" I'm always early." I say, busy trying to fix up my hair while staring out the window.
We remain in silence for a while and after tying my hair up, I turn to face her. She's sitting on my bed, doing nothing but just staring at me.
" Only one more day left." She says.
" One more day." I agree.
With the silence stretching between us, I go back to sitting on my bed and lean against the wall, now facing her. She shifts a bit so she's now facing me and all we do is keep on passing looks to each other, as if both of us are waiting for each one to say something first.
" I heard from a little birdie that you had company last night."
Patrick.
Honestly I'm not really surprised she asked this, because with Vicky, she can't help but want to know things that may concern me. By this, it is her own way of protecting me which I understand. For some weird reason today, I'm quite not as chilled about the fact that I was inbetween hers and Patrick's discussion.
Shaking this thought or feeling off, I try to lighten the mood.
" And who might that Little Birdie be, Patrick?" I tease.
This makes her to shoot me with a playful warning glare.
" For your own info, there are a lot of little birdies out here." She defends herself.
Or maybe Patrick.
" Neither of them takes your breath away like he does." I say, wiggling my brows.
" Oh please, my breath is just fine, right here in my system, securely safe." She waves me off like I just told her something silly.
Chuckling, I say, " that might be so, but you wouldn't be saying that in his presence because, you'll be blushing like a school girl and silently hoping that he sweeps you off into the sunset."
I place the back of my hand against my forehead in a dramatised way, with my eyes trailing up to the ceiling.
After my little performance, she just stares at me, like she's looking at a different person.
" Okay, you read a lot of romance novels." She points to me.
" Or maybe I watched titanic and thought oh, that could be Patrick and Vicky, sailing away into the sunset. "
" More like drown into the ice cold water." She mutters.
" And that too." I say, making us both to smile.
" I'm going to miss you." I say, making her smile to faulter.
" Okay let's go, we've got to feed that grumbling tummy of yours." She lightly pats my leg and rises to her feet. I watch as she fixes her uniform, straightning invisible lines.
I smile to myself, knowing that Vicky is not big on sentimentals especially expressing her feelings.
" A little hesitant about going home, maybe because of him?" She asks me and I already know that she's talking about Luke.
" Maybe, but I don't - I don't know much about him anymore, it's been 2 years passed now." I admit.
She gives off a nod before heading to the door.
" What do you think I should do, if - if he comes back to see me?" I bring her to a pause before she can step out of the room.
Looking over her shoulder she says," you know what I think about people and chances, but you, yourself must be comfortable with your decision , to not be filled with regret by your decision."
" It's my decision anyway right?"
" Right." She says nodding, stepping out of my room.
" 5 minutes!" I hear Vicky call out from the hallway, making me smile to myself.
Instantly my smile slips off when I think about Luke. Not wanting to dwell on thoughts about him, I decide to follow Vicky. Right as I close the door, at the corner of my eye, my focus is on one door, his door. Before I can think too much about what I'm doing, my feet head over to it.
Now here I am, standing in front of Connor's door, not quite sure of what I'm doing here. Before I can ponder on this, I knock on his door.
No answer.
Meaning to move away from the door, suddenly I stop when the door swings open, making me to take a step back. There he stands with a pair of slacks, and shirt which shows off his muscles, disheveled hair and of course being barefoot. At first he is taken by surprise that I'm standing here but then he relaxes a bit, totally expressing his curiosity of why I'm standing in his doorway.
" Hi." He says, though it should be me saying this since I'm the one on his doorstep.
" Hi." I say, shifting slightly on my heel.
Silence stretches out between us and I find myself lightly scratching on my arm.
" Would you like to come in?" He asks.
" No! " I immediately say, more strongly then intended.
Well I am surprised that he'd ask me that.
" I - I'm leaving on Saturday." I say before I spin on my heel and rush away from there, not even looking back to see his reaction.
******
Breakfast went by in a blur since all that's been in mind, was none other than what happened earlier. Like a lost person, I stood in front of Connor and just shared something that is none of his concern.
I mean why did I do it?
Now that's one question that has me deep in thought for the whole of breakfast and almost the whole morning. Being left with a few minutes, before today's activity which is the book club meeting, I decide to pop by my room so I can take my book for the meeting. Upon reaching my room , an instant movement shocks me where it takes me a couple of seconds, to realize that someone is dragging me by arm, to where? I have no idea.
Things only register when I find myself against a wall in an empty hallway, it only dawns on me that someone just kidnapped me, more like Connor did. Looking at him, I see him walking past me which has me curious.
