Chapter 9 - Claire

Her eyes searched mine, and I could see the fear and hope mingling within them. "Okay," she murmured, her voice barely above a whisper. "But if something goes wrong, if we get hurt..."

I knew what she was saying. The thought of causing her pain was unbearable. But the allure of being with her, the love I felt, was too strong to ignore. "I know," I said, squeezing her hand gently. "But we'll deal with it together, Claire. I won't let you go through it alone."

I looked into his eyes, and for a moment, I saw the man that I had known for years, the man who had fell in love with, the man who wants me the way I want him. I lean in and kiss him again, this time with a fierce urgency that takes my breath away. I slide my hands up his arms, around his neck, pulling him closer. I feel the hardness of his body pressing against mine, and all the reasons why this was a bad idea seemed to dissolve away.

"Take me to your house," I whispered against his lips, my voice shaking with need. "I need to be with you, Rawls. I don't want to wait anymore."

He pulled away, his eyes searching my face. "I want you so much, baby," he said, his voice thick with desire. "But we can't. Not tonight. Evie's at the house, and we cannot risk her finding out." The mention of his Evie brought reality crashing back down, the weight of our situation heavy on both of us. "But I promise you, the moment we can be alone..."

The frustration in his voice mirrored my own. But I understood. We could not let our desires ruin everything we both wanted. "Okay," I said, trying to keep the disappointment from my voice. "But when will that be?"

Rawls took a deep breath, his eyes filled with a desire that I had never seen before, other than in my dreams. "Soon," he promised, his voice low and gruff. "As soon as I figure out a way to make sure we can be together without anyone finding out."

He leaned in closer, his hand finding my own. He placed it gently over the bulge in his pants, and my eyes widened with understanding. "Feel this," he murmured, his voice, was almost a growl. "This is how much I want you, beautiful. I've never wanted anyone as much as I want you right now."

I swallowed hard, my pulse racing as I felt the heat of his arousal through the fabric of his jeans. I was feeling a warmth between my legs that I had never felt before. It was like an electric shock, a jolt that traveled through my body, straight to my core. "But what if someone sees us?" I whispered, trying to keep my voice steady.

"Don't worry about that," he said, his voice filled with a confidence that was both thrilling and terrifying. "I'll take care of everything. I will walk home with you as far as I can. I will never let anything happen to you. Text me when you get inside. I want me to be the last person that is on your mind before you go to sleep." I loved the possessive tone in his voice and at that moment I belong to him and he is mine.

He kissed me on the forehead when we got close to our houses. He stayed a distance behind me. The promise in his eyes was enough to convince me that things were going to be okay. I walked to my house, my mind racing with the possibilities of what our future might hold. The house was dark when I arrived, my parents already tucked away in their bedroom. I slipped inside, my heart still pounding from the intensity of our encounter.

"In bed," I typed, hitting send and sliding into the cold sheets. I could feel my heart racing waiting for his reply. I waited for his text, the silence of the house echoing the silence between us. When it finally buzzed, it was like a lifeline thrown to me like I was drowning.

Rawls: Goodnight, my little bird. Wish I was still with you, Dream of me.

Claire: I think I like the nick name little bird. Dream of me too.

I could not believe this was real. What I have always dreamed of is within my grasp. The warmth of his words spread through my body. With a deep sigh, I slid into bed, the softness of the sheets embracing me. I still feel Rawls’ arms around me and how arose he was. That worries me a little because I have no experience with sex and I don’t want to disappoint him. Despite the whirlwind of emotions, exhaustion soon took hold, and I fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

I was half awake and half asleep when I thought I heard something. It was my alarm. I jerked up when I heard my mom knocking on the door. I am always awake before my alarm goes off.

"Claire, honey, you're going to be late for work," she called out, her voice filled with concern. "Your dad's already left."

The events of the previous night played out in my mind like a movie on repeat, the kiss in the park, the promise of us being together soon, and the warmth of his hand in mine. But it was the coldness of my bed that brought me back to reality. Before getting ready for the day ahead, I checked my phone, hoping for a message from Rawls that would start my day on a high note. And there it was, lighting up my screen like a beacon of hope.

Rawls: Good morning, beautiful. Thinking of you.

A smile spread across my face, and for a brief moment, the heaviness of our situation lifted. It was a simple message, but it was filled with so much love and longing that it was all I needed to push the dark clouds away. I quickly replied with a heart, eager for the connection that our secret messages provided.

Claire: Good morning to you. I can’t stop thinking about you. xoxo

But as I started to get ready for the day, the reality of our situation began to sink back in. The thought of seeing Rawls and pretending like nothing has changed was almost unbearable. How could I look at him without feeling the heat of his kiss, the ache his touch left behind? How could I carry on with our friendship, our lives, without letting him know just how much he meant to me? I would worry about that when the time came, but not right now, I am too happy to let anything bring me down.