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Last Updated:
2024-10-29 19:42:56Thank you SO MUCH for taking the time to read “Our Blank Canvas.” <3
This second book was meant to be explored through Vasilisa’s point of view, as she navigated through the difficulties of exploring her past as well as trying to move on in an entirely new Country.
Additionally, I wanted to include the points of view of my supporting cast for various reasons. Each character has their own unique battle, and I felt it was necessary to allow them the chance to tell their story too. I began writing this novel after I completed “Our Young Funny Voices” June of 2019. I’ve completed it March of 2020. I’ve had an absolute blast writing it— but I’ve also cried and laughed along the way.
I hope I’ve provided you with an enjoyable reading experience, despite the tough times my characters have endured. In the event you or someone you know is going through ANY mental illness/addiction/gender identity crisis ECT feel free to take a moment to read about each resource, and the character attached to it.
I’ve gone through my fair share of addiction, and I’m here to tell you that you’re not alone.
Alcoholism/Substance Abuse - Vasilisa Krovopuskova. National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence, Inc. (NCADD): 1 (800) NCA-CALL (622-2255)
Anorexia - Francine Chirilova. National Eating Disorder Hotline: 1-800-931-2237
Suicidal Thoughts - Charlotte Ahyoka National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255
| While Brody Black, Olivia Green, and Elizabeth "Liza" McClain don't suffer from any particular disorder, they've all dealt with difficulties within their relationships. If you're in a toxic situation yourself or you can just use someone to talk to, here are some resources: www.betterhelp.com (couple's therapy) There are various resources for individuals who are left behind after their partner/spouse leaves for active Military duty. Feel free to check them out, as I couldn't find a National line so services may differ depending on your area. |
If you enjoyed "Our Blank Canvas", please consider letting me know your thoughts. I always love interacting with my readers.
This is the end of the road for my beloved characters in this series. Thank you for your time, I've loved having you. <3
Related chapters
Our Blank Canvas Prologue/Chapter One:
PrologueI hadn’t been to Church in many years. Not since I still lived at the Children’s home, and even then we only attended every so often since we had someone come pray with us locally. Staring up at the white and gold Cathedrial covered in snow, I only hesitated for a second before heading inside.I let my hand trace along the faded pews as I slowly walked to the front of the stage. The smell of old wood and spice sent chills down my spine, and it only got stronger the more I walked. Elegant paintings of Jesus surrounded me from every wall, but I focused on the one a mere few feet away as I knelt down. I studied his sad face with a slight frown, and allowed the emotions to come. I felt helpless, frustrated. Angry. Despite growing up as Christian Orthodox, that feeling of Religious peace has never touched me.I was flying back to Arizona tomorrow, and I didn’t even know if I’d have anything to go bac
Our Blank Canvas Chapter Two:
The buzzing in my ears got louder and louder as I stared at Evgeniya’s message. There’s no memory, but she seems so familiar to me anyway.She should, she’s your....No. She doesn’t deserve the title. When has this woman ever been a mother to you? Maybe she held a bottle to your lips after changing your name on official birth documents, so dad couldn’t find you. Perhaps she put you in a clean pair of clothing right before dumping you at the children’s home...but anyone could’ve done those things. Surely she understands that doesn’t make her a mom?“Detka, do you want me to stay with you? I can call Joey and let him know I’ll be late.” Francine whispered into my ear, and I let my shoulders drop. Yes. I wanted her to remain here with me...but I needed to do this alone. Her life shouldn’t be disturbed anymore than it already has been. She’s held my hand ever sin
Our Blank Canvas Chapter Three:
I hated to do it, but I pushed the guilt aside and called my dad to ask if we could Skype. Francine wouldn’t be home for several more hours, and I needed to talk to someone about what just happened. Everything I worked so hard to bury was coming for me, and I couldn’t handle the onslaught of emotions alone.He picked up after the third ring. “I’m not bothering you, am I?” I mumbled an apology. Since we have daylight now in Arizona, my father is experiencing nightfall in Russia. I hoped I didn’t wake him.“Nonsense, Vasilisa. Hearing from you is always a pleasure. Give me a few minutes and we’ll talk over video.” Dad didn’t sound sleepy, which made me wonder if I was pulling him away from his work. He wouldn’t tell me if I was anyway, that’s just the way he is.“Very well. I’ll wait.” I disconnected the line and went to pour myself my third cup of coffee. The spoon clicked a
Our Blank Canvas Chapter Four:
I felt so tired after hanging up with my dad. Emotionally. Confusion clouded my judgement, and I made a solid decision not to think about it anymore until I had the chance to bring Francine up to speed on everything. Leaving my laptop in the room, I went to lay on the couch and wait for my girlfriend to call me during her first break. The second my head hit the decorative pillow, my eyes became heavy. I tried to fight it, but I got so comfortable.Maybe I’ll rest my eyes for just a minute....BUZZ! BUZZ!A strong vibrating sensation jolted me awake from where I’d been sleeping on the couch. The living room was almost pitch black, letting me know I’d been asleep for several hours. I felt my phone continue to buzz from somewhere underneath the heavy cushions and I blinked sleepily, slapping my hand at the surface and digging in the crevices until I found it.“Hello?” I answered without checkin
Our Blank Canvas Chapter Five:
“I need some air. Wanna join me?” Francine traced a single finger along my thigh, and I clasped my hand around her tiny fingers with a reassuring smile.“No, detka. I’ll wait here for you.”“You’re sure?” She leaned in to kiss my cheek softly, and I took a moment to really appreciate the beautiful woman I’d fallen in love with almost two years ago. Francine could be impulsive and emotional. She cried during every sad movie ever and couldn’t always handle my blunt personality. We fought like crazy sometimes too, but I wouldn’t trade my life with her for anyone else.“Brody and Liza...they’re outside.” I hitched my chin toward the sliding glass door leading to Olivia and Charlotte’s patio, making Francine turn to look. “You’re really close to them. They need you. Go. I’ll be fine here.” I brought her fingers to my lips, and she nodded.“Yo
Our Blank Canvas Chapter Six:
“Hey Russki. Can’t sleep?”Damn. I turned from where I’d been scavenging in my refrigerator to find Brody rubbing her eyes groggily. The white and grey baseball style shirt she wore rode up a little bit as she approached me in a state of mild confusion. I clutched my prize, a leftover baked potato from last night’s dinner in my hand, and closed the door softly. Once again, we were bathed in darkness.“I’m not tired. Smoke?” I brought my closed index and middle fingers to my lips to further illustrate the question. Brody nodded and stepped aside so I could lead us to the small back patio. I love hand signals. They help out so much.“Use mine.” Brody shoved a pack of Marlboro Red cigarettes into my free hand and flicked the patio light on. Francine can’t stand my smoking habit, and we’ve argued many times over it. I started young, at thirteen years old, and have never found th
Our Blank Canvas Chapter Seven:
Two weeks laterA couple of weeks passed us by faster than anything I’ve ever seen. Regaining entry into Russia was easier than I thought, and I purchased my ticket post haste. I began preparing myself for the questions any officials were bound to ask me. They’d see my Asylum Visa and probably figure out my business in the United States pretty fast. One thing I’ll always be grateful to my time on the streets is this; It taught me the ability to act tough even when I’m shaking on the inside. I’ve had to defend everything I owned and believed in my entire life, it was second nature to me at this point.“Detka, did you want to bring an extra pair of boots?” Francine was helping me pack, and we already filled two large suitcases with enough clothing to last a month at least. The thing is, I need options. Style is very important to me, I can’t wear the same thing twice during my trip. I’ve notic
Our Blank Canvas Chapter Eight:
“Here? You’re sure about-““I just need to get it over with, Vasha.”I watched helplessly as Olivia wrote a furious text to who I’m assuming was Charlotte when Brody suddenly appeared beside us in our secluded corner. Her brow was furrowed with worry, and I sat up straight.“Charlotte’s here....I didn’t tell her to leave, but you have to get this shit under wraps-““I’m not the type to start a scene and you know it, Nicole.” Olivia hissed, clearly on edge. What’s more, she used Brody’s legal name. I sensed a heated exchange coming on and quickly went to stand between them.“Easy.” I coaxed, eyeing them both sternly. Brody took a step forward, narrowing her light hazel eyes at Olivia. Becoming eye level with her chest made me back away slightly.“I know you’re having a tough time right now, but this is my going away party. You&rsq
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Our Blank Canvas A Word From The Author:
Thank you SO MUCH for taking the time to read “Our Blank Canvas.” ’s point of view, as she navigated through the difficulties of exploring her past as well as trying to move on in an entirely new Country. Additionally, I wanted to include the points of view of my supporting cast for various reasons. Each character has their own unique battle, and I felt it was necessary to allow them the chance to tell their story too. I began writing this novel after I completed “Our Young Funny Voices” June of 2019. I’ve completed it March of 2020. I’ve had an absolute blast writing it— but I’ve also cried and laughed along the way. I hope I’ve provided you with an enjoyable reading experience, despite the tough times my characters have endured. In the event you or someone you know is going through ANY mental illness/addiction/gender identity crisis ECT feel free to take a moment to read about each resource, and the character attached to
Our Blank Canvas Epilogue:
For once, we all seemed to sleep peacefully throughout the night. I don’t even remember going to bed, but I know it wasn’t until a handful of hours ago. Even still, nobody grumbled the next morning when my phone’s alarm went off at 6:30 A.M. I was the first to rise, and I placed my hand on Francine’s bare shoulder as I kissed the nape of her neck passionately to stir her.“It’s time to get up, detka.”“Mmmmm...” She curled into me for a moment, inhaling the sensuous mixture of our friend’s scents on my skin before sitting up to stretch. ”Okaaaaayyyy...”“Morning already?Shit.” Nicole bolted upright with a yawn, rubbing the sleep out of her bleary hazel eyes with an upturned palm. I blushed at the sight of her pierced nipples,
Our Blank Canvas Chapter Forty:
Three months later“Did we remember everything?” Francine hastily asked over her shoulder as I ushered the two of us into the hotel room I rented for all of our friends to enjoy as a group. We made sure to get the largest variety, with two large king sized beds and a spacious kitchen area. Pride is tomorrow, and we all wanted to stay right by where the Parade was being held in downtown Phoenix. Since the room is in my name, Francine and I were the first ones to arrive. Olivia and Charlotte have yet to get off from work, Liza was up North visiting her mother and children and just got back into town, and Brody let us know she had been waiting for her girlfriend so they could get ready and come to the hotel together.“If not, we’ll go back out. Hurry detka, before the ice freezes my arms into useless popsicle sticks.” I’d been balancing two large bags of convenience store bought c
Our Blank Canvas Chapter Thirty-Nine:
The next morningBy my calculations, it took us about twenty minutes to drive to Cactus Front, the inpatient eating disorder clinic Francine was checking into. Liza took us, and she seemed very quiet. All of us were in fact. My girlfriend was staring out of the window at the Aztec style building as she took deep breaths. Her nervousness depressed me, and I wished I could take everything she was going through and bring it on to deal with myself. I couldn’t stand seeing the woman I loved in such distress.“Lyubimyy?” I touched Francine’s forearm with my fingertips, knowing how she loved being called my favorite. “Let’s walk inside. Ok? I’ll grab your bags. Touch nothing.” My girlfriend deflated in response and I had to get out of the car right then. I couldn’t bear to look anymore.“Dude, are you ok?” I heard Liza ask softly as I slammed the door and went to the trunk. I in
Our Blank Canvas Chapter Thirty-Eight:
Nicole (Brody’s) Point of View:The invitation to accompany me to my best friend’s apartment was an open one, but I think the way I was staring right at Liza got the hidden message across to everyone else.Aside from maybe my very sick friend Francine, she was the only one who knew how to calm me down. There’s no way Vasha would let her girlfriend come along anyway though. This was the last night they’d have together before Francine checked herself into treatment, which I got. Totally. I felt pretty bad about losing my temper in their home, but I couldn’t help but fume over this whole damn evening. You’d think the strict upbringing I had combined with several years in the Military would have done something for my trash anger problem, but it hasn’t really. Especially not when my friends get hurt.When
Our Blank Canvas Chapter Thirty-Seven:
“...Let her sleep, I’ll see Vasha when she wakes up.” Brody’s deep voice must have been in my dreams, because she’s not in Arizona right now. As I struggled with that in between stage of consciousnesses, I heard Francine’s clear voice respond.“I thought I heard her moving around, give me a second.”I blinked in confusion at the blank space beside me. Wasn’t Olivia taking a nap with me? I was so deliriously tired I had no idea what was going on. As I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes, I groaned softly and sat up. A moment later, Francine entered our room quietly and smiled warmly at me. Even in my sleepy state, I grinned back and closed my lids. I missed my girlfriend so much, even just seeing her beautiful face brought me unbridled joy. As Francine lost weight, her appearance changed a bit but she couldn’t ever look like anyone other than the woman I loved. Her body would always be familiar, and I neve
Our Blank Canvas Chapter Thirty-Six:
Francine’s Point of View:“Do you think a month will be long enough?” Liza asked in a skeptical tone as we left Joey’s briskly. Dinner rush was in full swing, and I didn’t want to take up any more of my boss’s time than I already did.“Yeah. I couldn’t ask for anything extra, Joe is already pretty strapped.” I admitted, waiting for Liza to unlock her newish yellow volkswagon Beetle. “Honestly I’m grateful to even get that.”I could now add having to involve my professional life into things my eating disorder has forced me to do. Liza being the amazing friend that she is made Joey aware of what happened the night I fainted, and was sure to update him day by day. I was terrified that I’d lose my job before coming down to talk to him, but he was super cool about the whole thing. He’d shifted a few things around schedule wise, and approved my requested month
Our Blank Canvas Chapter Thirty-Five:
Charlotte’s Point of View:“Are you really happy here, Charlotte? Stop bullshitting me. I can see right through you.” Andee’s hazel eyes flashed doubtfully as she took a swig of Coca Cola. Sitting across the booth from my EX was a surreal experience, and I blinked blankly at her. It was as if we were just meeting up for a quick bite after work, instead of what was really happening; An attempt to make me question my own happiness in Arizona. I chose to focus on her disapproving facial expression instead of how the see-through material of the white tee-shirt she was wearing made her pink nipples visible.Nice to see her small breasts were still perky and alert, I guess. Her effortlessly sexy style wasn’t lost on me, and I hated myself for my obvious attraction to it.Andee noticed how uncomfortable I was becoming and grinned slyly, like a mischievous kitten. Leaning backwards, she rested an
Our Blank Canvas Chapter Thirty-Four:
Charlotte’s Point of View:Every part of me knew what a moronic decision this was, but I was going through with it anyway. I needed to know what Andee had to say that was so important, she couldn’t have just called me from Savannah. Paranoia gripped me as I looked back over my shoulder at Banner hospital once I made it halfway into the parking lot.Nobody followed me, thank GOD. After quickly slipping into my car, I gripped the leather steering wheel and closed my eyes guiltily.Text back. Say you changed your mind, go back in there with Olivia...that’s who you belong to. Andee is manipulating you- doesn’t your dumbass remember what happened!? What are you DOING!? That tiny voice in my head got so loud, I could hardly hear myself think. My eyes raked over the egg shell colored medical establishment before I abruptly started the ignition with a sharp