" Come on." That's all he says while walking .
It takes a minute before I actually do follow him to where ever he's going. Oh I haven't forgotten that he kidnapped me and wants to land us both into trouble.
Connor leads me up a flight of stairs that seem to go on forever. Maybe it's me being dramatic since I'm so unfit. About to just quit and turn back, the stairs lead to a door that I'm quite suspicious of , more like what is at the other side of it.
" Where are you going?" I finally ask, totally out of breath.
" Just wait and see." He says, looking over his shoulder.
With nothing further being said, he heads to the door while I remain standing at a distance from him. I watch as he tries opening the door but it doesn't budge, he tries again , and again there's no luck.
" I think we should go back." I tell him.
He attempts to try again , totally ignoring me, I now notice that he is has something in his hand, more or less like a hair pin. Now I start to panic at the thought of us actually breaking in somewhere private.
" Connor?" I call him but he is too busy being occupied to listen.
" Connor, maybe we should - ," just then, the door opens and with this, Connor looks over his shoulder at me with the biggest victory grin ever.
Still feeling slightly uncomfortable about this whole breaking entry thing, I make an attempt to turn around and bolt out of here, but then Connor distracts my plans and tells me to follow him, which with resignation, I do .
We go up another pair of stairs before reaching our destination, oh and guess where it is?
The roof.
Nothing could have prepared me for this, being on the rooftop with a guy I barely know.I mean why did he bring me here, wait, he doesn't want to murder me does he?Looking around, I notice the small green house, having been placed right at the center, along with benches, pot plants etc.Wow someone has been busy. I'm greatly in awe of the view that one is able to see from up here." Cool right?" He says while he moves about.I don't say anything but just look around before I decide to take a seat on the bench, so I can actually take this all in." Wow." I say to myself." Wow indeed." My head whips to Connor who is now taking a seat next to me." How did you -"" I have my ways." He says confidently." We shouldn't be here." I remind him." I know
Nothing seems to want to come out of my mouth when there's a staring match happening, between the three of us.Thank heavens Vicky is the first one to break the silence. " You have been called by Doctor Anthon." She tells Connor who gives me a sideways glance before he turns on his heel and walks away.Now being left with Vicky, I decide to not fall back into that silence and go inside my room, where she follows behind and I won't be surprised if she questions me of my whereabouts.I throw myself on the bed and stare at the ceiling, letting my body weight to take over. The silence still remains between us and I decide to sit upright on the bed. I see her standing by the door, watching me." New friend?" She finally asks.I shrug, getting up off the bed and walking over to my closet, to search for something to change into. I finally find what I'm looking for, which is a short sleeved grey shirt.I turn to face Vicky ."Is h
My feet are too slow today, it's like they are made of steel or something and I'll explain why I feel this way. All the way from my room, down to the reception area, I have been dragging my feet and it's not by choice but my feet which are like rooted to the ground.It's as if they don't want to move at all while my mom is moving about normally. I watch her talking to doctor Anthon, who's standing by my mom's car with her arms behind her back, giving off a more relaxed and content like expression while she listens to my mom blabber about God knows what.When I said that my feet are too slow I meant it, I'm still standing in the front door, staring at my mom and doctor Anthon.A soft hand touches my shoulder and I already know who it is. I watch the two ladies for a bit, being busy in conversation."You know how bad I am with goodbyes, so I won't say it."" I know." I tell Vicky.
