Kabanata 3

“So you did something forbidden, kaya ka nagkaganyan? Would you mind to narrate what really happened?” tanong niya habang nakahalumbaba at nakatingin sa akin habang kumakain.

Sa carpet ay naka indian-sit kami habang kumakain ako at nakabukas ang TV. Nakasandal kami sa paanan ng kama. Medyo nahimasmasan na ako. Kanina ay medyo lasing na ako ngunit mas nangibabaw ang gutom.

Nabitin ako sa pag-inom. Busog na ako sa kagwapuhan ng kasama ko. Ibinaba ko ang kinakain ko at napatingin sa kaniya.

“Ay t*ngina!" Bulalas ko nalang nang umayos rin siya nang pagkakaupo at itinuon ang atensyon sa akin.

Nagkatitigan kami at seryoso ang mga mata niyang nakatingin sa akin. He has a beautiful face. It's so angelic. He has a well-defined, with a sharp jaw and angular cheekbone. The complexion of his skin is going well with his brown eyes. He was the opposite of Dion’s bad boy aura and Paulino, on the other hand, is the mysterious type of guy.

Hindi ko alam na darating ang araw na gugustuhin ko ang ganitong klase ng lalaki. Madalas mga bad boy ang nagugustuhan ko. Ibang-iba rito sa lalaking itong parang nakakatakot gumawa ng masama dahil baka dalhin kaagad ako nito sa langit.

Kung biyaheng langit lang naman ang pag-uusapan gusto ko, iyong masasarapan ako habang dinadala roon. Hindi iyong wala nang balikan.

"Why are you cursing me?" kunot ang noong tanong niya.

Kahit anong reaksyon ang gwapo pa rin!

“Ang gwapo mo kasi! Huwag ka ngang magpa-charming d'yan!” dire-diretso kong sabi.

Bigla naman siyang natawa. Ang bibig ko talaga! Hindi mapigilan ang mga lumalabas!

Meanwhile, his laughter was so free and pure— so childish. It came to my ears as a tickle and bounce.

“I am not. You're so bold. Your pretty mouth can't filter your words.”

“Pretty sa'yo d'yan, eh ang dami kong sugat! Malabo ba mata mo?”

“Sugat lang iyan. Hihilom din iyan. Ano ba kasing nangyari at nagkaganyan ka?”

“May nag-away tapos pinigilan ko kaso ako ang nasuntok tapos nailipad ako sa kung saan,” pagdadahilan ko na lang. Natawa siya sa sinabi ko.

“Forbidden na ba yun?” He wore a puzzled expression. “Wala naman akong nakikitang masama do'n. Nakatulong ka nga kasi pinigilan mo 'yung nag-aaway. Unless, you are the reason why they fought.”

Hindi ko alam kung bakit hindi ko maamin sa kanya na may pinagsabay akong lalaki at ang masama pa roon, magkaibigan ang dalawa. Nakasakit na nga ako ng puso, nakasira pa ako ng pagkakaibigan.

Wala sa sariling kinuha ko ang tumbler na may lamang beer sa gilid ko at tinungga ko iyon. Nagkibit-balikat.

“Is that a beer? I can smell it from here...”

Hindi ko siya pinakinggan at pinagpatuloy lang ang pag-inom pero inagaw niya ito sa akin.

Nagulat ako nang dire-diretso niyang ininom ang beer. Nakita ko ang pag galaw ng adam's apple niya. Hindi ko alam kung bakit nakaramdam ako ng init. Naka-on naman ang aircon. Pinagpapawisan ako ng butil-butil.

“That’s mine!” Pilit kong inaabot ang tumbler ko sa kanya ngunit umiilag siya.

Binaliktad niya ang tumbler. Indikasyon na nasimot niya ang beer sa loob. Ang dami pa nun! Grabe naman ito!

“Why did you drink it? Sa akin iyon!”Sumimangot ako.

“Bawal iyon saiyo. Kakalabas mo palang ng ospital. You're not allowed to drink.”

