CHAPTER 1:ONE NIGHT STAND

I bit my lower lip to stop sobbing when I woke up naked.

I'm not stupid enough not to know what happened to me.

Until now I can feel the dizziness because of what I drank last night. This is the first time I drank alcohol in my entire life.

I can't see the face of the man next to me in the backseat of the car.

Like me, it also has no body covering.

I winced as I felt the intense pain and agony between my thighs. I quickly grabbed my clothes.

I pulled out my hair when I couldn't catch it.

I'm weak. I want to lose myself and cry but I can't. I'm more afraid of waking up the man I had sex with.

My tears started to fall. I don't know what I should do?

I quickly put on the white longsleeve that belonged to the man.

I also took his boxer that was hanging on the steering wheel of the car and quickly put it on.

I didn't even look at the man who was asleep.

I immediately got out of the car and walked away as if nothing had happened.

I want to hurt myself because of what happened. 

I don't remember how I ended up in that man's car and something happened to us.

I just sat on one side because I was so weak.

I pulled out my hair when the kiss that man made appeared one by one in my mind.

 I liked it and replied to him.

Every time he touches my skin I love it. Every time he bit my neck and sucked on it, I liked all of that.

I screamed remembering all that!

My hands are shaking. I hate myself. I feel like a madman rubbing my skin, especially my lips that he bored last night.

I'm so hopeless!

I'm disgusted with myself and angry!

I took care of myself for a long time but in an instant I gave it up and left it to a man I didn't even know.

I didn't even see his face!

My tears flowed abundantly when Joel's condo door opened.

I don't know how I got here looking like this.

"Hey girl, why did you suddenly disappear last night at the bar? Why are you wearing that? Why did you just go home now----"

I didn't finish my friend's series of questions.

I just hugged my friend tightly.

He handed me a glass of water when I calmed down from crying.

"Tell me what happened? You're a woman, you came here to my condo with penetration! You're a disgusting girl!" he sowed at me.

 "So you look like you've been raped today? Isn't that what you were wearing last night? And why don't you have shoes? Look at your feet? They're sore"

I was like a deaf person who couldn't hear Joel's question after question. And I also have nothing to answer for him.

"Wait a minute. You stay here first, I'll just get you some clothes from your unit" I heard him say goodbye.

I don't feel like lying on the sofa and curled up. My eyes warmed up again when I remembered what happened.

It was already dark outside when I woke up. My head hurt so much it felt like I was being squeezed by the pain. 

There were also dried tears in the corner of my eyes.

I couldn't help but laugh. I thought it was just a dream that happened to me. It's true!

It seems I can't escape the trouble I've gotten myself into. You have to stand up.

"Oh, are you awake? Come on, I've cooked for you" Joel invited me.

"O-I'm fine, I'm not hungry" I denied.

I heard Joel sigh and come closer to me.

"I know you have a problem? I'm your friend. Can you trust me?"

I was stunned by my senses. I was ashamed to confess everything to Joel. 

In the end I still chose to tell him because of his nagging.

I took a deep breath before starting to tell the whole story.

"I don't remember what happened to me last night. I just woke up earlier, I was in a car with a man. We were both naked. I didn't see his face. I was too dizzy earlier. And because I was afraid that he might wake up, I left immediately"I explained.

"And he got your virginity, right? Now I know why you have penetration. And the clothes you're wearing aren't yours yet" he interjected.

I am thankful that my friend did not judge me.

"Wait. Did you use something for protection like a condom?" Joel suddenly asked.

I shook my head one after the other while my eyes were getting hot.

"I don't know Joel. I'm so drunk I can't remember" I said while sobbing.

"Is there a possibility of you getting pregnant? How and where can we find him?" he asked me one after another.

I washed my face and took a deep breath.

"I'm really sorry, Maxine. If you really think I'm the one at fault. We should have eaten at a restaurant instead of drinking at that bar. You wouldn't have been like this," Joel blamed himself.

That's right. If we had just eaten at a restaurant after our Graduation, it would have been far from happening to me.

But it's here. Whatever the outcome, I will accept it wholeheartedly.

"Hayst. Take a shower first, Maxine. I'll just prepare your room, you can sleep here tonight"he said.

****

I'm standing in the whole body mirror here in the bathroom of Joel's condo.

While observing my whole body.I could clearly see the red marks on the side of my neck in the mirror.

I closed my eyes tightly remembering his hot tongue on my neck. I remember every bite and suction he had on my skin.

Every caress, every bite of my nipple. His warm mouth and his tongue to play. All of that flashed in my memory.

I turned on the shower and scrubbed my body well. I screamed as I repeatedly remembered his kisses all over my body. I sat on the floor crying and hugged myself.

I covered my ears remembering the disgusting sound of him coming out of me at the same time as I moaned. I covered my mouth to stop my attempt to scream.

I can't believe I like that disgusting thing!

My chest tightens every time I remember that man and I having sex.

I covered my face. I'm so ashamed of myself, how can I look into my parents' eyes?