Nothing seems worse then what I had experienced 10 minutes ago. I woke up with me in the emergency room where I was bombarded by people, oh and not just any people, Mom, Vicky, Doctor Anthon and a doctor .I got both a scold and hug from my mom, the doctor telling me of my sugar levels being low and me being dehydrated, oh and that I need to get the necessary foods since my body was still very much small, whatever that meant. Doctor Anthon was just Doctor Anthon, who said a few words apart from Vicky who has not spoken anything.So now it is two hours later and I am sitting on the bed that I was lying on and my mom is just standing by the window, refusing to look at me while we wait for Doctor Anthon to come in." I'm sorry." That's all I manage to say which almost sounds like a whisper.My mom shifts slightly and looks at me. Looking at her now, I see both concern and a bit of hurt deep within. Now
Calm. That's me right about now.I had a fulfilling spiritual therapy and now I'm sitting on a bench outside , enjoying the cool air but of course plans are thrown out the window when I see Connor coming my way.The memory of last night invades my calm thoughts and now regret plays deep within me. Last night shouldn't have happened.I shouldn't have revealed myself so much, having myself exposed and vulnerable and letting him see me so weak. It shouldn't have to be up to him to comfort me and bear my baggage, I just can't do that to him when he too is dealing with his own stuff, I just can't be that selfish.My thoughts soon disappear when I see him standing in front of me and he is smiling at me, not a big smile just a small one." I think I might be in trouble," he says as he takes a seat next to me."Bound to happen." I say and he smirks at me and my lips lift int
It's been 2 days since I last talked to Connor and in all honesty, I feel utterly bored and have been down.I can't blame anyone but me. This is my own doing and now I will have to deal with it.I'm pretty sure that I'll be annoying Vicky soon with how I have been been in these two days. I've withdrawn a little bit and we don't talk as much and that I know greatly, how frustrating it can get for Vicky.I can't lie and say that there isn't that twinge of hurt, when I walk past him or have him avoid me at every chance he gets. It's there and damn it, I can't help but admit to missing him. I still don't get what it is about him that makes trying to put distance between us so hard, I mean we don't exactly know each other but gosh, if I don't miss that boy.Even through my internal battle of trying to suppress any thoughts of him or the fact that I miss him, I can't ignore that I pretty much asked him to stay away from me and to leave me be. I was doing
Nothing seems better than today, being under nice cool weather and having a nice book in hand, to keep me entertained. I'm seated under the same tree that I've sat at, for all these years and just like the last time being here, I feel relaxed and feel like nothing can mess up my mood.I'm all done with my activity and now have nothing better to do but let thoughts of Connor to invade my mind. It's hard not to miss him, even after days have passed, I miss our friendship and just having someone in my corner.Well I may feel all these emotions and fight with my decision of whether to let him back into my life or not, whilst still here at the center. I know that I should do as Vicky had advised and do all I can to actually leave, but leaving seems like my last priority when I think about Connor and our little friendship.Thinking about what I want at the moment, I think back to a time when I'd had those book moments whic
Distracted, that's me.I've been like this for most of the time mom has been here, telling me all about her Mr Perfect.Okay, I love my mom but gosh, the way she has been carrying on about this person makes the idea of meeting him one thing to dread doing. I feel like she's trying way too hard for me to be impressed, which is not the case at the moment.I mean I'm not very fond of the way their relationship seems to moving , its pace proves quite fast and I don't want my mom to get burnt and crash like her past relationships, where I was one left to help her get back onto her feet. In those times I've found myself neither having a choice but to be dragged into watching soppy romantic movies, eat alot of junk food and listen to heartbreaking songs.No, not this time. I can't go through all that again.Placing all concerns aside and actually taking a good look at my mom now, I notice something I haven't seen before, it's diffe
18 years old.Today's my birthday and already I've been bombarded by birthday wishes from my mom and everyone else, when I mean everyone else , it includes Fiona and Candy, who's presents I've received early in the morning, including their phone numbers, email addresses and social media contacts.I swear when they got the news of me finally having a phone, it was like I won a million dollars or something, they were already making plans for updating me on the 21 century, and me being out there, though I've warned them countless times to not even dare try.I can't believe I've finally reached this age and am able to make enough decisions of my life, not that I will go clubbing and acting wild ,no, but being this age shows that I've grown and that my mom, might start viewing me more as a young woman than her baby girl.Looking ahead at the ocean and admiring it , as the sun takes its place, just the sou
~ Caleb.....I could be saying hi and asking about life right now ,but no, I'll just get straight to the point.Throughout all these years, I've gone through the worst of things in my life, adding that incident with you and your friends or accomplices as I'd prefer calling them. I've done all I could to erase that part of my life, I've failed, failed until I could rise upon that memory and situation, I have to say thank you to Connor for that big part.Seeing you again after so long, brought so much back , especially the fear I had each time I'd be consumed by the nightmares, looking back now, I realize that seeing you again, might have had me fearing for my life, yet finally facing my fears and past.I don't want you to apologise anymore, I don't need that so I have a peace of mind, expressing myself this way is a start for me to look into the future. I forgiv
