enrolled in one of the prestigious universities in the world and was graduated with latin honors. But a mere asshole make a fool out of me.

“I-I'm sorry p-pa...” My voice cracked.

I was planning to tell them later pero mas mabuti na rin siguro kung hindi pinapatagal.

He carresed the back of my head like I was the most delicate person in the world.

“Shhh... It's okay. Tell me, what happened?” My dad softly asked while carresing my hair. Mas lalo lang akong naiyak.

“I-I'm pregnant pa. I-I'm so sorry... I-I'm very sorry. I'm so so sorry... Natatakot ako... Hindi ko alam a-anong gagawin ko, Pa. Hindi ko alam. Ayokong sabihin kay Alec...nasaktan ako. I want to be away from him. Pa, please help me. H-Hindi ko a-alam anong gagawin k-ko.” Para akong batang inaaway at nagsusumbong sa tatay.

His hand stops caressing my hair, alam kong nabigla ko siya sa sinabi ko. But instead of holding my two shoulders to face me, he continued to caressed my hair.

“Shhh...” My dad's voice is calming the mess inside my head. Siya lang talaga makakapag-ganito sa akin. I'm so lucky to have him as my dad.

Humihikbi ako hindi inaalintana ang mga kasambahay sa paligid. I don't care if Mommy will see us too. It's even better that way, para isang sabihan na.

Nang medyo kumalma ay kumalas ako sa pagkayakap. I wiped my tears. Basa tuloy ang damit ni papa.

“Can you talk properly now?” Tumango ako sa kaniya at ngumiti. Marahang hinawakan ni Papa ang siko ko upang igiya at umupo sa couch.

Pagka-upo namin, isang malalim na buntong hininga ang pinakawalan niya. He is so serious that I couldn't properly assess his emotions. After a minute of silence, he talked and smiled widely at me.

A smile that's full of kalokohan but genuine.

“Nagmana ka talaga sa Mommy mo, no?”

Napatingin ako sa kaniya.

“P-Po?” Nangangamba kong tanong.

He chuckled. “Bakit ang hilig niyong regaluhan ako ng bata sa birthday ko?” Napakurap ako sa sinabi niya.

I laughed at his words. Tumawa na rin siya sa akin.

Kahit kailan talaga si Papa...

“So anong plano mo ngayon, anak ko?” Natigil ako sa tanong niya. I bit my lower lip at napatingin na lang sa sahig. I played with my fingers. I swallowed hard.

Hindi ko alam...

I don't know what my plan will be. I wasn't ready for this, hindi ko inexpect ito.

Pero isa lang ang bagay na sigurado ako, na handa kong gawin sa anumang oras at yun ay, alagaan at palakihin ng mabuti ang anak ko.

I don't care about the rest. I don't care about my self. I don't care about the people around me. Kung anong chismis man ang kumalat ay wala na akong pake.

I don't care about Alec. Gusto ko lang na mabuti at maayos na palakihin ang anak ko. I don't care what will be the consequences of my actions.

“I-I don't know Pa...”

“Did your mom already know this?”

I slightly shook my head.

I heard him let out a deep sigh. When I turn my gaze at him, he only gave me a small smile.

I was so afraid a while ago and now that my dad already knows what I am carrying, nakakagaan ng loob. I'm even doubtful to say it first to mom but now, I'm sure. I don't know what will be her reactions though, but I should tell it anyway.

“Celina, nakapagbihis ka na ba? Hinihintay ka na ng mga magulang mo sa sala.” I heard Nanay Miranda's voice outside my room. She's the oldest maid we have here. Siya lang din ang nagtagal sa amin.

“Opo Nay! Pababa na po ako.” Magalang kong sagot habang inaayos ang sariling nakaharap sa malaking salamin.

It's already 6 in the evening and I couldn't even have the chance to talk to mom since I got home in the morning. Dad did not pressure me though. That's maybe because I said that my head hurts after I overthink and cried so hard.

