Chapter 8.

Nothing seems to want to come out of my mouth when there's a staring match happening, between the three of us.

Thank heavens Vicky is the first one to break the silence. " You have been called by Doctor Anthon." She tells Connor who gives me a sideways glance before he turns on his heel and walks away.

Now being left with Vicky, I decide to not fall back into that silence and go inside my room, where she follows behind and I won't be surprised if she questions me of my whereabouts.

I throw myself on the bed and stare at the ceiling, letting my body weight to take over. The silence still remains between us and I decide to sit upright on the bed. I see her standing by the door, watching me.

" New friend?" She finally asks.

I shrug, getting up off the bed and walking over to my closet, to search for something to change into. I finally find what I'm looking for, which is a short sleeved grey shirt. 

I turn to face Vicky .

"Is he in trouble?" I ask her.

" You know that I can't share that with you." 

" I know." 

" Then why'd you ask?" 

"Just trying my luck." I say, heading back to my bed.

Vicky is acting rather strange now, making me curious but not enough to question her.

" You missed your activity today and I don't want to know why." 

" Okay." I simply say.

She turns to leave but then she changes her mind, she looks over her shoulder and says." Promise me, you won't come back." 

I don't say anything.

I notice her eyes troubled.

" Are you okay?" I finally ask.

" I don't want to see you here again." She repeats before leaving my room.

I understand the meaning behind her words, in her own way, she is saying that she wants more for me and that I deserve better. I should be out there enjoying life, breaking the rules and making mistakes, instead I keep on finding myself here.

I walk over to the door to close it but am brought to a hault when I see Connor, heading my way. His head is hung low and I wonder if he is okay.

Ten feet from me and that's when he raises his head and looks at me, just like he sensed my presence. Our eyes lock for just a few seconds before his eyes leave mine and he walks past me, heading to his room. It takes quite a while for what just happened to register to me, it only happens right after the sound of his room slams shut. 

A few seconds was all it took for me to acknowledge that he wants to be alone and that something is troubling him. Without another word, the sound of another door slamming shut echoes in the silence, and this time it's mine.

******

Group sessions, I'm not very fond of them. Actually I'm not a fan of eye, especially when the spotlight is on you and you have to spill out your guts out for everyone to hear, not so they only know your story but for the story itself to have some form of impact on someone. Whether it is for a person's boost of confidence, the understanding of ones place or to bring some sort of comfort to those still healing.

Sitting around in a circle while Mrs Shelton conducts the meeting, I listen as Nancy Shelton , our group therapist and advisor, an attractive woman with long red hair and black eyes speaks to us. She is a total free spirit, who believes so much in communication and usually has weird, funny but cool methods, in which we always have to conclude on the lesson learnt or hidden messages behind the task .

I sit silently as I let my thoughts overcrowd me while Candy Baker pours her heart out, not that I can exactly blame them for giving in to Mrs Shelton's persuading words. 

" I thought things would be easy you know." Candy says, pulling me to attention.

" I thought that I could just come here and after a day or two, I could prove to everyone that I am not crazy." 

" You aren't crazy." Mrs Shelton cuts in.

" I know, or at least I think I'm not. You see it's not that I - oh sorry, I really believed that I could do this." Candy slumps back into her seat in defeat.

" No, it's okay, these things take time, don't beat yourself up about it." Mrs Shelton says in a calm voice.

For a moment silence takes over before she speaks up again." Alright, Fiona, would you mind if you'd share a little something, so we may get to know you?" 

Most eyes turn to her and I can just sense her nerves from way over here. You see Fiona is new here and by how she's vigorously playing with her fingers and eyes darting between us and the door, I can guess her next movement, almost as if I can taste it. It's not strange at all because not so long ago, that had been me, where I did a runner and it took me some time to return. Fiona is different and do you know why I tell you she's different? 

Here's why.

" I'm leaving on Saturday." I blurt out and I know that I sound like a broken record right now, since I've mentioned this so many times but I don't care. 

At the moment of my interruption, Fiona instantly relaxes but not before she froze for a second, thinking she's the one who might have said something outloud.

Only after realization of who it was, did she calm down .

Now eyes snap to me and I gulp in nerves. " And how do you feel about that?" Mrs Shelton doesn't miss a beat in which I'm grateful for.

