Chapter 2: Lustful Regrets

After crashing out from a long night of sex, I finally awoke wrapped in Ryan’s arms. I wasn’t against staying the night or dates or such. Ryan knew where we stood even though we weren’t together. We always were with each other. We were comfortable with our arrangement. He doesn’t ask me who I am texting or hanging out with because it’s none of his business. We were so close that we told each other everything without hard feelings. If I was being honest, we were with each other almost all the time so there wasn’t anyone else. Slowly, moving Ryan’s arm off me to get out of bed not trying to wake him up. I headed for the bathroom and indulged in the hot water that cleaned my bruised body. I felt a pair of arms wrap around my stomach.

“Good morning, you should’ve woken me.” 

He lathered his hands with soap and began to massage my breasts. 

“Do you work tonight?” He whispered as he circled my nipples. 

“I do. I will just be there later. I have some errands to run and want to visit my mom.”

His smile became less as he knows. No one really knows about my mom because it’s a touchy subject. Even as wolves, we get sick. My mom has early-onset Alzheimer's. It was mild for a few years but last year it progressed and now each time I visit her she thinks I am a nurse. I mean she has good and bad days and lately, they’ve been bad. My Dad still comes around but knows she isn’t getting better and is just watching her circle the drain before it takes over.

“Wish her well for me. I am going to head home.”

He left a kiss on my lips before getting up and leaving. When he leaves it’s nice to get back to reality. Outside my stripper life, I was just a regular woman. I am 26 years old and still figuring things out.

“Let's go for a run.”

My wolf interrupted my thoughts and you know that was a good idea. I haven’t had time to do so in a while so now would be a good idea. I quickly dressed in some stretchy clothes and made my way outside. We were in the middle of summer so it was hot as can be. The woods were close to where I live so it took about ten minutes to get there. Being in a modern-day pack was nice. Only the titled Wolves stuck to tradition but for me? I can do what I want as long as I follow the laws. When I got to my spot I started stripping my clothes off and placed them on a bench before I brought forth my wolf and let my bones crack. My paws hit the ground and my snout touched the sky as I let out a howl to inform those I am part of a pack and I am running. It was common courtesy. Not like my Alpha would care since I am a nobody but I did it out of respect. I let my free spirit start my legs as I ran through the woods and cut through all the trees until my paws got sore. My human body was definitely going to feel it when I

got to the club. I was cut off from my run as I slammed into the bark of the tree which caused me to shift back. I had blacked out for a few seconds and when I came to it saw a figure angrily walking towards me.  It was the Alpha from last night. He had lifted me and pushed me up against the tree I had already hit.

“Where do you get off on telling me what is right and wrong?”

My head was pounding from the collision and still trying to understand what was happening.”

He read the room and then he took his hands off me. I watched as he paced back and forth in front of me. He wasn’t angry at me, he was angry that this was happening to him. But to put his hands on me angered me as well. But I was no one so I had no strength or power to do anything back but give him a death stare.

“I am a respected Alpha. I work night and day to make everyone happy and apparently, my mate isn’t. Then I have you. A stripper telling me to make things work with her like I haven’t been. I’ve done everything! Yet you were able to read me better than she ever did.”

I stood there in place with my breathing still ragged. He was venting to me and maybe this is what he needed. I mean without having to hurt me he could’ve talked. Plus, I feel this is above my pay grade but he was an Alpha at the end of the day so I just stood there.

“I’ve made mistakes but I didn’t deserve this. But she’s my Luna to my pack and I am forced to look at her every day after what’s done. So tell me where do you get off?”

His eyes were stained red and the bags under his eyes showed he hadn’t been sleeping right. I wish I could stop his hurt but don’t know how to.

“Apparently, with getting thrown into a tree,” I whispered.

But his hearing caught me talking under my breath. Guilt struck his face when he realized what he had done.

“I’m sorry.”

He plopped down on the ground with his face in his hands and all I was thinking was to go comfort him. He had a mate and this was not my place but I couldn’t leave him like that. I walked over and kneeled in front of him, taking his hands from his face which caused him to look at me.

“Pain knows pain. What you feel is valid and you have every right to express yourself in any way you want. Preferably I’d rather not be your punching bag but you’re allowed to feel.”