Nakatulog naman ako kanina kaya medyo maayos-ayos na rin ang pakiramdam ko. Pinasadahan ko ng huling tingin ang aking sarili.

You look fine in your small black puff dress. Inipit ko ang mala alon kong buhok upang makita ang earrings kong gold pearl. Isang pair ng black na loafer shoes sandals lang din ang suot ko dahil ayokong mag heels. It's for safety measures.

Dinampot ko ang maliit kong handbag na black at saka lumabas ng kwarto. Dumiretso ako sa sala kung saan naabutan ko si Mommy and Daddy talking with Gabriel. Napatingin silang tatlo sa akin.

Gabriel's eyes met mine and the nervous feeling I felt back in his car is coming back kaya inilipat ko nalang ang tingin ko kay Mommy.

She trailed her eyes at me, from head to toe and got her eyes widened after a seconds. I even heard her gasped for a moment.

“Mom you're making me awkward.” She blinked at me thrice.

“Ngayon lang kita nakitang nag flat shoes, are you trying something new? Simple yet beautiful,” aniya.

I smiled back at her too, trying to hide my nervousness.

“Let's get going then. Mabuti nalang may pasensya ang...” Mom said and started to walk through our door.

“Po?” I did not hear her last words so I asked again, hoping I could get an answer. But the man in my side, talked and offered his hand to me.

“Let's go?” Gab said.

Napatingin pa ako sa kamay niyang nakalahad.

Confused.

Narinig ko siyang bumuntong hininga at kinuha ang kamay ko. We started walking outside to his Aston Martin.

“We'll go together?” I innocently ask. I don't know what's with my question that made him smile, pero itinago niya rin iyon nang maramdamang nakatingin lang ako sa kaniya.

“Yeah.” He opened the front seat for me so I went inside. Umikot na rin siya at umupo sa drivers seat.

“Bat di mo sinabi sa akin kanina?”

“Hmm?”

What's with him? I can feel it. He's hiding some emotions but doing his best to be gentle within our space.

This is so familiar but unknown for me. It's like I have seen his side like this before but the truth is, I didn't.

He looks so serious driving but our speed is normal. I wonder what he's thinking right now.

He looks like a mess inside.

“Are you okay?” I couldn't stop my self from worrying. He's been a good friend of mine. I shouldn't let him feel alone, we're best friends.

He look at me and smiled.

“I'm fine.”

Liar! No you don't. Your eyes can't fool me.

But instead of questioning him further, I just nod and smiled too. I looked at the tall buildings of the city. Sa isang luxury hotel gaganapin ang dinner na inihanda ng Senator. I don't know who are invited but I'm sure this is to look for any pillars that can support him for his Presidency.

Politics.

I don't even know why Dad agreed to this dinner.

Huminto kami sa Francién. Pinagbuksan agad kami ng pinto noong dalawang porter. I didn't know sa Francién lang ang dinner. Well, Francién is one of the most expensive and luxurious hotel in Asia. Gabriel then held my hand and entered the lobby. Hindi na ako nagreklamo.

Only the staffs can be seen in the lobby. Iginiya nila kami sa private dining room ng restaurant. I thought walang tao, may kumakain naman palang mga guest sa restaurant.

Before we enter, Gab's arm snaked around my waist. Kahit na hindi naman lumapat ang palad niya sa balat ko, ramdam ko pa rin ang init nito. Here it is again, the unfamiliar but familiar feeling. I don't want to be awkward so I let him owning my waist.

Four well known family greeted us. Kinabahan ako nang makitang marami ngang pamilya ang invited sa dinner na ito. Ngunit nakahinga rin nang maluwag nang hindi ko makita ang mga Montenegro.

There are four big round tables and I can see Mom and Dad were seated in the different circle. Dad is with the Senator and other old men while Mom is with the other wives. I saw Charisma in the other table, she smiled at me so I smiled back at her too. Naglakad si Gabriel papunta roon.