" I don't really know, maybe I'm a bit afraid of what I may return to, that things are too different that I might not even be able to keep up." 

" It hasn't been too long." Mrs Shelton says.

" It might not be so from here but outside is different." 

" True, but in order for the change or taste of the different atmosphere to become adjustable for you, you too should have a sense of change in you too." She pauses.

"You know what I always say, things take time ,which means you too should be patient enough to fall instep with those times." She gives me a nod before her eyes dart between the clock and then to everyone in the room.

" Another process to healing is to not rush into things, you need to sit back and be in deep thought, take yourself to those times before everything went downhill and compare it to those dark times, see how different you were then and how you still can be that . I'm not saying it will be easy to just switch off those voices and those haunting moments, no. It all comes with self recognition and self discovery, confrontation, removal of old things passed and and and......." She looks around at each and everyone of us.

" That seems like a lot of hard work." One of the guys, Frankie complains.

"But the results are great, now I hope we all took a little something from today's meeting and that you'll hold on to it and use it, of course. Alright thank you everyone, I'll see you next time." She says, rising up from her chair, followed by everyone else.

As I place my chair in its place, I feel a light tap on my shoulder and I jerk around in surprise.

" You know Bailey, maybe you aren't afraid of the change you'll run into but the change in you." Mrs Shelton says.

I don't say anything.

" Look ,you've come too far now, embrace the change and look after yourself of course." She tells me, patting my shoulder before she turns around and walks away, leaving me in deep thought. 

Still in thought and walking out of the room, totally heading to my room for an early night cap, I'm brought to a hault when I notice Fiona right outside the door, leaning against the wall. Meaning to walk past her, she suddenly comes over to stand infront of me, now blocking my view and pulling me to a stop.

She's inches taller than me, I realize.

" Hi." She says.

" Hi." I respond.

" Um, I just want to say thanks, for back there." She trails off while shifting awkwardly on her heel.

I simply stare at her for a while until she returns my gaze.

" I don't like eyes too, so....." I trail off, not quite sure of what to say next.

" Sure didn't look like it." She mutters, making me frown at her.

" I mean the way you just stepped in and took charge." 

" I should go." I cut in and don't waste time in sidestepping her.

" Hey!" She calls after me and I look over my shoulder at her.

" Thanks again." She says before she walks away .

Not wanting to think too much about what just happened, I decide to continue on to my room, where I had planned to go in the first place.

Now the funny thing is that when I got to my room, almost through out the night, I spent my time just staring up at the ceiling, not being able to sleep.

*****

There's certainly no more days to count now , today's the day that I leave the center to go to my own home. I'm not exactly sure of how I really feel about today, since my mind has been clouded by thoughts about yesterday. 

I can definetly say that yesterday was different and Connor too, I didn't see much of him yesterday and when I did, he never talked to me once nor even say hi. Oh and he didn't even dare look my way, it was like we were perfect strangers.

It was almost like we had never spoken to each other before, not that I can blame him. We aren't exactly friends and I'm leaving today, so what was the use of us getting to know each other in the first place, not that we needed to anyway.

Now all I'm doing is sitting on a chair, staring out the window, trying to take everything in. 

" Your mother's here." Vicky says from behind me. 

I sigh, rising to my feet and turning to look at her.

" Ready to go?" She asks me but I don't respond, taking my already packed suitcase.

Before I can take my other bag, Vicky takes it. "Bea..." She calls me.

I look at her." Tell me what's in your mind?" 

" I...." 

With words etched in my tongue, just at the moment of releasing them , a knock on the door cuts me off. We both turn to look at the person, who is none other than Patrick.

" Ladies, thought I should check on you, maybe you might need some help " 

"Umm, sure." Vicky quickly says and by the expression on her face, I'd say she didn't quite expect the word to come out.

" Thank you." I intervene and hand my suitcase to him, in which he takes ahold of . I decide to head out first so I can give them some privacy for a bit, while walking away.

Honestly something feels amiss and the more the distance grows between me and my room, the more I become instantly lonely. Shrugging the feeling off, I near the entrance room, more like the reception, only to not enter but stand frozen by the front door, my eyes focused on the sight infront of me.

My mother is here, in conversation with someone, Dr Anthon.