I'm all done with my activity and now have nothing better to do but let thoughts of Connor to invade my mind. It's hard not to miss him, even after days have passed, I miss our friendship and just having someone in my corner.
Well I may feel all these emotions and fight with my decision of whether to let him back into my life or not, whilst still here at the center. I know that I should do as Vicky had advised and do all I can to actually leave, but leaving seems like my last priority when I think about Connor and our little friendship.
Thinking about what I want at the moment, I think back to a time when I'd had those book moments which I've always wanted to happen to me, oh you know that cute moment where the hot football star, during half time , he calls out for that special girl and he declares his love for her in front of everyone and they kiss and it rains, then afterwards, his team wins.
Cliche, I know.
A content sigh escapes me then.
Hey, I can't help that I'm such a hopeless romantic and that though I might not like attention, but I am such a believer in true love for people.
" You should do that more often." I see Connor standing just a few feet from me and surely, heat creeps up onto my cheeks.
I look down so he doesn't see.
I hear him close the distance and then he sits next to me. I feel his eyes on me and when I take a glance at him, sure enough he is looking at me.
" You look nice." He suddenly says.
Him saying that makes me to give myself a look over, I try to find this something which made him to say those words, but I don't find it.
All I see is me wearing long jean dungarees with a white tee underneath and some sneakers, and of course have my hair as it has always been.
" You're not very big on compliments, are you?" He asks.
" I just don't see what's there to compliment." I admit with a shrug.
" Well, if you were to borrow my eyes for just a minute, you'd definitely see what I see." He says.
" I guess that's why we have different eyes then, so we see differently." I point out.
We remain looking at one another.
" Well, I'd like us to see common things, concerning you." He says.
" That might be a challenge." I say, standing up.
" How come?"
" I'm not the type of person to be easily convinced of such issues." I say truthfully.
" Why do I feel like you make yourself out to be such an obsticle?"
" Maybe I am or maybe not, don't sweat over me. Life is way too precious for that." I state.
Before I can walk off, he touches my wrist and I'm easily pulled back down to my place again.
" I want my partner of crime back." Before I can say anything, he continues, " and not only that, I want us to be friends."
" It's not possible." I protest.
" Why not?"
" Because nothing solid ever comes out, with involving me in your life, that's why I'm saving you."
" I don't need saving."
" Then take it as a warning." I press.
"Okay, done, now can we go back to the part where I want us to be friends?"
" I thought we were on that."
" Well yeah, until you sidetracked me."
" I did not." I argue.
" You did too." He argues back.
" Did not."
" Did too." I can't help the small smile that makes its way onto my face. Again I look away, so he doesn't take notice.
" Why are you doing this?" I ask.
" What?"
"This." I gesture between us. " Pressing onto this and wanting us to be friends, when you could be focusing on you?" I ask, wanting an honest answer.
"Because we both don't like titanic." He imitates a girls voice and pushes some non existent hair over his shoulder, which brings out a small laugh from me.
It is such a weird but funny sight to witness.
" Stop playing and answer." I say, still pressing on the issue.
" It's because of that." He points to me.
" What?" I ask confused.
" That smile, I want to make you smile."
" It's not your duty." I state.
" I know, but I'll take it upon me anyway." He says.
I keep quiet and just stare at him for a bit, until he speaks up again. " Oh come on, I need someone to vent to."
" Ah, I feel so used." I pretend to be shocked, dramatically placing a hand on my chest.
He chuckles at that.
"Oh, she has a lighter side to her." He teases me.
" Hey, I'm so not stone cold." I frown at him.
" More like the ice queen." He playfully scoffs and I mock disappointment.
" Just playing with you, okay, back to the matter at hand here, so can we be friends?" He asks again.
Before I can answer, I hear someone calling me, when we both look at the direction of the voice. I see my mom talking to the phone with both Vicky and Dr Anthon, who glances our way.
I rise up to my feet .
" I should go, my mom's here." I tell him.
" You never answered me."
I roll my eyes at him and say, " Mac and cheese or Chinese?"
" Is that suppose to be a trick question?" His eyes hold humour.
