Prologue: Amber

Looking up into Alex’s big green eyes, I can feel my heart shatter. I’m ashamed of the woman I was. His tears stream down his face. The tears crash onto my face, mixing with my own. The plaid blanket wrapped around us can only shield us from so many eyes. I’m thankful Paige and Colin left already. Paige would have a field day seeing me hurt. It’s not like I don’t deserve it.

“Thank you for at least giving me tonight. I spoke to Alpha Stephen. I’m set to leave tomorrow.”

His tears fall faster, but I know they’re not for me. They are for him. Being saddled with a mate like me is a terrible thing.

“Okay,” he chokes out.

I wrap my arms around him, letting his scent calm me one last time. The sweet strawberry scent that will forever be tattooed on my brain.

I almost want to ask him for his forgiveness again. It didn’t work the last three hundred times, but maybe it will now. I shake my head clear of the urge. I can’t keep making this harder than it has to be. Alex wants to be free of me, so that’s what he will get. The pain it causes me doesn’t matter. I just want him to be happy.

Happy? Vera whines in my head. He can’t be happy without us. We can’t be happy without him.

I know we can’t, but we’ll figure it out.

We can’t let him do this to us, Amber. He needs us and we need him.

He’s made his choice, Vera. There’s nothing we can do.

Alex’s hand runs through my brown strands, and I’m reminded of our first night together. It had been nothing short of magical. He is and will probably always be the best I’ve ever had. That night ended in bliss. The days following it were bliss. Until he found out that I slept with his best friend’s dad who was trying to kill us all. Everything went to shit then.

The memory plays like a movie in my head. Catching him sloppy and drunk with another girl’s tongue in his mouth. That moment was the moment that I finally understood the pain I’ve been causing for the last three years. I decided then that I was no longer Amber the Homewrecker.

The words Alex spoke afterwards, though, those are the reason I’m leaving the only home I’ve ever known.

“Why am I here, Alex? Did you call me to meet just so that I would see this?” My trembling fingers point between the two of them. “I understand my past is too much for you, but please, just reject me. Let me go on with my life peacefully.”

“You don’t deserve peace. You are evil. You deserve a life of constant pain. The same pain you put those people through.” Alex’s drunk voice is entangled with hatred.

The movie in my head ends. Alex is right. All I deserve is pain. Goddess knows how much I’ve caused. All the homes I’ve wrecked, all the families I’ve ruined.  

The fire is dwindling down, the pack members have cleared out. The celebration of Paige’s happily ever after is over. I could feel jealous. I’m sure the old me would. I would feel insecure and jump into bed with whoever would let me. But the new me feels sad. Sad that I’m leaving my home. Sad that I ruined my chance at a happily ever after. Sad that I hurt so many people. I scoot myself away from my mate, or my almost mate, and stand up. It’s time to say goodbye.

“Alex, let’s get this over with. I will leave early in the morning. Probably before you get up,” I whisper.

“Of course. This is for the best, Amber. We will go our separate ways and find happiness elsewhere.” Alex stands and faces me.

He might be happy elsewhere, but I won’t be. I lost my shot at happiness long ago.

I only nod.

“I, Alex Dunn, Gamma of Onyx Flame, reject you, Amber Tremaine, as my mate.”

An intense pain forces a scream from my throat. The mate bond is ripped from my body, shredding the last bits of my soul. My heart splinters into a thousand broken pieces. The loss is great. Every bit of me mourns Alex. Mourns what we could’ve been. I fall to my knees and try to catch my breath before uttering the only words I can say.

 “I, Amber Tremaine, accept your rejection.”

Alex covers his heart with his hand and grunts loudly. A lone tear falls from his eye, the only evidence that this is just as painful for him. I can’t bear to see it. Watching it roll down his cheek is like dipping my wounded heart in salt. I take one last look into his evergreen eyes. The wind carries my whispered goodbye to him. The love I craved so badly is lost now. Forever.

I push myself off the grass and stagger to my nearly empty room. My whole life is packed into boxes. Those boxes have been stuffed into my car, awaiting our new life. I lay on my bare mattress and let the grief consume me. Exhaustion steals my body from the sadness and sends me into a dark abyss. An abyss that is colored with a dark-haired man. The man I’ll always love but never have.

A loud laugh jolts me awake; it sounds like some wolves are just getting in. I look at my phone, it’s 5am.

“Close enough,” I whisper to myself.

I yank myself from the cold bed, sweeping my long, raven-colored strands up in a ponytail. My body is heavy. Weighed down by the shattered pieces of my soul. I grab my bag and head straight for the door. This is it. I’m leaving. This nightmarish chapter of my life will be closed forever. The dark sky gives me the cover I need to get out of the packhouse without being seen.  I almost feel guilty for leaving without saying goodbye to anyone besides my father, but I know it’s better this way. It’s not like anyone besides him would be sad. Everyone will just be happy to get rid of the pack skank.  

“Are you sure you want to leave?” my father asks, leaning against my car.

“It’s for the best,” I choke out.

He wraps me in a hug. “I’m going to beat the shit out of that Gamma when I find him.”

My body tenses, still wanting to protect its mate, well, ex-mate. “Please, just leave him alone. He’s only doing what he feels is right.”

“I can’t promise you anything, pearl but I’ll try to behave.”

“I never understood why you call me that. It drove mom crazy.”

“So crazy that she left us,” he sighs. “One day. One day, you’ll understand everything. Okay?”

I nod against his shirt. “I love you.”

“I love you too, my pearl.”

He steps back and lets me climb into my overfilled car. I can barely see the mirrors in this mess. Not that it matters. Nothing is waiting for me in that rear view, anyway. The tears flow steadily the entire 7 hours to Moonbeam Hills. The pack that will become my new home. A new home where I can have a fresh start. A place where I can be anything, and I plan to be a better person.