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Preface
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2022-06-22 20:34:30I've never been stuck in such a confusing dream before; where everything I want and love with every fiber of my being, seems so near- yet so far.
Where every day seems to be a reminder of my limitations and why I can't give in to my impulses.And this is that kind of dream;where life seems to be getting a thrill from slamming me hard into rough walls one minute, only to make me see rainbows and unicorns in the next.I easily lose my sense of self when the darkness threatens to consume me.Just like I easily lose sense of rationality, when my mind and heart's fixations make me feel ecstatic enough to weep with the joy.Even though this is a maze of confusion-with no sensible way forward, I know it's imperative that I keep moving.Despite the blood,sweat, and tears that comes from the days that leave me feeling beaten.Despite the love,joy,and ecstasy that I find myself enveloped in every time I'm on the verge of victory.And just as my hand reaches out for understanding and all that's out of its grip,the sun decides to rise.Forcing the enigmatic dream to end before I have a chance to find out who I am when I'm not stuck between the pleasure and pain.Related chapters
The Music To Her Dance Chapter 1- Sidelines
I can't remember when I started dancing. It's always just been the one thing that felt like second nature.But I'm sure that when I discovered it, I fell in love.And over the years, it continued to feel like flight,a taste of joy and recently even started becoming an escape from everything I didn't have the courage to face.During my schools' ski trip last winter, I dislocated an ankle joint. An accident that landed my leg in a cast.So my entire spring entailed making trips to the physiotherapist, and practically starring at the walls of a house that had started to feel like my personal prison.After the abrupt end to my dance training resulted in a sick leave that no one had seen coming, I was happy to be waking up in my old dorm room again. The day I'd been looking forward to for months had finally arrived; my return to Walnut Hill School. It felt like experiencing that first ray of sunshine after a storm.I had been given the same small and plain room that I had occupied before I
Last Updated : 2022-06-22The Music To Her Dance Chapter 2- End of Tunnel
At around the beginning of the next school day- I was summoned to the director's office. Upon coming back I knew that my future with the school was still undecided. In fact, it was in the hands of a number of people. Whether I'd join the advanced placement dance class like I originally would've, or redo the entire year and forget about all the hard work I had done.Knowing that the verdict about my life depended on whichever direction these people would decide to take, made me feel both restless and helpless.I hadn't expected all four dance instructors to be part of this decision-making meeting.But there I was; sitting in front of the director's desk, two instructors to my left and two more to my right."This is about whether or not you believe she can still make it in the class." Madam Bennett,our school director said, sharp-nosed and grey-haired like I remembered."I don't think she can cope in advanced placement. I mean, graduation is just a few months away." Cavanaugh, an instru
Last Updated : 2022-06-22The Music To Her Dance Chapter 3- Blurred Reality
I looked up at him, intending to make a funny comment.But the distance between our bodies was almost non existent. We stood in what looked like the inside of the dance hall that I know.His expression was gentle and tender as he studied me; making his pale blue eyes to glow with some inner emotion that I couldn't identify, or even understand.His entire focus was on me.It was like drowning in seas of blue. In that moment, there was nothing in the world that I wanted more than to just dive into the depths of those eyes.I couldn't remember what I'd been about to say. Or even why. All my mind seemed to comprehend were the beautiful features of his body. Like his lips, his arms, and even the scent that enveloped him. Which suddenly overpowered me. My body felt warm and feverish all over. I wanted him to close the small distance between us. Hell, I wanted him to kiss me even.Even thought I knew that he could tell what I wanted, from just looking into my eyes. He didn't give in. Or at le
