The Music To Her Dance

I've never been stuck in such a confusing dream before; where everything I want and love with every fiber of my being, seems so near- yet so far. Where every day seems to be a reminder of my limitations and why I can't give in to my impulses.And this is that kind of dream;where life seems to be getting a thrill from slamming me hard into rough walls one minute, only to make me see rainbows and unicorns in the next.I easily lose my sense of self when the darkness threatens to consume me. Just like I easily lose sense of rationality, when my mind and heart's fixations make me feel ecstatic enough to weep with the joy.Even though this is a maze of confusion-with no sensible way forward, I know it's imperative that I keep moving.Despite the blood,sweat, and tears that comes from the days that leave me feeling beaten.Despite the love,joy,and ecstasy that I find myself enveloped in every time I'm on the verge of victory.And just as my hand reaches out for understanding and all that

At around the beginning of the next school day- I was summoned to the director's office. Upon coming back I knew that my future with the school was still undecided. In fact, it was in the hands of a number of people. Whether I'd join the advanced placement dance class like I originally would've, or redo the entire year and forget about all the hard work I had done.Knowing that the verdict about my life depended on whichever direction these people would decide to take, made me feel both restless and helpless.I hadn't expected all four dance instructors to be part of this decision-making meeting.But there I was; sitting in front of the director's desk, two instructors to my left and two more to my right."This is about whether or not you believe she can still make it in the class." Madam Bennett,our school director said, sharp-nosed and grey-haired like I remembered."I don't think she can cope in advanced placement. I mean, graduation is just a few months away." Cavanaugh, an instru

Happy to see that like yesterday, he had something to listen to- I set to my task with burning zeal, showing the lunges, long arm crunches and planks just what Brianna Whitlock is made of.I knew my workout fury was fired up by more than just the simple desire to do well.My feelings were out of control this morning; raw and intense after both the erotic dream that robbed me of my beauty sleep, as well as the email from my mother.Somewhere in the middle of my second set, Luca removed the buds from his ears, sat back and started watching me.For a second there, I became self conscious. But immediately pushed all other non-mentor related thoughts away.He occasionally critiqued and offered suggestions for new tactics. And I enthusiastically tried them out, without any witty quips."Taking it out in practice is one way to go about it," he said thoughtfully. "But talking is usually a better option.""Wish I knew what you're talking about," I said making another lunge forward."For starter

"Okay, enough chatting time." Luca said, freezing my hand in place. And moving out of reach too, before I could carry out my experiment."Time to get back to work."I mentally chastised myself for being stupid, and wanting to play silly games. Especially with the man who was supposed to help me prove myself to everyone who now doubted my talent and capability.But the most puzzling thing about that whole almost close weird experience, was how indifferent the man was.Almost as if I had imagined my very own actions, and weren't something that had really been close to being put in motion.I wondered what that was about."That's a bummer," I mockingly pouted. "Because I was starting to enjoy the aimlessly staring of the walls around here." I joked, hoping to mask my confusion and all the racing thoughts that were going on in my head. About what I had almost done, just a few seconds ago."You're a funny girl," he noted and walked towards the corner of the hall. Where he placed his buds o

The rest of our first week back, flew by.And before we knew it, it was Friday evening. The moment that we had all been waiting for.'Welcome back' banners were placed all over the school. Abby came over to my dorm, so that we could get dressed together."I take it your loud roommate is home today?" I teased her. "What's her name again? Giselle?" She scoffed in response."Giselle changed schools," she informed. "A new girl got assigned with me, before last semester ended. Her name is Jessica." "I see you change them like pairs of socks," I joked and she laughed."Very funny," she said. "Because you know that it's not even up to me. If it were, you'd be in piano with me. So that we'd be assigned to the same dorm room too.""And leave all this space that comes with dance behind?" I dramatically waved around my spacious room. "I don't think so." "That's fine, go right ahead and brag about all these dance privileges." She chuckled.And upon seeing that the clock had struck 6 p.m, we