Novels by Taya Moritz

It's been raining for days now. The colder it gets the less likely I want to get up from the bed. The rain keeps pouring out day and night, leaving me always cold and crumpled up in my bedroom for a week. So I haven't been outside the city until tonight when I decided to grab some coffee instead of ordering it online.New York City looks so gloomy but it's the busiest city I've ever known. Everyone's busy catching their dreams across the streets and buildings. This could be the city I would love to be in.While the raindrops fill the streets, and as I wait for the pedestrian line to open in a green light, I stare at the girl from the other side of the sidewalk. She stands there wearing a pink floral dress with her long sleeves that hang low past her elbows. Her eyes are hiding under the umbrella and the reason I am staring at her is because there's something about her lips. The way her deep pink lips rest still in an emotion-less line. There's something about them. Her hair spreads in

A D A M1 YEAR LATER...“Adam you should eat,” Olivia says next to me in bed. “Please, fix yourself. Naya won't like this if she's here.” I just stare at the space on the wall across the room. The sky is bright. I haven't watched the ocean today outside my huge window. They didn't look pleasing as they used to be. I missed her, so so much. EVERYDAY. Olivia walks away from the bed and walks into my closet. “Your mother prepared your clothes so you can take a shower and wash that smell of beer on you.” She's stuffing between the hangers now. “Just don't go to the bar anymore, Adam. Please, look after yourself. Go get some haircut or something.” There's a hind of motivation in her voice but I can still clearly hear the disappointment. Everyone is disappointed in me. I would be if I were them. But it's hard to find the courage to move and take care of myself when I see no light. I don't know where I start. I don't know if I'm worth to ever live again. When Naya died that night, I lost

A D A MI think I have almost ten glasses of vodka already. I feel my head spin around the room. But I can see Naya and that guy in the coffee shop laughing, smiling talking, perhaps flirting too. Why does it hurt so bad to watch someone you love laugh with someone else. It's been three months and it hurts me knowing she jas moved on. This is what I wanted for her. Why can't I be happy? She deserves this. I deserve to see it. I deserve this pain. My prayer was for her to be happy with or without me by her side but I didn't understand now that I'm seeing the evidence of her being happy, it break my heart again. I wasn't supposed to see it. I was inside the coffee shop but I didn't recognize her with short hair. She looks so beautiful in that hair. The moment I was outside and look inside, I recognize her smile. It's been three months since I saw her smile. I wonder how long she's been dating that guy. They look so happy enjoying each other's company. I wish I am that guy. “Chloe?”

N A Y A 3 MONTHS LATER...“Thank you.” I take the go-to cup of my coffee and smile at the girl behind the counter. What a tiring day but still it's beautiful and worthy of coffee.“Naya!” The brunette girl I met from the park three weeks ago is sitting at one of the tables across the room. I wave back at her and don't watch where I'm going. I am about to push the door open when someone pushes before I can be able to. He bumps into cause my coffee to spill over my white shirt. It thuds on the floor and I just stare at the hot burn feeling on me. “I'm sorry, miss. It was an accident.” I eye the guy. “Ryan?” “Naya?” I think he can recognize me enough. “Hey, wow, your hair. You look different from the last I saw you.” He hugs me. He looks different too. He looks expensive. “Yeah. I cut my hair short a few weeks ago.” I tell him further. It's nice to see a familiar face. “How are you?” Someone from behind wants to pass our way. “Can I...if you don't mind buy you another coffee and

A D A MI can hear Olivia's voice downstairs. She is still the same. She greets my mother and asks her how she's doing. That's just her. With respect and I have admired that from her. Our gazes meet as I walk down the stairs. Her smile fades away from being sweet to melancholy. “Adam.” I think I hear a whisper. She walks toward me and gives me a warm hug. “It's nice to see you again, Olly.” I smile at her. We pull away from each other. She eyes me up and down quickly. “Look at you. Fresh and coming back. And you still call me, Olly.” Her innocent smile appears. I haven't seen that for so long. “Well, I'm only glad you're back, Addy.” I laugh at the cringy sound of our old nicknames. My mother clears her throat, “I have to leave now. Please, do enjoy your reunion and make it up. ” She hurries to the door and just like that we're alone in this house. My mother never hired a maid or a driver ever during the marriage life she has with my father. She's very hands-on with every task i

A D A M “Dude, you're joking, right? Like right now in this very early morning, you're leaving?” I can hear the frustration in Cannon's voice. I know she's worrying about Naya too. “You can't just go be in love and leave just like that. You have to tell her. Come on you can do better than this.” I look at the time on my phone and still, it's 6:04 in the morning. She's right. I can do better than this but it's not that easy for me. “Cannon, I can't. I just left her. I can't go back. I'm at the train station and waiting for my train.” She sucks a deep breath and releases it. “What do you want me to do?” I look up at the white ceiling. “Please, if she asks about me don't tell her I'm marrying someone else. Just that.” “What?” She yells. “Are you stupid? Adam, that's even worse than finding out you're gone after taking her virginity. Sorry, it's not what I meant. What I was trying to say is I can't just tell her that you're marrying someone else. It's lacking something. That wil

