I've been like this for most of the time mom has been here, telling me all about her Mr Perfect.
Okay, I love my mom but gosh, the way she has been carrying on about this person makes the idea of meeting him one thing to dread doing. I feel like she's trying way too hard for me to be impressed, which is not the case at the moment.
I mean I'm not very fond of the way their relationship seems to moving , its pace proves quite fast and I don't want my mom to get burnt and crash like her past relationships, where I was one left to help her get back onto her feet. In those times I've found myself neither having a choice but to be dragged into watching soppy romantic movies, eat alot of junk food and listen to heartbreaking songs.
No, not this time. I can't go through all that again.
Placing all concerns aside and actually taking a good look at my mom now, I notice something I haven't seen before, it's different, making her look different.
There's a spark in her eyes when she talks about this guy and the teen girl giddiness that bubbles out of her, is quite refreshing to see, especially how content she looks, even though she seemed so tired and worn out when that roof incident happened.
" What?" She asks, finally taking notice of my staring for too long.
" Nothing, so uh, when can I see this Keith?" Right after I say this, she perks up with eyes having widened in surprise.
" You want to meet him?" She looks so taken aback right now that if I wasn't nervous and serious at the same time, I'd find her expression quite amusing.
" I'd rather get it over and done with and finally put this to rest, don't you think?" I quirk my brow.
" Bea, you don't have to meet him so soon if you aren't comfortable yet." She covers my hand.
" Mom, let's face it, you want us to meet already. Its pretty much eating at you that we haven't met." I state.
" Okay yes." She lets out in exasperation as if the mere thought of keeping it in is exhausting.
" Aha." I smirk at her.
We remain in silence for a while with us just staring at each other until she's the first one to break the contact.
"Luke came to see me the other day." Her head snaps into my direction and if I had not been paying close attention to her, I would have missed the slight frown she just displayed before she covered it up with a small smile.
" What does he want?" I frown slightly when I hear a small bite out of the question.
"He apologized." I say slowly, trying to make sense of her attitude right now.
" Hmm."
"Mom you don't have to pretend that you are thrilled about this, I know that you have mixed feelings about him at the moment, just like me."
" I know honey, it's just that talking about him and him visiting after such a long time, brings back so many memories especially - "
" That night." We say in unison.
I watch her try to hold back tears and I cover her hand with mine and give it a small squeeze, earning me a nice smile from her .
My mom checks her watch and sighs, before she looks back at me again.
" I know, you have to go." I say, watching her rise to her feet.
" Oh honey, I miss you so much." She says, pulling me in for a hug.
" I miss you too." I tell her.
"Then come back home." She pleads.
My breath hitches with words getting stuck in my throat. Still, I have no answer.
********
There is light atmosphere with mac and cheese for me and Connor, who has just learnt that I got our dinner already.
He frowns slightly, not really knowing what to say and deciding to just join me." Bon appeti." I say before digging in.
I can feel his eyes on me, pulling me out of my mac and cheese moment.
" What?" I finally ask.
He shakes his head slightly before digging in. I notice a small smirk play at his lips and I can't help grinning too.
With that we both eat in silence, passing occasional glances to each other.
" Friends?" He says, pointing to his plate.
"Friends." I state with a grin on my face.
"Okay, it's simple, we introduce each other and go with the basics. It's just a way to get to know more of each other." Conner explains and I just stare at him.Both Connor and I are sitting right outside my door, it's late but I can't sleep. Connor surprised me by rocking up on my doorstep, whining about not being able to sleep too and that he's bored, so as a good friend, I thought I'd keep him company, right outside my door and not in my room." I think we should skip introductions, we are way past that." I suggest.He quirks his brow at me before saying, " I'm tall, good looking and -""And you are bad at this.""How come?"" All I hear from you is about how you look but not about you." I say, making him sigh out, leaning his head back against the wall and closing his eyes."Okay, I'm the last born at home and I dislike the responsibilities that
I knew that I shouldn't have asked him, now I'm instantly starting to regret it.Okay, so after I asked him about the way he was looking at me, I got my answer. Not much was said but his actions spoke for him, when he started to climb the tree that I was sitting under.Now here I am, busy climbing the tree and mentally praying that I don't fall."Ha." A sigh escapes me after I finally join him and I am sitting as comfortable as I possibly can.Looking down, I realize that it is a bit high, which doesn't help that dizziness wants to take over right now.Moving my eyes elsewhere but the ground, I feel his eyes on me, making me to look at him, only to see a frown on his forehead." Are you okay?"" Yeah, just trying to figure out how much injury I'll get once I make the jump."" You are not jumping from here." He says, shaking his head." Why not?" I ask , frowning at him." Because I don'