“Tapos sa'yo pwede? Doktor ka ba?”

“Hindi. Pero pwede ito sa akin kasi hindi ako naospital dahil may ginawa akong bawal.” He sat back with a grin, winding me up like this was too easy.

“Pinapatamaan mo ba ako?”

“Nope. Why? What did you do? Tinamaan ka ba?”

“Are you really that bored on my Father's party kaya ka nandito at pati ang pagkakapa-ospital ko ay inaalam mo?”

“I am. I thought it was boring but you're here. I am here. I’m not bored anymore. Now tell me the story, I want to know."

“Ah, basta! ‘Wag mo na alamin. Basta may ginawa akong bawal. Tapos.” Pinagpatuloy ko ang pagkain.

Naramdaman ko naman ang pag-usog niya.

“Pero pinagsisisihan mo naman ba ‘yong ginawa mo?”

“Hindi. Nasarapan naman ako at naging masaya kahit mali sa mata ng iba.” Wala sa sarili kong sagot. Nagpatuloy lang sa pagkain.

“Nasarapan?” Ulit niya sa sinabi ko. Medyo naguguluhan.

“Ay sh*t! My bad!”

Tsaka lang nagsink-in sa akin ang sinabi ko sa kanya! Jesus, am I that drunk already? Ang aga pa! Ni hindi nga ako nakaubos ng isang baso kung tutuusin! Lumalabas na naman pagiging mahalay ko!

Inilapag ko ang pagkain ko at nilakad ang papunta sa may mini ref. Ramdam ko ang pagsunod niya sa akin

ng tingin.

Medyo nahihilo na nga ako. Pero kaya ko pa. Bitin pa iyon!

Buti nalang may tinago pa akong dalawang tumbler na may lamang beer. Kinuha ko ang dalawa at saka bumalik sa pwesto. Inabot ko ang isang tumbler sa kanya. Binuksan ko ang tumbler ko at walang pag-aatubiling ininom ang laman no'n. Nakalahati ko kaagad.

“What’s this?” He asked.

The beer turns down the volume on my thoughts. It brings memories of good times past, and I let myself dwell in them rather than think and in that moment I am here and not, existing in two perfect moments. Somehow it steadies me, gives me the resolve to go on.

“Beer,” I said then sipped on my tumbler again.

Aagawin niya sana ang tumbler ko pero naiilag ko iyon sa kanya.

“Ilang beer ang mayroon ka sa kwarto mo? Do your parents know about this?” he sounded mad.

“Tatlo. Iyong isa iyong ininom mo.”

“Why did you put it in a tumbler?”

“Kasi nga bawal. Tinago ko lang yan. Nilagay ko siya dyan para 'di mahalata. Okay na?”

“Alam mo namang bawal pero ginagawa mo pa rin.” I heard him sighed. His sigh was resigned and weary.

“Am I considered bad?” Pinaglaruan ko sa kamay ko ang tumbler. “Kung iyong gusto ko lang naman sumaya kahit na bawal sa mata ng iba yung ginagawa ko maging masaya lang?”

“Ideally, oo kasi bawal, eh. Pero ginawa mo pa rin.”

Sabi na. Hindi na rin ako nagulat sa sagot niya. Binuksan niya ang tumbler at uminom doon. Napauinom na rin ako sa akin. Dinire-diretso ko na hanggang sa maubos ko ang beer.

Bakit ba ako umaasang may makakaintindi sa akin?

Ang hirap makahanap ng masasandigan sa oras na ito. Parang si Dion lang ang nakakaintindi sa akin. Hindi ko pa makausap. Hindi ko pa makita. I am stuck in this room for a month. Napabuntonghininga ako.

“Pero wala naman masamang maging masaya. Ang hirap-hirap kaya maging masaya.” Hinayaan ko lang siyang magsalita.

