Chapter 5

As I walk into my house, it's quiet. There is nobody else there but me. I feel so numb knowing that there will never be anyone else here but me. I go and pick out the clothes for my family to be buried in not knowing what would be perfect for them but just trying to remember what was their favorite clothes to wear.

As I got into my mother's closet I saw the dress that she always wore when her and my father went out on date always the same dress it was my father's favorite dress he would always tell her that she was always the prettiest one in the room when she wore that dress. My mother was so simple I'm not really sure what to pick out for her.

I just look for favorite slacks and shirt as tears flood my eyes smelling her shirt having her scent in my presence It's overwhelming. My father and my brother, it wasn't really hard to pick out what their favorite clothes were. As I smelled their clothes For the last time having their scent knowing that I won't be back to this house for a while, I just packed some of my belongings and left. I can't stay here right now. I'm just not ready for it, but I'm not giving up my family home. I will be back.

I go to the bathroom before I go to leave. When I go to wash my hands I see my reflection in the mirror. I look at my swollen red eyes with green in them. My mother always said that my eyes were as green as the forest that I had the prettiest eyes. I start to lose it again. I can't help but punch the mirror and break it. I don't even feel the pain from my cuts as the blood drips off my fingers tips.

They're doing autopsies to figure out what they died of if it was trauma or if they drowned. I told them there was another vehicle involved, but they have no leads on whom it might have been. I think if they didn't suffer from drowning I would be a little relieved it was instant. My parents left everything to my brother and I. So I don't have to fight for anything since it's in my name the bank won't take the house.

Everything they own is paid off, so there is no debt. I can't handle all of this right now just focusing on the burning ceremony. It's nice that they are allowing Sky to be beside my brother since they were mates. It is a ceremony where werewolves believe it sets our souls free. The ceremony has to be done; it has been tradition for hundreds of years.

I haven't talked to anyone since that night. I have just been silent. I can't handle talking to people about it. Everybody looks at me with sympathy. It pisses me off. I just want to be left alone. I know that I am grieving the loss of my family. It will stay with me for the rest of my life.

I will never get over what happened to me and what the alpha did not allow me to at least try to save my family. I really did not think I could hate my mate anymore than I already did when he said he just wanted me to breed his heir but when he prevented me from trying to save my family he built more hate for anybody that I've ever felt. To be honest, I didn't even really know what hatred was until now.

I hate him with every breath I take. I don't wish anything good for him, I wish that he would have just left me to die with the people that loved me. The only reason he saved me was because he needs me to provide him his heir but what he doesn't know I will never have a child for him. I will do whatever I need to do to make sure that never happens.

Since I have everything that I need for now, I leave not wanting to look back at all the memories of all the pictures on the wall of our lives together. I force myself out the door. Tears stream down my face, I can't believe this is all real. Now that I have no family the Alpha prefers me to be closer to him which is fucking stupid in my opinion it's not like he wants anyone to find out that we are mates, so he should let me alone, but my opinions don't matter to him, but I bet if his girlfriend knew who I was she wouldn't want me to be so close. Maybe that's how I can get out of being so close to him. I am just so lost I have no idea where to even begin now. I'm not a revengeful kind of person I am not going to become a person my parents would have been ashamed of.

I look outside at the black SUV knowing they're waiting for me to come out. I just drop to my knees and scream as tears begin to form in my eyes and stream down my face. I bring my knees to my chest and cradle myself. Trying to comfort myself, but all I feel is loneliness. I hear a knock at the door before I open it.

"Are you ok, miss I heard a scream. I just wanted to make sure you were ok. Alpha would have my head if I allowed anything to happen to you."

I just nod at him, not clear what to say. Am I fine, what is fine I'm lost for words not sure of anything right now. We pull up to the funeral home and I struggle to get out of the car knowing my family's bodies are in there. Uncertain how that makes me feel, I don't want to get out of the car, but I know I need to. A man knocked on my window. I go to put it down. He looks to be around my age surprised.

"Would you like to just give us what you need to give me, so then you won't have to walk in?"

Giving him the motion of writing on my hand, asking for paper and pen. I write to him thank you. That would be great. I appreciate your kindness. My dad is size 34 jeans a large shirt my brother is size 32 jeans and medium shirt. My mom is wearing the women's clothes.

"Alright that is all I will need I will see you tomorrow. "

I feel even more numb now not really knowing what the hell is going to go on. I just want to crawl inside a hole and never come out. How am I ever going to be able to face this life by myself? My brother always said I needed to learn how to make friends, but I was just always a loner. My mom was really my only friend I needed and besides, I just wasn't a social butterfly.

I just never had too much time, I was always so busy with school. It's crazy how Wicked Falls went from my favorite place to a place I never want to go back to but it will be hard not to go back to since now that it's my backyard. I go and get out of the car, walk into my new home for now just until I can figure out what I am doing about everything. With Alpha wanting me close to him, I'm just happy that I have my own space and not under the same roof as him.

As I am walking into the cabin it's beautiful and thank god its electric heat. I'm not about to cut firewood. The furniture all looks brand new, everything is all wilderness. Which I do love nature so whatever I just go and plob myself on the couch. I shut my eyes and I instantly fall asleep.

"Lilly why did you leave me you left me to die I thought you love me"

"Landon I do love you I'm so sorry I wanted to save you."

"Lilly, you could have saved me, why were you so selfish just to let me die."

"Mommy please I'm so sorry I wanted to save it was so dark I couldn't find you it all happened so fast."

"Lilly you gave up on us."

"No no I wanted to save you I'm so sorry I wanted to save you I couldn't get to you, I'm so sorry."

I jump as my family is gathering around me, scaring me. I jump awake. I then realized I was having another dream: I haven't been able to sleep. I just wish that this was all a bad dream. That I would wake up and my family would be there with me, but there is no waking up from the nightmare I'm living. I am living in my very own hell and not really sure how I am getting myself out of it.