" I want to know what I'm getting myself into." I shrug.
" Mac and cheese," he says .
"Okay."
"Okay, did I pass?"
" We can be friends." I say, walking away.
When I steal a glance behind me, right there, I'm presented with the biggest grin that anyone has ever given me, which makes me smile too.
' A friendship, huh.' that's all I wonder.
Distracted, that's me.I've been like this for most of the time mom has been here, telling me all about her Mr Perfect.Okay, I love my mom but gosh, the way she has been carrying on about this person makes the idea of meeting him one thing to dread doing. I feel like she's trying way too hard for me to be impressed, which is not the case at the moment.I mean I'm not very fond of the way their relationship seems to moving , its pace proves quite fast and I don't want my mom to get burnt and crash like her past relationships, where I was one left to help her get back onto her feet. In those times I've found myself neither having a choice but to be dragged into watching soppy romantic movies, eat alot of junk food and listen to heartbreaking songs.No, not this time. I can't go through all that again.Placing all concerns aside and actually taking a good look at my mom now, I notice something I haven't seen before, it's diffe
"Okay, it's simple, we introduce each other and go with the basics. It's just a way to get to know more of each other." Conner explains and I just stare at him.Both Connor and I are sitting right outside my door, it's late but I can't sleep. Connor surprised me by rocking up on my doorstep, whining about not being able to sleep too and that he's bored, so as a good friend, I thought I'd keep him company, right outside my door and not in my room." I think we should skip introductions, we are way past that." I suggest.He quirks his brow at me before saying, " I'm tall, good looking and -""And you are bad at this.""How come?"" All I hear from you is about how you look but not about you." I say, making him sigh out, leaning his head back against the wall and closing his eyes."Okay, I'm the last born at home and I dislike the responsibilities that
I knew that I shouldn't have asked him, now I'm instantly starting to regret it.Okay, so after I asked him about the way he was looking at me, I got my answer. Not much was said but his actions spoke for him, when he started to climb the tree that I was sitting under.Now here I am, busy climbing the tree and mentally praying that I don't fall."Ha." A sigh escapes me after I finally join him and I am sitting as comfortable as I possibly can.Looking down, I realize that it is a bit high, which doesn't help that dizziness wants to take over right now.Moving my eyes elsewhere but the ground, I feel his eyes on me, making me to look at him, only to see a frown on his forehead." Are you okay?"" Yeah, just trying to figure out how much injury I'll get once I make the jump."" You are not jumping from here." He says, shaking his head." Why not?" I ask , frowning at him." Because I don'
There are moments in life, when one is faced with unforeseen occurrences, maybe something quite imaginative yet a possibility at the same time. It's almost like when you encounter something and you do all you can, to not hang on to the outcomes of that incident, event or just being around someone.It's usually so easy to carry on with the same daily routine that you'd been doing for so long, and now when someone suddenly comes along, erases or disrupts just a minor of your plans, then you just know that you are in some sort of trouble.It's never easy, breaking away from what you are so used to and try fit someone new, in a part of your life, who not only doesn't have to do much to get a reaction out of you, but the one who doesn't seem to stop making you feel crazily open-minded, about trying something new.Connor, that's him.After spending some time with him and of course after what happened yeste
Two weeks trial.It has already begun and already a day has passed, I don't know how I feel about this because a part of me wants to go home, while the other finds itself wanting to stay.I don't even know if this is about me anymore or maybe it's Connor or just my fears of getting back into the outside world.Vicky and I haven't spoken to each other since yesterday.I don't know, maybe this is me being stubborn but I'm still a little mad at her, for what she did. Even though Vicky and I are going through a minor glitz, I do miss talking to her.She's my friend or more like my big sister and guardian here. She knows me and I think more than my own mother sometimes does.I did mention the two week trial thing which instead of him being affected about this, his eyes began to twinkle and I instantly knew that he was summing up some crazy thought in his mind.I shake my head slightly and try focus on what I'm doing. It's my day acti
A breath escapes me the moment I look at Connor's door.Before the visitation happened, a lot was left hanging in the air and I'm not sure where things are now between us. For the first real time since we've known each other, I let him see just a snippet of my fears in broad daylight and in all honesty, I'm scared of the outcome of that.I sigh before I head on to my room, I enter and just as I'm about to close the door, something suddenly prevents it from closing. Looking up, I see Connor right in front of me, no smirk or his playfulness on display, just a serious expression on. Now my senses ride on high alert about what's to come.I was right to be scared, I mean looking at him now, he looks like a man on a mission." Don't say anything, just listen." He says, sounding determined.I don't say anything."You care about me," he states.Before I can
" Na, na, na." I hum to myself while I make my way to my room, I've just gotten back from my activity and I feel like having a nap.Entering into my room,my eye immediately notices something laid on my bed. Leaning closer , I see that it is a note.~ Something crazy. Meet me on the roof C~A small grin forms on my face as I place my book on my bed. Not even thinking twice, I get out of there, getting ready for this ' something crazy '.My eyes don't miss Connor sitting on the bench that we had sat on once upon a time, I stand in front of him with the note in hand. " Found your note."" Good," he says before rising to his feet and grabs ahold of my hand, then walks with me to the center of the roof.
