Chapter 12.

It's been 2 days since I last talked to Connor and in all honesty, I feel utterly bored and have been down.

I can't blame anyone but me. This is my own doing and now I will have to deal with it.

I'm pretty sure that I'll be annoying Vicky soon with how I have been been in these two days. I've withdrawn a little bit and we don't talk as much and that I know greatly, how frustrating it can get for Vicky. 

I can't lie and say that there isn't that twinge of hurt, when I walk past him or have him avoid me at every chance he gets. It's there and damn it, I can't help but admit to missing him. I still don't get what it is about him that makes trying to put distance between us so hard, I mean we don't exactly know each other but gosh, if I don't miss that boy.

Even through my internal battle of trying to suppress any thoughts of him or the fact that I miss him, I can't ignore that I pretty much asked him to stay away from me and to leave me be. I was doing this to protect not only me, but him too. 

I'd rather have him hate me for pushing him away, then us hurting each other in the worst possible way because for me, that would actually hit me hard. People, mostly friends have come and gone, and I can definitely say their departure always left a taste of hurt, which had made building myself up a huge task.

I surely want to avoid going into that road again, if possible .

" I think it's better to give you a heads up on the person here to see you." Vicky tells me before I can enter the visitors room.

" Who?" 

" Luke." 

" W-what is he doing here?" I ask in surprise, feeling my heart start to race.

"Only one way to find out." She points to the door.

I take a deep breath, nod my head and go on in. I don't miss him being seated at one of the far end corner tables, where he is sitting and waiting for me, I suppose.

I take some time just staring at him and letting my eyes read him, before turning around and starting for the door.

" Wait!" I hault in my step. "Please, just 5 minutes." He pleads.

I can hear a sense of resignation in his voice.

I take another breath before turning back around to face him, that's when he takes a step closer, almost closing the distance. 

I don't move nor react but just stare at him. I can't deny that he still is goodlooking but that doesn't take away from our history. 

" You know, it wouldn't hurt to sit down." He says, with his tone light and teasing.

I don't share a smile, feeling rather numb to do much at this point.

I take a seat and he follows suit. "Hi." He starts.

"Hi." I say softly, just above a whisper. 

" How've you been?"

" Okay, you?" I say looking down.

I'm not able to look at him because believe it or not, I still get a little nervous around him. He just has that effect. 

" I'm fine, ha." He sighs. "Please look at me." He begs.

I sigh and slowly look up at him, where his eyes immediately lock with mine." Why are you here?" I finally ask.

I seriously can't take it anymore.

" Because I wanted to see you, I missed you." Oh how much I've wanted to hear him say that when he left then decided to return.

I'd searched and waited for him to return until I couldn't anymore. He has hurt me so much that even then, I had hope of things getting back to where they were, when we were so close and I'd feel safe again.

But when I was in the hospital, fighting for my life and he wasn't there, I realized in my recovery that that he had broken his promises and when I needed him most, he wasn't there. In these past years I've gotten used to not having him in my life and I hope that after today, he stays away from me, for good this time.

"If you thought that you'd miss me so much, then you wouldn't have done what you did." 

" I know and I'm sorry that I hurt you." I look away at his apology. "Bea....." 

" You shouldn't have come." I tell him.

" Bea, look at me." He pleads and I do, there's silence between us and that's when that night replays in my mind.

With a sudden sense of suffocation, I jump off my seat and look down at him.

" Bea, please believe me when I say I'm sorry." He reaches out his hand to touch mine but I pull away.

" I stopped believing you the time you gave me a reason not to." With that, I turn around and walk out of there, ignoring his calls. 

Tears I never thought I'd share for him, threaten to come out but I'm too strong for them. 

I try by all means to erase those events from my mind and replace them with worthy ones. It's truly funny how my mind takes me to Connor and his risky decisions, in which will land him in deep trouble one day, if not now.

*****

" Okay young lady, you'd better fess up, or I'll just give you a big hiding until you spill about that moping of yours." Vicky says.

" I'm not moping. " I deny.

" Sure and I'm a millionaire." She says sarcastically.

" I'm okay." I try to avoid her curious eyes but it doesn't seem to work.

" Sure, now talk." She presses.

I don't say anything.

She sighs." Is it that Cole boy, is he responsible for that frown?"

I bite at my lip and not dare look her way because in all honesty, I can't find it in me to deny anything. 

She finally takes a seat beside me, joining me.

" Connor, that's his name."

" Okay, Connor, so what did he do?"

" Not him, me." I correct.

" Same question, directed to you." 

" I did what I thought would be best." 

" Which is?"

" I told him to stay away from me and that we couldn't be friends. "

" Again, what did he do?"

I sigh." Nothing." 

" Ah-ha." She scoffs lightly, making me frown and turn to face her.

" Luke apologized yesterday." I finally confess, getting off the bed and heading towards the door.

" Too soon?" 

" I don't know how to feel at the moment." 

" Ooh, I foresee a love triangle." She says in a singsong tone. 

" More like you and Patrick's telenovela." I retort.

" Okay, okay, I surrender. With jokes aside, here's some food for thought, just don't base every new interaction for past hurts or mistakes, not all people are out there to hurt you." 

" So basically, you are telling me to go and talk to Cole again?" I tease her.

" Connor." She corrects. "And no, just that you should loosen up a bit and socialize with more people other than that boy, because with you two - I foresee a lot, a lot, I tell you." She emphasises on the last sentence.

" Just like you and P --------"

" Don't you go there young lady." She lightly scolds.

Just then, we hear a knock on the door and when I open it, I see Patrick.

" Hello, did I hear my name?" He says with a teasing grin on his face, causing both Vicky and me to pass side glances at each other, before we look back at him. 

" Um, I think it's time for my next activity." I quickly say, walking out first before Vicky.

" I think someone has been eavesdropping." Vicky whispers to me when she falls instep with me.

" I heard that." He calls from behind us, making us to giggle.

Oh those two, acting like the world knows nothing, when the world can see clearly what's happening between them.