Chapter Six: Amber

“I missed you,” Alex coos.

I jump at the sound of his voice. My blue dress flows, tickling my bare toes as I walk to my mate.

 “I missed you,” I murmur as I wrap my arms around him.

Alex squeezes me tightly, like he’s scared to lose me again. My muscles contract as I try to match the strength of his squeeze. A soft melody plays, seemingly from nowhere. Alex sways with me, twirling me around. My back hits a wall. I turn to see Cory standing there. I squeeze Alex’s hand tighter, silently begging for him to pull me back. When he doesn’t, I turn to search his face, but he’s been replaced by a faceless man. I yank my hand away from the stranger. My eyes scan the room. It’s suddenly filled with men from my past. I push myself through the sea of bodies, desperately searching for Alex. The only person I want right now is him. Each man is screaming at me, blaming me for ruining his family. My heartbeat thunders against my chest. When my eyes finally land on my mate, my heart all but stops completely. His face is painted with hate.

“I could never love a whore like you,” he yells over the crowd before grabbing a she-wolf and devouring her mouth. My body crumbles to the floor beneath the excruciating pain of watching my mate kiss someone else.

I jolt awake. The emotional pain leaving me gasping for air. Sweat covers my trembling body as I try to calm myself down. My phone tells me it’s 3am. Sighing, I know there’s no point in going back to sleep. I push the covers from my body and get ready for a run instead.  

Crickets chirp with the beat of my feet hitting the ground. The night air wipes the tears from my face. The dreams are always the same. I find love and peace, but in the end, he always rejects me. Having to relive the pain over and over is a cruel punishment from the Moon Goddess. I know it’s no one’s fault but my own, but that does very little to soothe the throbbing ache in my soul.

We’re going to be fine, pup. Vera’s voice sounds so far away from me as she speaks.

I know she doesn’t believe her own words. We may have survived this. We may have become stronger and built ourselves anew, but we will never be okay. I will have to live with the pain of my choices forever. There is no atonement for what I’ve done. My legs wobble as the sun crests over the horizon. I lean against a tree, trying to catch my breath, letting the bark scratch against my skin like sandpaper as I slide down to the ground. Heavy tears continue to fall. My mind is drowning with thoughts of Alex. Thoughts of how different things would be if I had been a stronger girl from the beginning.

I close my eyes, trying to regain control of my thoughts. Listening to the sounds of the forest, I ground myself in this moment. The birds sing and the frogs croak. The fresh air enters my lungs, helping bring me back to a calmer state. I take four deep breaths to absorb the stillness in my veins before using my wobbly legs to carry me back to my home.

My fingers dance against the textured designs on the yellow couch. Something about feeling the fabric is comforting.

“Sorry I’m late,” Dr. Laurel says as she comes through her door.

I offer a distracted smile, my eyes never leaving the couch. Dr. Laurel says nothing about my demeanor as I hear her purse land on the table, rattling her keys inside. I look up to watch her sit in her gray plush chair and pull her laptop into her lap. I wait for her to get ready to take notes. Her eyes land on mine, and she offers me the same warm smile that she did last week.

“How are you doing this week, Amber?”

My lungs expel a long sigh. “I’m okay.” 

“Yeah, I can see that,” she points to my hands, still rubbing circles over her couch.

 “It’s soft. I like the texture.”

“Amber, you’ve been coming to me for a while now. I’ve picked up on your mannerisms. You only rub the couch like that when you’re stressed.”

“I had another dream last night.”