Chapter Five: Love should not be forced, it must flow freely.

N A Y A

How can you hate someone so much, but not knowing why? Like suddenly you transform from being happy to madly want to go blind so I won’t be seeing that person I hate so much?

Now, that I know he is the one who kissed Chloe at the party makes me feel sick in my stomach. Every time I look at him and have my eyes linger, I just can't help but feel angry imagining his lips against Chloe’s. Did he like it? Did they enjoy it?

Chloe is one of my best friends. I have known her since junior high school. How did they end up knowing each other. I almost wanted to ask how they met each other, but I don't want to hear anything about them yet. 

It's obvious she likes him, but she's just not trying to be too loud about it. She may be scared a little to confess, but it's obvious he's not into her. That's why my hatred on him keeps on building up. I don't like the idea of him giving her false hope and hurt her at the end of the day.

But Chloe shouldn't be expecting so much out from that guy.

However, in an uncertain way, I can tell he's interested to know her. That he would be there for Chloe just like when he was worried about her mother.

I can't tell if he really was that concern or just trying to get away from me after the mean words I said to him.

So his name is Adam Yung? How unfamiliar and just sparks nothing into the wind. So, he's the new student that everyone is crazy talking about?

I heard few of the girls behind me when  I was on my way here earlier, they chatter about how he's cuter in person and tall and his eyes are very attractive. 

I am telling otherwise. Trust me, he’s nothing like those things.  

He's just tall, not cute. I think they got something in their eyes that they didn’t see clearly.

“I'm on a date.” My attention shifts back to Adam  who is taking a phone call right in front of me. It’s not even a date, but I don’t say a things because I’m not here to argue with a stranger. His eyes lands on me in one quick second, but he quickly looks away. 

I think I hear the other person laughs at his words.

Same. I would laugh literally.

Adam shows off a small a playful smile, which irritates me so much. Why did he lie and pretend?

“I gotta go.” He says before hanging up the call.

The only reason I'm staying here is because we need to eat the food that Chloe ordered for us. It can't go wasted even if I badly want to go home and be away from this jer- guy I mean.

The waiter comes and serves our food after a few minutes. I am so glad there's a hot soup because it's been raining for days and I am freezing cold right now.

I left my hoodie at the rooftop before I came here, that's why I'm not wearing anything to cover me up from the cold. I was there for five minutes before I went here because I also wanted to ask Chloe to be my partner for the trip. I was in a hurry that’s why I forgot to grab my hoodie.

Now, I have to suffer from the cold. But I am fine. I don't want Adam to notice I need help from him.

But Adam clears his throat before speaking, “Are you cold?” He asks, eyeing over my shoulders.

Wait? Does he read mind?

I shake my head. “Not at all.” I say. I take a sip of the soup and ignore him again.

“Here.” He pulls his jacket over off and hand it to me. 

Gosh, he’s so annoying.

“I said no. I'm not cold.” I say with an itching cough on my throat.

But, I guess, Adam is a hard headed person and doesn't understand simple words. He stands up, walks over me and spreads it flatly on my lap. 

“I know you hate me but I can't let you freeze ice tonight.” He says, his voice sounds so certain. 

I look up before he can move back to his seat. Our eyes meet in instant. I tear my gaze away and sip on my soup again.

I don't say thank you yet. I'm too guilty now he’s being so kind to me after all,

He always does this, making me feel guilty after being so rude to him. I think he's trying to flip the coin right now just so he can be a good picture and I'm the bad one.

“I thought you're not going to the school trip.” He says, placing his utensils on the center of his plate when he’s back to his seat. .

I say while putting his jacket on. It smells so good like luxury car. “I didn't want to go, but the project would cost me more money than the trip would do.” I turn to the glass window and watch the cars pass by in the rain across the two-way streets.

“What if you don't find a partner?” He asks.

“Then, I will go alone. I'll be okay.”

Going alone without a partner looks so lonely but I am used to loneliness. I'm sure it will do me just fine.

“Don't worry about it. I'll do my best to find you a partner.” He says,  before he turns his head to the same direction I'm looking.

I can see the serious look on his face while I peer sideways towards him.

Why is he so kind to me after everything that I did and said to hurt his feelings?

“Adam?” I utter, almost slapping my hand to stop my mouth but it's too late now.

 Adam gazes away from the window and shifts his eyes back to me. His chin is resting on his hands as his arms bended on the table.

“We had an agreement didn't we?” I begin to remind him. “I told you that I don't want us to talk again.” I add, “I told you, Adam. Clearly. Why can't you just stay away from me?”

Adam drops a breathe as if he is frustrated of the same thing over and over again. “I tried but I can't.”

“We can't.” He adds, shaking his head.

And I feel the truth in his words. We can't stay away from each other.

 But if he can't do it. 

I will. 