“Our table's are only near, you can call me if you need something,” he whispered.

“Okay,”I said. Tumango siya at agad akong binigyan ng halik sa noo.

Gabriel is always like this, I know. But why is this giving me mix emotions.

Umupo ako sa tabi ni Charisma, Gabriel smiled at the ladies and directly went to the tables filled with gentlemen. Yeah, our tables were classified into four. The Fathers, Mother, Young Ladies and Gentlemen.

“Hey, I've never seen you for ages. How's life?” Cha started.

“It's a little bit fine.”

She gave me a small smile.

“You can call me if you wanna hang out.” Arrah offered. I look at her and nod. They're a friend of mine too, we've known each other since childhood because of our parents. I can say that we're friends but not as close friend with Gab. I noticed the purse in Arrah's side so maybe Clara is here too. The Senator's daughter.

After a few minutes of talking and greeting each others life. Clara came with annoyance in her face. When she saw me, she smiled. I gave her a smile too. I'm not mad at her, I'm mad at her father's doings. A corrupt politician, I wonder how did she coped up with the issue.

They serve the food in front of us and we started eating. After minutes of silence, someone broke it. Mukhang kami lang ata ang pinaka tahimik na table.

The others are talking and laughing.

“I heard Mellorine is getting married,” Clara started.

I stop for a moment. I know that name very well.

“Mellorine? Mellorine the model?” Arrah curiously ask. Tumango naman si Clara.

“To whom?” Charisma

“Alec.”

I'm right. They really are getting married huh?

Mapait akong napangiti sa nasagap na balita. The betrayal I felt came back to me. Imbes na masaktan at umiyak ay tanging galit ang namuo sa aking sarili. Fuck you, Montenegro.

I held my tummy and carresed it gently. “I'm sorry my baby, mukhang hindi kami magkakasundo ng ama mo.”

“Are you okay, Lena?” Napatingin ako kay Cha.

“Yeah, I'm fine. I just need to go to the bathroom.” I lied and stood up.

Tumango naman siya. Nakitaan ko sila ng pag-alala nang tumayo na ako. I gave them a small smile before marching.

I wash my hands. Natatakahan ako dahil habang kumakain ako kanina, may bawang pero parang hindi naman ako nasusuka sa baho. I even ate it. Is this how pregnancy works?

Inilagay ko sa likod ng tenga ang mga hibla ng buhok na hindi nasali sa pag-ipit. I smiled at my self. You're fine...

Paglabas ko, nagulat ako dahil nakasandal si Gabriel sa pader habang nakahalukipkip. Seryoso lang siyang nakatingin sa sahig at agad rin namang lumingon sa akin. Umayos siya ng tayo at lumapit.

“Anong ginagawa mo dito?” Tanong ko.

“Sinusundan kita.” He held my hand.

“Ano ako? Bata?” M*****a kong tanong.

“Oo.” Napairap na lamang ako sa kaniya. Naglakad kami pabalik sa mga mesa pero dumiretso siya sa kung saan naupo sina Mommy. He formally greeted them.

“Hijo, what's the problem?”

“Mauna na po kami.” I got surprised by his sudden words. Bahagyang napakunot ang noo ko nang tumango si Mommy and gave him a faint smile. Dumiretso rin siya sa mesa kung saan sina Papa.

“Sige. Mag-ingat kayo.” My dad said and gave him a pat in his back. Magalang namang tumango si Gabriel sa kaniya at sa iba pang kasama nito. He then get my small handbag in our table and bid our goodbyes to the ladies sitting there.

Bago pa kami makalabas ng room, I heard a gossip from someone.

“Bilib talaga ako sa mag-asawang 'yan...”

Who said that? Bahagya akong napalingon sa gilid pero hindi ko mahanap kung sino.

Ipinagwalang bahala ko nalang 'yon. Kahit nga rin ako ay bilib sa mga magulang ko.