Running, running and running, not getting to my destination but still energy being within me, I wake up still in the dark and being all sweaty, from my dream. I can't exactly call it a nightmare because of it being not scary but I can't say it's entirely a dream, because of how real it felt.Walking out of my room, tip toeing around so I won't wake my mom, I'm about to head towards the stairs, passing her room only to stay rooted by her ajar door when I hear her talking, I'm quite sure she's on the phone, with Keith maybe.I know it's rude to listen in on someone's conversation, especially your parent and I wouldn't be doing it, if it weren't for her mentioning my name." I honestly don't know what to do, " she says, sounding resigned.With the silence ,I'm quite sure that she's listening to whoever's on the line. " I've tried talking but she won't talk to me, Vicky her guardian from the centre came
Silence. That's all there is and was throughout my trip back home.My heart has been broken and hurt before but at this moment , having to break up with the boy I love, then leaving and ending my adventure like it meant nothing when it did, no words can describe the emotional state I'm in.As much as I'm hurting and all, and throughout all of this, no matter how much I'm hurt by my moms actions, some of what she's said is right. Yes, travelling and falling in love was something new and exciting, but I also have to put her first, the adventure was bound to come to an end soon, though I didn't expect it to turn out the way it did.Caleb's return or shall I say visit is one of the major factors and parts, of my adventure turning sour, I've known that one day I'd bump into all those who've messed my life but not so soon. You know, when your life has been a rollercoaster ride, you tend to just accept it and place it as a normality. My mom was right, I was
' It has to be. It's for the best.'My mom's words keep on ringing in my head while my eyes are focused on the door, waiting at any minute for him to show up.Not long after thinking this, the door opens and in comes Connor. This is what I've been dreading yet knowing full well that it has to be done.So before I jump right into this, My mom had a lot to talk about, well more like argued, chatted and then argued again and yep you guessed it, it's all got to do with Connor and my trip here in Miami.I can recall her words, hitting me so hard that I found myself in tears." Bailey, I can't lose you and you being here almost had me lose you. Hospital visits, I can't go through that again." She said, shaking her head." I'm sorry mom, " I tried apologising.' I know that travelling and doing this seemed like an adventure, I'm glad that yo
What a rush, the beach, the feel of the water and those waves.I might be alone and experiencing this alone but damn I'm having such a blast, the sun is setting and I really hope he'll be back soon, since he's surely missing out on a lot of fun.What I love about being in the water is how freeing it is, being controlled by the water yet feeling on top of the world while gaining such a rush. I'm quite sure my voice is pretty much disappearing, and the cold is creeping in. Being in the water, the sun disappearing and me in this space, absorbing what I can while freely letting go. What more could I want?It's truly a gift to be able to let go and have a moment to be in your own space at your own time.Sighing after a minutes debate of whether I should call him or not, I groan out, feeling undecided.I'm already done with my swim and it was so refreshing, though it would have been cool i
"It's beautiful here." I say, looking around the beach house.Connor's mom had lent us this beach house for the time being, we would return anytime we wanted and tomorrow had been the best time, but knowing how much Connor was looking forward to seeing his brother, a few hours together sounded more then enough for us. I mean I just rocked up here when they already had plans.The house keeper of the beach house had thought that we were both engaged, it was such a funny thing to see, Connor acting all mucho and pretending to be my fiance, while I watched in amusement. At some point, I had no choice but to play along, thank God it didnt take long for her to be convinced, leaving us alone right after.We are alone now so I can actually take this all in and actually do what I'd intended to do for most of the day, which is to go swimming. The best part of this, is that this side of the beach is vacant and I get to have thi
My eyes are practically bulging out of my eyes, the excitement is too much. I'm living, I'm truly living and it feels too good.The sun rising and at first look from a distance, almost red orange bringing out that mixture of colour, whilst giving me that magical feel which I'm a part of, the cool but chilly air has showered me with my first outer breath and the sea is too beautiful with its rhythmic movements.Nothing about a moment like this is real, it's like being transported into another world, a world of imagination, a world of true worth for living and just a moment of honesty, captivating both mind and soul.Connor kept his word and today is just about us, well more about me living again, taking my first big breath and just being me all over again. Connor had told me that he didn't want to take me to those big fancy places yet, but more of the small overlooked beautiful and intimate places, for me to get the f
Connor has not left my side, not once since he held me in his arms. It's as if he's afraid I'll disappear or something but I don't mind, I like this, his warmth and how natural and comforting it is.Now swinging lightly on the bench swing in the garden, we sit in a comforting silence, absorbing this moment. I move my head away from his shoulder when he says, " this is crazy."" I know, but I don't regret it, I had to see you and I - I missed you." He tugs me under his arm." I missed you too." He says kissing my head." Will you tell me how you did it?" He asks and I pull away, sitting upright and turning to him now." Does it matter?" I ask, avoiding his eyes." It will if you did something crazy," he says." Being here is an enough indication of crazy." I swallow hard, seeing as he's just staring at me." Tell me how you real