" You're ignoring me." He points out." I don't know what you're talking about." I say, not even opening my eyes.Of course I know what he's talking about, for most of the day, I haven't spoken to him, because I woke up this morning and decided that if he was not going to answer my question, then I'll let him get a feel of being the one left hanging, not knowing.Childish I know , but my curiosity isn't agreeing with that right about now. So I'm under a tree, lying on the grass and just enjoying myself, well trying to .I hear him sigh before I feel him sit right next to me."This is about last night, isn't it?" He asks.Peeking a look at him, I say. " Last night, what about last night?"I open both my eyes, to see him frown at me." Bea, you know what I'm talking about." He whines." Do I, really?" I know that I must be annoying him
18 years old.Today's my birthday and already I've been bombarded by birthday wishes from my mom and everyone else, when I mean everyone else , it includes Fiona and Candy, who's presents I've received early in the morning, including their phone numbers, email addresses and social media contacts.I swear when they got the news of me finally having a phone, it was like I won a million dollars or something, they were already making plans for updating me on the 21 century, and me being out there, though I've warned them countless times to not even dare try.I can't believe I've finally reached this age and am able to make enough decisions of my life, not that I will go clubbing and acting wild ,no, but being this age shows that I've grown and that my mom, might start viewing me more as a young woman than her baby girl.Looking ahead at the ocean and admiring it , as the sun takes its place, just the sou
~ Caleb.....I could be saying hi and asking about life right now ,but no, I'll just get straight to the point.Throughout all these years, I've gone through the worst of things in my life, adding that incident with you and your friends or accomplices as I'd prefer calling them. I've done all I could to erase that part of my life, I've failed, failed until I could rise upon that memory and situation, I have to say thank you to Connor for that big part.Seeing you again after so long, brought so much back , especially the fear I had each time I'd be consumed by the nightmares, looking back now, I realize that seeing you again, might have had me fearing for my life, yet finally facing my fears and past.I don't want you to apologise anymore, I don't need that so I have a peace of mind, expressing myself this way is a start for me to look into the future. I forgiv
Running, running and running, not getting to my destination but still energy being within me, I wake up still in the dark and being all sweaty, from my dream. I can't exactly call it a nightmare because of it being not scary but I can't say it's entirely a dream, because of how real it felt.Walking out of my room, tip toeing around so I won't wake my mom, I'm about to head towards the stairs, passing her room only to stay rooted by her ajar door when I hear her talking, I'm quite sure she's on the phone, with Keith maybe.I know it's rude to listen in on someone's conversation, especially your parent and I wouldn't be doing it, if it weren't for her mentioning my name." I honestly don't know what to do, " she says, sounding resigned.With the silence ,I'm quite sure that she's listening to whoever's on the line. " I've tried talking but she won't talk to me, Vicky her guardian from the centre came
Silence. That's all there is and was throughout my trip back home.My heart has been broken and hurt before but at this moment , having to break up with the boy I love, then leaving and ending my adventure like it meant nothing when it did, no words can describe the emotional state I'm in.As much as I'm hurting and all, and throughout all of this, no matter how much I'm hurt by my moms actions, some of what she's said is right. Yes, travelling and falling in love was something new and exciting, but I also have to put her first, the adventure was bound to come to an end soon, though I didn't expect it to turn out the way it did.Caleb's return or shall I say visit is one of the major factors and parts, of my adventure turning sour, I've known that one day I'd bump into all those who've messed my life but not so soon. You know, when your life has been a rollercoaster ride, you tend to just accept it and place it as a normality. My mom was right, I was