Last Updated : 2022-06-22The Music To Her Dance Chapter 4- Sounding Board
Happy to see that like yesterday, he had something to listen to- I set to my task with burning zeal, showing the lunges, long arm crunches and planks just what Brianna Whitlock is made of.I knew my workout fury was fired up by more than just the simple desire to do well.My feelings were out of control this morning; raw and intense after both the erotic dream that robbed me of my beauty sleep, as well as the email from my mother.Somewhere in the middle of my second set, Luca removed the buds from his ears, sat back and started watching me.For a second there, I became self conscious. But immediately pushed all other non-mentor related thoughts away.He occasionally critiqued and offered suggestions for new tactics. And I enthusiastically tried them out, without any witty quips."Taking it out in practice is one way to go about it," he said thoughtfully. "But talking is usually a better option.""Wish I knew what you're talking about," I said making another lunge forward."For starter
Last Updated : 2022-06-22The Music To Her Dance Chapter 5- Good friends, Special friends
At lunch; I settled for a bit of brown rice, added chicken breast and a side of asparagus to my plate.I had learned over the years, that a big part of what made me a dancer - way more than the moves and the capability itself. Was what I put into my body. But of course, me being the rebel that I am, I still turned a blind eye from time to time.Especially when snacking opportunities were involved. My return to school had however made me feel determined to eat clean again. Because I needed with every fiber of my being, to see myself performing at my peak again. As I was, of course, still on probation. While grabbing an apple from the fruit basket; I could see Abby and the rest of them already settled at our favorite lunch table.My earlier temper over the email from my mother and my conversation with Luca, immediately shifted to the very back of my mind. As I excitedly headed to join them at the table.Christopher removed the thick book that he had placed next to him.I placed my
Last Updated : 2023-02-02The Music To Her Dance Chapter 6- Deja Vu
"Okay, enough chatting time." Luca said, freezing my hand in place. And moving out of reach too, before I could carry out my experiment."Time to get back to work."I mentally chastised myself for being stupid, and wanting to play silly games. Especially with the man who was supposed to help me prove myself to everyone who now doubted my talent and capability.But the most puzzling thing about that whole almost close weird experience, was how indifferent the man was.Almost as if I had imagined my very own actions, and weren't something that had really been close to being put in motion.I wondered what that was about."That's a bummer," I mockingly pouted. "Because I was starting to enjoy the aimlessly staring of the walls around here." I joked, hoping to mask my confusion and all the racing thoughts that were going on in my head. About what I had almost done, just a few seconds ago."You're a funny girl," he noted and walked towards the corner of the hall. Where he placed his buds o
Last Updated : 2023-02-03The Music To Her Dance Chapter 7- Close To My Chest
By the end of that session, I was idiotically smiling to myself as I walked out of dance hall.I was pretty sure too that on my face, was the smirk similar to the one that I had caught Luca concealing.The 'what are we doing?' kind of smile.The 'it is so wrong to be feeling this way, and yet it feels so right too,' kind of smirk.I joyfully greeted everyone that I passed along the pavement, as I headed to Abby's dorm. Which was in the strings' section of the music building, near the eatery.My fingers rapped lightly on her door, just to see if she was home yet."Why do you look so surprised?" I asked, when she pulled the door open."Because you're never this polite," she stated matter of factly. Referring to my knocking.As according to her and the rest of my friends, I had some difficulties when it came to grasping the concept of knocking on people's doors."Well, people change mi amor," I grinned as I walked past her.And made myself comfortable on her small bed."Speaking of change
Last Updated : 2023-02-03The Music To Her Dance Chapter 8- "Like what you see?"