I glance at the couple behind him that is about to leave. The guy put his jacket over the girl’s shoulder. The girl smiles at him then he kisses her on the cheeks. I think she’s blushing right now.

“That's not true.” I try to swerve away a little from his words.

“Why Naya?” His brows meet in instant. “Why do you hate me so much?”  His voice is full of heaviness and pain.

“I told you. I don't like you Adam.” 

“But you don't have to be so mean and hurt my feelings just because you hate me so much. You can just at least pretend that you somehow like me even for tonight.”

“What's the point?  I will hate you even more.” I argue.

This cut him off as he turns into long silence. 

I feel the guilt raging in me all over again, three times.

I want to be kind to him but every time I speak, the words come out of my mouth are just the opposite. 

The truth is I just can’t put down the image of him and Chloe kissing and doing whatever else they did in that party.  

This can't be jealousy, right? It shouldn’t be.

I feel my heart beating so fast and the panic starts to creep into my veins. I grab my bag next to me and stand to my feet. 

Leaving should be my first option before...

“I hope you don’t hide behind anger without valid reason, Naya.” He says.

“What are you talking about?” I stop before I can walk away.

“ Tell me what I really did to make you hate me whenever I’m near you.” His head hang low between his shoulders.

I take a deep breathe. “You know it already, Adam.” 

He stands to his feet and steps in front of me so, so close. Him being this close makes it so hard for me to find my words and focus on stepping away.

“Why Naya?” He draws his face closer this time that I can feel his warm breathe on my face. “Why do you hate me so much?”

I look into his eyes. They are mix of questions, anger, frustration, hopelessness, but most of all patience. My eyes land on his lips and it lingers there for a while before looking back to his gaze. 

His eyes do the same for me. But before he can lean closer, I push him by the shoulder and step away. But Adam is quick to catch my wrist where his touch sends a rush stir in my stomach.

“Adam,” I whisper. Then I pull away my arms from his touch. 

I walk away and he doesn’t try to stop me this time. Finally, I step out of the restaurant. The rain have not yet stop but whatever, I just need to get away from him as soon as possible. 

I put up the hood of his jacket over my head and run to the rain. I need to get away from him.

It takes me ten minutes when  I arrived and step into the house. My mother is sitting in the living room again. She’s falling asleep with her head dropping to the side.  

I don’t bother to wake her up, instead I head to the kitchen to drink some water. 

While I am holding the glass to my mouth and gulp the water down, my mother’s head peaks from the corner of the wall next to me.

“You're soaking wet, Aya!” She exclaims as if it is a crime I committed.

“I know. Don't have to inform the whole neighborhood mom.” I put down the glass and wash my hands on the sink.

My hair is damp. My dress is damp. Adam's jacket is damp. Pretty much everything on me. 

I know I have to wash it tonight and might as well do my best to return it tomorrow, so it will be over soon. Everything between us should be over soon.

“Where were you been? I've been calling you for the last five minutes because I know you didn't bring your umbrella again.” She says lowering her voice this time.

I tilt my head to the side to point a direction as if she would be able to tell where I've really been. “Dinner.” I tell her.

“You had dinner?” She almost covers her mouth in disbelief. “With who? Is it with a guy?”

I nod.

“What?” She says in shock.  

I can't tell if she's trying to be surprised or happy that I did. Because, it’s been awhile since I go out. For the last weeks, the only place I’ve been is school and home.

“With Chloe and her guy.” I answer her.

I just realized that since Chloe and Adam came together tonight, they are technically on a date and I am the third wheel. I can't believe I only realized that just now.

“Her guy? She's finally dating someone? For real this time?” Mother says in such a gossip tone of her voice. 

She has met Chloe a lot of times. She also knows that Chloe never had a serious relationship with anyone before. Chloe used to be very proud about it that she would declare it to anyone. 

Mom also had conversations with her about random things like unusual traffic in this small town and their favorite shoe color. There's always something about that kind of conversation between them . It is silly but they get pretty serious about it every time. It always seem to sound like a political talk to them. 

I nod my head, “Chloe likes him. And I think it might turn into mutual soon enough.” 

“What do you mean turn into mutual soon? Does the guy don't feel the same yet?” She asks.

Why does my mother always the most curious one about the dating life of other people?

Anyway, back to her question. I look down to the bottom of the cabinet under the sink to think of an accurate answer I can say. “He doesn't yet. I guess he's trying to know her more. He...he cares for her.” I, actually, am not sure about this.

My mother moves her lower lip forward in a pout. “At least he's taking his time. Things like this must be contemplate upon carefully. You can't just go liking someone back just because that someone confessed to you first. Love should not be forced, it must flow freely.” She says.

Love should not be forced, it must flow freely. 

Wow. This must have been what she realized since everything turned...complicated with my father. Does she think his love for her is forced or does her love her for him is?