' It has to be. It's for the best.'My mom's words keep on ringing in my head while my eyes are focused on the door, waiting at any minute for him to show up.Not long after thinking this, the door opens and in comes Connor. This is what I've been dreading yet knowing full well that it has to be done.So before I jump right into this, My mom had a lot to talk about, well more like argued, chatted and then argued again and yep you guessed it, it's all got to do with Connor and my trip here in Miami.I can recall her words, hitting me so hard that I found myself in tears." Bailey, I can't lose you and you being here almost had me lose you. Hospital visits, I can't go through that again." She said, shaking her head." I'm sorry mom, " I tried apologising.' I know that travelling and doing this seemed like an adventure, I'm glad that yo
What a rush, the beach, the feel of the water and those waves.I might be alone and experiencing this alone but damn I'm having such a blast, the sun is setting and I really hope he'll be back soon, since he's surely missing out on a lot of fun.What I love about being in the water is how freeing it is, being controlled by the water yet feeling on top of the world while gaining such a rush. I'm quite sure my voice is pretty much disappearing, and the cold is creeping in. Being in the water, the sun disappearing and me in this space, absorbing what I can while freely letting go. What more could I want?It's truly a gift to be able to let go and have a moment to be in your own space at your own time.Sighing after a minutes debate of whether I should call him or not, I groan out, feeling undecided.I'm already done with my swim and it was so refreshing, though it would have been cool i
"It's beautiful here." I say, looking around the beach house.Connor's mom had lent us this beach house for the time being, we would return anytime we wanted and tomorrow had been the best time, but knowing how much Connor was looking forward to seeing his brother, a few hours together sounded more then enough for us. I mean I just rocked up here when they already had plans.The house keeper of the beach house had thought that we were both engaged, it was such a funny thing to see, Connor acting all mucho and pretending to be my fiance, while I watched in amusement. At some point, I had no choice but to play along, thank God it didnt take long for her to be convinced, leaving us alone right after.We are alone now so I can actually take this all in and actually do what I'd intended to do for most of the day, which is to go swimming. The best part of this, is that this side of the beach is vacant and I get to have thi
My eyes are practically bulging out of my eyes, the excitement is too much. I'm living, I'm truly living and it feels too good.The sun rising and at first look from a distance, almost red orange bringing out that mixture of colour, whilst giving me that magical feel which I'm a part of, the cool but chilly air has showered me with my first outer breath and the sea is too beautiful with its rhythmic movements.Nothing about a moment like this is real, it's like being transported into another world, a world of imagination, a world of true worth for living and just a moment of honesty, captivating both mind and soul.Connor kept his word and today is just about us, well more about me living again, taking my first big breath and just being me all over again. Connor had told me that he didn't want to take me to those big fancy places yet, but more of the small overlooked beautiful and intimate places, for me to get the f
Connor has not left my side, not once since he held me in his arms. It's as if he's afraid I'll disappear or something but I don't mind, I like this, his warmth and how natural and comforting it is.Now swinging lightly on the bench swing in the garden, we sit in a comforting silence, absorbing this moment. I move my head away from his shoulder when he says, " this is crazy."" I know, but I don't regret it, I had to see you and I - I missed you." He tugs me under his arm." I missed you too." He says kissing my head." Will you tell me how you did it?" He asks and I pull away, sitting upright and turning to him now." Does it matter?" I ask, avoiding his eyes." It will if you did something crazy," he says." Being here is an enough indication of crazy." I swallow hard, seeing as he's just staring at me." Tell me how you real