The rest of our first week back, flew by.And before we knew it, it was Friday evening. The moment that we had all been waiting for.'Welcome back' banners were placed all over the school. Abby came over to my dorm, so that we could get dressed together."I take it your loud roommate is home today?" I teased her. "What's her name again? Giselle?" She scoffed in response."Giselle changed schools," she informed. "A new girl got assigned with me, before last semester ended. Her name is Jessica." "I see you change them like pairs of socks," I joked and she laughed."Very funny," she said. "Because you know that it's not even up to me. If it were, you'd be in piano with me. So that we'd be assigned to the same dorm room too.""And leave all this space that comes with dance behind?" I dramatically waved around my spacious room. "I don't think so." "That's fine, go right ahead and brag about all these dance privileges." She chuckled.And upon seeing that the clock had struck 6 p.m, we
Last Updated : 2023-02-05
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The Music To Her Dance Chapter 14- Trouble In Paradise
Feeling like I had been neglecting my friendship with Abby, I decided to spend that evening with her."Surprise!" I beamed when she opened the door."I'm surprised indeed, alright." She gave me a lazy smile."Someone's out of a funk already?" She checked."Oh, you know me, I'm made of sterner stuff." I shrugged."That you are," she weakly chuckled."Your roommate is never here," I noted, looking wildly around the small room. As if half expecting her to jump out of the small closet, any second."Uh huh," Abby nodded. "I never even really know where she is myself. In fact, I rarely see her.""She's probably out with Chris," I waved a bit dismissively."Bri, you and I have been best friends for years. So, I most definitely know when you're fishing." She called me out. "Me? Why would I? Never!" I instantly averted my gaze."What? Are you jealous?" She grabbed my chin, until my eyes wandered in her direction."To be honest with you, I'm not even." I began. "If anything I'm slightly reliev
The Music To Her Dance Chapter 13- Ripping The Bandaid Off
Before I left the hall, I was given something to think about yet again.Luca had assigned me the responsibility of thinking what rules one needed to keep in mind during a dance routine.I thought about it, pretty much the entire evening as I tossed and turned in my small bed.Trying really hard to tune out everything bad that had happened in the day.When I saw the time going for midnight, I knew that I was in for an all expenses paid for- insomnia sponsored night.And I was quite shocked to feel myself yearning for something. A connection even. One with the one person that I had no real relationship with. My mother. That's when I knew my day had gone that horribly for me to even long for her genuine presence in my life. Screw it, I thought as I jumped off the bed.For a few minutes, or what could have easily passed for hours- I sat, motionlessly in front of the computer.Reading, rereading and memorizing the last email from her. That I already knew by heart.For quite some time, I
The Music To Her Dance Chapter 12- A clown who's had a very bad day
As I stepped into the sidewalk the next morning, I ran into Marcus."Oh, good morning beautiful." He beamed."Good morning to you too, Marcus." I said and continued walking."Rushing to practice?" He asked, and I nodded.After taking a quick glance at my wrist watch, I realized that I had five more minutes to kill. But I didn't intend to kill them with Marcus.I was so excited. Partly about what had finally happened yesterday, and mostly about the prospect of getting to experience Luca as a dance instructor that day. Instead of the personal trainer that he had quickly become in the past week."How was the coffee?" He studiously watched me.I frowned slightly, at the unexpected question."It was alright," I shrugged then asked. "Why do you ask?""I don't know, Bri." He thoughtfully began and slowly leaned towards me. "Maybe because it was a special blend, one made to serve a specific purpose.""What purpose was that?" I tried to keep it cool, and act like I wasn't mad but merely curiou
The Music To Her Dance Chapter 11- Lethal Attraction
As soon as we had finished our coffee; I saw it as my cue, to head to the changing room.The real work would soon be beginning, and the idea easily transported me to cloud nine.Luca was lazily looking at me, when I emerged."What is it?" I wildly glanced around and at myself, all the while wondering if something was wrong with me.Or if I had emerged from the changing room, in only my bra and panties.Because his eyes looked lazy and somewhat sleepy, but even to a clueless somebody like myself- it was very easy to see that a lot of passion lied behind them as well."Nothing," he sat in front of the mirror. Which was very unexpected of him, because he was too much of a slave driver to simply allow a few minutes to drift on by. Without any work being done."You can tell me," the words came out in a seductive whisper, that sounded foreign even in my own ears."Really?" He looked up at me, with both curiosity and fascination."Yes," I slightly nodded. And then I decided to take things f