FIVE YEARS LATERERA'S POV “Mommy! Mommy!” I run upstairs and trying my best not to think of any bad thing that can happen to Sophie. She's sitting in the bathroom. “What happened?”I ask her, holding her hands. “Can you get my Zoe in my bedroom?” A relief of sigh come out of me. Zoe is her teddy bear. The only thing she can play with among all other toys she have. I don't think it's one of the fun thing about being a young kid. You get to choose which toy is your favorite. If it's a plastic toy. A feathery toy. It's all up to you. And it's one of my favorite thing to do for Sophie. Being able to give her the one that she likes the most. Sometimes it reminds me of my childhood and it often leads me to remember Simon. It's been five years. Yes. Five years. I don't how will I feel. Sometimes I wonder if we'll ever get tot he point of seeing each other again. And I have come to the point of not liking myself thinking about it. It's making me sad sometimes. I do feel like I have giv

I finally decided to let go of the house. Era have put a sign in front of their house that says property for sale. The last morning I have was spent staring at the sign for a few hours. I wasn't feeling happy about it. It was a lonely sight for me. I was empty. The soaring loneliness have become more evident. If only Richard didn't have to be gone. Everyone showed up at the funeral. Richard's family was there. Dad was there. We talked a bit and then he went back to New York. He is apparently a business man. A man of success. A man of ambition. Richard is a man of balance. He is still successful. He gave time to his family. He have happiness to both. I really see the different. But what can it do. Things will never be the same. Some little words from my own father aren't enough. I needed him more than anything. This is something I wish he have given me. Sometimes, I just want Richard to be my father but he isn't the name on the paper but he has a piece in my heart that stays the same

That's when I know. I know that something is going on. The way my mother wipes roughly broken wipes the tears on her face like a kid getting a cry from a horrible moment. From a heartbreaking moment. Through the window, I watch her make her way to our front door. .the door flies open, “Simon. It's Richard.” She breaks into tears. Her face in a crumpped confused, scared and in disbelief scene. I immediately meet her at the door.“What happened to him?”“When I step in, he was lying on the floor. He was....he's...Simon... He's dead, Simon. He's dead.” She can't seem to push every right word to say but she's able to breathe afterwards. “What do you mean he's dead?” I pace through the floor, trying to understand everything she's saying. I'm sure Kim doesn't know this. But how could Richard be dead? Me and mom ran back to the Fin house. It's hard to believe it. It's hard to believe that a person could be dead when you just saw them a few days ago, like a minute ago. Is this a dream? I a

Endings can sometimes feel like numbing and at the same time you're hoping it's not happening. But the truth is you're not fearing over the end, you're fearing over the change. Because that exactly what I'm fearing now. The change. Sometimes I want to dig open the future and be there and let it become known to me but it's impossible to happen. I feel like I have let the things come to an end without doing something to prevent it. End and change are teo of the most scary things to happen. And mostly the change is what I fear because it is just the way it is and that I can never do anything to with it.I've been sitting in the kitchen table, eating my cereal, and drinking my cold coffee. But it takes me hours to even take a sip of it. In the morning I just feel my hand heavy and I can't even move to lift my cup. My mother called me a few times this morning but even if it was just right next to me. I didn't move a nerve to answer it. The phone rings ten times and I just ignore it like

It's Friday afternoon, 1:56 P.M. I'm walking toward the front door when I see a glimpse of Era outisde their house, throwing the garbage at the same time. I blink a few times, hoping she would be gone then but I guess I don't believe it right away because I know there's no way she's home right now. But she's still there and my heart is beating right out of my chest the moment it sinks in. Everything is happening so fast that I already find myself running towards where she's standing. Her back is on me and when she turns around, there's no trace of shock in her face. Was she expecting me to be here in the first place? It's been three days since I was back from New York. Three days since she was gone. Gad I miss her to much. I can't believe this enough that she's here. Alive and smiling at me as if she never really disappeared. “Era?” I finally say. “Hey.” I find myself shy in front of her. Her smile only widens and then she jumps to wrap her arms around me. I only close my eyes and

I've never been to New York. Well, it was once when my mother took me to meet my father. I was probably five years old at that time. I didn't really know what happened and forgotten how it felt like so I think right now, this is my first time to actually be here and be fully present.If I have one more reason to be here, I would know but right now, one real reason I have is Era. I've been tossing and turning on my sleep last night. Well, technically, I wasn't really sleeping, I was awake and staring at the dark space covering the ceiling. Maybe it was meant to happen that way. To always think of her so I can decide whether I come to New York. Tell her what I feel towards her. Tell her how much I want her. I love her. Gad, it took me years of heartbreak to even decide on this one. To finally confront her with my feelings. I don't know what to expect but I want this to happen. It needs to happen. It has to happen. Because if not now, when? I can't watch her go and be merry with Brad, b