Chapter 7

As I begin to wake up, not sure where I am at as I'm looking around, I then realize I'm in the cabin. I look down at myself, and I'm clean. Someone must have showered me and changed my clothes. What the fuck. Who the hell would do that, damn it, they would have touched me fuck. I'm embarrassed, not sure how to even act. I get out of bed and walk to the kitchen to get a drink.

“How did you sleep, you have been out for a while?

I jump and scream not knowing anyone else was here “what the fuck are you doing here?”

“Oh, so you are able to speak by the way I'm Sam not sure if you remember, but I volunteered to be your friend.”

“Well, Sam please leave. I don't want any friends and did you change me.”

“I did not bathe and change you, that was the Alpha. He would not dear let anyone touch while you asleep.”

“Why can't you guys just let me alone.”

“Why don't you sit and relax, I will make you breakfast, I'm actually a pretty good cook.”

“Ok I'm starving, so I guess that would be fine as long as you don't talk to me, just let me alone.”

“I will keep quiet but if you change your mind here, I'm a great listener.”

I don't talk to him while he prepares my breakfast, I am starving from not eating for a couple of days. I think it's really nice of him to cook me breakfast, but I am afraid to feel anything for anybody. I can't get any attachments, I can't allow myself to be happy. I want to know how long I've been sleeping for, I am not really sure what day it is today. Wanting to know but not wanting to ask him, I just sit there.

My thoughts become dark, if I am not able to kill myself I need to find an event that it would be most likely I would not survive. I can always live on the edge and just hope that something happens, and I don't survive. I can't help but to be in this dark place, I am not really sure how to get myself out of it. It's nice to know that there is one person in this pack that is actually friendly maybe when I am ready I will talk to him.

“Alright here is your breakfast, please don't judge too hard, but I know it's going to taste delicious though.” he smiles and hands it to me.

You can hear my stomach growling as he brings me a plate of food and I smile “thank you.”

He looks at me surprised not knowing if he should talk back, but he does “your welcome anytime I love to cook.”

“Well it's really good I was never the cook my mom would try to teach, but I just never interested in learning.”

“I could teach you if you would like.”

“Are you fucken kidding me if I didn't want to be taught by my mother why would you think I would want you to teach me anything.”?

“I'm sorry I didn't mean to upset you, I was just offering in case you changed your mind.”

I get up and storm to the bathroom. I am not mad at him just mad at myself for being such a bitch. Come Lilly you didn't need to be a bitch to him, he is just trying to be your friend. Star I don't want any friends right now, I just need to be alone. Lilly, we all need that one person who we can talk to. I can't Star I am broken just trying not to kill myself. Lilly having a friend may solve your problems just think about it. I know that she is right, but I'm too afraid to get close to anyone else.

“Look Sam I'm sorry I'm really not myself, so please just ignore me when that happens.”

“Look I understand I just know it sucks being alone. It is nice to have at least one person in your corner when you're ready to talk. I will listen.”

Now there you go Lilly that wasn't so hard now was it. You made your first friend. Star I am not going to be wanting to talk all the time like this. I do enjoy quiet if you would just give me some, please.

“Look Sam, I appreciate your sweetness, but please just give me space, don't suffocate.”

“Oh you think I'm sweet, well that's pretty awesome.”

“Let's finish our delicious breakfast while it is still hot, so we can enjoy our breakfast.”

I like how Sam makes me feel more like myself the person before the accident but when I get the glance of happiness I instantly shatter it, how dare I be happy when I meant to be miserable. I know that their death is not my fault, but I suffer the guilt of their deaths every day they say as time goes on it will get easier, but the time is moving slowly and every day is getting harder.

I just don't know how to be happy without them, I don't think I deserve to be? Sam does seem nice. He's the only person who has tried to really talk to me since my parents and my brother have died. The Alpha never spoke to me like a real person.

As we finish up breakfast I look at Sam, “I am going to go for a run would you like to come with me.”

“ Don't you think that you should relax, your body needs time to relax, you have been running yourself ragged.”

“It's the only time I don't think I need to go for a run, so I don't have to think.”

“Your body is exhausted, you really need to rest.”

“Look I don't need you telling me what I need, I was asking you just to be nice that was all.”

“I am not trying to be your boss and just trying to look out for you. If you don't stop running yourself ragged you're going to hurt yourself.”

“Well I am not your concern you don't have to worry about me, I will be just fine.”

“Actually you are my responsibility, I am to watch over you commanded by the Alpha.”

“Well I relieve you of your duties. I don't need you watching over me, I will be just fine.”

“Lilly it doesn't work like that you have no authority over me like the Alpha has you can't relieve me of my duties if you go for a run against me, I will have to tell the Alpha I'm sorry.”

“Then tell him I really don't care goodbye.”

I go out the front door, I shift into my Wolf and I take off not caring about the consequences of my actions. What is the Alpha actually going to do, he does not care about me? I know that my body is not up to par, I am weak, and I should be resting, but I can't just lie around. Running helps me forget about everything even though once I'm done running it's all there. I don't know how to get better, I don't even know how to want to be able to live again. So, I run until I can't any longer, it's all I know to do right now it's all I can do. It might be hard for people to understand, but I guess you won't understand it unless you've been where I was or am.

As I am running I come across a big black wolf power radiating off him by his smell, I can tell he is my mate. I shift in my humane form, not caring I'm naked there really isn't any care in me. He shifts in his human form staring me down, then he speaks.

“What are you doing? Your body is exhausted, you need to rest.”

“It's none of your business what I'm doing just let me be please just leave me alone you don't want me so just go away.”

“I still need you alive if I ever want a hier to my pack, so I do need you not to kill yourself.”

“I'm not going to kill myself even though I want too. My family wouldn't approve of that, or I would already be dead.”

“Just come back and relax for today, then go out tomorrow. “

“No I don't want to go back, I'm not ready yet just leave me alone.”

“I am your Alpha, you will listen to me now, get back to your cabin and stay until I tell you that you are allowed to leave.”

He raises his tone to an Alpha stern tone. It has no effect on me. I don't care what he says I don't listen I shift into my wolf form and just run. I don't pay him any mind. I know he is chasing me and he's probably going to attack me, but I don't care a part of me hopes he loses control and kills me. I am so lost not sure what to do I need to get my life on track not sure where to even start.

They're never coming back there, gone forever I stop dead in my tracks let out a howl of sorrow crying wanting my old life back. I lay on the ground staying in my wolf as the Alpha approached me, he is angry at me for taking off, but he just sits and lets me finish my rant not understanding why he is here or why he cares so much.