Chapter 12 - Rawls

As the day progressed, I couldn't help but think about what Claire might be doing. I wonder if she is thinking about me too. Maybe she is thinking about the kiss we shared last night. Maybe she is feeling guilty. But I know she feels the same way I do. We just need to find a way to be together without ruining our friendship and our daughters' relationship.

Finally, the workday ended, and I was eager to get home. The drive home felt like an eternity, my mind racing with thoughts of Claire and Evie. When I arrived, the house was eerily quiet. Evie's door was closed, and I could hear the faint sound of music coming from her room. I decided to let her be for now.

As I settled into my chair in the living room, my phone pinged in my pocket. It was a text from Claire. The sight of her name on my screen was like a drug, making me need her even more. I opened the message and felt like I was a teenager getting a message from the hottest girl in town.

Her words were simple, but they were like a punch to the gut.

Claire: can’t stop thinking about the kiss in the park

I felt a flush spread across my cheeks, remembering the feel of her soft lips against mine. The intensity of that moment, the way she had melted into me, was etched into my memory like a brand.

I knew I had to respond, had to let her know that she wasn't alone in her thoughts. But I couldn't just text her back with something generic. I needed to give her something real, something that would make her heart race like mine was doing right now.

Rawls: Me too. It was more than I ever dreamed it would be.

Her response was almost instant.

Claire: It was perfect. I want to feel it again

The words sent a thrill through me, and I had to force myself not to jump out of my chair. But before I could reply, the door to her room opened, and Evie shuffled out, looking like she had not slept in days.

“You okay, Evie?" I called out, trying to keep my voice neutral.

“I'm fine," she shouted back, her tone telling me she was anything but. I sighed, knowing that confronting her now wouldn't help. Maybe after dinner tonight, when she had sobered up and her walls were down. Maybe then I could get through to her.

As the house became quiet again, my thoughts went back to Claire. The way she had felt in my arms, the sound of her laughter, the taste of her lips (cherry lipgloss). I wanted so badly to be with her, to make her happy, to make everything right. But how could I do that when everything we felt was wrong? I never want to hurt her or the relationship she has with her parents. But on the other hand I have been by myself for too long. I have not felt love since Fiona. I know deep down I love Claire. Will I be selfish for once in my life and do what’s best for me instead of everyone else around me?

It didn’t take long for me to realize Claire is worth any risk. We both just have to play it safe for a while so I can figure out how to tell everyone that we love each other.

Evie's mood at dinner was a stark reminder of the tightrope we were walking. She picked at her food, barely speaking, lost in thought. I knew she could sense the change in me, in us, but she had enough on her plate with her own heartbreak.

“Evie," I began, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder, "are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah," she mumbled, not looking up from her plate. "I'm fine."

But I knew she wasn't. "I got an invite for us to have dinner at Claire's on Friday," I said casually, hoping to pique her interest. "It'll be a good chance for you two to catch up."

Evie's eyes shot up, the sadness in them momentarily replaced by surprise. "Oh," she said, her voice tentative. "I guess that could be nice."

"It's just dinner," I reassured her. "But I know how much you guys used to love hanging out. Maybe it'll cheer you up."

Evie nodded, though she didn't look entirely convinced. She had always been a terrible liar, and I knew she was hurt that Claire had not come to see her. Still, I hoped that a night out of the house, with the friend she had missed so much, would help her heal, even if just a little.

Friday evening arrived, and with it the nervous jitters I hadn't felt since my first date with Fiona. I helped Evie get ready, choosing a dress that highlighted the beauty she often overlooked in herself. She rolled her eyes at my fussing, but I could see the hint of a smile playing on her lips.

As we walked over to Claire's, I tried some small talk, hoping to ease the tension that had been building between us. "So, what do you think we should talk about tonight?" I asked, trying to keep the conversation light.

Evie shrugged, her eyes focused on the sidewalk. "I don't know," she said, her voice barely above a whisper. "I guess just the usual stuff."

The usual stuff. I couldn't help but wonder if that included her recent breakup. The last thing I wanted was for Claire to feel guilty about our feelings when Evie was already in so much pain. But as we approached Claire's house, the smell of something delicious was coming through the open door, I pushed those thoughts aside. Tonight was about supporting Evie, not navigating the minefield of my own emotions.

As we stepped inside, the warmth of the house and Claire's welcoming smile made my heart ache. She looked stunning in a simple, black dress that hugged her curves perfectly. Our eyes met briefly, and I knew she felt it too, the electricity that had been building between us since the kiss. But we had agreed to keep our feelings hidden, at least for now.

Dinner was a tense affair, with forced laughter and awkward silences filling the space between us. Evie tried her best to engage in conversation, but her eyes kept drifting to Claire, searching for something she wasn't finding. I could see the pain behind her smile, the way she was trying so hard to hold it together. And I hated myself for not being able to help her.

As we cleared the dishes, I suggested that Evie and Claire go upstairs to catch up in private. Claire looked at me, her eyes pleading, and I nodded reassuringly. "It'll be okay," I mouthed to her, though I wasn't entirely sure it would be.

"Mom, Evie and I are going up to my room to catch up. I can do the dishes later if you three want to catch up." I was doing my best to keep my eyes off of Rawls, when all I wanted to do was to kiss him and feel his arms around me.

"Okay, honey, take your time." Mary called from the kitchen.

I only hope that Claire can somehow get through to Evie. I am worried about her.

As I watched Claire go up the stairs, I could not help but also think about how much I love her. I know now that I never knew what love really felt like until I opened my heart up to her.