The Music To Her Dance Chapter 10- Clean Slate
I fell into bed, with a huge smile on my face that night. And was only pleased when my dreams featured the man, shortly after.Then I impatiently waited for my weekend to end, so that I could see him again.On Monday morning, official classes across campus were beginning. For me, a special case, not only that was the case.But a few adjustments were thrown into my timetable.Like the fact that I had training with Luca, before my normal classes began. The same had to happen after school too. At least until I got out of probation.As soon as I had gotten dressed, I happily hopped towards the dance hall."Good morning," I chirpily greeted."Someone's in a good mood," he noted with an infectious grin that I couldn't help but return."Of course I am!" I bounced around, then quickly disappeared into the changing room.As I emerged a few moments after, I found him standing in front of the mirror - a small frown forming on his forehead."What's wrong?" My tone was soft, as I asked."Nothi
The Music To Her Dance Chapter 9- Knight In Shining Armor
I didn't have a plan in mind, when I turned my back on him."I asked you a question, young lady." Luca said and gave me a pointed look."I don't feel good," I shakily told him. Trying hard to fight the wave of dizziness that I was suddenly feeling.He rushed to my side, and brought his four fingers to my forehead. "You're not feverish," he muttered. "Come," he grabbed me by the hand and led me to an empty bench towards the end of the long hallway."Sit here, while I get you some water." He commanded.With no smart quips to throw at him, I only nodded and sat."Try not to be dragged away by the next boy who comes by," he yelled as he jogged away. Without once looking back.I had clearly disappointed him, that went without saying.And I could tell too, that he wasn't going to let the events of that night go that easily.Within what I believed to have been five minutes, he was back. With bottled water in his hand."Are you feel nauseous?" He asked. Concern audible in his tone, as he sa
The Music To Her Dance Chapter 8- "Like what you see?"
The rest of our first week back, flew by.And before we knew it, it was Friday evening. The moment that we had all been waiting for.'Welcome back' banners were placed all over the school. Abby came over to my dorm, so that we could get dressed together."I take it your loud roommate is home today?" I teased her. "What's her name again? Giselle?" She scoffed in response."Giselle changed schools," she informed. "A new girl got assigned with me, before last semester ended. Her name is Jessica." "I see you change them like pairs of socks," I joked and she laughed."Very funny," she said. "Because you know that it's not even up to me. If it were, you'd be in piano with me. So that we'd be assigned to the same dorm room too.""And leave all this space that comes with dance behind?" I dramatically waved around my spacious room. "I don't think so." "That's fine, go right ahead and brag about all these dance privileges." She chuckled.And upon seeing that the clock had struck 6 p.m, we
The Music To Her Dance Chapter 7- Close To My Chest
By the end of that session, I was idiotically smiling to myself as I walked out of dance hall.I was pretty sure too that on my face, was the smirk similar to the one that I had caught Luca concealing.The 'what are we doing?' kind of smile.The 'it is so wrong to be feeling this way, and yet it feels so right too,' kind of smirk.I joyfully greeted everyone that I passed along the pavement, as I headed to Abby's dorm. Which was in the strings' section of the music building, near the eatery.My fingers rapped lightly on her door, just to see if she was home yet."Why do you look so surprised?" I asked, when she pulled the door open."Because you're never this polite," she stated matter of factly. Referring to my knocking.As according to her and the rest of my friends, I had some difficulties when it came to grasping the concept of knocking on people's doors."Well, people change mi amor," I grinned as I walked past her.And made myself comfortable on her small bed."Speaking of change
The Music To Her Dance Chapter 6- Deja Vu
"Okay, enough chatting time." Luca said, freezing my hand in place. And moving out of reach too, before I could carry out my experiment."Time to get back to work."I mentally chastised myself for being stupid, and wanting to play silly games. Especially with the man who was supposed to help me prove myself to everyone who now doubted my talent and capability.But the most puzzling thing about that whole almost close weird experience, was how indifferent the man was.Almost as if I had imagined my very own actions, and weren't something that had really been close to being put in motion.I wondered what that was about."That's a bummer," I mockingly pouted. "Because I was starting to enjoy the aimlessly staring of the walls around here." I joked, hoping to mask my confusion and all the racing thoughts that were going on in my head. About what I had almost done, just a few seconds ago."You're a funny girl," he noted and walked towards the corner of the hall. Where he placed his buds o