“So the practical approach well at least for me, is to think well about the consequences of such choices, and if you really can accept the penalty of those wrong choices, then you can follow your heart without any regret or discomfort. Kung saan ka masaya, kung kaya mo naman harapin ang mangyayari pagkatapos, sige lang.”

Natigilan ako. Napatingin sa kanya. He seemed passionate on what he was saying.

Parang may kung anong kumurot sa puso ko. Hindi ko alam kung bakit damang-dama ko ang bawat salitang sinasabi niya.

“At the end of the day, you don’t always have to weigh the pros and cons of things, sometimes there is only one thing that really, truly matters and that is; your happiness, your passion for this life and your hunger for a contented heart,” dagdag niya pa.

My throat went dry. Gusto kong magsalita ngunit ang hirap. Ang bigat sa dibdib. Hanggang sa may tumulong butil ng luha galing sa mata ko.

Hindi ko alam na umiiyak na pala ako.

“You don't have to be sure of where you're going or what the next step is; sometimes all you have to do is take the first step and that is to move.” My eyes rest, not unblinking but slowed; yet the effect is soft and inviting instead of harsh. Perhaps it is his lips that give away my intention, not quite smiling but tilting as if they mean to.

“Cheer up, you’re not alone. God is with you,” he said and then tried to hold my hand.

When he did that it was as if every ounce of breath was taken from my lungs floating into the air like midnight smoke.

Ngumiti pa siya. I gazed so intently at each divot of that lip, Diyos ko! Ang gwapo naman talaga nito!

“You are not alone in your battles. You can get this through, Aviona,” pahabol niya pa.

Hindi ko alam kung anong nag-udyok sa akin para mas lalong lumapit sa kanya at maupo sa hita niya. Hindi na ako nag-iisip. Bakas sa mukha niya ang pagkagulat.

“A-aviona w-what are you doing?”

Instead of answering his question, I just smiled and trace his lip lightly with the tip of my finger. It is so nice to find someone who understands you.

“Why are you crying?” He asked. Pinaglandas niya ang mga luhang tumutulo sa aking pisngi.

“You made me cry,” I answered and then he pouts slightly.

Jesus, I have the urge to bite it, to kiss it, to wrap us up in a quilt and listen to our gentle breathing, watching the cotton ripple like skipping stones and sharing crooked smiles.

“Ssh...” he hushed me. “I should put you to bed, you seemed tired. Kakalabas mo palang ba ng ospital—” I pressed my hand against his cheek, giving more support to push myself towards him, and connect our lips.

“Aviona...” he called my name quite panting his breath.

Naguguluhan ang kanyang tingin. Meanwhile, my lips were firm against his, but the kiss remained soft, gentle, and slow. We held it for a few seconds before his lips began to move in perfect sync, slowly, cautiously.

I exhaled through my nose, not wanting to let go. My entire body had been taken over by the overwhelming feeling of relief, combined with eccentric panic, and lust. I moved my hand from his cheek to the back of his head, my fingers tangling in his dark chocolate hair, lightly pulling his into me, adding more pressure to our lips, deepening the kiss.

“We will regret this tomorrow, Aviona. Are you ready to face the consequences of this?” he asked trying to break the kiss. He licked his lips. I was mesmerized by the view.

“I am always born ready—Ah!” I could not continue what I was saying when he kissed my ear down my neck in slow burning kisses.

Unexpectedly, his hand drifted to my hip. It settled there and pulled me closer. I inhaled sharply. He began nuzzling my neck with delicate kisses. So faint, they were whispers.

His head was angled slightly to the side as his lips came closer and closer to mine. I was surprised to find his own lips parted. Our breaths mingled.

My heart fluttered inside my chest.

Napakabilis ng pangyayari. Hindi ko namalayang nasa kama na kami at unti-unti nang naaalis ang mga saplot. The room was filled with moans of pleasure and hungry kisses. Kapwa mga hayok at sabik.

“Ah... Ang sarap mo, Lazarus!” hindi ko na napigilang sabi as he slid his finger in my panties and then touched me there.

Blame it on the beer!