There are moments in life, when one is faced with unforeseen occurrences, maybe something quite imaginative yet a possibility at the same time. It's almost like when you encounter something and you do all you can, to not hang on to the outcomes of that incident, event or just being around someone.It's usually so easy to carry on with the same daily routine that you'd been doing for so long, and now when someone suddenly comes along, erases or disrupts just a minor of your plans, then you just know that you are in some sort of trouble.It's never easy, breaking away from what you are so used to and try fit someone new, in a part of your life, who not only doesn't have to do much to get a reaction out of you, but the one who doesn't seem to stop making you feel crazily open-minded, about trying something new.Connor, that's him.After spending some time with him and of course after what happened yeste
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A breath escapes me the moment I look at Connor's door.Before the visitation happened, a lot was left hanging in the air and I'm not sure where things are now between us. For the first real time since we've known each other, I let him see just a snippet of my fears in broad daylight and in all honesty, I'm scared of the outcome of that.I sigh before I head on to my room, I enter and just as I'm about to close the door, something suddenly prevents it from closing. Looking up, I see Connor right in front of me, no smirk or his playfulness on display, just a serious expression on. Now my senses ride on high alert about what's to come.I was right to be scared, I mean looking at him now, he looks like a man on a mission." Don't say anything, just listen." He says, sounding determined.I don't say anything."You care about me," he states.Before I can
" Na, na, na." I hum to myself while I make my way to my room, I've just gotten back from my activity and I feel like having a nap.Entering into my room,my eye immediately notices something laid on my bed. Leaning closer , I see that it is a note.~ Something crazy. Meet me on the roof C~A small grin forms on my face as I place my book on my bed. Not even thinking twice, I get out of there, getting ready for this ' something crazy '.My eyes don't miss Connor sitting on the bench that we had sat on once upon a time, I stand in front of him with the note in hand. " Found your note."" Good," he says before rising to his feet and grabs ahold of my hand, then walks with me to the center of the roof.
" You're ignoring me." He points out." I don't know what you're talking about." I say, not even opening my eyes.Of course I know what he's talking about, for most of the day, I haven't spoken to him, because I woke up this morning and decided that if he was not going to answer my question, then I'll let him get a feel of being the one left hanging, not knowing.Childish I know , but my curiosity isn't agreeing with that right about now. So I'm under a tree, lying on the grass and just enjoying myself, well trying to .I hear him sigh before I feel him sit right next to me."This is about last night, isn't it?" He asks.Peeking a look at him, I say. " Last night, what about last night?"I open both my eyes, to see him frown at me." Bea, you know what I'm talking about." He whines." Do I, really?" I know that I must be annoying him
The morning sun creeps in and I'm welcomed by a heartbeat beneath my ear, as well as a hard chest. I feel eyes on me and that's when everything starts to come back to me. In the early hours of the morning one of my nightmares had taken over, I caught myself screaming and was about to wallow in the darkness but everything changed, when Connor was here and with no questions asked, he comforted me and let me depend on him for strength, he was here again and had stayed with me.Looking up at him with my chin on his chest, I see him smiling down at me." Morning." I say, my voice a little croaky due to the morning effect." Good morning to you too." He says and like that, we remain looking at each other.Breaking the moment I move away so I can sit upright." Nice to know you snore." He teases and I frown at him." I do not!" I protest ." Umm, I had to block my ears thank
18 years old.Today's my birthday and already I've been bombarded by birthday wishes from my mom and everyone else, when I mean everyone else , it includes Fiona and Candy, who's presents I've received early in the morning, including their phone numbers, email addresses and social media contacts.I swear when they got the news of me finally having a phone, it was like I won a million dollars or something, they were already making plans for updating me on the 21 century, and me being out there, though I've warned them countless times to not even dare try.I can't believe I've finally reached this age and am able to make enough decisions of my life, not that I will go clubbing and acting wild ,no, but being this age shows that I've grown and that my mom, might start viewing me more as a young woman than her baby girl.Looking ahead at the ocean and admiring it , as the sun takes its place, just the sou
~ Caleb.....I could be saying hi and asking about life right now ,but no, I'll just get straight to the point.Throughout all these years, I've gone through the worst of things in my life, adding that incident with you and your friends or accomplices as I'd prefer calling them. I've done all I could to erase that part of my life, I've failed, failed until I could rise upon that memory and situation, I have to say thank you to Connor for that big part.Seeing you again after so long, brought so much back , especially the fear I had each time I'd be consumed by the nightmares, looking back now, I realize that seeing you again, might have had me fearing for my life, yet finally facing my fears and past.I don't want you to apologise anymore, I don't need that so I have a peace of mind, expressing myself this way is a start for me to look into the future. I forgiv
