Before the visitation happened, a lot was left hanging in the air and I'm not sure where things are now between us. For the first real time since we've known each other, I let him see just a snippet of my fears in broad daylight and in all honesty, I'm scared of the outcome of that.
I sigh before I head on to my room, I enter and just as I'm about to close the door, something suddenly prevents it from closing. Looking up, I see Connor right in front of me, no smirk or his playfulness on display, just a serious expression on. Now my senses ride on high alert about what's to come.
I was right to be scared, I mean looking at him now, he looks like a man on a mission.
" Don't say anything, just listen." He says, sounding determined.
I don't say anything.
"You care about me," he states.
Before I can
" Na, na, na." I hum to myself while I make my way to my room, I've just gotten back from my activity and I feel like having a nap.Entering into my room,my eye immediately notices something laid on my bed. Leaning closer , I see that it is a note.~ Something crazy. Meet me on the roof C~A small grin forms on my face as I place my book on my bed. Not even thinking twice, I get out of there, getting ready for this ' something crazy '.My eyes don't miss Connor sitting on the bench that we had sat on once upon a time, I stand in front of him with the note in hand. " Found your note."" Good," he says before rising to his feet and grabs ahold of my hand, then walks with me to the center of the roof.
" You're ignoring me." He points out." I don't know what you're talking about." I say, not even opening my eyes.Of course I know what he's talking about, for most of the day, I haven't spoken to him, because I woke up this morning and decided that if he was not going to answer my question, then I'll let him get a feel of being the one left hanging, not knowing.Childish I know , but my curiosity isn't agreeing with that right about now. So I'm under a tree, lying on the grass and just enjoying myself, well trying to .I hear him sigh before I feel him sit right next to me."This is about last night, isn't it?" He asks.Peeking a look at him, I say. " Last night, what about last night?"I open both my eyes, to see him frown at me." Bea, you know what I'm talking about." He whines." Do I, really?" I know that I must be annoying him
The morning sun creeps in and I'm welcomed by a heartbeat beneath my ear, as well as a hard chest. I feel eyes on me and that's when everything starts to come back to me. In the early hours of the morning one of my nightmares had taken over, I caught myself screaming and was about to wallow in the darkness but everything changed, when Connor was here and with no questions asked, he comforted me and let me depend on him for strength, he was here again and had stayed with me.Looking up at him with my chin on his chest, I see him smiling down at me." Morning." I say, my voice a little croaky due to the morning effect." Good morning to you too." He says and like that, we remain looking at each other.Breaking the moment I move away so I can sit upright." Nice to know you snore." He teases and I frown at him." I do not!" I protest ." Umm, I had to block my ears thank
Unsure. That's how I feel right about now.Staring myself at the mirror, I look different and not only that, I feel unlinke my normal casual self." Okay, one last thing." She says coming up behind me."What?" I hope it's not some jewelery or worse, make up, because I'm happy with what I have on now, just light gloss."Have fun." I turn around to face her, where she gives me a small smile.I trail my eyes down to my feet. I can't take her smile anymore since it's rubbing off on me.There's a jolt of excitement while the bigger part of fear, for feeling and looking this different weighs on me, even though it's just me in a dress.A dress, geez ,when was the last time I wore a dress, I mean it's been years since I've worn a dress and actually identifying myself as less then what many have claimed me as. A freak." Okay wear your shoes
There are moments in life you'd wish to forget while others, you want them to stay in mind and to never vanish. That's what last night is to me, a night that has me wondering about the state of mine and Connor's relationship.What happens now?I can't lie and say that I'm not afraid of what had happened, it having a negativity to what I've grown accustomed to, our real friendship. I mean last night I experienced my first ever real kiss, a kiss that made me feel butterflies swooning in my belly and still are.I might be scared but I can't hide the fact that every time I think about him, and of course the kiss, I still feel tingles on my lips, proving the lasting effects that something honest and true can do to someone. I haven't seen him and the more I don't, the more doubt and regret weighs on me, since I don't really know how he's feeling today. Last night was all about the moment and now that it is over, and today is a new day, I don't know if - .Vicky