I trapped his hands with mine and that’s when I realized that his knuckles were raw and bloody and the stench of bourbon was on his breath. I stood up and helped him to his feet.

“Come, I will get you cleaned up.”

He didn’t question me which was strange but he followed me all the way back to my apartment and we both picked up our clothes to change into. He sat where the kitchen table was and waited for me to come back with the first aid. When I got to him you could see the defeat in his eyes. I’ve seen it time and time again but this time was different. I slowly started using the warm cloth to clean his knuckles and his eyes were fixated on me.

“Calla, you’ve-”

I had to cut him off.

“Calla isn’t my real name. Call me Makayla.”

Everyone got so used to calling me by that it never phased me until now. He saw me as a stripper rather than a person and maybe with him calling me my real name I’d earn a tad of respect.

“Makayla, you’ve been nice to me when I’ve been a dick to you and I am sorry. My mind isn’t right. I am just so sorry.”

His hands went to his face again but I stopped them and did something unthinkable. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him into an embrace. Only females that are allowed to touch an Alpha are family, your mate, and kids. He froze for a second and I felt his arms wrap around my stomach and his head laid on my chest. He silently cried and just allowed it to happen. I stood there just holding him for what seemed like forever but then reality set in and he pushed himself up to disconnect my arms from him.

“I should get going. I apologize for releasing my burdens onto you. It’s not professional of me.”

He walked to the front door but I wanted him to stay until he was better I’ve pushed my luck already.

“Alpha, would it be wrong of me to know your name? I may never see you again.”

He stopped to turn around and those brown eyes with the yellow flakes stared back at me.

“Arson. My name is Arson.”

“Please tell me you do not like burning things down?”

He let out a genuine laugh before leaving. 

Later that night, I finished visiting my mother and decided to make my way to the club. I had already showered and packed my clothes for the night. My mind was a little out of it as today felt unreal. He was vulnerable to a stranger. He would probably return to his pack and forget that I ever existed. When I got into the club everyone was cheering and taking shots. I walked over to sign in for my dances when I noticed my Alpha in there. What the hell was he doing here?

I felt a pair of arms wrap around me causing me to flinch and laughter from Ryan. 

“Son of a bitch Ryan. You scared me.”

He placed a kiss on my cheek before letting go.

“Sorry, had to. You looked distracted.”

“Yeah, what’s going on? Why is Alpha Knox here?”

“You didn’t hear? Alpha Knox is retiring and his Nephew is combining his pack and ours and taking over. They are celebrating.”

I was so out of the loop of the Pack that I never realized how old our Alpha was. He’s been in charge since I was born. Strange place for him to be but I noticed the Luna was here too so I guess it’s whatever.

“If they ask for a dance, I will refuse. Couple dances always are strange. It either ends with someone getting jealous or them asking for a threesome.”

He followed me back to the locker room and stopped at the door.

“Listen, I wanted to ask you if I can take you on a date?”

Date? That’s a word I’ve not heard in a long time. It also made me weird too. Ryan was asking me on a date. Why? I mean it would make sense but we never really talked about dating. Before I answered I saw a pair of eyes looking at me. It was Arson. Why was he here again? My answer was going to be yes but now I wasn’t so sure.

“Ryan. We aren’t mates. I thought we had an agreement that friends with benefits are all we can be?”

I felt bad when I saw his face fall but someone had to be honest. I love him and we have amazing sex but we had an agreement.

“I know, but we fit together. It’s been years and maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to give it a chance.

“I have to get ready for my set. I will talk to you later.”

I hurried into the room leaving him devastated but it’s what had to be done. I need to think about things. I started to get changed and choose a nice lace underwear and bra set with a net purple dress over that clung to my ass. My ankle-high platforms with a smokey eye to match it. You can never go wrong with a lot of glitter. When I made my way to the floor my name was being called to the first stage. The energy of high ranks in one spot made me a little uneasy. So I avoided eye contact and stayed zoned out. I get lost in the music and just dissociate. The amount of power could be described as tension. You know you don't belong and know you're not wanted but you're required to stay. 

“Calla, you’ve been requested for a private dance.”

I snapped out of my thoughts when Dan came over to me. I finished my dance and collected my money before making my way to the dance rooms but once again I was in the V.I.P. room. This time I was met with eyes that wanted to see me. Arson.