This is not yet the time to ask.

My mother goes back to the living room. I guess she's waiting for him again. While I move to my room, take a shower and slip into my pajamas.

I put Adam's hoodie on the washing machine along with my other clothes. When it is finished after half an hour, I put it the drier. When it’s done, I lay it ready on top of my dresser so I won’t forget it tomorrow.

When I look at the clock on my bedside table, it says 9 PM. 

I should get rest now.

Then I hear a knock on my door. 

“Aya?”Mother calls from other side. “There are two boys are outside our house. Do you by any chance recognize names like Adam and Justin? ” 

WHAT?!

WHAT ARE THEY DOING HERE?

Who’s Justin?

Mother fists on the door another time when I don't answer.  “Aya? Are you still awake?”   

“Yeah!” I yell.

“Do you know any of them?” 

What should I do?

What do they need from me in this late hour?

I push the blanket away from me and get up from the bed. I peek through the hem of my curtain to have a look outside my window. 

Gosh. What are they doing here?

How come they know my address?

Right.

Adam knows. I remember he walked me home the other night.

“Aya?!” Mother shouts in impatience.

“Coming!” 

 I step out of my door, my mother is gone back in the living room and leaning against the couch.

“Tell your friends they should head home and court you tomorrow instead.”

I almost trip and explode into laughter after she said that but I have to make a straight face before I go and face them both. The thought that Adam might do something strange and unlikable in front of my mother concerns me.

After one deep breath, I open the door. Adam's head is leaning against...what's his name again? It is Justin?

“Are you Naya?” His  voice drags out slowly in a tipsy sound.

Seriously? They urged to show up here drunk?

I nod. “Yes. It's me.” I rub my neck.

“Sorry. My friend over here has been calling your name for the last thirty minutes. He said he wanted to come here. I'm even surprised to find out that he knows the way here very clearly that we almost got lost and chased by a dog ” He laughs awkwardly.

What?

Adam has been calling my name?

Really?

My name?

Not Chloe's?

“He called me to drink with him tonight. Looks like his heart got broken this time.” Justin says when he notices the confused look on my face. 

This time? What does it mean?

There is a short silence. 

I gaze over Adam. He's almost asleep around Justin's arms drape around him just so he won't slip and drop to the ground.

“So what do you want me to do with him?” I ask, folding my arms in front of me.

“Aren't you his girlfriend? You should know ...”

“No. I'm not his girlfriend.” I cut him.

“Oh, I see..” Justin meets my gaze, then he looms away in embarrassment. “Can you at least take him just for tonight?”

I open my mouth to resist but I keep close it. 

“Just for tonight.” Justin repeats his words nearly pleading.

I finally nod my head but in hesitation. 

Why did Adam drink tonight and called my name?

Justin's phone rings from his pocket. He is struggling so he carefully transfers Adam over my arms so he can take the call. 

Adam's one arm is over my shoulder while I try to hold him up with my arms around  his waist. I don't think I can hold on it that long. He’s too heavy for my think arms.  

“I gotta keep going. My...” Justin pauses, his eyes slide the ground. “My mom needs me home.” Then he leaves and disappears from a corner under one of the streetlights. 

I take Adam inside. He stirs up and rubs his eyes. 

“Adam.” I whisper to wake him up.

“Who is he?” I almost jump when my mother appears behind us. 

“You almost killed me, mom. ” I say maintaining my voice down.

“Who's Adam?”

“He's ...uhhh...” I think of what to say. “He's a very closed friend to me.”

“Closed enough to call your name while getting drunk? And wanted to come here at this hour?”

So she’s been eavesdropping the whole conversation? Gosh, she’s really my mother.

“Mom, please. I have enough of this. I don't even know why he ended up here and called my name in the first place.”

“So aside from being a closed friend. Who's he?” 

“I don't know.” I shake my head.

“Naya?” Adam whispers my name.

I freeze.

My mother and me keep quiet and just watch him stir up from my arms.

“Well, looks like you've got some company to take care of. Go ahead and take him to your room. We have no extra room to spare for him, so you’ve got no choice.” She adds, “I know you will not do anything stupid.”

I roll my eyes as it sinks to me her words. 

 She helps me carry Adam to my room and lay him down on the mattress.

When me and him finally left alone. I sit on the edge of the bed beside him. I can't help but stare at the way he's peacefully sleeping on my bed. His hair is spread above his eyes. He’s breathing is too quiet as if he’s keeping it to himself. Of course, I am still curious about his own personality and reasons of calling my name tonight. Maybe I hurt him too much or maybe Adam is just this kind of guy, but he ever did was be kind to me.

Despite of my anger and jealousy, right here in this moment, it feels like something inside me shifts.

I know it shouldn’t be my name he was calling. It shouldn't be.