Turning a blind eye on what's in front of me has me at loggerheads with both denial and the truth. Denial, because for the past two days all I've been doing is acting like Connor and I didn't kiss, or that just him being close makes my heart to beat fast and breath to come out short.Oh I can't forget the butterflies in my belly.The truth is, whether I'd like to admit it or not, I want him to kiss me again and for me to go back to the feeling of being wrapped up in a bubble, with just the two of us.Vicky is right to tell me to not rush into things because I don't want to, I don't want to rush on a train that I can only get so far on, before I lose control of the ride.I will not lie and say I know all about the matters of the heart because I'm as clueless as a baby, I've never done anything, except Saturday night when Connor became my first ever kiss.I know many may be wondering a
Eyes are on me, I can feel them, making me to wake up. As I thought, right next to me, Connor is straight up staring at me with a small smile on his face." Morning." I say, sitting up." Morning, sleep well?" He asks." Yes thank you." Looking at him, I see that his smile is an easy and content one, making me curious of his sudden mood." Mind telling me what that smile is for?"" Oh can't anyone smile in this fine morning." He almost sing songs, making me want to laugh at him." O -kay, well I should be getting going." I start moving but don't get far when he pulls me back in place ."Stay, at least for another 5 minutes.""Oh miss me already?" I tease with my brow quirked up.Being so fascinated with his hair ,I reach out my hand and start running my fingers through his hair, which is so soft by the way and I love
Hands intertwined, stolen glances , secret kisses and nightly chats, that's been us in these few days passed. I can't describe how I feel, my heart feels lighter and I find myself automatically smiling for no reason when I see him, it's almost like we have known each other for such a long time but are still able to learn something new from each other, each day that passes.Vicky hasn't said much concerning the two of us, but she gives off hints of where she might be at, with me catching her glancing our way and giving off a smile, making me a bit at ease with she being happy for me.The thing with knowing her so much, I've learnt to see beyond that smile of hers, that's why I didn't miss the concern in her eyes, the same concern that I sometimes have and not only about Connor but my mom.The same mother who had visited me a few times but even then, I never told her about Connor, I don't know. For some reason I feel l
18 years old.Today's my birthday and already I've been bombarded by birthday wishes from my mom and everyone else, when I mean everyone else , it includes Fiona and Candy, who's presents I've received early in the morning, including their phone numbers, email addresses and social media contacts.I swear when they got the news of me finally having a phone, it was like I won a million dollars or something, they were already making plans for updating me on the 21 century, and me being out there, though I've warned them countless times to not even dare try.I can't believe I've finally reached this age and am able to make enough decisions of my life, not that I will go clubbing and acting wild ,no, but being this age shows that I've grown and that my mom, might start viewing me more as a young woman than her baby girl.Looking ahead at the ocean and admiring it , as the sun takes its place, just the sou
~ Caleb.....I could be saying hi and asking about life right now ,but no, I'll just get straight to the point.Throughout all these years, I've gone through the worst of things in my life, adding that incident with you and your friends or accomplices as I'd prefer calling them. I've done all I could to erase that part of my life, I've failed, failed until I could rise upon that memory and situation, I have to say thank you to Connor for that big part.Seeing you again after so long, brought so much back , especially the fear I had each time I'd be consumed by the nightmares, looking back now, I realize that seeing you again, might have had me fearing for my life, yet finally facing my fears and past.I don't want you to apologise anymore, I don't need that so I have a peace of mind, expressing myself this way is a start for me to look into the future. I forgiv
Running, running and running, not getting to my destination but still energy being within me, I wake up still in the dark and being all sweaty, from my dream. I can't exactly call it a nightmare because of it being not scary but I can't say it's entirely a dream, because of how real it felt.Walking out of my room, tip toeing around so I won't wake my mom, I'm about to head towards the stairs, passing her room only to stay rooted by her ajar door when I hear her talking, I'm quite sure she's on the phone, with Keith maybe.I know it's rude to listen in on someone's conversation, especially your parent and I wouldn't be doing it, if it weren't for her mentioning my name." I honestly don't know what to do, " she says, sounding resigned.With the silence ,I'm quite sure that she's listening to whoever's on the line. " I've tried talking but she won't talk to me, Vicky her guardian from the centre came