“I thought I’d seen the last of you.” I joked.

I walked over and stood right in front of him not knowing how to act. I think he kind of knew that I was uneasy because he grabbed my hand and sat me on his lap to where I was straddling him again and his hands rested on my hips.

“My mate cheated on me. With my Beta.”

I couldn’t stop myself from gasping.

“I couldn’t tell anyone because, at the end of the day, I am an Alpha. I’ve been hiding it for weeks but you were the first person who could read me. That’s why I got mad at myself and I let it slip. There is no fixing things even though she wants to. My wolf loves her but I am disgusted at her. I’ve been trying to wrap my head around it all and thinking what I could’ve done for her to step out on me.”

His hands were grasping my thigh a little tight but I let it be. 

“You did nothing wrong, Arson. There is no excuse for cheating. You’re her mate and she should only want you. If there is a problem then coming to you should be first on the mind. I may not know a thing or two about a relationship, but I do know that if you have to find comfort with someone else then that isn’t your person.”

He let out a sigh and threw his head back. We sat there in silence as he went into deep thought. A knock on the door made our heads turn and Ryan was at the door.

“Hey, you have another dance to get to.”

“I'm unavailable for the rest of the night. Tell Dan to take me off the roster please and thank you.”

He looked at me and then Arson and I could see he was upset but he let out a sigh before he slowly closed the door.

“You didn’t have to do that. You have work to do.”

“I’d be a bad friend if I left when you are hurting. I am not hurting for money so you don’t have to worry.”

He smiled. A true and genuine smile. We’ve grown since last night and that’s why my mother told me what she did because he is going through a lot.

“How long are you here for? I’d think you’d be returning to your pack.”

He finally released his tight grip on my thigh and looked at me curiously.

“You didn’t hear?”

I shook my head no.

“Alpha Knox is retiring. I am going to be your new Alpha.”

Now I was in shock. Does that mean his mate is coming here? Or are they splitting up? I am currently straddling my Alpha. My eyes shifted but refused to look at him as this has now gotten awkward. I've danced with many Alphas but never my own. I think he released my awkwardness because his hands found the side of my cheeks and forced me to look at him.

“You know, I did ask for a dance. When does that begin?”

Oh, he was serious, serious? I gave him a look that showed really.

“Come on. No slacking on the job.”

I let out a nervous laugh but how could I say no now? I stood up from his lap but he brought me back down and now I was inches from his lips from how close he held onto me. He reached for my netted dress and lifted it over my head before he realized what he was doing.

“I’m sorry. I am not allowed to touch you.” He whispered in my ear.

His breath hit my skin and I should not feel this way. I should not condone this.

"You're hurting, I can't take advantage of that."

His eyes stared into my soul, and I could see that he wasn't thinking clearly either. But the moon goddess knows that I don't make great decisions either. So we just stared intensely at each other which seemed like a lifetime but with every second that passed by a burning passion was filling between us.

“I just want to feel better,” he whispered.

However, it was loud to me. I don’t know what came over me but I was fired up. The feeling between my legs was longing for him. It was forbidden and that's what made it exciting. I never do this. I never get this personal with an Alpha or a client. But he wasn't just a client anymore. I lost control over my entire morality and my actions.

“Do you want to touch me?” I asked.

He looked at me and didn't say a word. before nodding his head. We both weren't thinking clearly and were just acting out of lustful emotions.

“If I allow you to touch me. Will it be because you want to or because you want to get back at your mate?”

Maybe that question was a reality check for him. He was really thinking about it. Which tells me it’s a little of both. The empath in me just wanted to take his hurt away but I was also not someone to use.

“Okay. You cannot touch me. If you want to feel better, tell me how you want me to touch you.”

His eyes met mine as I lifted myself from his lap again. He thought about it and the member in his pants was talking for him. There was not a single clear thought going through his head and I could tell that he was going to make a big mistake but I couldn't stop this feeling of wanting him.

“Those pretty lips on my cock.” He responded.

I walked over to the door and locked it so no one would open it. He asked and for him, I would relieve some of the tension that started when he pushed me onto his lap. When I turned back over he was staring at me with hunger and I was able to free him to get him by. I was the Alpha’s pet for tonight.