Running, running and running, not getting to my destination but still energy being within me, I wake up still in the dark and being all sweaty, from my dream. I can't exactly call it a nightmare because of it being not scary but I can't say it's entirely a dream, because of how real it felt.Walking out of my room, tip toeing around so I won't wake my mom, I'm about to head towards the stairs, passing her room only to stay rooted by her ajar door when I hear her talking, I'm quite sure she's on the phone, with Keith maybe.I know it's rude to listen in on someone's conversation, especially your parent and I wouldn't be doing it, if it weren't for her mentioning my name." I honestly don't know what to do, " she says, sounding resigned.With the silence ,I'm quite sure that she's listening to whoever's on the line. " I've tried talking but she won't talk to me, Vicky her guardian from the centre came
Silence. That's all there is and was throughout my trip back home.My heart has been broken and hurt before but at this moment , having to break up with the boy I love, then leaving and ending my adventure like it meant nothing when it did, no words can describe the emotional state I'm in.As much as I'm hurting and all, and throughout all of this, no matter how much I'm hurt by my moms actions, some of what she's said is right. Yes, travelling and falling in love was something new and exciting, but I also have to put her first, the adventure was bound to come to an end soon, though I didn't expect it to turn out the way it did.Caleb's return or shall I say visit is one of the major factors and parts, of my adventure turning sour, I've known that one day I'd bump into all those who've messed my life but not so soon. You know, when your life has been a rollercoaster ride, you tend to just accept it and place it as a normality. My mom was right, I was
' It has to be. It's for the best.'My mom's words keep on ringing in my head while my eyes are focused on the door, waiting at any minute for him to show up.Not long after thinking this, the door opens and in comes Connor. This is what I've been dreading yet knowing full well that it has to be done.So before I jump right into this, My mom had a lot to talk about, well more like argued, chatted and then argued again and yep you guessed it, it's all got to do with Connor and my trip here in Miami.I can recall her words, hitting me so hard that I found myself in tears." Bailey, I can't lose you and you being here almost had me lose you. Hospital visits, I can't go through that again." She said, shaking her head." I'm sorry mom, " I tried apologising.' I know that travelling and doing this seemed like an adventure, I'm glad that yo
What a rush, the beach, the feel of the water and those waves.I might be alone and experiencing this alone but damn I'm having such a blast, the sun is setting and I really hope he'll be back soon, since he's surely missing out on a lot of fun.What I love about being in the water is how freeing it is, being controlled by the water yet feeling on top of the world while gaining such a rush. I'm quite sure my voice is pretty much disappearing, and the cold is creeping in. Being in the water, the sun disappearing and me in this space, absorbing what I can while freely letting go. What more could I want?It's truly a gift to be able to let go and have a moment to be in your own space at your own time.Sighing after a minutes debate of whether I should call him or not, I groan out, feeling undecided.I'm already done with my swim and it was so refreshing, though it would have been cool i
"It's beautiful here." I say, looking around the beach house.Connor's mom had lent us this beach house for the time being, we would return anytime we wanted and tomorrow had been the best time, but knowing how much Connor was looking forward to seeing his brother, a few hours together sounded more then enough for us. I mean I just rocked up here when they already had plans.The house keeper of the beach house had thought that we were both engaged, it was such a funny thing to see, Connor acting all mucho and pretending to be my fiance, while I watched in amusement. At some point, I had no choice but to play along, thank God it didnt take long for her to be convinced, leaving us alone right after.We are alone now so I can actually take this all in and actually do what I'd intended to do for most of the day, which is to go swimming. The best part of this, is that this side of the beach is vacant and I get to have thi
My eyes are practically bulging out of my eyes, the excitement is too much. I'm living, I'm truly living and it feels too good.The sun rising and at first look from a distance, almost red orange bringing out that mixture of colour, whilst giving me that magical feel which I'm a part of, the cool but chilly air has showered me with my first outer breath and the sea is too beautiful with its rhythmic movements.Nothing about a moment like this is real, it's like being transported into another world, a world of imagination, a world of true worth for living and just a moment of honesty, captivating both mind and soul.Connor kept his word and today is just about us, well more about me living again, taking my first big breath and just being me all over again. Connor had told me that he didn't want to take me to those big fancy places yet, but more of the small overlooked beautiful and intimate places, for me to get the f
Connor has not left my side, not once since he held me in his arms. It's as if he's afraid I'll disappear or something but I don't mind, I like this, his warmth and how natural and comforting it is.Now swinging lightly on the bench swing in the garden, we sit in a comforting silence, absorbing this moment. I move my head away from his shoulder when he says, " this is crazy."" I know, but I don't regret it, I had to see you and I - I missed you." He tugs me under his arm." I missed you too." He says kissing my head." Will you tell me how you did it?" He asks and I pull away, sitting upright and turning to him now." Does it matter?" I ask, avoiding his eyes." It will if you did something crazy," he says." Being here is an enough indication of crazy." I swallow hard, seeing as he's just staring at me." Tell me how you real