Silence. That's all there is and was throughout my trip back home.My heart has been broken and hurt before but at this moment , having to break up with the boy I love, then leaving and ending my adventure like it meant nothing when it did, no words can describe the emotional state I'm in.As much as I'm hurting and all, and throughout all of this, no matter how much I'm hurt by my moms actions, some of what she's said is right. Yes, travelling and falling in love was something new and exciting, but I also have to put her first, the adventure was bound to come to an end soon, though I didn't expect it to turn out the way it did.Caleb's return or shall I say visit is one of the major factors and parts, of my adventure turning sour, I've known that one day I'd bump into all those who've messed my life but not so soon. You know, when your life has been a rollercoaster ride, you tend to just accept it and place it as a normality. My mom was right, I was
' It has to be. It's for the best.'My mom's words keep on ringing in my head while my eyes are focused on the door, waiting at any minute for him to show up.Not long after thinking this, the door opens and in comes Connor. This is what I've been dreading yet knowing full well that it has to be done.So before I jump right into this, My mom had a lot to talk about, well more like argued, chatted and then argued again and yep you guessed it, it's all got to do with Connor and my trip here in Miami.I can recall her words, hitting me so hard that I found myself in tears." Bailey, I can't lose you and you being here almost had me lose you. Hospital visits, I can't go through that again." She said, shaking her head." I'm sorry mom, " I tried apologising.' I know that travelling and doing this seemed like an adventure, I'm glad that yo
What a rush, the beach, the feel of the water and those waves.I might be alone and experiencing this alone but damn I'm having such a blast, the sun is setting and I really hope he'll be back soon, since he's surely missing out on a lot of fun.What I love about being in the water is how freeing it is, being controlled by the water yet feeling on top of the world while gaining such a rush. I'm quite sure my voice is pretty much disappearing, and the cold is creeping in. Being in the water, the sun disappearing and me in this space, absorbing what I can while freely letting go. What more could I want?It's truly a gift to be able to let go and have a moment to be in your own space at your own time.Sighing after a minutes debate of whether I should call him or not, I groan out, feeling undecided.I'm already done with my swim and it was so refreshing, though it would have been cool i
"It's beautiful here." I say, looking around the beach house.Connor's mom had lent us this beach house for the time being, we would return anytime we wanted and tomorrow had been the best time, but knowing how much Connor was looking forward to seeing his brother, a few hours together sounded more then enough for us. I mean I just rocked up here when they already had plans.The house keeper of the beach house had thought that we were both engaged, it was such a funny thing to see, Connor acting all mucho and pretending to be my fiance, while I watched in amusement. At some point, I had no choice but to play along, thank God it didnt take long for her to be convinced, leaving us alone right after.We are alone now so I can actually take this all in and actually do what I'd intended to do for most of the day, which is to go swimming. The best part of this, is that this side of the beach is vacant and I get to have thi
My eyes are practically bulging out of my eyes, the excitement is too much. I'm living, I'm truly living and it feels too good.The sun rising and at first look from a distance, almost red orange bringing out that mixture of colour, whilst giving me that magical feel which I'm a part of, the cool but chilly air has showered me with my first outer breath and the sea is too beautiful with its rhythmic movements.Nothing about a moment like this is real, it's like being transported into another world, a world of imagination, a world of true worth for living and just a moment of honesty, captivating both mind and soul.Connor kept his word and today is just about us, well more about me living again, taking my first big breath and just being me all over again. Connor had told me that he didn't want to take me to those big fancy places yet, but more of the small overlooked beautiful and intimate places, for me to get the f
Connor has not left my side, not once since he held me in his arms. It's as if he's afraid I'll disappear or something but I don't mind, I like this, his warmth and how natural and comforting it is.Now swinging lightly on the bench swing in the garden, we sit in a comforting silence, absorbing this moment. I move my head away from his shoulder when he says, " this is crazy."" I know, but I don't regret it, I had to see you and I - I missed you." He tugs me under his arm." I missed you too." He says kissing my head." Will you tell me how you did it?" He asks and I pull away, sitting upright and turning to him now." Does it matter?" I ask, avoiding his eyes." It will if you did something crazy," he says." Being here is an enough indication of crazy." I swallow hard, seeing as he's just staring at me." Tell me how you real